Shawn couldn't remember the last time he was this nervous before a first date. Then again, he couldn't remember when he'd last been on a real first date. Not some casual thing, but something more meaningful. Even without Maya complicating everything, this date with Katy felt like something with potential. Throw Maya in, and Shawn might have been freaking out. What should he wear? Should he be fashionably late, or was that not cool anymore? Did guys still pay for everything on dates, or would that get her talking about charity again? Maybe they should split everything so she doesn't have a reason to be annoyed with him? Unless the fact that it was a date meant that if he didn't take the check she'd be mad? Was he overthinking this? Probably. Did he know how to stop? Definitely not.
After trying on about a dozen different outfits, Shawn settled for a light blue button up and navy blue blazer. Staring at himself in the bathroom mirror, Shawn had to resist the urge to bang his head on the wall. Why did dating suck so very much anyway? Putting yourself out there over and over again, without a single guarantee sucked. And of course there was Maya. If Shawn screwed this up he couldn't help but feel like it would cost him Maya. He knew rationally that Katy had never tried to stop him from spending time with her daughter, and yet the stupid feeling persisted.
"New plan," Shawn told his reflection. "Separate the two. Go out with Katy. Don't think about Maya." Shawn felt like he'd been very firm with himself and hoped it would work.
Shawn checked the time. If he left now he'd been only about… an hour early. Yeah, probably not a good idea. Best to distract himself a little before. He could watch tv or read something, maybe tidy or work. He had photos to enhance and blogs to write. Yes, lots of ways that he could kill some time so he wasn't embarrously early.
And Shawn tried all of them, but within moments he realized he was good for nothing but pacing back and forth. This was ridiculous. He'd seen Katy so many times already. He should not be this nervous! Finally, Shawn decided to screw it and just left. Early was better than ancy, and he was definitely overthinking it.
It was a relief to be in motion. Shawn drove the long way there, and then Shawn parked near the food truck. He turned off the engine but didn't get out of the car. This was just as good a place to wait than any. The park they'd decided to meet at was beautiful today, with the sun shining from above and birds chirping in the trees. Shawn took a deep breath and realized that being here was actually calming him down. He'd made the right call in not staying home to pace. Of course, being so early meant he'd skipped breakfast, and the food truck was looking mighty appealing. Katy wouldn't be here for another half hour so Shawn got out and went to get a hot sandwich.
As he ate, Shawn walked through the park, taking in the trees, engraved benches, and children playing far off in the distance. Sitting on one of the benches, Shawn read the engraving. It read 'In memory of Linda and Andrew's 60 years of marriage.'
"Laugh in my face why don't you," Shawn told the bench. "I bet you two were last generations Cory and Topanga. This Linda probably loved him from middle school and gave up Yale for him... unless maybe it was Andrew who got in. You know change it up a little. Either way, you two were probably pretty darn happy for those six decades and now you get a bench… if I'm lucky I'll get a pencil. A cheap pencil that would probably just said 'SH-Best friend to happiness, but sucked at it himself.'" He paused, and then added a little pathetically. "There's no need to include more than his initials because it's the other people with the interesting story you want to hear about, and we both know it."
"Kinda long for an engraving."
Shawn froze, his heart suddenly hammering. Oh no.
"Especially on a tiny pencil."
If ever he wished there was a moment when the earth would swallow him whole, it was this one. Shawn didn't dare turn round.
He heard gentle laughter before she spoke again. "Are you pretending I'm not here?" Shawn nodded, but then with a sudden jolt of bravery, he turned to see Katy standing a few feet behind him.
"Hi," Shawn said, in his let's never speak of this again and that totally didn't happen voice.
"You're early," Katy told him. She was wearing a light blue strapless top that fit her loosely while still hugging her curves in all the right ways.
"So are you," Shawn reminded her.
"May I?" she asked, gesturing to the space on the bench beside him. Shawn agreed at once, rather surprised she was still here after witnessing his conversation with the bench.
"I-" Shawn began. "Well I can explain- um- cause see I thought you weren't here yet." He finished lamely.
"That much I figured out," Katy chuckled. She was smiling at him, and somehow this seemed to make everything better. He'd never thought Katy unattractive, but it wasn't until right now that he really saw how beautiful she actually was. Her eyes were lit up, their deep chocolate brown colour somehow richer than normal in this light.
"So, you hungry?" Shawn asked. "I would have got one for you but-"
"You didn't know I was here yet?" she interrupted him.
"Well yeah," Shawn mumbled. Had there really been a time when he'd been good with girls? Shawn was having a hard time remembering 'high school Shawn' who'd been out with a different woman every three weeks. When had he become this stammering idiot person?
