Title: Loss of Control
Chapter 4
Beta: OhSlashy
Later that day, as Alexander came home from training, which Hephaestion had missed along with the days classes, he found himself going straight to his room. He dismissed all his guards, servants and tutors and decided to go to bed to sulk. Today had been one of the most boring, most lonely days of his existence. All day he found himself staring at the place where Hephaestion usually sat or turning to whisper something only to find his side empty.
What made it worst was that at though out the day the adults asked him where Hephaestion was. He tried to reply as cordially and calmly as he could but on the inside he felt his heart clench and anger boil with every sympathetic look they gave him. Everyone knew the two boys were inseparable and only having one of them present was a big deal. Alexander didn't understand what the fuss was about, on the outside. On the inside he was counting the minutes until his day was over and he would have the chance to be alone in his room. Alone to be able to cry or punch something for having driven his best friend away, as irrational as that sounded even to himself.
There had to be a good reason for Hephaestion avoidance of him. Alexander had to have done something horrible without knowing and it'd upset Hephaestion enough for him to not want to see or speak to him. But he didn't know what that thing was. They had barely spoken beyond those few words in his bedroom and, even then, Alexander had just denied having a wet dream about him. But how would have Hephaestion have known that? There was no way and therefore that was not the reason.
He curled up in bed, his legs pulled up to his chest, and sighed. He stared at the wall, unblinking, until his eyes burned and he had to close them. Stinging tears that rolled down his cheeks. This was the only way he was going to allow himself to cry, by staring at the wall and having a logical reason for doing so should someone come into his room. He turned away from the door and lay on his stomach, burying his face in his pillows. He shouldn't be crying but his body didn't seem to get the memo.
Yes, his best friend had ditched him for a day, banned him from his room, and practically shunned him. But that wasn't something to cry about, was it? Alexander didn't know anymore, he merely cried, keeping an ear out for anyone approaching his room.
"Phai..." he whimpered shakily. "My Phai..."
Hephaestion lay in bed, not really sure of what he was doing. All morning, as instructed by the Queen, he'd remained in his room. His servants and tutors would come to him for his food and studies but other than that he was to be locked in his room. He'd been sketching a rather interesting portrait of a man with curls and bright eyes when a noise from outside his door startled him. It was Alexander, yelling in his kingly way, at his page. Hephaestion hid behind the wall, ear pressed against it to hear what was going on.
"I am sorry, my liege, but master Amyntor does not wish to see anyone," his page was saying, a slight tremor to his voice. When did I request that? Hephaestion stopped himself from leaving his room, it was his Queen's orders after all, and continued to listen.
"Do you know who I am?" Alexander asked the page, his voice deepening in an arrogant way. Hephaestion knew that voice and so he knew what words his best friend was going to use next. "I'm prince Alexander of Macedonia!"
He knew his friend too well, it seemed. Hephaestion smiled to himself, waiting for the page to let Alexander in for the sake of his life if nothing else. He ran a hand through his hair, combing it back and making sure it was set the way Alexander liked it, and smoothed out his clothes, rumpled from his sitting position. He waited, a smile on his lips, for Alexander's mop of blond hair to appear in the doorway, a terrified page behind him.
"He asked ... he said not to let you pass, specifically, sir." The page still sounded terrified but there was sadness in his voice that Hephaestion knew was from watching those deep brown eyes widen with sadness.
He expected Alexander to rush past the page and go into his room, demanding answers. He also expected himself to rush out, push his page aside and embrace his best friend. But neither happened. His body was locked in place, his hand frozen at the hem of his tunic, as he heard Alexander leave. Many emotions passed through him, most prominent were hurt and anger. Did Alexander think him that petty to not see him when something was wrong?
Never, not in millions of years, would Hephaestion deny him entrance to his room. Even thinking about it made Hephaestion feel wrong. He might not have voiced this to his best friend but there was a part of him that loved Alexander more than just on the friendship level. He loved him more than he loved his family, more than he even loved himself. His life revolved around Alexander and that, sometimes, scared him.
Even right now, remaining in his room whilst Alexander walked around the mansion thinking he was not wanted, Hephaestion yearned to be with him. To feel the light hair on Alexander's arm brush against his as they walk. To feel Alexander's breath on his ear as he whispered a joke or an observation during class. To feel Alexander's whole body touch his during wrestling.
But he couldn't, instead he held in all his emotions and sat back down to continue to sketch. He stared down at his drawing, smiling as he recognized whom it was he was thinking about as he absent-mindedly drew. Running a finger over the locks of hair he had so intricately drawn and the full lips that almost looked real he wished it were the real thing that he was touching.
"Alexander..."
