Sorry I haven't updated recently. It was my birthday last Saturday and tomorrow I'm going to Bazooka Rocks. MAYDAY PARADE, FOREVER THE SICKEST KIDS AND THE MAINE, HELL YES! So excited. Yeah, so I was so excited that I got this idea. And no, I will not be using This Can't Be Healthy by Anarbor yet. Sorry. But because tomorrow Is Bazooka, I'll be using a different song.
Disclaimer: I don't own The Avengers and Oh Well, Oh Well by Mayday Parade. SO BEAUTIFUL.
"When you're alone, do you think of me? And my diamond ring's thrown out to sea. And when you love, do you love for me? Like harmony, a never ending dream."
"Oh well, oh well. I still hope for the best. Say goodbye and send me off with a kiss farewell. And I promise I'll be just as strong as I can be. Maybe you could get some sleep tonight."
"And I'll just smile, and make believe I don't feel a thing. That doesn't work for me."
"And I'll be what you need, you can call me anything. Just as long as we're still friends."
"When she smiles, well it's got nothing to do with me. I'm not the one who sings her to sleep."
"Tell your new friends that no one knows you like I do. It's over. I wanna see you again. I wanna feel it again."
"I'll keep you warm safe in my arms. 'Till heaven calls, keep holding on."
-Oh Well, Oh Well, Mayday Parade
He was a dead man. He knew that the moment he stepped out of the elevator. The air seemed much too cold to be welcoming. That and the fact that he was greeted by glares and cold hard stares didn't help much either.
Pepper didn't bother to look at him. She leaned against the couch, tapping away on her Blackberry. He was currently an unbearable sight to her.
He cleared his throat and she looked at him, eyes hard and cold. They said, "How dare you drag your ass back here you life ruining son of a bitch?" He couldn't help but ask himself the same thing. But that didn't really matter.
"She told you, didn't she?" He said and Steve shook his head. He couldn't help but admire her. She hadn't broken just yet. He wasn't surprised either though. She'd always been strong. Especially when it came to him. She was probably looking at everything as another test, a lesson.
"She was acting differently," Bruce said. "So we called Fury to see what was going on. It was pretty shocking considering the fact no one could have anticipated it."
He sighed and ran a hand through his sandy blonde hair. "You do know what you've done, don't you?" Tony said. "Unless, you know, you were having a total mental block when you did it like we're all expecting you to say. Not that we'd believe you all the same."
Pepper shot Tony a glare that shut him up quickly. She diverted her cold hard gaze back on him just as fast. "Point is, you're not currently welcome here. Please leave before we have you thrown out."
He raised an eyebrow that made them all tense. They had no doubt in their mind that he'd put up quite a fight before throwing him out. "Well, it doesn't matter much whether or not I'm welcome here. I'm just looking for her."
Steve laughed, cold and humourless. "You think we'd tell you? After all that you've done to her?" Steve told him and shook his head. "You're crazy."
"I came here to see if I can make things right, not to argue with you guys." He said and a heavy sigh escaped his lips once more. "You're making it difficult for me."
"Well, you're too late for that." Pepper told him. He knew he was. When it came to her, he was always late. He never could quite get the timing right when it came to her.
"The maiden is rather angered by your actions." Thor said, standing up, deciding to join in on the little discussion. "We rarely see her. She seems rather devestated."
Steve laughed, no humor in it. "She's more than devestated." He said, diverting his cold gaze back to him. "She's barely alive."
"At least give me an opportunity to make things right again." He said, voice pleading. Pepper gave him a cold look, searching his eyes for something that wasn't there. Pepper faced Tony and nodded before leaving the room quickly, heels echoing.
"She's in the bar across the street." Tony said. "Legolas, I don't know if you were suffering through some serious mental issues that time, but if you don't defuse the bomb that is Charlotte, we are all going to pay for it."
"Oh you have no idea." He muttered under his breath.
Unloved. Unwanted. A charity case. The words ran through her mind as she continued to drink her third vodka soda.
She was in a crummy run down bar. It wasn't the ideal place for one to drink their sorrows away, but they had vodka soda and that was all she really cared about. Not that she cared about anything anymore.
She wore her least favorite short midnight blue dress from her Natalie Rushman days. It perfectly brought out her figure but neither she nor her former partner liked the color very much. All the same, it made her a beacon to every man there. Not that she needed it with her fiery red hair. It wasn't the wisest thing, but it was what she was aiming for.
At last, a guy sat beside her. A real man would have had the courage to approach her on her second vodka soda. But it didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore. At least there was someone.