"I'm not that hungry yet," Katy explained, "But I know this great little milkshake place down that way." She pointing to her left down the park path. He nodded his agreement and they both stood up to start walking. Shawn knew he was suppose to talk, but he wasn't really sure what to say. His mind felt blocked somehow. Everytime he thought of something to say, he dismissed it as stupid. Also, not thinking about Maya was turning out to be a rather difficult task. Thinking about Katy had always meant thinking about Maya since before he'd even met Katy, but now it was just them.
"It's funny," Katy said with a hint of laughter. "When we first met, you had so much to say."
"About Maya," Shawn elaborated. "Our relationship has always been about Maya."
"Maya's not here now," Katy said softly. They were walking past an opening in the trees, and Shawn could see the kids playing down the hill. Kids. Her kid. Maya. Yep, Shawn sucked at taking his own advice.
"Yes she is," he sighed. "You did see the expression on her face when I asked if this was okay, right? The 'yay' scream thing?"
"I did," Katy replied.
"She is like crazy invested," Shawn replied. "And I guess- I don't know." He chickened out and didn't say what he was really thinking. Katy stopped walking then, and turned to face him. Shawn stopped too, not sure what he was in for.
"It's a lot of pressure," Katy said what he hadn't been able to.
"Exactly," Shawn agreed, relieved she'd understood. Words were never his thing.
"It's one of your most attractive qualities," Katy told him.
"What is?" Shawn asked.
"The way you are with Maya," Katy explained. "It's the fastest way to a mother's heart, you know."
"What is?" Shawn repeated, feeling a little like a small child asking the same question over and over again.
"Through their kid," Katy explained as if he'd been dense not to get it.
"Oh yeah right, of course," Shawn continued awardly. It was far too late to save face at this point.
"Shawn, you've been more of a father to Maya in the last year than Kermit ever was, so I just want to make sure you know that no matter what happens between us, I won't try and keep Maya away from you." Shawn wasn't sure if he was breathing as he listened. "Not that I think I could. That girl has the will of a jet plane. Telling her no would just drive her to you. Still, I don't want this-" she gestured to the two of them as if indicating this date. "-to affect your relationship with her."
"So what you're saying is," Shawn said when he was finally able to form words a few seconds later. "Even if I butcher this date, I can still take your daughter on road trips?"
"I suppose that's one way of putting it," Katy chuckled.
"Well thanks," Shawn said.
"You make her happy," Katy continued. "And I'd never keep Maya from anything that makes her happy." It was more of a relief than Shawn realized, but he couldn't bring himself to say that to her.
"It's always good to address the elephant in the room," Katy continued when he didn't speak. "Before it tramples you."
"Wise words," Shawn smiled. He'd been very stupid to think he could be with Katy without talking about Maya. She'd been right to address such an important elephant.
They'd reached the milkshake stand. She ordered herself one and Shawn had the same, then paid. Katy didn't argue, and Shawn knew he'd made the right call. The whole charity thing before had been pre-date, and therefore no longer applied. Shawn almosted sighed. Stupid date edicate. Why did it have to be so damn complicated?
"Anyway so now that we don't have to talk about Maya," Katy began, taking a sip of her shake as she directed her feet back along the park path. "What should we talk about?"
"Whatever you want to talk about," Shawn replied.
"That's very accommodating of you, Shawn," she said. "Thought not very helping."
"Oh come on," Shawn replied. "You must have at least one question, conversation starter, inquiry…" He trailed off, hoping she'd speak next.
"Well, Maya's told me you had a pretty rough childhood," Katy said gently. "If you don't mind me asking?"
"I don't mind," Shawn replied. "What do you want to know?"
"Everything," she said. "Start at the beginning."
"Let's see… well I grew up in a trailer park," Shawn started. "Spent most of my life thinking my stepmother, who left when I was young, was my mother, when actually she wasn't. My birth mom left long before Virna drove away with the house. Dad was around on and off, off mostly. He liked to run after my stepmother, and try to make her come back, or so he said. Sometimes I thought he was just leaving for the sake of leaving, or maybe he actually thought I'd be better without him."
"Wow, who raised you?" Katy asked him, clearly a little surprised by his story.
"Well, dad tried to dump me with the Matthew's," Shawn began. "But in the end, one of my teachers, Mr. Turner, stepped in. He yelled at me for being out late, cared when I did something stupid, and let me stay with him for almost a year while my dad was gone," Shawn said. "Dad was around for a while after that, and then I lived with my older half brother once I met him, but if I'm being really honest about it, probably Cory and his family. I may not have lived with them, but they were the most stable thing in my life, still are. Cory's dad even offered to adopt me once."
