Stained Faith 4

As I lay in bed the next morning I was having serious trouble convincing myself that I hadn't dreamt the whole incident last night. The odds were against me. What were the chances that Sasuke would decide to train me? Or better yet, what were the chances the I would say yes. I wasn't completely convinced until I tried to stand up, but was forced down by a sharp stab in my ankle.

Sadly, the fact that I hadn't made up the entire scenario also meant that I had to get up early. Or earlier. But first things first, I needed to fix my ankle. I limped over to the bag sitting in the corner of my room and pulled out the roll of sports tape that I had so wisely bought the night before. I tried to ignore the way that the tape seemed to suffocate my foot, and reminded myself that it was for the best. My leg looked mummified, I couldn't see the flesh…

And that's when it clicked. Sports tape can have more than one use, it covers skin. I had some scars that needed to disappear. I hastily began wrapping my arm, much more loosely than I had my leg, giving it breathing room.

I squealed as I danced over to the dresser and dug up all of my tank tops hidden under my mess of long sleeved shirts and hoodies. I ended with pale blue top and white soffie shorts, enjoying the feel of summer.

15 minutes later I was out of there, racing the sun to the top of the tree I had perched upon not long ago. Naturally he was already there, wearing an expression that said he was as confused as I was to why we were here.

"Good morning!" I shouted to him, careful to keep my tone perky.

He nodded in reply. I caught his eyes studying my taped arm.

"Yeah, it works pretty well," I admitted, smiling to myself. "And the summer air feels amazing," I exhaled, enjoying the feel of no sleeves.

"We have about two hours before Kakashi's training starts," Sasuke informed me. "Do you know the boundaries of the village?"

"Ya, why," I was getting a bad feeling about this.

"You're going to sprint around the village,"

I stared at him, not believing my ears. "You want me to sprint for two hours?" My voice was breathy.

"Do you have a problem with that?" The question was rhetorical.

I shook my head. Sasuke handed me two buckets filled with water. I just gawked at him. "What?"

"Don't spill the water, it will help your balance," I fisted my hands around the buckets. They were heavy. "I'll be watching, if you stop you're running more after Kakashi's training,"

Not stopping was shockingly harder than it sounded. My shoulders were killing me, and my legs were wet from the water that kept splashing out of the buckets. I had a killer side cramp, I could hardly focus on the path a head of me. Yet every time I slowed form a sprint Sasuke would appear and threaten me until I forced my legs to move faster. The ground was hard, and uneven, filled with dips and bumps. So when I ended up on the ground dripping with water it should have come as no surprise. Sasuke was there in an instant.

"Get up," He commanded. I pushed my self to my knees, and slowly to my feet. My burning thighs felt like Jell-O. No sooner had I stood up than I was back on the ground. He sighed. "Push ups till I'm back, no stopping," And he was gone, along with the buckets.

In the week state I was in, I could barely pull myself to a push up position without collapsing. Consequently I only managed to lower and raise myself a couple of times.

I didn't hear Sasuke return, so his voice had me flat on my face. "Straighten your back," He barked. I tried, but only managed to flop back down. "Give me fifty good push ups, then you can go to training. We have 10 minutes to get there, and I'm sure that if you're late Kakashi will be glad to let you run around the village a couple times,"

I closed my eyes. "Sasuke…I, I…I can't," I stopped, realizing what I was saying. I couldn't give up, no matter how much I might want to.

"It's not over until you give up," And Sasuke sat down right there on the grass and watched me.

I took a deep breath and forced myself to the right position. Ignoring my shaking arms I lowered myself to the grass, focusing on my breathing instead. They were probably the longest 5 minutes of my life, but the moment my body hit the grass I couldn't help but smile. I was done.

I was only 3 minutes late to training, Sasuke had ditched me and forced my the run to the rest of the way. But I was here, here for a full day of pain, and I knew it. I couldn't help but roll my eyes when Pinky started snickering at my wet, mud smeared appearance. I new what I looked like, and it wasn't a pretty sight.

"What happened to you?" Naruto asked as we stretched out.

"I um…" Should I tell him? Did Sasuke want them to know? Chances were, no. I shot Sasuke a pleading glance, which Sakura didn't miss. "I went for a walk!" I blurted. "What?" I picked apart Sakura's skeptical glance. "I slipped," I hoped the likeliness of this story made up for the obviousness of my fib.

