Notes: Last combination of what used to be two parts. We're talking about part 6 and 7 of course.


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Chapter 3: Tumult

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Eren stayed in bed a little longer than usual. The incident with Annie on the previous night was enough to make him moody for at least a day, if not a whole week.

He considered if he could pass off as ill to avoid his duties and basically every human interaction. But he didn't expect to have good chances. Probably the captain would order him to some extra cleaning if he tried.

Demotivated he dragged himself out of bed and went about the troublesome business of getting dressed. The most annoying part about putting on the uniform was definitely dealing with the full-body belt for the 3DMG. He messed it up a few times this morning, because he wasn't really paying attention to what he was doing.

Eventually everything sat how it was supposed to and he made his way to get some breakfast. The former HQ of the Scouting Legion where they currently stayed was barely occupied. Apart from the captain and him there were only a hand full of guards that took turns in front of Annie's cell doors – and Annie herself of course, but she was locked up, so there was hardly a chance of walking into her while moving about.

When Eren entered what served as the mess hall he found it almost empty. Two guards who probably were on duty in the afternoon had just finished and went off to spend their free morning somehow. That left only him and the captain that still sat with his usual cup of tea at one of the tables.

Because anything else would've seemed strange and above all rude, Eren slumped onto the empty seat opposite of Levi, mumbling a curt "morning" in the process. His superior didn't even acknowledge it and kept staring absentmindedly past Eren's left ear. The young scout really didn't mind it though and tended to his breakfast in silence.

That was the good thing with the captain: he didn't bother with small talk. If he had something to say he said it, if not he stayed silent. And Eren had learned to do the same around him. He welcomed it actually, because he'd never been good at filling the silence with pointless conversations.

However, today something seemed different about the older man. He wasn't wearing his usual indifferent expression that made him seem bored by the world. His face was still nearly emotionless, but his narrowed eyebrows combined with a gaze that seemed to stare at an invisible horizon told Eren that he was mulling over something. And that he had never seen with him before.

Even though he really wasn't keen on starting a conversation, the teen felt obligated to check if his superior was doing alright. Seeing Levi who usually seemed in full control of everything act slightly different was unsettling.

"How's the leg?" he tried between two bites of bread.

The captain shot him a sideways glance and Eren was expecting to be told off. To his surprise however he was wrong.

"It's coming along."

It was a short reply, but Levi had answered, not questioning the young scout's sudden interest in his injured leg.

"Good," Eren commented, already out of things to say.

As he continued eating though, he kept eyeing the man seated opposite of him with caution. That was something said man could not ignore for long and he gave him an annoyed look.

"What is it?" he demanded impatiently.

The young scout used the time he needed to chew and swallow his mouth full of food to consider how he should go about this. His experience with the captain told him that it was best not to beat around the bush and so he decided to be blunt.

"Something's wrong," he noted.

Levi considered this while having a sip of his tea. When placing his cup back on the saucer, he resumed staring at an undefined spot at the other end of the room. Eren took that as a sign that he wouldn't get an answer. It didn't really surprise him, so he just went back to finishing his plate.

"I chopped off her limbs," the captain stated suddenly.

His subordinate nearly choked on a bite of bread. It didn't matter that he wasn't fully done with chewing yet, he swallowed nonetheless.

"You did what?!"

Levi just shot him a look meaning "you heard me".

Eren felt like he was going to be sick. He knew whose limbs they were talking about – there was no doubt about it. And though he had been mad at Annie up to this moment this certainly wasn't something he would wish on her.

Even worse than picturing her mutilated was the way the captain had said it. He had sounded so casual as if he had been talking about something trivial like the weather. It rendered the young scout almost speechless.

His superior rolled his eyes at him.

"Don't give me that shocked look. You wanted to know what was wrong, so I told you."

"How can you- mention it like it was nothing?! How- can you even do that?!"

Eren was searching for words in his fury. He found it hard to remember how to breathe. Never before had he been so disgusted by the senior scout.

Levi didn't reply. He had resumed to stoically staring at the wall again. This outrage possibly didn't even reach him in his thoughts, but that didn't stop the boy from going on.

"You don't just cut someone's limbs off – whether they can regrow them or not! It still fucking hurts!"

The captain stayed impassive. He didn't tell him to shut up. He didn't remind him that they were in the military and they were fighting one nearly futile battle after another. That they needed all the information they could gain and desperate times demanded for desperate measures, so inflicting pain during an interrogation was the norm.

Deep down inside Eren knew that for himself. He had considered it from day one of Annie's capture and admittedly had been surprised when he'd learned that nothing like it had happened so far.

He had no right to be mad at his superior for doing his duty. Actually he should be furious at Annie for everything she'd done, but he just couldn't get himself to.

He propped his elbows up on the table and buried his face in his hands. Why was everything so complicated and fucked up? He had thought he knew what right and wrong was. He had thought he knew what side he was on. But it kept happening. Annie was cornered or hurt and he had the instinct to protect her, to fight for her.

And that instinct had almost brought harm to his childhood friends. Mikasa and Armin had almost died, because Eren had been reluctant to fight Annie. For him to get away they had been ready to get squashed by her titan hands – just like Levi's squad.

Annie was the enemy there was no doubt about that. And it left him feel torn and hurt and so mad. Because he didn't want her to be. Because he couldn't see her like that. Because he held her far too dear by now to think he ever could hate her and say she deserved to be squashed.

But he did hate her titan form and he knew that there was actually no difference between those two, yet he just couldn't get himself to accept that.

