Chapter 4: Speed Dating Hypnotist Cults

A.N.: We're approaching the end of this, my Gleeks, one chapter, two at most, unless the angst bunnies stage a coup. :) Thank you again to everyone who's taken the time to review, and to those who have author and story alerted me. It's amazing to see, and I'm glad you're enjoying it!

Disclaimer: I still don't own Glee, but I heart the little Puckelberry wink they threw us tonight! :)


"Not even a hint?" Rachel pleaded. "Come on, Tina, please? How can I be adequately prepared for the insuing social interactions if you refuse to allow me to contemplate the circumstances to which I will be exposed?" Rachel's eyes widened with horror. "Tina, please tell me it's not speed dating? Because the probability that a male who is willingly participating in such an impersonal display is a less than savory character is extremely --"

Tina could no longer stifle her laughter. "Rachel!" she cried desperately. "Stop it! We are not taking you to speed dating, or slaughter, or a cult, or hypnotherapy. I swear, it's just us Gleeks hanging out on a Friday night. If you don't feel better by the end of the night, I promise I won't ever try to surprise you. Fair?"

Damn it! I hate surprises like this. Rachel sighed, flipping her hair over her shoulder indignantly. "Fine! But only because I am unfortunately certain that such ambiguity as to the nature of social outings is typical of teenaged interactions --"

"You sound like an alien sometimes, you know that?" Mercedes joined them at the lockers. "It's supposed to be fun. You are familiar with fun, right?" She raised an eyebrow.

Rachel blushed furiously. I have to stop being so paranoid. These are friends. "Yes, Mercedes, I am."

"Well, good. 'Cause as far as you're concerned, that's all that's going on tomorrow," Mercedes said, glaring Rachel into submission.

"Ooo, and a makeover!" Kurt chirped excitedly.

"A...a makeover?" Rachel questioned. Oh no. No. A makeover, talking with Puck..."You...you guys are setting me up, aren't you? Like a blind date? So I'll..." So I'll finally leave him alone...

Tina looked stricken and cast panicky glances at Mercedes and Kurt.

"Oh, oh no, you are! Guys, come on, I can't! I'm not...I'm not ready!" She turned wide pleading eyes on each of them. "Guys, please, I'm sincerely appreciative, but it's unfair to force me to move forward--"

"What about Project Exorcism?" Artie questioned as he wheeled onto the scene. "I thought you were ready to close that chapter."

Rachel's eyes reflexively sought and found Puck at his locker down the hall and her throat tightened. But he didn't Slushie me or humiliate me when he totally could have..."I..."

Finn and Quinn strolled towards the Gleeks. "Hey guys, what's up?"

"Nothing," they all replied in unison.

Finn scratched his head as Quinn rolled her eyes. "You sure?" he asked.

"Absolutely," Rachel confirmed. "Nothing at all. Just talking about plans for tomorrow night."

"Oh, awesome! What are you doing?"

"I don't know," Rachel said pointedly, glaring at her unrepentant friends.

"Something fun," Kurt offered. "Something long overdue for Ms. Diva."

Quinn chanced a glance at Puck. What is going on with him? He looks like he wants to crawl into his locker and hide. "Aren't you all late for Glee?"

"Aren't we late too?" Finn said, confused.

Quinn shoved him away. "Yes, but I'm pregnant. I can be late. I'm going to the bathroom."

"Do you need me to wait for you?" Finn asked, turning a concerned gaze on her.

Quinn smiled genuinely. "No, I don't, but thanks. Just tell Mr. Schue I'll be right there, okay?" She kissed his cheek as she slipped out from under his arm.

The Gleeks scattered, leaving Puck alone in the hallway. He trailed down the hall after them but stopped short as a hand tugged him back and into...the girls room?

He smirked down at Quinn. "I thought that ship had sailed, but if you wanna be a port in a storm..." he suggested lecherously.

She smacked his arm. "Stop being an ass. What is going on with you and Man-" She stopped at the dangerous look in his eye and smiled, satisfied with his instinctive response. "Rachel," she finished. "And by the way, don't bother with 'nothing' after the look you just gave me." Heck, I don't even have to ask how you feel -- you told me everything right there.

Fuck. He opened his mouth and closed it again.

Quinn smiled wistfully. "There's just something about her, huh? I..." Quinn sighed. "I thought you'd look at me like that, the way you looked at her. But it's her, isn't it? She brings it out in guys."

Oh hell..."Quinn..." Puck began.

She held up a hand. "Save it, Puck. It's..." She tilted her head thoughtfully. "It's actually okay now. I'm sure now that Finn really loves me, you know? He chose me, knowing..." She gestured down. "It makes it okay. He looks at me like that again. Like I'm something precious."

