If You Want Me To

"Can I stay here again tonight?" I ask Trey as I'm leaving for school.

"Sure. Anytime."

"Doesn't your mom mind?"

"No, not at all. She likes you. She actually talks about you all the time."

"Well, that's good."

I've been hanging in his place for a while, and we became quite close. Of course, not as close as Simon, but it turns out, he's really nice. Not exactly like Simon or him, which is actually good. New start, I always tell myself, new start.

"Come on, let's go."

Trey gives me a ride to school and back, resulting people assuming that we are together. I don't really mind though. He's nice, and I think if he asks me out, I will go out with him. I didn't exceptionally fall for him, but I promised Jace. Anything that will help me to move on.

He opens the door for me, and I suddenly wish he hadn't. Because what's standing in front of me is someone I wanted to run away from.

"What- How-"

"I have my ways, Clarissa," Sebastian cuts me off, smirking slightly. "Nice to meet you."

I reflexively make sure that he doesn't have any weapons with him. Thankfully, I don't find any, but you can never be sure.

"Um... Who's this?" Trey asks, apparently confused.

"Trey, this is my brother, Sebastian-"

"Jonathan, actually."

"And Sebastian, this is Trey," I continue stubbornly.

"So you're kicked out too?"

"Kicked out? What are you talking about?" Sebastian says, clearly amused. "Oh I see, Clarissa told you that she was kicked out, didn't she?"

I mentally groan, wishing this idiot will just shut up and go away.

"I'm pretty sure that's what happened," Trey says.

"How amusing."

"Excuse me, but we have a school to go to," I quickly say, trying to avoid an awkward situation.

"That's too bad, I wanted to talk to you."

"Yeah, that's too bad. Let's go, Trey," I grab his arm and drag him outside.

Surprisingly, Sebastian doesn't stop us, but says something though.

"Your mom is back!"

My mom. Back from her secret little trip. Will be left alone with this psycopath.

And that's when I decide to come back home after school.


"Mom?" I ask nervously, walking into the house.

She'll be fine. She'll be fine. Sebastian promised. And I know he's too proud to break it.

"Hey, honey. How was school?" The familiar voice puts me to relief.

"Mom!" I say, running into her arm and embracing her.

She frowns, confused, but she still hugs me back.

"Is something wrong?"

"No. Everything's fine."

We talk for a while, but she leaves out the part about where she's been.

"Mom," I say carefully. "Did you get... Any visitors?"

"Visitors? No. Why, are you expecting someone?"

"No, it's nothing."

So Sebastian must be good at hiding.

"I should probably go to my room now. Got a biology test to study for."

"Alright. You want something to drink?"

"No, I'm fine."

I quietly get to the storage area, not daring to make a noise.

"Sebastian? You there?" I hiss under my breath.

"Looking for me sis?"

He appears in front of me, turning the light on.

"For how long are you going to stay here?"

"For quite a long time, I plan."

"Why?"

"Why not? I'm not hurting anyone."

"That's true, but-"

"But I remind you of him?"

That's something about him. He always leave me speechless.

After a moment of silence, he reaches behind him. For a second, I think he's getting a weapon, and I panick, but it turns out to be his stele.

"Here, let me draw you a comfort rune."

"No! I'm not a shadowhunter anymore!"

"But you still have Nephilim blood in your veins. Nothing will go wrong."

"But I quit!"

He squints, his eyes skeptical.

"Is there something I don't know about?"

Forgetting. It's scary. The numbness. It drove me insane the last time I tried the rune. Especially when it starts wearing off.

"Yes, but you don't need to know."

"Oh come on, Clary," he says, stepping closer to me, making me step back. "We share the same Morgenstern blood. We can't have secrets between each other."

"Then why don't you tell me the real reason you're here?"

"I already told you. The need of shelter."

"Yeah, right. Like I would believe that."

"Why won't you?"

Now, he has me backed up against the wall.

"Because... Because..."

Sebastian seems to find my distraction amusing, because he presses closer to me, his hands on my waist, making me go rigid.

I try to ignore my brother's hard, unyielding body against me, but as expected, it's difficult.

"What are you afraid of, Clary? This?" He asks, his cold lips touching the skin of my neck. "Or this?"

His lips are now trailing my collarbone, and I push him off in disgust, keeping my hands as steady as possible.

He chuckles, stepping away from me, his eyes still on mine.

"I'm not afraid of you," I tell him, trying to hide my shaking voice.

"Of course you're not. Oh, by the way, this storage area sucks."


This is bad. This is bad. I can't go back to Trey's because I can't leave my mom here alone. I know he promised me, but I just can't. But seeing him, it's like I'm back in the Shadow World again. Just when I decided to move on.

I stare at the rune on the back of my right hand, something I couldn't get rid of. Nephilim. Deadly. Running in my blood. Just like Sebastian told me. Morgenstern. Morning star. The light. And the darkness.

This is all too confusing for me. And I need to stop thinking about it. I am a mundane now. A broken one. A worthless one. Someone nobody needs.

"Jace... Do you miss me? Do you still want me?"

But of course, he doesn't answer. As always.

I have a special short Sebastian's pov ready for you!

SEBASTIAN POV

I walk out of the smelly storage area.

Careful not to wake my sister or her mother, I sneak out of the house, greeting the warm March air.

A figure approaches me, his hands stuck in his jean pockets.

"How's she doing?" He asks, keeping his voice down.

"Good. She's participating well," I tell him.

"Winter Solstice... A bit harsh, don't you think?"

"Patience, boy. Ten months. Ten more months and that's it."

"I trust you. I do," the young boy tells me looking into my eyes.

"Good. Faith is what matters the most."

So what do you think he's up to? And yes, this chapter is called If You Want Me To... :) I wonder why... Thanks for all the reviews and hope you liked this chapter!