Emily Young
New Moon: General reflections
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Initially I refused to date Sam. Nobody seems to remember that when they talk about how I stole my best friend's boyfriend. But, initially I ignored the attraction I felt towards him, because I didn't want to hurt her. But it's nearly impossible to ignore love.
Every stray thought in my head went back to Sam. I couldn't concentrate on anything, because the thought of him consumed me so much. And it didn't help that he wrote me secret love letters every day, to which I never answered.
In one of them, he wrote:
"I know why you're hesitant. Leah. But the truth is I was never really in love with her. I thought I loved Leah. But even before I met you, there were plenty of times I doubted myself. When we kissed, there was no spark. I didn't feel the deep feelings of emotion like I do when I kiss you.
I thought the whole idea of 'feeling the ground shake beneath you when you kiss' was just a dramatic exaggeration of reality. But, then I met you. And I realized, for the second time in my life, that the myths were real."
I gave in, eventually. I let our love envelope me. Sometimes, I wish that I could have something to compare our love to. Sam is my first and only love.
Imagine that. Before I even have my first boyfriend, I get told that I am going to be with this person forever. The end, welcome to your happily ever after. Even better, this person is my cousin's boyfriend.
Outsiders always feel sorry for Leah, and view me as a stereotypical home-wrecker. But this whole thing was just as hard on me. I was always thinking, "Where do my loyalties lie?" and "Who do I follow, my cousin who will someday meet a man and have a family regardless, or this man I've never met but am fated to spend forever and beyond with?"
It's kind of like choosing between "now" and "forever". Do I choose Leah? What happens to me, then, when Leah meets her own soul mate? If Sam is the only one I am meant to marry, and I chose Leah, I will be left alone. If I chose Sam, I may lose Leah's friendship for now, but I will gain an entirely new family that will love and support me for my entire life.
Plus, it's not really a choice, because it is my destiny to marry Sam. It's the path I was meant to take all along.
Can I really be blamed for that? Can I be blamed for things out of my control? Can a farmer be blamed for having no money to pay his rent because a violent thunderstorm ruined his crops. He didn't ask for the storm to come, but he still suffers the consequences.