"That's why Riley calls you uncle," Katy smiled. "It sounds like you and her dad were closer than brothers."
"I like to think so," Shawn replied. "Okay your turn."
"Oh we don't have to talk about me," Katy smiled, clearly trying to avoid the question.
"Oh, yes we do," Shawn laughed, his tone teasing. "You're not getting out of this. A story for a story."
"Fine," Katy sighed. She took a large gulp of her drink as if trying to put off speaking. "Well, I live with my ex-mother-in-law, have a teenager daughter, and am a failed actress. What more is there to know?"
"Hey, I've never said you were a failed actress," Shawn replied quickly. "I liked the movie Manager at Topanga's. I thought it had potential."
"Thanks," Katy laughed softly. "But who am I kidding? I'm a waitress."
"No, you work as a waitress," Shawn told her. "What you do doesn't have to define you."
"You have to stop being so nice to me," Katy said again.
"What is this dislike of me being nice!" Shawn exclaimed. "You are really confusing woman, you know that?"
"Yeah, I probably am," Katy sighed. "Anyway it's your turn."
"Fine," Shawn said, letting her duck out this once. "What do you want to know?"
"Are you still in touch with your parents?" Katy asked. "Absent or not?"
"Mom not at all. And Dad, well he died," Shawn explained. "Not long after I finished high school."
"I'm sorry," Katy whispered.
"It's okay," Shawn said. "It was a long time ago now."
"Still the loss of a parent at such a young age," Katy continued. "And your only parent."
"He was more like half a parent," Shawn replied. "And it's your turn."
"Ask away," she said.
"Do you keep in touch with your parents?" Shawn asked.
"As we already established," Katy replied. "Live with my mother-in-law."
"Yes, but I asked about your parents," Shawn repeated. "Not your ex-in-laws."
"I know," Katy whined. "I was trying to avoid the subject."
"Totally not fair," Shawn teased. "I showed you mine…"
"My father wasn't the best," Katy began lamely, after a moments hesitation.
"And by that you mean?" Shawn inquired. "Did he leave?"
"No," Katy said. "But maybe he should have." She took a deep breath than said. "He cheated on my mom, all the time. Didn't seem to care what we thought of him. Didn't even try to hide it. I never understood why mom stayed with him."
"Oh," Shawn said softly, and then something clicked in his head. "That's why you wanted so badly for Maya to think well of her father isn't it? Because you never thought much of yours?"
"Probably," Katy sighed in defeat. Then she cheered up a little forcefully and added. "Okay your turn. Why did you decide to write for a travelers blog? Why take a job that means you have to move around so much?"
"I liked writing and photography, and it was the job in that field available," Shawn shrugged, which was true but not the whole truth, and Katy seemed to know it. She was looking at him, with those eyes of hers narrowed slightly.
"Alright fine," Shawn said. "I used to work in New York until Riley was born."
"Ah, I see," Katy said. "Things changed when the best friend had kids, didn't it."
"Kinda yeah," Shawn mumbled.
"Felt left out?" she asked.
"Can you read minds?" Shawn asked her as seriously as he knew how.
"No," Katy sighed. "I just remember- well see I had a friend, not as close as you and Cory, but still a friend… and when I had Maya we lost touch… so… I get it."
"That sucks," Shawn said. "Sorry."
"Kids change your life forever," Katy continued.
"So it seems," Shawn sighed.
"Do you want kids Shawn?" Katy asked him.
"I-" he stuttered. Was this a normal first date topic?
"Sorry you don't have to answer that," Katy backtracked. "It's just the way you are with Maya, I thought maybe-"
"I- I don't know," Shawn admitted. Then words poured out of him and he wasn't able to stop them. "All my life, for as long as I can remember, I wanted what Cory and Topanga had - have - but I've always messed it up. I don't think I'd be any good at it. Kids I mean. I can't do what they do."
"It must have been hard growing up with Romeo and Juliet," Katy sympathized.
"Oh my god yes!" Shawn exclaimed. "That's what I always say." He was looking at her now, gazing into her brown eyes. They'd stopped walking to turn and face each other. How could this be? How could he feel so connected to her in this moment? The way she was looking back at him, Shawn just knew. Throwing caution to the wind, Shawn moved those few inches forward and kissed her. The gentle pressure of lips ended just seconds after it started. It was no kiss ripe with passion, or full of lust, and yet he'd felt the gentle kiss down to his toes.