Puck dropped his gaze to the floor. "Quinn, you know that the baby is--"

She laid a surprisingly gentle hand on his arm. "I know, Puck. You're...you're a good person. You've really stepped up, even when I didn't want you to."

Some of the old familiar anger welled and he took a deep breath, locking it down. "Thanks," he said quietly.

"She saw that the whole time, didn't she?" Quinn asked. "Even when you were throwing Slushies in her face, she was willing to see if there was more to you than that."

"Nah...she just couldn't resist Neil Diamond, it's like a Jewish aphrodisiac," he smirked.

Quinn glared at him silently.

Aw, fuck. Fine. Puck ran a hand over his Mohawk. "I wasn't a good person back then. When I..." He met Quinn's eyes. "When I found out about the baby...it was like a wake up call, you know? Like, I had a moment where I could choose to be a shit, or where I could really...be a man. And she was willing to give me a chance to do that. To be that." Even when you wouldn't.

She searched his eyes, finding nothing but honesty. "I know I said this when we were trying to be together, but I'm sorry, Puck. I'm sorry for making you feel like you couldn't be anything other than a Lima loser. It was unfair."

He shrugged. "Like I said, I was, back then. That's what made me start caring enough to do better. I didn't want to be a loser." He swallowed. "I didn't want to be my dad," he confessed. How fucked up is this -- we slept together, made a baby, dated, and this is the most honest conversation we've ever had. Figures.

"And you're not," Quinn reassured him. "You've been right there since Day One, no matter how much I pushed you away. It's...that's why I was willing to try. Because I knew you wouldn't leave me." She sighed. "But I knew your heart wasn't in it."

And I still manage to sound like an ass. "Quinn-"

"Ugh. Just...let me, okay? I knew your heart wasn't in it when I saw you looking at her like Finn used to. Those little glances, like she was too perfect, too good to be true. That's why you were with me. Because I wasn't -- I'm not -- perfect, and then you could be not perfect too."

Ignoring the ring of truth in her words, Puck scoffed. "Yeah, right. Berry, perfect? Please. She's fucking insane."

"Yeah, yeah she is, but she's also driven and motivated and...sweet. I can't believe I just said that." Quinn shook her head. "She's got the rest of her life figured out, while the rest of us are still struggling to do our homework. It's intimidating." She narrowed her eyes at Puck and pointed a finger at him. "If you ever tell her I said any of this, I will kill you."

Puck held up his hands in mute surrender. Like anyone would believe me anyway?

"She...she needs you, Puck. And I think you need her too." Quinn looked at him quizzically. "So what gives? What are you waiting for?"

"I'm not--"

Quinn narrowed her eyes at him. "Puckerman, if the rest of that sentence is you're not good enough for her, I'm going to smack you. You were good enough for me to sleep with and --"

"I'm not waiting anymore."

"Oh." Huh. Quinn scrutinized him, seeing a certainty in his eyes, a confidence, that wasn't there before. "No, you're not, are you," she said quietly, surprised. "Is that..." She smirked. "Is that what the Gleeks are in on? Rachel was freaking out about some plans for tomorrow night."

"Um, yeah." I can't believe I actually asked them for help. Puck sheepishly rubbed a hand along his head. This better work, or I just lowered my social standing for nothing...

Quinn nodded. "Well then, I guess we're good. You go first. I don't want anyone thinking anything."

Ha, like they don't already wonder? Puck smirked. "Yeah, it is tough to resist the guns." He flexed, kissing his right bicep.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "With lines like that, it's amazing Rachel hasn't thrown herself at you," she deadpanned.

He turned to leave and hesitated. "She thinks I don't want her," he blurted. Probably 'cause that's what you've told her and shown her over and over, asshole. Oh hell. I can't believe I just said that, to Quinn. I am a stud, I am a stud...

"Then change her mind, dummy," Quinn said impatiently. "I know firsthand how persuasive and persistent you can be. Apply it here." She shoved him out of the way and walked out.

"Thought I was going first," he muttered, then followed behind with a sigh.

***

Rehearsal was surprisingly not awkward. Definitely helped that Schue didn't run 'And So It Goes', Puck mused. As he made a move to leave the music room, Schue nodded to him, a knowing look in his eyes. On purpose? Puck cleared his throat. "Um, thanks, Mr. S," he offered quietly.

Will smiled sadly. "You're my kids, Puck. I care about all of you. And I know enough to recognize when there's something going on that no one's telling me about. It has something to do with that song, doesn't it?"

Puck nodded shortly. "Uh, yeah, yeah it does."

"Wanna talk about it?" Will offered.

"Oh, hell no," Puck protested. "I don't do touchy-feely mantalk." But...He swung his guitar from his back. "But, um...maybe you could listen to something I've been working on?"

Will nodded, gesturing to the stool in the middle of the room. "My pleasure," he said, smiling.

