A/n Thanks for the reviews everyone! This one is a companion to Ch. 3: Lunch

You're going to find that my play list is a bit repetitive for the time being just enjoy that I have one.

Playlist:

Cheri MacGill – Worth the Wait

Jack Johnson – Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Jennifer Nettles Band – Story of Your Bones

Soul Miners Daughter – The River Song


I positioned myself in the serving area of the dining hall with thirty seconds to spare. With a moment of free time I reached out to locate my brothers and sisters. Emmett wasn't far away. He ran through his mind his encounter with Bella. She had run smack into him, a cunning plan of his to get a little laugh at her expense. I disapproved but had to admit that the look on her face was priceless. He focused on her clumsiness and the fact that she had changed physically. He saw that her muscles were more defined and her clothes no longer fit properly, they hung off of her. The childlike quality that her face held before was now gone. She appeared almost haunted like an abandoned house. He noted her sadness and lamented that she wouldn't entertain going to see Carlisle and Esme. Emmett rightfully blamed me.

I checked my watch.

Only seconds remained until my angel, my angry frustrated angel, would emerge from the door on the other side of the serving area. I had a mission to accomplish and my heart, my very core, lay in the balance. I needed her. She was the only thing in the universe that held any meaning for me. I loved her from my soul, damned or not the poor sad thing loved her and the rest of me agreed with it. Patience was a virtue that I would need to cultivate if I wanted her back in my arms. I tortured myself with memories of kissing her and the burn in my throat flared; she would press herself closer than was strictly safe and sigh exposing her graceful, smooth neck. I could feel her heartbeat. Bella. I would not live without my Bella.

Suddenly the burn was very real. Fire shot down my throat and I turned to the door. I pulled the fire deeply into my lungs. There stood my beautiful Bella. Her jeans hung loosely on her hips and the white collared shirt she wore shimmered slightly under the fluorescent lights. She glanced at me first with shock and then apprehension. I was in motion without thought as she looked to the door like she intended to escape my company. That one act I could not allow. I had to talk to her. I was a man on a mission. She turned to the line and grabbed a tray. I copied her movement and she let out a mirthless laugh.

"What's so funny?" I leaned into her not only to get what little privacy could be afforded in a cafeteria line but also to draw in her sweet painful scent. Just being near her was intoxicating, an involuntary grin spread over my face. I desperately wished to hear her thoughts.

"Well, unless you know something I don't I'm pretty sure that they don't serve fresh mountain lion here. It scares the freshmen." Her face contorted in a condescending smile, "of course you are a freshman so…"

So, we were back to this argument. She and I both knew that this wasn't the case, it was ridiculous. Was this how she intended to take out her pain on me? I would suffer through it, she was worth anything. I did have to circumvent this topic though.

"I heard that you ran into Emmett." I couldn't help but chuckle seeing her run into him and rebound slightly. Her body suddenly went rigid and her body language conveyed her frosty thoughts. In my desire to lighten the mood I had pushed her too far. Angry Bella was back. Angry Bella was sexy and somewhat amusing to me as a vampire with full knowledge that she couldn't physically harm me but I was on a mission. I needed her to say 'yes' to me today and that likelihood diminished as her anger flared.

"It's not polite to laugh at people," her hostility waned ever so slightly, "but yes, I did talk to your brother." She moved her tray to the salad bar. "Don't worry Edward I'm not going to start hanging out at your house all the time if that's what you're concerned about you can put it out of your pretty little head" her voice oozed condescension, "and focus on your reading for class because you'd better bet that being an attractive vampire that all the other women on campus are drooling over isn't going to get you anywhere in my class. I know what happens to nice girls who hang out with vampires." I had been wrong about the waning hostility. She was more hostile than ever and if looks could kill I would never have to worry about going to Italy if this didn't work out in my favor.

I stopped to consider my position. Bella, or the angry version of Bella, was a minefield that I had to navigate carefully. I stood still assessing her for a moment. She was in the middle of dropping a scoop full of raw broccoli on her salad when her face changed like she had come to a realization. I had to know what she was thinking, minefield or not I had to know. So, carefully and calmly I slid my tray back next to hers and put together a salad of things that I had remembered seeing her eat years ago. I was confident that she wasn't paying attention to her plate as she had made a face at raw broccoli in the past. She only ate it cooked. I needed to gain at least a small bit of absolution so I decided to apologize for laughing at her clumsy encounter with Emmett. I had to obtain her good will before I had a prayer of getting her to say 'yes'.

"I'm-" I didn't even get to form the first word fully before she rounded on me. Her face was hard and furious.