"Ok everyone, lets warm up with 3 laps around the village," Kakashi instructed. I groaned, just load enough for Kakashi to hear. "Would you prefer 4?"

"No, 3 is just fine!" I pushed myself to my feet, smiling to big. "Let's go!" But of course, they were already out of sight.

Training wound down with the setting sun. I was turned, ready to go when someone called my name. Sasuke. "Ya?" I shouted back, not bothering to turn around.

"Where do you think you're going?" I didn't like the taunting in his words.

"Um… home?" I turned around. There was a big fat sneer on his face.

"Think again,"

By the time I had unlocked my apartment, I was sure that unless I sat down in the next 5 minutes I would faint. I was right. The moment my head hit the pillow my muscles relaxed into a goopy pool of Jell-O. I couldn't make myself move, I didn't want to move. So in a matter of moments I was out.

As I starred at my reflection in the bathroom mirror I realized what a wreck I was. Yesterday's cloths clung stiffly to my body, wrinkled with sweat. My hair stuck up in awkward angles, and I had dirt smeared up and down myself with grass stains on my elbows and knees.

I had forced myself out of bed 20 minutes early, despite my bodies protest. The hot water soothed my cramped, sore limbs. After a battle with my hairbrush and half a bottle of conditioner I managed to make my hair appear decent. I pulled it into piggy tales, letting water drip onto my shoulders. I didn't even bother with make up, realizing that I would only end up looking like a raccoon. The air was dry, so I opted for a halter top over sleeves. By this point I was running late. I grabbed the sports tape on my way out the door and started wrapping as I jogged over to our meeting place.

The next week and a half was much like the first day. I did what ever torturous exercises Sasuke had planned out for me, while he sat and criticized. It seemed that no matter how hard I tried I could never come close to meeting his expectations. I felt each day I was getting weaker, my strength deteriorating right before our eyes. I could feel Kakashi's eyes on me during training, searching for the mysterious answers as to why I was sweaty and dirt smeared every morning at training. But he didn't confront me, which was good, because there was no way I could lie to him. However, Naruto got pretty close.

We were on a morning jog, and the pre sun hours had been particularly brutal. I was on my first lap, the others were behind me (lapping me). I was already sputtering for breath, when my legs gave out. I just sort of collapsed, and tumbled into the ground. Naruto was at my side before I'd even had a moment to sit up.

"You ok?" Once again there was that brotherly concern on his face. I nodded. He held out his hand.

"She's fine Naruto," Sakura didn't like it when Naruto acted like the brother he was. Apparently that bothered her.

Naruto ignored her, and left his hand out stretched to me. I wasn't used to this, when I fell I usually had to pull myself back up. So it threw me off balance. I shot a nervous glance at Sasuke. His look plainly stated "if you take the hand you're in deep trouble tonight". I sighed. "Thanks, but I can get up by myself," I ignored the stiff, detached feeling in my legs and started running. I didn't look back.

People didn't ask about my mud spattered skin anymore, and it wasn't unusual for me to show up grass stained. So when Kakashi told me to go home, wash up and get some sleep, I wasn't sure if that was an insult or not.

"Destiny, you've been working very hard since you got here. And I think a day off with the team would do you some good. So go home, and do whatever pleases you most," He smiled at me, obviously expecting me to smile back. I did, but it felt hard, and wrong on my lips.

Stupid Kakashi! This means I'll have to spend the whole day with Sasuke. Might as well prepare my coffin now! I wanted to scream at him. I bit my lip and concentrated on looking pleased instead. "Thanks Kakashi,"

He studied me. "Are you ok? You've seemed stressed this past week,"

I clenched my jaw. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just adjusting and all. I've still got my days and night mixed around, and everything is still sort of confusing," I was literally lying through my teeth.

"Ok," He sighed, deciding to let me keep my little secret a bit longer. "Go home and get some rest…you need it," Kakashi walked away.

Sasuke had himself propped up against a tree not so far away, just like the first time we'd met. "What time tomorrow?" I asked, fighting a yawn.

"The usual. And come ready, because if you don't have you're heart in it tomorrow it's going to be a very long day,"

I nodded. "I'll be here," And I walked away.