"Hey." He greeted her with a smile and drank from his glass of scotch. She was never fond of it.
She smiled back at him prettily. "Hi." She said. "No one's come around my way. Nice to see someone finally got the courage to."
His smile widened. "I'm Markus. Care if I keep you company…?"
"Natalie." She replied. "Natalie Rushman. I was wondering if you know, you could keep me somewhere else?" The glint in her eyes gave away her every intention. She could have kept it away, hidden it, but she didn't want to. She wanted him to see it.
"I'd be happy to." He said. "I'll be back in a minute then I can keep you company wherever you want me to."
When he was gone, her smile faded as quickly as it had appeared. She drank some of her vodka. It burned on its way down. It was a welcome feeling.
"Nice to see you're taste hasn't changed." The voice almost made her spit out her vodka. He'd always been the only man who could ever sneak up on her. He was just that good.
She turned around, face completely impassive. Her mask was on. She would never give in. She doubted he'd beg or do anything completely drastic to make her forgive him for what he'd done but if he did, she wouldn't really care unless he died in the process.
"What?" She said, venom dripping from her words. It made him wince. She'd never said anything like that to him that way. Never. He didn't like how it sounded. It made him feel as if he'd already lost everything.
"Can I at least explain?" He said and she laughed icily before downing the rest of her drink. He knew that while she may not have been completely sober, she was sane. At least as sane as she could ever get. Everyone knew that she was as unstable as he was.
"Too late." She said, raising her glass then putting it back down. "What's there to explain?"
Markus came back and she smiled that fake smile that no one except him could ever really see through. It was like she'd punched him in the gut, seeing her smile like that for someone else.
"Ready to go?" Markus had said and noticed him staring intently. Eyes can be so very expressive, can they not? "Is he distrubing you Natalie?" He turned back to him. "Who are you anyway?"
Before Markus had known it, a fist had connected with his face. She didn't react to the scene that played out before her eyes. Scenes like this had played before her many times before. It wasn't new to her, but it wasn't something she was used to either.
She stared at the figure sprawled on the ground, groaning in pain. "You didn't need to do that." She said, quiet and not looking at him.
He looked at her. "What the hell are you talking about? Yes, I did." He insisted. "If I didn't, you'd hurt yourself. I don't like seeing you get hurt. I hate it so much and I don't think you remember that."
She scoffed. "If only you'd seen me when you'd done what you'd done." She said and shook her head. "I don't know what I did but I don't care anymore. I don't want to know."
She walked away quickly, leaving behind a stunned man and a guy sprawled on a dirty bar floor. He followed at least 5 seconds later but that was much too late. She'd disappeared.
She was a ghost. Here one moment, gone the next. By the time he'd gotten to Stark Tower, he knew he'd only gotten there in the nick of time. She was storming into their room and about to lock the door when he'd stopped it with his own foot.
He grabbed her wrist and he suddenly felt angry even if he knew he shouldn't have been. He was sure that she now considered their bedroom as only her own. "Talk to me!" He yelled, losing his temper and his patience with her.
She gave him an incredelous look, one of complete shock. She pried his fingers from her wrist and he backed away from her. "You're not going to make me take the blame. You know none of this is my fault." She growled at him. "God, I'm so stupid."
His gaze softened "You're not stupid. You know that." He said and she huffed. She was always so disbelieving that way.
"Yes, I am." She told him. "I trusted you, I believed in you, and what do you do to me? You trade me away!" Her voice rose up into another yell. "You treat me like a pet project. When someone better came along, you traded me away."
"I didn't trade you away and you know it." He said and she shook her head. She looked absolutely hopeless.
"If that's not it, then whatever it is, does it really matter? Deed's done and I just don't care anymore." She said. "You had no right at all to punch that guy in the bar. You have no right to protect me anymore. We're not partners anymore and as far as I'm concerned, we're not friends. That makes you absolutely nothing but a distant memory."
She stormed back into the room and locked the door before he could do anything. Not that he was going to. He was much too shocked for that.
He was rooted to the spot. She was right. What right did he have to beg for forgiveness? What right did he have to protect her? He had no right left and it was heartbreaking.
There was nothing left.
Tears ran down her face. Like she had said many times over, it didn't matter anymore. It felt good and she knew tears were useful. They could be used for acting, for pity that she pretended to want. This was one of the many times she just wanted to cry it all away. She never let herself, but this time was an exception. The tears reminded her that she was alive, living in her bittersweet reality.
Her back was faced away from the door when she heard the door open and shut. She wiped away the tears with the back of her hand, the way a child would. But she was not a child, not capable of love. So what was she?