"Do you know what I want to know?" She managed to continue avoiding direct eye contact. I heard the thoughts of several students behind us stopping to watch what they felt would be a train wreck. That was something I had to prevent.

"I would love to find out what you want to know." I kept my voice smooth. I honestly wanted to know anything that she would tell me from that beautiful mind of hers.

"How much?" She rather pointlessly threatened me with a fragile finger in my chest.

"I genuinely would like to know." Was this a game? Did I have to beg to find out what she would freely have told me before? I had thought it impossible but this made her even angrier. She stopped moving and the line behind us protested.

"No, how much did you pay to get me in here?" She faced me full on and her eyes bore into me. I couldn't wrap my mind around what she had to be thinking in order to get to that conclusion. As it turned out her thinking was still slightly warped and unpredictable. Where on Earth had this come from?

"Please don't make a scene." I absolutely had to stop her from confronting me about this in line. She obviously had turned off any capacity for rational thought and this discussion left my family and myself open to exposure and potential interference from the Volturi. That was the last thing that I needed.

In 3,2,1 I heard Alice from far away. Bella's eyes held the ghost of a few unshed angry tears. She spun away from me and collided with the most vile creature on campus, Paul the Pervert. The salad flew onto the floor and her balance wavered.

Paul relished the closeness of her body. He inhaled her scent and his thoughts went places that I had to block to prevent myself from snapping his neck instantly. What little I caught before blocking him out consisted of him biting her neck, his nose buried in a curtain of her strawberry scented hair while she tried to push him off of her. He was the worst kind of predator; he liked that she didn't want him. He used her temporary unsteadiness as an excuse to grab her rear end. I growled at this contact.

Her heart rate increased and grew louder in that instant. I could smell the adrenaline hit her system as her fight or flight response kicked in. She found him revolting. She shoved the tray into his chest, harder than I thought she was capable of. Perhaps she had grown less frail instead of more so over the years.

"Paul, don't grab my butt again or I'll rip your hand off." She growled in a low threatening voice at him. I felt secure that the three of us were the only ones who could hear it. She was going to make a wonderful vampire. Then, she really shocked me by raising her voice to a normal level and apologized for running into him in a sweet tone for the benefit of the rest of the room. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry."

I loved her even more. She seemed already prepared to be a Cullen.

She extracted herself from the vile creature and stomped toward the register to leave without food. I acted quickly to dress the salad that I held and fell into pace with her as only a vampire could. I offered the tray and she realized my purpose in being there. She struggled with her prideful nature and stared at me for a few seconds before accepting it.

"Thank you." It sounded almost painful for her to say these words to me. She slipped into the register line and started to pull out her wallet, her shirt lifted but it was on the wrong side for me to get a glimpse of the damaged skin that I knew lurked on the other. I stopped her.

What has happened to you my beautiful angel? - Keep it light, you have to win her over, I thought. It was time to take charge of this situation.

"You're Welcome." I grinned at her, she was going to be nice and perhaps my mission wouldn't be impossible. I had paid for her lunch and she would most definitely sit with me. "See, this works much better when we're civil to one another." Those last words were a mistake. I had no room to make mistakes with her anymore but four years ago this would have elicited a laugh; she bristled instead of laughing. Alice was right, I was dealing with a different woman now. She was no longer the blushing, shy girl of eighteen who lacked confidence. Bella was a woman and as such had to be dealt with differently. Could I still dazzle her?

I led her to the corner farthest away from anyone else in the room for some privacy. She wasn't going to let go of whatever preposterous conclusion she had come up with back at the salad bar and I needed space between us and everyone else to ensure that I'd be able to explain myself. Did she really think that I'd paid someone to get her in here?

I took a seat and placed my copy of this week's novel on the table. She eyed it and gave me a furtive glance as we sat down.

"Lunch or no lunch I'm not letting this go." I had successfully predicted one of her reactions, at least.

"I honestly don't know what you're talking about." I lied, I had figured it out but I wanted to hear her logic and didn't feel that she would listen to me anyway.

"Is this your idea of a joke? Did you run out of distractions and then bribe someone to give me a free ride for graduate school at a University I never even considered attending?" She thought the argument she was presenting sounded ridiculous as she said it but we both knew that if Alice could see her that it was a possibility. I didn't know if I should tell her about her disappearance from Alice's visions yet.

"No one is ever going to believe that." I recycled what I had said to her after saving her in Forks. Perhaps she would realize that this meant that her logic wasn't so flawed. But her next words hurt, I made yet another mistake in bringing up the van. For a long time after I rescued her she thought that I regretted it.

"Kind of like keeping a van from crushing someone? I don't care if anyone else believes it, I care if you did it." I tried to recall a time when she had been so cold to me. Did she think that I regretted that act again?

