Chapter Four


"Brian Braddock, a legendary and presumed fictional English highwayman whose name appears on wanted posters as early as 1474 in Lancashire," read Ianto from an online article. "The same name is assumed to have been taken by several robbers as it continues to appear throughout Europe and the Americas as late as the 19th century. Tales of Braddock crimes usually have him robbing wealthy nobles of extremely precious jewels or robbing trains in the American West carrying gold from California to Colorado. There are also accounts which have him seducing wealthy victims before making off with their most portable items. The sexual ambiguity of many of these tales led to the coining of the term 'Braddock books' for underground homosexual literature in the Americas of the 1700s and 1800s."

John smiled in fond memory. "Ah, good times, good times." He blinked innocently as he noted Jack glaring at him. "What? You weren't any choir boy with the timeline yourself."

"... Puts a whole new spin on Old West train robbers I don't even wanna think about." Logan shook his head.

"What don't you want to think about, Logan?" Stark made his way around the core toward them, stopping next to John. "Those for me? Thanks." He relieved John of the shirt and trousers he was carrying, pulling them on over his skin suit.

"We found Captain Britain," smirked Logan.

"Where?"

"There." Logan nodded toward John.

Stark cast a wary gaze at his original rescuer. "No way." He shook his head. "This cannot be the poster boy for British law and order."

"It'd be a new kind of poster for him." Logan waved Stark over to read the entry on the computer screen. "By the way, how's Warren?"

"Being doted on by a beautiful doctor and a hot Asian computer geek. He'll be fine. So he has a personal vortex manipulator so he can traipse around robbing and pillaging the dandies? It's like a bad 80's pop icon." Stark turned to look John over again.

"Excuse me, I don't think we've met." Jack straightened his shoulders so he could match Stark's height and reassert his position. "I'm Captain Jack Harkness, Torchwood Three's team leader, and you are?"

Stark offered his hand out. "Tony Stark, CEO of Circuits Maximus." He looked back to Logan as Jack shook it. "Are you sure we can't make this one Captain Britain? He looks more law and order."

"He's not even English." Logan crossed his arms. "I'm telling you, that is the guy Widget sent us to find."

"Are you English?" Stark tapped Ianto's shoulder hopefully. "No, nevermind. Too John Steed. Nice suit, by the way."

"Look, you all seem to be in on some secret identity I don't know about." John spread his hands in exhasperation. "Who the bloody hell is Captain Britain?!"


Jack looked up from the conference table as the rest of his staff joined them, followed by the tall blond mutant, his injured wing held out at an awkward angle. "Logan, Tony, this is the rest of Torchwood. Owen is the go to guy on biological research and alien life forms, Martha is our medic, Tosh handles the technical aspects, and Gwen is a field investigation expert. You know her field partner, John, and Ianto, our administrator."

John seemed to have forgotten completely about Tony Stark as he took in Warren's more dramatic appearance. "Where the hell do you hide a man like that?"

Stark grinned, perfectly happy to lose a fanboy to Angel. "Plain sight, usually. This is Warren, he's one of the X-Men, same as Logan. His specialty is recon and extraction, whereas Logan is more of a swiss army knife with a temper. Me, I'm good at everything, but I'm usually the technical support when working with mutants. Warren, say hello to our host, Captain Jack."

"He sounds American." Warren waved with his left hand. "Is it short for Captain Union Jack or something?"

Jack waved back, then pointed to John. "Not me, him. He's the one who's been using the name Brian Braddock."

"Oh... hi." Warren flashed John a friendly smile. "You look shorter than our Captain Britain."

"I'm big enough, handsome," replied John with a wink. "Captain Union Jack. Sounds better than Captain Britain."

"Okay, we've got the introductions taken care of, so shall we get on with it? Oh, thanks, Ianto." Stark took a sip from the mug he was handed. "Mmm.. They don't make coffee this good in America, how do you manage it here? If you're willing to share your recipe, we can talk about starting up a chain, put Starbucks out of business in six weeks." He took another sip to find his way back to the subject at hand. "Okay, Captain Britain. Every Earth has one tucked away somewhere. Sort of a safety net for the great unknowns that fall out of the Rift. Collectively known as the Corps, they're guardians that are specific to threats that face their own particular Earths. Their job is to keep their reality safe, using powers granted to them by Merlyn and powered by the Rift."

"Hold on," interrupted Owen. "You're tellin' us that our very reality is in the hands of him?"

"Well, yeah." Stark shrugged. "Not like I'm making the choices here. Whatever it is that he can do, it's something that is needed for your Earth's survival."

"Thanks for the confidence." John pouted. "Why don't you stand up for me, Jack?"

"Because you're a fuckup?" Jack gestured for Stark to continue.

"Thanks. Okay, where was I? Right, our Captain Britain. Leads a team of mutants called Excalibur, usual practices, fight evil, save the world, have inter office romances, yadda yadda. Last week they faced off against a big badass named Melehan, apparently has it in his head to take over the universe, like that hasn't been tried a zillion times. According to Widget--"

"Who is Widget?" asked Gwen.

"Sort of technical with a really long explanation behind it. She's a floating dimension splitting robot who can track the various Captain Britains and open up Rift portals among other things. Fair enough? Right, so, according to her, Melehan is one of the enemies of Merlyn who is convinced that the old guy faked his own death. Merlyn was the founder and protector of all the Captain Britains, so this guy Melehan has been going around and wiping them all out, replacing them with his versions, who aren't so good for the locals if you get my drift, and he's done something to Merlyn's successor, Roma, so she's not able to help, either. According to Widget, he's taken over four Earths already and their Captain Britains are gone. Whoosh, off the radar. So when our Captain Britain goes up against Melehan and doesn't come back, it's not a good sign. All of a sudden Excalibur is facing off with some guy who looks like Braddock but wants to kill them, unleash unspeakable horrors, terrorize Europe, you get the idea. Same shit, different day for our lot, right?"

"I don't quite get where John comes in," Jack commented. "You want him to fight the fake Braddock? Or Melehan?"

"No, no." Stark shook his head. "He's not actually a Captain Britain yet. He'd get creamed. No offense, Hart. Widget's theory is that we need a way to get in touch with Merlyn, but he's dead. Or pretending to be dead. Who knows for sure? Melehan seems to think he's not out of the picture yet. Since Merlyn is the means to give the powers to Captain Britain and Roma's not available, we're hoping that finding your Earth's Captain Britain before he's Captain Britain will give us an opportunity to make contact with Merlyn so he can help us find our Captain Britain. Any of this sinking in or do I need to break out a flow chart?"

"I'm following it." Ianto leaned on the table next to Jack. "What makes you think that Merlyn will.. enhance, whatever, John in time for you to find your Captain Britain and save your planet?"

"Because Widget said he's the next one up in line for enhancement. Good word for it, I like that one. Remind me of my own administrative assistant, Pepper.. except she looks better in a backless dress and she keeps trying to replace my sugar with Splenda." He held out his mug for a coffee refill. "Anyhow, Widget said that your Earth's Captain Britain would be initiated on May 12, 2008."

"That's tomorrow." John sat up. "You mean by tomorrow I'm gonna be a superhero? Not bad. Just one thing, though. I will not put on a pair of tights, lads, no matter what."