"Hi," Shawn said a little awkwardly as he pulled back. "Sorry I probably shouldn't ha-"
"It was nice," Katy said smiling at him.
"Yeah," Shawn mumbled.
"For what it's worth, Shawn," Katy said softly, as she started walking again. "I think you'd make a wonderful father."
Shawn wanted to kiss her some more. He didn't know how to tell her what those words meant to him. He wanted to pull her into his arms, and lose himself in this strange new feeling she'd created inside him, but he didn't. Instead he marvelled. Somewhere between giving fatherly advice and watching Maya try on clothes, Shawn had realized that maybe he could be a father someday.
As they walked, they talked of lighter topics. Shawn explained all about this strange job, and she gave him the behind the scenes look at managing a cafe. As it turned out, there was far more to managing a business than waiting tables.
"You don't give yourself enough credit," Shawn told her as she once again put herself down for just being a waitress. "Managing a cafe is not the same as working in a diner. Totally different skill set."
"You're just being nice," Katy replied, though Shawn could tell she'd liked the compliment.
"No I mean it," Shawn replied earnestly. "I've never been in charge of anything but me. Running a cafe must be a lot of juggling."
"No more than raising a daughter," Katy half laughed.
"And you do both," Shawn smiled at her. "It's a wonder you have any free time."
"I've never heard of this free time you speak of," Katy teased. "But it sounds lovely."
"Honestly, it's overrated," Shawn replied.
"You think that because you have it," Katy chuckled.
"Well then thanks," Shawn added, sincerely ending the teasing. "For giving up your time to walk around this park with me."
It was so easy to talk to Katy. Even if it wasn't for Maya, the two of them had so much in common. Once they'd tackled the bigger topics, it was easy to focus on less intimidating ones, like their taste in music and television. As time passed and the conversation continued, Shawn didn't really pay attention to where he was going. They both finished their milkshakes and tossed the empty cups in a garbage along the way. It was until he saw a certain park bench that Shawn realized they'd walked around the entire park.
"Look! It's Linda and Andrew," Katy said pointing. "I'm sure you'd love to have a few words." She was grinning at him, mocking him a little for his stupidity earlier, but somehow Shawn couldn't be offended. There was a teasing to her body language that almost felt like flirting, and he loved it.
"I've had my moment with them," Shawn said playing along. "It's time they share their wisdom with you." Katy's laughter was like soft music, and Shawn felt the sudden need to capture this moment forever.
"Excuse me," he said to a passer by. "Would you mind taking our picture?" The man agreed and Shawn went to sit on the bench beside Katy, putting an arm around her. The camera went off and Shawn took it back, glad he'd brought his real camera today, rather than just the one on his cell phone.
"I'm showing way too many teeth in that picture," Katy complained as he showed it to her.
"You look beautiful," Shawn stated firmly, rather than let her delete it. He tucked the camera back into his jacket. When he looked up, Katy was staring at him. "What?" he asked. She was narrowing her eyes at him as if trying to read his mind.
"What's the catch?" Katy asked.
"What catch?" Shawn replied.
"What aren't you telling me?" she explained.
"My middle name's Patrick," Shawn offered, totally confused by her question.
"Are you really interested in me?" Katy asked, earnest. "You aren't here just to make Maya happy?"
"What no," Shawn said, answering the second question. Then realizing it answered the first one wrong he added. "I mean yes... to the first one. Where did this come from, Katy?"
"You're too good to be true," Katy told him, with an edge of hopelessness in her voice.
"Wow!" Shawn laughed. "I've been described as many things in my life, but never that."
"It would have been enough that you were there for Maya," Katy said. "But that you're here for me too. I'm waiting for the penny to drop… for you to leave or…"
"Hey!" Shawn snapped, reaching out to hold her shoulders with both his hands. "Stop that." She was looking up at him again, with those deep brown eyes. Shawn could see the gossy sheen to them, and it made him uncomfortable. What was with him and making the Hart women cry?
"Anyway," Shaw said, pulling away to walk beside her again.
"I'm sorry," Katy whispered. "I shouldn't dump my baggage on you."
"It's okay," Shawn sighed after a moment. "I'm probably doing it too. We have the same baggage, remember?"
"It's just scary," Katy continued. "Letting yourself be vulnerable to live through that sinking empty feeling of being the one left behind."
"I know," Shawn replied.
"And not just me, but Maya," Katy continued. "I don't want Maya to get hurt."
"It's the last thing I want," Shawn replied easily.
"I know," Katy said.
"Let's back up then shall we," Shawn said in a friendly tone. "Who's turn was it to ask a question?"