"I think that you should talk to Alice about this." I forced eye contact by repositioning myself so that she had to look at my eyes while I told her this. It was the truth and she needed to understand it. "We didn't know that you were here until you cut me off his morning."

"I thought the car looked a bit too familiar. You expect me to believe that Alice didn't see this coming." She grabbed a fork and started toying with the salad, not really eating. Bella didn't believe me.

Please eat, I couldn't help but think.

I decided to approach the topic of her injuries. This was the easiest road to them. "Until this morning, we thought that you were dead. Alice hasn't been able to 'see' you for over three years, Bella. We went looking for you that summer but couldn't find you or where you'd gone. There was also evidence..." Gruesome bloody rank evidence that haunted my every waking moment.

"I was in hiding that summer. I can't talk about that here." She knew what I was referencing and found it painful to discuss. I regretted the necessity of bringing it up. Her posture changed and she seemed to shut down a bit, her arms folded over her stomach as if she needed protection.

I jumped at the chance, this was a perfectly good excuse to get her to come over and talk to the whole family. This was something that she needed to work through and maybe just maybe she would say yes.

"Then what about tonight? Esme really wants to see you. Alice called her after class and then Emmett called Carlisle, they wanted me to ask since… Would you please come over?"

"Maybe" She bit her lip.

"That's not a yes." I let my voice show the disappointment I felt.

"I don't tend to say yes to people who don't exist, or freshmen who kiss me without permission." Her voice was almost irresistibly flirtatious and she cocked her head to one side as if looking for a reaction from me.

"Do freshmen often kiss you?" I leaned into her and tried my hand at dazzling her. Perhaps she did still harbor something other than bad feelings for me.

"Only the ones who want to fail." This was getting old, she smiled like she had some actual authority over me and it rankled.

"You know I'm not a freshman in the traditional sense. If this is about rank I can produce a doctorate or two to prove it to you." I could produce an MD if that would help. She had to let this go, I was older than her and had finished school several times over and she was well aware of that fact. Having her of all people treat me like a child was painful.

"Your cover is that you're a freshman, which makes you a freshman to everyone else." She indicated the rest of the cafeteria and I fought to keep my composure.

"Since when do you care what people think?" I knew that this would indicate weakness to her but I needed to break down that wall and get her to let me inside again. I needed her and hoped that she needed me. This was once again not a particularly good plan on my part as she raised an eyebrow and turned on me.

"Since I could loose my assistanceship for fraternizing with a student, particularly one whose grade I'm in charge of. That's not all though, I am angry with you and for very good reason. What makes you think that you can break my heart and then come back four years later and expect to pick right backup where you left off. No way, I – am - a different person now and I don't need you the way I did before you cocky, self absorbed, overprotective, controlling, pain in the -."

"Hey Bella!" She was cut off by an overly friendly coworker, Candace, who stared at me. In an act of self preservation I shielded myself from her thoughts. I knew that look.

I focused on Bella and failed to give this woman a second glance. There had to be a way out of this situation. I had been a great fool to try and handle her the way that worked when she was younger. I knew that she was different, it was painfully and obviously written all over her body. Perhaps going to Italy now would be less painful than dealing with Alice after my utter failure.

"Where were we?" She looked at the ceiling for a brief moment giving me a better glimpse of her neck. I could see the pulse of blood gently flowing underneath the thin skin of her neck. I wanted to kiss that neck.

"You were calling me names," and I will willing submit to hearing more of them. "Would you like to continue?"

"I think you get the point." She toyed with her practically untouched meal again.

A ruckus back in the serving area caught her attention and it happened. She turned to look over her shoulder and lifted herself slightly out of her seat; as she did this her shirt lifted a few inches and I could see it. A vertical line ran along the exposed skin and continued both up into her shirt and down. It was faint enough to not be noticed by the human eye but I recognized it as a track from a vampire's claw. I felt the strangest urge to dry heave at the thought of a vampire clawing into this wonderful woman that way. It was my fault and I knew it. I never should have left her, never. I wanted to apologize profusely and beg for her forgiveness. She turned back to me just as I considered forming those words.

"What's wrong?" She was concerned about me. She turned again to check the damage at the juice bar and noticed my eyes on her side as she rotated back to me.

"What happened to you?" I had difficulty forming the words, that cut had been deep, more than deep enough to account for the damage in her room, and I didn't know what she had been through.

"You left me unprotected." She whispered it was painful for her to think about it too. "I can't talk about it. I try not to think about it at all but it's the price I paid for hanging out with vampires who didn't love me enough to stay last time." My Bella waltzed away from me in a manner that was almost graceful. I did love her; I still loved her with everything I had. I wanted to chase after her but fear of causing her more pain kept me firmly planted in my seat. I could do nothing for her. This was the second time today that I had made things worse. There was one small thing that I could do though, she hadn't eaten. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Alice.

