"What took you so long?"

I shook my head and sat back down. Phil headed to the bathroom to get his final fix before we headed back out onto the road. Jeff was eyeing me, a look of sadness and frustration on his face. I looked down at my hands, somewhat ashamed. I felt like any moment, he'd start yelling at me. Nothing I wasn't used to. Phil yelled at me all the time. He also hit me and slapped me and occasionally he'd punch me. I'd been pushed up against walls, beds, pinned to the floor, all in anger and rage. I'd spent at least two thousand dollars at hotels to replace broken furniture and ruined bedding. I'd cleaned up his vomit more than twice and dragged him from the car to the hotel room several times. Taking care of him on top of the regular stress of life on the road, plus trying to hide my forced on addictions was tough. I hated it, but it kept me living my dream. I was gonna live my dream as long as I was alive and able.

I figured I'd be alive as long as I did what Phil told me to,when he told me to. I waited for him to finish in the bathroom while also trying to avoid further eye contact with Jeff. I looked up to see if he was still staring, but he wasn't sitting at his table. He was walking toward mine...or maybe the bathroom...no, he was definitely walking toward me.

He stood facing the bathroom door, staring at it intently. I looked up at him nervously.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"If you ever need anything, call or text me. Don't hesitiate."

Jeff stuck a small piece of paper out to me and I took it and shoved it in my purse.

"I'll see ya." he said, walking away.

Phil returned a moment later and told me that it was time to go. I paid our tab and followed after him,like a puppy on a leash. Jeff walked out behind us, got into his rental car, and tried to inconspicuously follow us to the next city. He stayed close by the whole way. We checked into the same hotel. Phil pushed me into the elevator. He was on edge and I was becoming jittery.

"Phil, stop." I said.

He pushed me against the wall.

"You're already on thin ice with me tonight. Watch it or if you fall, I'll just let you drown."

The icy tone of his voice sent chills down my spine. I just nodded and waited for the elevator to ding. I grabbed our bags and headed to the room,letting Phil in before myself. I took out his needles and his other supplies and laid them out for him.

I popped two pills and a xanax and waited for Phil. He'd be climbing on top of me anytime now. I fell asleep before he did, and was awoken rather unpleasantly.

"What do you think you're doing? Wake up." he said, shaking me violently.

He was slurring his words, the room was filled with smoke, and I smelled alcohol. He pulled my clothes off of me and I submitted to him. We both passed out afterward, over slept, and were almost late to the arena for the pay-per-view. Dr. Black was there. Luckily my name wasn't on the list. I needed to detox as soon as I got home the next day just in case he was at tapings on Tuesday.

wasn't at tapings on Tuesday. I spent my flight home on Wednesday morning next to a knocked-out Phil, jittery and nervous. I hadn't had a fix since the night before. I was out of all of my pills and I didn't want to take anything Phil had. All of his stuff was stronger than mine. I'd be okay once I got home....or so I thought.

Phil was grumpy when he woke up. He was ill on the drive home. At home,he was irate. I had no clue why,but he was just pissed off at me. Nothing I did was right. That wasn't unusual, but today was the worst it had been. He made me change clothes twice and put make-up on,even though we weren't going anywhere. I cooked him dinner,but it wasn't good, he said. I ended up having to take a shower because I had food dumped in my lap. When I got out of the shower, Phil was standing by the door, a bottle of Jack Daniels pressed to his lips.

He pushed me against the door.

"Listen to me. You're in my house. You do what I say. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"What did I not do that you told me to do?"

"Everything."

"Phil,I've done everything you've told me to." I replied,my voice quivering.

"Awww,you gonna cry like a little bitch?"

"No."

"Yes you are, I can see it in your eyes. I can hear it in your voice. Go ahead. Cry!" his nose was on mine now & he was yelling in my face. He knew I hated that. He knew it would make me cry. I knew me crying would make him angrier. I knew him being angrier would result in more bruises and more submitting to his desires. Before I could stop them, the hot tears were streaming down my face. His hand met my cheek and I felt myself getting angry. I still hadn't had my fix and the jittery feeling was gone. Now I was just tired and all I wanted to do was sleep until Friday when we had to go back to work. Phil wouldn't let that happen though.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Stop your crying. You're pathetic." he said.

"Phil...."

"Shut up."

"Phil stop it."

"What?"

"Get off of me."

"Excuse me?"

"I said get off of me. Let me go!"

I tried pushing him away but he pulled me by the wrist into the bedroom and pushed me onto the bed, pinning me down. Rage filled his eyes, his face flushed red.

"Don't tell ME what to do in MY house."

I covered my face as he began slapping and punching at me. He removed his belt and I prepared for what I knew was coming. More of giving him the sexual pleasure he enjoyed, that I detested.

"Take off your shirt." he demanded.

I didn't hesitate. I wanted this over as soon as possible. He didn't climb on top of me like usual. He pushed me over onto my stomach and started hitting me with the belt. This was new. He'd never done this before. I didn't like it. I could feel my welts rising on my back. I swear one cut me open. I didn't cry or scream. Blood filled my mouth as I built my tongue in resistance and pain.

Two hours later, after I was sure he wasn't going to wake up for quite some time, I grabbed my purse and went for a walk in the Windy City. It was ice cold out,and I felt like a zombie. I hadn't taken anything for the pain of my beating. Phil wouldn't let me. He had all the pills locked in a cabinet and I didn't have the key, nor could I find it. Maybe I could find someone on the street with something. I was walking down an alley toward a spot I'd been to with Phil at one time when I slipped on a patch of ice. I landed on my hands and knees, spilling the contents of my purse out in frront of me.

"Fuck." I said aloud.

I picked up everything and shoved it back in, but I paused when I came across a piece of paper with a number scrawled on it. I picked up the piece of paper and stared at it for a moment before deciding to call. I dialed the number nervously and waited for the person to answer.

"Hello?"