"Honestly, I have no idea," Katy said with nervous laughter.
"I blame Linda and Andrew for interrupting us," Shawn said trying to lighten the mood. Katy checked the time and for a moment Shawn was worried she was having a horrible time and wanted to leave.
"I have to pick Maya up from school soon," Katy said.
"I thought Maya went home with Riley everyday?" Shawn said. "She's like, always at the Matthews."
"She asked me to pick her up today," Katy shrugged. "What was I gonna do, say no, go home with Riley like normal?"
"Oh that devious little girl," Shawn said a little annoyed. "Did she know our date was today?"
"I think so," Katy said clearly not clueing in.
"She wants to ask you how it went," Shawn said. "I'm sure of it. I bet she's half expecting us to show up together."
"Okay, let's make a deal right now," Katy said firmly. "Not to tell Maya anything about us."
"Deal," Shawn agreed at once.
"Our lives are ours," Katy continued. "She shouldn't have details."
"So does this mean I have to leave so you can pick her up from school?" Shawn asked.
"Nah," Katy smiled. "You can come."
Shawn couldn't help but smile as they started walking back to their cars, talking of almost nothing but Maya as they went.
Sure enough, when they arrived at the school, the first words out of Maya's mouth was to ask how it went. Shawn was glad Katy kept her word and didn't say a thing.
"Oh come on," Maya whined. "Just one hint. One tiny little detail. What's the harm, really?"
"None of your business," Katy told her while Shawn stood a step behind, trying not to laugh.
"Shawn," Maya said turning to him. "Will you tell?"
"I'm with your mother on this one," Shawn said.
"I'll take that as it went well!" Maya exclaimed with that joyful look on her face that meant Shawn could deny her nothing. It was a very good thing she didn't ask again.
Shawn watched the two Hart's get into Katy's car before he himself drive off. His date was over and that was okay, because Shawn felt sure somehow that there would be a second one. While in town, Shawn was staying with Cory like usual. If he wasn't going to talk to Maya about his date, he was definitely going to talk to his best friend.
"How'd it go?" Cory asked the second Shawn entered the house.
"Okay, how long have you been sitting by the door?" Shawn asked.
"Not telling," Cory replied. "Now spill."
"It was good," Shawn said.
"Good?" Cory scoffed, throwing his arms in that over dramatic way he always did. "Good! That's all I get."
"Is the wife home?" Shawn asked.
"Yeah," Cory shrugged. Reaching forward, Shawn grabbed Cory by the arm and dragged him off to hide in Riley's bay window.
"If Topanga caught us gossiping like girls you know there'd be hell to pay," Shawn told Cory.
"So this means there is gossip?" Cory asked, deviously. And then Shawn was suddenly talking… a lot. He couldn't stop. He wanted to share this good thing in his life with Cory.
"We talked all day," Shawn babbled. "Like all day. I didn't even notice the time passing and when I kissed her Cory, I felt something."
"Yay!" Cory exclaimed, in that exact way his daughter it. "So when are you going out again?"
"No sure," Shawn said. "It requires planning."
"Text her right now!" Cory ordered.
"You don't think that seems clingy?" he asked.
"Yes, yes it does," Cory agreed with great enthusiasm. "But do it anyway."
"No," Shawn argued. "I don't want to mess this up Cory."
Just then they heard the front door open, and Shawn just knew this meant Riley was home.
"Wait?" Shawn said. "Shouldn't you still be at work if Riley's only now getting home?"
"Pfft," Cory dismissed his concerns. "Details."
Before Shawn could get out of the bay window, Riley and her mother appeared in the doorway, Topanga grinning.
"What are you two girls gossiping about?" Topanga asked.
"Boys," Shawn and Cory said in unison to shut her up.
"I really only have myself to blame," Topanga sighed dramatically. "I missed all the signs."
I don't know about you but I really wanted to see their first date on the show. But I'm sure the show though it was about the kids and Shawn and Katy's first date didn't need screen time. :( :( :( Please tell me what you think of my version of their first date.
Also my beta edited all three chapters I sent her at once so I'll update again tomorrow and the day after as well. :D
Sneak Peek Chapter 5
"You know Maya is going to find out you got into town a day sooner right?" Katy whispered, but he could hear the grin in her voice.
"Not if you don't tell her she won't," Shawn smiled, leaning over to kiss the top of his girlfriend's head. "Or would you rather she be here with us, because you know she'd stick her nose in if she knew."
"She would, wouldn't she," Katy chuckled.
"All I have to do is not mention when I arrived when I'm at the Matthews tomorrow," Shawn stated. "Piece of cake."