"Yes Edward?" she sounded disappointed and therefore must have seen what happened.

"I've fouled things up again." I sighed, "She didn't say yes and she didn't eat a bit of her lunch. Could you-?"

"I'll go get her a granola bar on my way." Alice cut me off. "Don't worry, she said maybe but she'll come this evening." Her voice was still troubled.

"Alice, are you hiding something?" I looked down at my hands.

"Yes, but it's hers to tell. Bella will tell us when she's ready." I detected the slightest sob tinging her voice.

"Alice..."

"No, Edward. I can't tell you because Bella will be furious if I do. This is something very private to her and it's bad, really bad. I fear that the blame falls on all of us. You need to be prepared." I could hear her plunking coins into a vending machine.

"Fine, I won't pry. I don't think that she's going to tell me on her own though." I rubbed my scalp with the palm of one hand. "I don't think that she wants me anymore Alice." My heart now resided in the depths of despair. She had given me no real encouragement.

"Talk to Jasper." Her reply was curt and then she hung up the phone.

I found Jasper's mind but he was in class sitting through another boring lecture. It amazed me that he actually paid attention. In truth, he was likely the most studious among us. He was also the most like Bella. They were both brave and self sacrificing to a fault, neither liked to show weakness, and both of them failed to see themselves clearly. In addition they didn't like attention if it could be avoided. I abandoned the idea of running to class and pulling him out for a 'family emergency'; he was frustrated with me and I would have to wait to speak with him.

Instead, I ran to the car and went home to speak with Carlisle. Perhaps one he could give me some advice on winning back my Bella. The thought of her name did things to my chest and if I had a heartbeat it would go faster at just the mention of her. I closed my door and sped off toward home.

Esme greeted me at the door with a few boxes of CD's.

I thought that you might want these back. She smiled and handed me the boxes. I returned the smile taking them from her but my face could not hold the same enthusiasm exhibited by my mother. Bella was here but I was failing miserably at winning her heart again. Carlisle is upstairs. She sensed my anguish. Oh and I bought a new piano! You have no excuse to continue moping now. You're going to play again. I couldn't help but give my mother another smile. She was so hopeful and had so much faith in me, whether or not it was deserved.

I made my way up to Carlisle's study and hesitated at the door. How was I going to tell him that I was floundering and unable to speak to Bella without inciting her wrath? I had to admit to being wrong even though I had been so sure that my absence would lead to a normal life for her.

Come in son, I can hear you out there. Carlisle's thoughts were as clear as if he had called through the door. I opened the door and plopped down in a chair across from the desk.

"It's going rather badly." I admitted.

Ah, son how can I help you? I've let you make your own mistakes and where has that led us? I should have made you stay before. "She's angry with you, I take it?" He looked up from the medical journal he was reading.

I nodded. "I don't think that she's interested in letting me make things right either."

"You might not be able to put things right. But the anger may very well be a good sign. If she's still hurting over you then there may still be some tender feelings there." He pointed out. "She was angry with you before." He remembered the van and her reaction to my lack of forthrightness with her then. "She's a very forgiving person Edward. You just need to give her a chance; it's only been a few hours since you waltzed back into her life. A struggle is to be expected."

I groaned. The past four years had been nothing but a struggle. The first year I struggled to keep myself from running back to her, the past three I struggled with my siblings because I wanted to end my miserable existence. How much more could I take?

This is your own doing Edward. "Give her time. She has to be just as shocked to see us as we are to see her." Carlisle reminded me.

Time, I had time but when it came to Bella I lacked patience.

This is meant to be Edward.

I nodded and made my way to my room to set the boxes of CD's inside. I opened them up but had no intention of placing them on the nearly empty shelves. Esme had built them hoping that I would return to being myself. My new room consisted of only things that reminded me of Bella. Books and music that she loved, colors that reminded me of her... Blue walls for my favorite color on her and brown everywhere else. I loved brown, brown was warm like her. I picked up one of her books and clutched it to my chest breathing in the memory of her scent, it seemed like nothing compared to being so close to her earlier that day. The book was the best I could get so clutched it and wept tearlessly at my mistakes until it was time to return to campus.

I had to have the car back so that we could drive Bella home with us. I loved the thought of having her here even if I couldn't kiss her, even if I wasn't permitted to touch her, even if she refused to speak to me. Having her here would mean everything. She was light and sound and air and I had lived without her for far too long; even a glimpse of her would be enough to keep me going for a few more days.