The sound I awoke to was familiar, but distant some how, a faint dream. There was a soft, persistent tapping. I blinked to awareness, and scanned my room for the maker of this noise. My eyes fell upon the window. The sky was an uncharacteristic churning gray. Wet streaks painted my window, distorting the view. It was comfortable, like I said, familiar. It was like home. Not the leaf village, or the orphanage. My real home, the mist village. I fought the surfacing memory, and pushed it back with a more pressing thought, I had to get up.

I dressed to fit the mood. Grey, and wet. I ended in a dull purple tank with washed out, too big grey sweat pants. It was comfy. With my hair in a sloppy bun I headed out, munching on an apple.

I could tell the mood had gotten to Sasuke too when I saw face. It was grim, and determined. I didn't like it. And so the day began. I had never trained with Sasuke for more than 2 hours at a time, and I swear that if I'd had to do anymore I'd have ended up paralyzed. Yet here I was, doing drills in the ran with Sasuke yelling at me like this was a military camp.

3 days ago we'd moved onto chakra control. And even if it wasn't as much physical labor, it was just a tiring. So now, between dodging Kuni's, conditioning for 15 minutes every time my shrunken missed the target, and watching Sasuke ketch every punch I threw at him, I also had to find time to concentrate and "focus on my breathing". Becoming a ninja was definitely no picnic in the park.

Sasuke's negative outlook soon spread over me. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be at home reading, or playing cards with Naruto or something. But instead I was shivering, dripping wet with a slave driver at my side. The more frustrated I got, the angrier he got. Which resulted in even less water breaks and an extra late lunch.

It was still raining by noon, if anything it was just getting worse. I didn't eat much, I was afraid that it would just come back up later. However, I did manage to shove down a carrot and some water. I needed that. My throat was still parched, and my stomach still hollow, but it wasn't nearly as hard to stand up.

My break probably only last 10 minutes, then it was on to target practice. The sky began to darken, even though the sun was invisible behind a thick sheet of clouds. Sasuke was as eager for the day to end as I was. By this point I was ready to break his pale little neck. I was probably working twice as hard as he ever had! All he did was perch in a tree and yell at me. Does he not care that I have feelings? He was just so rude, and detached, able to push away the fact that I'm human and treat me like a dog! I was done, I didn't want to be treated like this any more. And it was just so hard to sit there like nothing ever happened, and listen to that uncaring voice of his while I fought off tears because he's just so inconsiderate!

"This skill is key, you need to get it, and fast," I just starred at him. "This is the method Kakashi used to teach us to focus our chakra," And then he walk strait up a tree.

I had thought I was beyond shock at this point, but the oddness of this boy standing sideways was getting to me. "How?" I asked, wide eyed.

"Focus your chakra on the balls of your feet. You'll want to take a running start, and mark with a kuni were you reach," He jumped down from the tree.

Was this his secret to flying through the trees? I grabbed a kuni and backed up. This was looking very bad for me. I hesitated, not sure what to do, somehow I knew that I was going to end up flat on my back. "Sasuke…" I mumbled, not sure what to do.

"Just go," I glared at him, he looked bored.

This annoyed me. He was here to help me, not glare at me. "I'm supposed to do this how?" The sarcasm was back.

"Lets see, right foot, left foot," I starred right past him. "Don't tell me your afraid," his words were flat.

That was enough to provoke me. "I'm not," I muttered as I charged toward the tree. I only made it a few steps, then my foot slipped and I started falling back. The shock of my breath leaving my body was audible.

"That was pathetic," Though my head stung, I'm pretty sure the words were the ones provoking the tears. "Even you brother's first try was better than that," He sneered.

I sat up, ignoring the nauseous dizziness. "Are you implying that my brother is a bad ninja?" My words came out raspy, but the venom carried.

Sasuke chuckled. "It's not an implication,"

"Take it back," I growled, rain streaking down my face. My hair was a matted mess, hanging in my eyes.

"Why?" That voice, I hated that voice!

"Naruto is a better ninja than you'll ever be!" That statement ruffled his feathers, and, goal achieved I wasn't sure what to do next.

"Is that so?" He took a step forward. His eyes were narrow, his voice sharp, and slicing.

I had never seen Sasuke outright mad, and it was a strange sight to see that expression on his "Oh so distant" face. It was an expression of rage, and danger, one meant to be feared. I loved it. "Yes, and it's not just because he's powerful. He's honest, and he's faithful, and he cares about people other than himself. Heck, his entire existence it bent around protecting the ones he loves! He's the most selfless person I know!" I spat a him, hopping each word would burn it's self into his mind. No one back talked my brother!

