"No Kainen, feel the force flow through you, you can't force it" Elliah instructed a Mirilan youngling.
"hehe, can't force the force" the little boy dissolved into giggles.
Elliah, suppressed her own smile, she had been called back to Tython to help train new jedi, and they had placed her with the younglings, and she didn't know if it was supposed to be a reward or a punishment. She loved the enthusiasm of youth, their easy smiles, their eagerness to learn, but for the last few months, every time she encountered a Miraluka youngling, she wondered. Is that one mine? Her child, would be about 7 almost 8 years old now. Elliah had been so young once, naïve.
"Alright younglings, gather your things, I'll see you tomorrow" Elliah announced to her charges.
A roar of cheers at being set free erupted from the ten children who had been placed in her care. She tried to admonish them "Emotion yet peace children!" but the children ran wild despite it. They would learn, and at this age, she hated to stifle them.
Elliah made her way to her chamber within the temple, took off her outer robe, and changed into some flexible pants, laid her mat down and stretched. Each position opening herself to the force, she could feel it moving within her, felt her breath, relaxed, changed position, until she was at one with it, until she knew that the force held her in the air, cradled her, her mind was open.
She was 19 again, a Padawan, and in love, he was also a Miraluka, handsome, arrogant, but he had told her he loved her, and she had believed him. They had disobeyed, they had escaped and she remembered his hot kisses, his wandering hands, she remembered giving him everything. And he had taken it all, Kahrn, had taken and lied, and when she came to him, terrified, he had done what their Masters could not. He ended their affair, and Elliah was left to face her Master, low, ashamed and pregnant.
Emotion, yet peace
She was sent to Couracant for the duration of her pregnancy, she spent interminable hours studying holocrons, meditating on her failures and her shortcomings. She fed the life growing inside of her. She had been given a choice, she meditated on that choice.
Ignorance, yet knowledge
She had been alone when she went into labor, a midwife and nurse attending her, her Master waiting for her final decision. It hurt, she cried for the mother she had never known, she had been so young when she had been sent to the Temple. The babies cry had been the sweetest sound of her life, and the most heartbreaking.
Passion, yet serenity
She could have left the Jedi order, kept her child, walked away, with no ill will. Or she could stay, and complete her training. Her Master telling her that she was one of the most gifted students he had ever known, but he would understand if the pull of motherhood was too much for her. If she chose to stay, the child would be taken from her, she would not hold it, so as to minimize any attachment. The child, who would be Miraluka, and who would be force sensitive, would be raised in the temple to become a jedi, if that was his or her wish. Elliah, would not know his or her name, would be given no information, and would need to content herself with the knowledge that her child would be well taken care of. Elliah, had no family to return to, no means, no way of giving her child a good life. She chose the force, knowing it was the best solution for bother her and her child. Her heart raged.
Chaos, yet harmony
A part of her died that day, when the nurse whisked her child away, she saw a tiny hand and a wisp of hair, blonde. She wanted to see, was it a boy or a girl, she pleaded with the midwife to tell her, through her tears, please. Her Master came in and held her, soothed her like the child she was, rocked her, through her sadness and fear, reciting the code to her, like a familiar blanket. The force would provide, she would overcome.
Death, yet the force
Elliah came back to herself, it had grown dark, her cheeks wet, yet she was serene, she thought of that baby every day. Knew in her heart that her child was alive and well. Her holo went off.
"Hey Sweetheart, looks like I'm stranded on Nar Shaadda" It was Felix Iresso, still amazed that the council had given their blessing to their union. Then again, she had endured worse and come out still embracing the light side of the force. They trusted her.
"Oh no, Felix, what's happened?" she asked, concerned, she had been looking forward to his visit.
"Cartel shut down the spaceport, something about a turf war, I'm not 100% sure, but I'm ok, and at the Republic embassy, going to see if I can help in anyway."
"Well stay safe then, let me know when you leave, I love you!"
"I love you too sweetheart, just a little longer" Felix replied wistfully
They ended the call.
"The force likes to test me." She said to the darkness of her room.