"Tash." He said, voice barely a whisper and a rogue tear ran down her cheek. He knew she loved the way he did that. Called her those little nicknames that way and make her feel like she had a friend in the world. Now, she hated it. She had no friend in the world left.
"Don't call me that." She said in that cringeworthy way of hers. "And go away. I don't want you around. Please just go."
He sat on the edge of the bed, making it sink in that familiar way that she liked. She wanted to hate it, but she couldn't. "I just wanted to say bye." He said, voice sounding like he couldn't say another word.
She sat up. She looked at him. "You're leaving?" She said and her voice broke both their hearts a little. "I guess you're never coming back then."
He shrugged. "Not unless the world or Fury calls me back in, no." He said and the answer made her look down, not being able to bear how terrible her life had become.
"If we're not going to see each other anymore," She told him and sighed. "Then I at least owe you an explanation to everything. Even if I know you should go first, I need to tell you some stuff first."
He nodded and she took it as a sign to begin her story. "I got a call from Fury. He said you wanted to end our partnership. He said we could discuss it at HQ in two days. We did. It was all so businesslike and formal. But I didn't want to hear it. I wanted to hear it all from you." She told him.
"I was on my way out when I saw you in the infirmary. There was this beautiful blonde girl patching you up, the way I would." She said and he knew who she was talking about. "I asked about her and they all told me her name was Bobbi, your new partner. Got someone to keep tabs on you and they told me you were doing good. Not as good as you would with me, but good all the same."
"I gave up after that. I guessed it was the end of it all. I went to your room to leave a note saying goodbye, but instead I found a love note from the Bobbi girl. Couldn't take it so I just ran away, taking my own note with me." She finished her story and he remembered the love note Bobbi had left. He pretended not to have gotten it so nothing would change.
He looked at her as she wiped away more tears. "I'm sorry." He told her. "I wasn't thinking about what you'd do. Guess I have a lot to make up for?"
She laughed a bit and he smiled. "Oh, you think?" She said and she looked at him, face all seriousness. "Can you at least tell me why Clint?"
He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I wanted to leave because it just seemed like if I left, then I'd begin to forget. Forget the pain and everything Loki did. Pretend like I never hurt you."
Her lower lip quivered. "Did your little plan work then?" She asked looking down again and he decided whether or not to answer.
"Yes." He said quietly. He'd always been so honest with her and sometimes, it wasn't always such a good thing. "I guess it has."
She nodded and tears began to fall again. She wiped them away once more and looked at him, a small genuine smile on her face. "Then I'm happy for you." She said. "I guess this is goodbye then. For now at least. We can still be friends after this, can't we?"
He smiled at her and nodded. "Yeah, I think we can." He said and she closed her eyes, content at last. "Yeah, I want to be."
He kissed her quickly before she could open her eyes. It was everything he felt. It was his sorry, his goodbye. Too fast, he got up and walked away, leaving her there wondering and wiping away her tears.
She was in her room with a bowl of coconut milk flavored ice cream and the second season of Dexter on TV. She was on a bit of a break. It had been two months since she'd last had a partner and she'd had a couple of missions. It wasn't the same and it didn't feel as good, but she had to get used all the same.
The team had been happy to have gotten her back. She wasn't the same person, but she resembled her very much and they at least had that. They were no longer angry at him either and this made her a little happy.
She hadn't seen him since he'd kissed her and the very thought of seeing him again made her heart clench. It felt like thinking of the childhood friend you'd never see again.
There was a knock on the door. "Come in!" She yelled before putting the spoon in her mouth. She didn't really care who saw her in a tank top and pajama shorts.
"Miss me?" A voice said from the doorway. Her head quickly turned and she ran over to him before he could even react. She hugged him quickly, arms wrapping around him. He returned the hug, breathing her in.
She let go and he was thinking that it was much too soon. "What are you doing here? Didn't tell me you were coming." She said with a genuine smile.
"Fury thought that I wasn't doing too good with my new partner." He said. "Asked me if I wanted a new one. I told him I wanted my old one back."
She gave him a look and he kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and when they pulled away, their foreheads leaned against each other. "You'll always be the only one Nat."
I almost cried in the process of writing this. Words always move me. Sorry about all those quotes from Oh Well, Oh Well. It's just such a beautiful song. Will also write one about Forever the Sickest Kids so that I can complete my Bazooka thing. SO EXCITED TO SEE MAYDAY PARADE, THE MAINE AND FOREVER THE SICKEST KIDS TOMORROW. Oh yeah.
