The Separation

It was decided that Max should drive Millie to work so that they could be together for as long as possible before they had to part. Max had one hand on the steering wheel, and the other hand held Millie's or occasionally stroked her cheek or thigh. At various times they leant across and kissed. Neither of them said much. They really didn't know what to say at this point in time. At home, as they lay in bed, they had talked about what they knew so far about Max's assignment, and agreed on the importance of finalising the case that had brought them together. But agreeing on this did not make their parting any easier. Both felt sometimes the right decisions are the hardest to make.

As they drove through the dark of the night, Millie looked at Max's face, which was every so often visible under the street lights. She could see a peculiar expression on his face. He looked worried.

She squeezed his hand. "A penny for your thoughts?"

Max frowned. "I just thinking about something you said before. What did you mean we might decide we're better off without each other? Doesn't us - don't I make you happy?"

"Oh Max, of course you do!"

"Well what did you mean then? Are you thinking of leaving me? Is there someone else? Where can I get you fitted for a chastity belt at this time of night?"

Millie smiled at Max's attempt at a joke. She knew he was trying to cover up his hurt. She decided to tell the truth as far as she diplomatically could. "No, I'm not thinking of leaving you. I love you. And no, there's no one else. I guess what I meant by that was that I'm petrified of something happening to you, that's all. You know how ruthless bent coppers can be."

Max was reassured and it was his turn to squeeze her hand. "I know babe, but I can look after myself you know. Now, we're not far from Sun Hill. Shall we park and have a final snog?"

"Sure."

Max pulled the car over and took off his seat belt. He drew Millie close to him and held her.

"I'll miss this," he said. "I hope we can wrap up this case quickly."

Both Millie and he knew this was very unlikely. It wouldn't be that simple to cut through Jenson's tangled web of connections, especially if there were opposition to the investigation from within the police force itself.

"Do you think there's any chance we'll be able to see each other?" asked Millie.

"I'm hoping so. First chance I get, I'll be calling you," promised Max.

"Hey, what do I say to your mum?"

"Don't worry, she's used to me disappearing like this. She might try and keep you company in my absence though."

"Oh joy! That will make your absence bearable!"

"Have you got something against my mother?"

"No, no, I'm joking," Millie lied again. In this case, complete honesty was just not appropriate. She changed the subject. "Did you enjoy, you know, before?"

"You know I did! It was somehow, I don't know...profound? Did you feel that too? I don't know if it was just coming inside you unprotected. Thanks for that by the way."

"Absolutely my pleasure. But surely you've had unprotected sex before?"

"Yes, but not, you know, with you! I take it, by the way, that you worked out things were safe at the moment, in accordance with those creepy books of yours with the pictures of mucus and stuff?"

"Of course."

"Good. It's funny though...no, I don't know if I should say…"

"Go on, you have to now!"

"OK, but you won't like it."

"Max!"

"All right. When we were… at it, and things had reached the point of, um, no return, I had this incredible desire to, this will upset you, make you pregnant."

"Can you explain that?" Great! So she'd taken a risk and now her fallopian tubes were swimming with sperm on a mission!

"It must be the separation thing. It was like I wanted to claim you as mine I guess, so that no one else would take you from me."

"Claim me as yours? Did you piss on the bedpost as well?"

"Fine, OK, I guess it's some primitive instinct at work. I was just telling you how much it meant to me. I don't like the thought of being away from you." Millie's response to his honest admission of his reactions had left him feeling a little embarrassed and a little hurt too.

"Max, I'm sorry. It's just you surprised me. Gosh, look at the time! I'd better get out and start walking!"

"It's dark Millie, let me drive you a little closer. But I want a really big hug and kiss first."

They engulfed each other with their arms and kissed passionately and tenderly. They knew this was the real goodbye.

Max drove Millie a couple of streets closer, gave her another quick kiss and she opened the car door and stepped out. They took a final look at each other and Millie waved and walked towards Sun Hill.

Max turned the car around, and drove back to the house alone.

Max Alone

Max drove back to his empty house and went inside. Everywhere around him were reminders and his and Millie's life here together, the life they had been living for the past six months. He picked up a picture in a frame of him and Millie together. He remembered the night well. It was Millie's birthday and he had taken her out to dinner. It had been a warm summer night, and they had walked along the river afterwards. Millie had been in a particularly good mood, and was laughing and even skipping and dancing as they followed the riverside path. She had turned to him smiling, red hair streaming behind her, as she held his hand and swung his arm, trying to get him to skip along beside her. She had looked so beautiful at that moment, and so cute when he refused her request and she pouted and teasingly accused him of ruining her birthday. Then he had grabbed her by the hand and pulled her towards him and kissed her. Someone had come to sit on a bench near where they were standing, and when Millie took out her camera and threatened to take Max's picture (something he hated) this person had offered to take their photo. It had turned out to be the best photo of them together, so here it was, framed and in pride of place on their mantelpiece.

Still with the picture in his hand, Max sat on the couch and looked at it closely. Millie was absolutely beaming in that picture. She had had a bit to drink of course, and night time in the city always made her just a wee bit crazy and hyperactive, but it made Max think how happy they were together. That meant he made her happy, didn't it? The fear that something was wrong had for the first time entered Max's head the moment Millie had uttered those words "we might decide we're better off without each other". What did she mean by that? Did it mean she had doubts? Max asked himself how he felt, and he knew he had no doubt about things at all. He loved her, simple as that, and he wanted them to be together. Was it necessary to always analyse these things? Couldn't they just continue as they were and let things just fall into place?

Max thought about his confession of how he felt when they were having sex. He should never have told her that. He didn't understand what he felt anyway. It was just a desire to merge, a desire to create and possess. Millie's reaction was probably a hormonal thing. She was nearly thirty after all, and she'd soon enough be nagging him for babies, he was sure of it. She probably just got her first inkling that perhaps he might be willing to breed with her, that's all. But that was something Max didn't really want to think about at all.

He got up off the couch and replaced the picture. Better get some clothes and things organised before trying to get some sleep in that big empty bed. He went into the laundry to put on some washing, when the phone rang.

"Hello."

"It's me. I got a moment by myself and I thought I'd see how you were doing?"

"I miss you already. I was even looking at the picture of us on your birthday, sobbing."

"Don't lie to me, you don't sob! But I'm touched you miss me. I miss you too. God this is going to be hard!"

"It will all be worth it in the end. We're going to close the Jenson case for good. And maybe when we're finished, we can see about fixing this place up a bit. How would you like that? I'm sure you're full of ideas."

"I would love that Max. Listen, I can see Smithy on his way here, so I'd better go. I love you."

"I love you too. Bye for now."

"Bye."

Max had told the truth when he said he did miss her already. This was the first time in his career when the prospect of undercover work, or at least a diversion from the daily humdrum of work, didn't have him chomping at the bit. Maybe he was getting old, he sighed. Of maybe giving in to your feelings for someone just robbed you of your sense of adventure. Max went back to the laundry and told himself that once he had slept and was discussing the case with DI Manson, he'd get his enthusiasm back. He picked up a lacey, midnight blue camisole of Millie's and held it up fondly. No wonder he could think of nothing but her with things like this everywhere to remind him! Max put it down, took the washing from the machine and shoved it in the dryer. He got ready for bed. Maybe he could go in really early and see if he could catch one last of glimpse of Millie while she was still on her shift? He got into their big empty bed and decided he would be using her pillow tonight. He fell asleep happily drinking in the smell of her hair.