"Your brother doesn't care about anything except ramen noodles and becoming Hokage," He hissed.

"It's more than I can say about you," I paused to get a breath. Sasuke was standing right over me, looking at me through dangerous slits. "All you care about is yourself, and… power. You don't know how it feels to love, you've probably never loved any thing in your life!" My teeth were clenched shut.

The veins on his neck were now prominent. "My life? You don't know anything about my life! You don't have any idea what it feels like to have everything you've ever cared about ripped out of your arms!" He was actually yelling now, his hands fisting and unfisting. "Your biggest loss in life was probably finding out Naruto was your brother!"

"You think I haven't suffered either? I guess that nobody bothered to inform you that I've been living in an orphanage since I was 5 because my family was murdered!" I screamed at him, my anger winning over the tears. "No Sasuke Uchilla, I have suffered, probably a heck of a lot more than you!"

Sasuke seemed at a loss you words for a moment. Apparently whatever he had expected my to say wasn't that. "You don't understand," His words started a whisper, but began to grow in volume. "You're so content living in your own world that your fantasies eclipse reality! The world won't change just because you want it to, you have to force fate to follow your lead if you ever want anything out of life! And right now you're just fate's play thing. You will never amount to anything," The last sentences were flat, and dead. But I knew then that these were the words I would remember most. When I stayed quiet he didn't say anything else. Instead he turned on his heels and disappeared into the dark, wet forest.

The tears came quickly after. I couldn't hold them back anymore, the over whelming emotion was to much. The tears turned to wet, shuddering sobs, I didn't even bother to shut myself up. No one could hear me. No one cared. So salt water mixed with rain water on the ground beneath where I kneeled, as I pondered everything said. "I am not worthless," I whispered to myself, praying that the words could heal the scars he'd left. "I am not worthless," I said a little louder.

The rain was pouring down hard now, washing the dirt from my skin. I looked up at the nearly black sky. And then I remembered. I remembered what it felt like to be helpless, and weak. I remembered what it felt like to watch the ones you love die, right before your eyes. I remembered how it felt to be so completely helpless that attempting to help at all would just add an unnecessary death to the list. And lastly, I remembered my promise, my promise that I would never be that worthless again!

I shook the rain from my body and crawled over the fetch my kuni knife beside the tree, it hadn't even left a mark. I used the tree to support myself as I stood, and after a few minutes of steadying my feet I backed up again. This time it was different, I wasn't doing this because I had to, I was doing this because I wanted to. Maybe that had something to do with why my feet seemed to find a quicker path up the tree. And when my foot slipped, I was ready. I jabbed my kuni into the tree's rough bark, leaving a jagged line. Still, my landing was just as breathtaking as it had been the first time.

I starred up at the gouge in the tree. I had only made it just past the tree's first major branches. Dang, that wasn't good enough. I needed to get this, I needed Sasuke to train me. I needed to be ready next time they came!

So I tried again, this time just barely scrapping past my first mark. Still not good enough. And then again… The whole time I was powered by one thought, I am not worthless.

The rain slowed in time. It was just a light drizzle, me, the darkness, and the forest floor. I wasn't sure how much longer I could do this, my body was beat up bad. I'm sure that every square inch of me must have been bruised. And besides that I rolled my ankle trying to land vs. hitting the ground. I stood up, it hurt.

Beyond me, I noticed a little flicker of the sun, slowly melting into the clouds. It was morning. It took a step back, ignoring the numbing sting in my ankle. I gripped the kuni tight. I needed this! As had been done so many times the night before, I ran at the tree. Focusing on my chakra, and The Voice only, I forced myself up the tree. However, I wasn't expecting what happened next. My ankle completely gave out in a rush of teeth clenching pain. I started to fall, and fast. In the spare moment I had I stabbed my kuni into the tree, and kicked off the tree with my good leg, sending me into a spiral of back tucks as I fell. At least I wouldn't scrap myself up on the bark this time.

I couldn't see the ground below me, just a whirlpool of spinning colors. I squeezed my eyes shut, praying that the ground would just ketch me already. The suspense make it that much worse. So when I hit I was surprised I find myself cradled in something warm, and gentle. I opened my eyes.