Puck began to play.

***

Friday dawned bright and clear, to Rachel's chagrin. No excuses about the weather and its adverse effects on my voice. The day raced past and before she'd even registered it, she was packing up for the weekend.

Kurt appeared in front of her. "Ready for your close up, Ms. Berry?" he teased.

Not even close. She smiled half-heartedly. "I've heard my usual attire is unsuitable for tonight's venture, so no, actually."

Kurt smiled and cracked his knuckles. "That's why it's makeover time." He clapped his hands and Mercedes and Brittany appeared.

Rachel blinked. "Um, hi, Brittany." And what on earth are you doing here?

"Hey Rachel," she answered sunnily. "I heard Kurt say 'makeover' and I've been dying to get my hands on you. I hope..." Her voice faltered. "I hope that's okay?" she questioned.

"Oh, of course!" Rachel hurried to reassure her. "It's just--"

"Unexpected?" came Quinn's voice behind her.

Rachel whirled in panic. "I, um...yes?" Am I in the Twilight Zone?

Quinn nodded. "Good. Less resistance. Let's go."

Rachel turned to Kurt. "Wh-wha--" She's coming with us?

"Close your mouth, Man Hands, you'll catch flies," Quinn smirked.

Rachel narrowed her eyes angrily at Kurt and turned to Quinn. All right, that's it..."Quinn-"

"Easy there, Divalicious," Mercedes interjected. "Preggo knows I'll cut her if she gets out of line. There's a lot I could do that wouldn't hurt the baby, and she knows it," Mercedes continued, glaring at Quinn. "She was just getting it out of her system, right?" she said pointedly.

Quinn sourly nodded. "Yeah, sorry."

Rachel nodded, mildly appeased. "All right. I imagine the rest of you are riding with Kurt?" At the nods, Rachel smiled. "See you at my house, then." She turned, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she walked away.

"Think this'll work?" Quinn asked quietly.

"I can't see how it couldn't," Kurt replied, motioning the girls to precede him into the parking lot.

Quinn nodded. "I'm going to come with you tonight."

"Say what?" Mercedes questioned, stopping to glare at Quinn with her hands on her hips.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "If she tries to back out, I'm the only one mean enough to push her back in. I'm coming too."

Kurt frowned thoughtfully at the two girls. "I think perhaps she's right. A challenge from Quinn may well be the only way we can get her to go in there again."

"Wait..." Brittany looked at Kurt. "Again?"

***

Rachel sighed in frustration as she threw yet another rejected outfit onto the pile.

"You know, that is an unnaturally large collection of short pleated skirts," Quinn commented.

My skirts are lovely, and a trademark. Rachel stuck her head out of the closet. "Says the one who wore the same cheerleading uniform to school every day."

Quinn raised a sarcastic eyebrow. "Jealous much?" she asked sweetly.

Rachel took a deep breath but deflated as Kurt pushed past her into the closet. Not worth it.

Kurt gasped. "Oh, honey! You've been holding out on us!" He pulled out a pair of black leather pants. "Are you mad? How have you not worn these?"

Rachel's breath hitched. Because I never got the chance..."I...I meant to...I bought them..."

Shit. Kurt turned alarmed eyes to Mercedes. Of course leather would be for Puck.

Quinn rose from the bed, snatched them from Kurt's nerveless grip and thrust them at Rachel. "Good. No better time to wear them. Put them on."

Rachel clutched the pants to her, eyes wide with uncertainty. But I don't want--

"Now, Berry!" Quinn ordered.

Flustered, Rachel moved to the bathroom to comply. I can't believe I'm doing this.

Kurt cast an admiring gaze at Quinn, who reddened slightly.

"I was head cheerleader for a reason," she muttered.

Mercedes nodded approvingly. "So long as you don't forget what we're trying to accomplish tonight."

Quinn scoffed. "Yeah, like I care."

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Then why are you here?"

"Because everyone deserves a second chance, right, Quinn?" Brittany volunteered with a smile. "That's what you said."

Quinn self-consciously lowered her gaze to her hands.

"Well, I'll be damned," Mercedes said with a shake of her head. "There is something goin' on under all that bitchy."

Quinn cast a murderous glare in her direction as the bathroom door opened.

"Guys, I don't-" Rachel began.

Kurt held up a hand. "Don't speak. Just turn."

Rachel reluctantly spun a circle. Please let them not be as perfect as I think they are...

"Your butt looks amazing in those," Brittany whispered in awe. "You could be a Cheerio with a body like that!"

"Um, thanks, Brittany," Rachel said shyly. How different life would be...

Brittany nodded. "Now we need a top. And black heels. Or maybe red, or gold. Oooo, or boots!" She brushed past Rachel into the closet. "Try this," she called, passing a purple cowl neck top out to Kurt.

