Chapter 4

Tony entered the messy kitchen after everyone's early departure. On a sudden impulse he grabbed the baking dish and threw it along with the lasagna in the garbage. "So much for the lasagna that never failed," he thought as he cleaned the kitchen, wondering if it might be the last time he had to do so.

Angela awoke after two hours at first not realizing that she was home in her own bed, then it hit her like a hammer. She slipped on her blue satin robe and opened her door quietly. Noticing some noises from Sam's room she held her breath. Maybe she was still awake? Angela knocked at her door.

"Sam, are you awake? May I come in?

Sam opened the door and looked at her with red tear-stained eyes. Angela swallowed and had to force her own tears back as she looked at her near daughter.

"You can't sleep…hm?"

"No." Sam replied by glancing uncertainly to the floor.

"Come, get into bed, you'll get cold feet." Angela led her to the bed and tucked her in like she was a little child.

"Sam, I apologize to you, I'm sorry that I was so bitchy and unfriendly to you, I'm really sorry, it was my fault entirely. I had a tough time recently. I took it out on you and there is no excuse for doing something like that." Angela stroked the dark hair out of her face. "Sam?"

"Why me?" Sam whispered, "did I something wrong?"

"No sweetheart, you didn't, it was me who did all the wrong. I can't explain it right now, I can barely explain it to myself."

"It has something to do with that guy you're dating, you'll marry again and you want us to leave, you can tell me, I… understand," Sam cried again.

"No Sam, I don't want to marry again and don't be afraid, I love you too much and I never, never want you and your Dad leaving me. Please trust me, Sam, I made a big mistake, please don't cry."

"Is it true?

"Yes, I wouldn't lie to you." Sam sat up and hugged her and Angela stroke her back.

"Come, get some sleep now." Angela pulled the blanket over her and gave her a little kiss on the forehead then turned out the light. "Good night sweetie, I'm really sorry you felt so bad."

"Good night, Angela."

Angela sighed in relief after leaving the room. She only hoped that things between her and Sam would continue to get better tomorrow. She went downstairs and there was Tony right in front of the TV watching a boring weather forecast. He didn't hear her coming. Quietly she walked behind the couch looking down at the handsome man she loved for a long time. He looked tired and exhausted and she knew that she did it to him. The only thing she could think of was that she wanted to run her fingers through his thick dark hair to comfort him. She came closer and placed her hand carefully on his shoulder. He started from her sudden touch and turned around in surprise.

"Angela, I thought you were sleeping." He looked at her and the sadness in his thoughtful dark eyes almost made her cry again. He didn't say anything more. It wasn't his turn to talk and she knew it.

"Tony, we have to talk… no, I have to tell you something." Angela walked around the couch and came to stay in front of him but he didn't glance up to her. He had tried to comfort Samantha hours earlier but it didn't work out. She had cried most of the time and he couldn't find the right words to explain the worrying occurrence in the kitchen before because he didn't understand it either. He was dead beat.

Angela now was scared as never before in her whole life. She knew she had to start this unwelcome conversation but didn't know how to begin and Tony, who always supported her otherwise, was the victim of her hurtful diatribe. She sat down beside him desperately trying not to move too close.

"Tony, I'm sorry," she said barely audible, "I did something indefensible."

Tony lifted his head to look at her, "why, Angela? I don't understand you anymore and it feels like I don't know you anymore."

"I'm a bad and selfish person… I …"Angela sobbed.

"Angela, you can never be a bad person, I'm sure you have your reasons for all these things you've said and done… but if you want me to leave you should say it. If you find love with that guy… I don't stand in your way; I want you to be happy." Tony swallowed. Angela with another man was something he never liked to think about. If he only could tell her.

"I don't love any other guy, it was only business. I just told you about him to save face; it's just the opposite of what I was always afraid of. When I saw you with Frankie that day… I was jealous and hurt and after you told me that she wanted to marry you… I was paralyzed. I realized my greatest fear….I was going to lose you and so I distanced myself from you and Sam, I thought it would be easier for me… when you would decide to move out and leave me… us. That's why I didn't want to talk with you on the phone and why I never called you back and was so mad with Sam. I wanted to dissolve the connection we have. I wanted to protect my heart." She was crying now.

"You're afraid of losing me? But I called Frankie the next day and told her that I didn't want to see her again. Believe me, Angela; I don't want to get lost." Tony replied and he took her hands with caution. When she didn't pull away he moved closer looking into her tear-filled eyes.

"Why didn't you see her again? You seemed to be happy after the fair," she sobbed.

"Yes, it was nice to see her again after so many years and it's nice for a man when the women who always rejected you in the past suddenly wants to spend her time with you. I would be lying if I told you that I didn't feel flattered; but it was only a silly and stupid moment. This kiss, it was meaningless. And yes, we have the same background and there is a chance that it could have worked; but vital to the success of a relationship is not the background. What's important is the present and the future that life holds for you. I can't see my future in Brooklyn anymore. And there is one more thing, Angela. Tony carefully cupped her face. She glanced at him through her tears: "What?"

"I don't love her. And love is important"

"Yes, it is." Angela nodded through her tears.

"Tony, can you forgive me for what I've done?"

"Already forgiven, but please, don't ever do this again. Talk to me if something bothers you!" Tenderly he pulled her face closer and kissed her tears away. The butterflies in her stomach started to fly. Angela couldn't believe it. How could this man always defend her even when she makes so many mistakes? Oh god, if he could only be forever the man who kisses her tears away.

Tony moved a little back. He was confused by his own significant gesture. He had overstepped his boundaries again like so often when she was so close to him; but it seemed she didn't mind.

"Tony I'm so sorry for all things I said to Sam."

"You should tell her."

"I did already; I talked to her before I came downstairs. I hope she will be better tomorrow. But I'm also sorry about all the things I said to you. I never did this before but maybe love makes people do crazy things." At the same moment she realized what she had said, her face flushed. "I mean… "

"Angela," he interrupted her, delighted by her choice of words, "are you sure, it's love…?"

For a moment she hesitated, but then smiled at him and replied:

"Positive."

Author's note:

Many thanks to stayathomemum and VioletStella for proofreading and giving me suggestions.