"Mmm, yes, do." He handed the garment off to Rachel.

She sighed and retreated to the bathroom, emerging a minute later. The room went dead silent. "What? Do I have something on my face? Is the blouse stained?"

Mercedes shook her head slowly. "Girl, you are fine." She grabbed Rachel's hand and pulled her to the full length mirror. "Check you out."

Rachel looked at the mirror. Wow. The top was silk, the cowl low enough to show a hint of clevage. The kimono sleeves hung loosely, motion making them shimmer. The leather pants were perfection, molded to her curves.

Quinn and Brittany came up behind her in the mirror. "Here," Quinn said, pointing down. "Those." Gold heels were sitting on the floor, and Rachel stepped into them gingerly.

Silence descended again as everyone absorbed the metamorphosis.

Brittany finally clapped excitedly. "Oh, makeup now!"

Rachel allowed herself to be led to her vanity, and Brittany went to work with the cosmetics, Quinn, Kurt and Mercedes offering occasional suggestions. After an interminable time, they all slowly backed away.

"Mmm-hmm," Mercedes smiled. "You are fine."

"Wow..." Rachel stared at her smoky eyes and rosy lips in the mirror. "I look..."

"Like sex on a stick," Kurt proudly declared. "Our work is done." He looked down at his watch. "And just in time too. We have to go."

Rachel grabbed her clutch and took a deep breath. "Are you sure this isn't a blind date?"

"For the last time, Crazy, it's not a blind date," Mercedes sighed. "Why would we all want to come watch you and some stranger make awkward conversation?"

Hmm. That's the first reassuring thing I've heard. "I suppose that's true. Thank you, Mercedes."

Mercedes nodded.

"All right, chickadees, into the car, chop chop!" Kurt ushered them all out to his Hummer. If he said a prayer before getting on the road, no one noticed.

***

Artie and Tina looked around anxiously.

"What -- what if she chickens out? If she won't come in?" Tina worried, gnawing on a fingernail.

Artie bit into a cookie. "Kurt said he had it under control. We just have to trust him."

"Do you think she'll be mad?" she whispered.

Smiling, Artie grabbed the hand she was mangling and lowered it to the table. "To start? Maybe. But if the timing is perfect, not for long." When Tina's eyes widened in fear, Artie squeezed the hand he held. "Hey, I forgave you, she won't hold a grudge. You're very forgivable."

"Artie..." Tina sighed dreamily. "Thank you."

They clinked mugs as they watched the door.

***

Rachel narrowed her eyes at the passing road sign and felt her stomach drop. "Um...guys..."

Kurt merrily continued his rendition of Defying Gravity, subtly shaking his head at Mercedes. Do not engage, his eyes warned.

Brittany clapped as Kurt finished, and Rachel felt compelled to join in. One must always be a gracious audience member. "Guys?" she tried again.

"Single Ladies, Kurt, put on Single Ladies!" Brittany pleaded.

"Hmm," Kurt murmured. "No, we need something...else. More...anthemic."

"Boy, did you just trash on Beyonce?" Mercedes criticized.

"Single Ladies is...overdone, as an anthem. Plus, Beyonce has a ring on it now. Less fun."

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me! Beyonce is less fun because she has Jay-Z wrapped around her little finger? We should be so lucky!"

The debate raged back and forth as the miles ticked by, and if Kurt and Mercedes exchanged furtive smiles, Rachel didn't notice.

***

Quinn groaned and substituted her iPod for Kurt's iPhone. "Enough already! If I have to listen to you bicker about Beyonce, Whitney and Britney any more, I think I may throw up. I'm putting on my music."

"Kurt, where's your Touch?" Rachel asked, puzzled. "I thought you hated using the iPhone as a music player." And considering you're just as attached to your music as I am, that is exceedingly odd.

Kurt met Mercedes' eyes in the rear view. "I was updating it and must've left it at home," he offered.

Rachel nodded as Quinn contemplated her playlists. Hmm. I suppose that is possible...Though not for me, of course.

"Yes..." Quinn whispered as she hit play. Synth strings filled the car and then... "Hey hey! Bye bye bye!"

Kurt beamed at Quinn as Brittany started singing along. "Perfect!" he exclaimed.

Mercedes crossed her arms and rolled her eyes...and started singing along a verse later.

***

"Every word I say is true...this I promise you...Ooo, I promise you..." The Gleeks subsided into laughter as they screeched the lyrics.

And then Rachel realized exactly where they were.

She stopped laughing.


Musical note: Go get N'Sync's "No Strings Attached" if you don't know the songs in the car!

A.N.: Haha, I would apologize for being mean, except you have oodles of hints as to where they are. Hope to have the next, and possibly final, chapter out soon! :)