All these thoughts ate away at him and he couldn't hold back the tears anymore. They seeped out between his fingers accompanied by silent sobs that rocked his body. He didn't care that he wasn't alone. He didn't care that of all people to be there and see him like this it was the captain of whom he didn't know what to think right now. The flood of thoughts and feelings was just so overwhelming he had no choice but to let it out.

"Is it that bad?" Levi's voice was soft, almost sympathetic when he asked the question.

At the sound of these words Eren tried to regain some composure, swallowing down the sobs and wiping the tears from his now swollen eyes. However he dared not to look at his superior directly and neither was he capable of replying. He didn't even manage a nod, but the captain understood.

The man gave a sigh, rested one arm on the table and leaned over.

"Listen, Eren," he began and the sound of his name was enough to make the boy look at him and pay attention. "I know forgetting about her is hard – especially if you're constantly being reminded that she's here – but this is the kind of thing that will drag you down. In fact it has already started to do so, if I'm judging the situation correctly. So save yourself and get over it."

Eren swallowed hard while processing these words.

"That sounds like being selfish, yes, and it actually is," the captain continued, "but in the end selfishness is just a form of our survival instincts that are there for a good reason. Because when we love we tend to disregard ourselves in favour of caring for someone else. But there's no guarantee that someone will care for us and stop us from giving too much.

"In the long run we are responsible for ourselves and our happiness. You cannot depend on others to take care of that for you. They can support you in it, yes, but the main part is up to you. So you've got to take what's not good for you and cut it out of your life as best as you can."

Levi's voice had become more intense by the end of his little speech. It reminded Eren of that time when he had told him to do something about not being able to transform into a titan.

"Is that an order?" the young scout asked sheepishly. His superior gave a sigh.

"It's an advice – probably the best anyone could give you on the matter. So what you do with it is up to you but keep it in mind at least."

Eren nodded. He couldn't quite imagine the man being in love – it just seemed so strange because Levi usually showed little to no emotion – but he could tell that the captain knew what he was talking about – be it from personal experience or from seeing it happen to someone else. And so far the advice he had passed on to his subordinate had been of value.

He considered asking the older man about his experience on the matter, but he doubted he would be given any insight on it, so he dropped the thought.

"Take the day off," Levi said, leaning back in his chair again. "Go for a walk or something, whatever it takes to sort your thoughts out. But" – he fixed the young scout with his sharp eyes – "don't do anything stupid, are we clear."

"Yes sir! Thank you, sir!" Eren was quick to answer.

He finished the last bites on his plate and then left the mess hall. The captain stayed behind with his tea that had definitely gone cold by now.

Eren walked and walked without taking notice of his surroundings. His mind was racing fast and he just didn't know what else to do, so he had decided to follow Levi's suggestion and went out. Where to, he didn't know – or didn't bother to think about. His feet just moved, faster and faster until he was running.

When he finally came to a halt he found himself in the forest nearby the old headquarters – or at least he hoped he was still nearby. The exercise had actually taken its toll on him and Eren leaned panting against a tree to catch his breath.

The captain had told him to get over Annie, but how did you get over something? Hell, if he knew! Five years and he still hadn't forgotten about his mother's limb body being crushed by gigantic teeth. He had actually held on to the image, feeding his fury and determination to get where he needed to go to kill some titans. The only reason why he hadn't been thinking as often of it over the last two months was that so much had happened.

But he certainly wasn't over it – not completely. So how did he forget about Annie? Annie who was here, Annie who was still breathing, Annie who was in pain as her limbs regrew.

Eren squeezed his eyes shut, however that did not really help to ban the mental image that had appeared at the thought. Instead he could almost feel the pain surging through his body. He'd had a good taste of it in Trost when fighting the titans for the first time. First one had gotten a bite of his leg and then another had severed his arm and swallowed him. The memory of it made him wince.

And in his case the severing had happened quickly. Who knew, the captain might've taken his sweet time while cutting through Annie's arm. And then the other. And then the same procedure with her legs.

He shivered at this idea and shook his head rashly to get rid of it. He didn't need to think of that. Things were bad enough as it was. Picturing Annie in pain was just bringing his stomach close to hauling out his breakfast.

Leaning his back against a tree trunk he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He needed to sort his thoughts out like Levi had suggested and wild fantasies were counterproductive.

If only Armin was here. Maybe his best friend's sharp mind could help bring some order into this mess. But then again Eren wasn't sure if he wanted to share his feelings towards Annie with him.

He certainly didn't want to tell Mikasa about it, for several reasons actually. She and Annie never really getting along was the one thing. The other had occurred more recently during their mission to capture Annie: When Eren had failed to turn into a titan in order to fight Annie Mikasa had inquired if he harboured some kind of special feelings for the blond girl.

Back then Eren had been too surprised by that suggestion to actually respond. But he'd had the reflex to deny it and would've probably been convinced that that was the truth. Now however he knew better.

He liked Annie that much he could say for certain – he had kissed her after all. And the thought of proving Mikasa's suggestion didn't appeal to him at all.

How much he actually liked Annie he found hard to tell. Was it love? Levi had used that word. However, whether he actually suspected Eren to be in love or whether that had been a more general scenario he had depicted to make his point, his young subordinate wasn't sure.

Eren rubbed his forehead. He wasn't the best analytic and trying to figure himself out seemed harder than anything he'd ever done in that field. So mulling it over wouldn't really get him very far. He needed someone to talk to.

Quite possibly he could approach Captain Levi for some more advice, but it didn't sit right with him. Yes, he might not be turned away if he admitted that he had problems with sorting things out on his own, but confiding in this man that – despite them having warmed up for each other during their time together – still intimidated him to some degree – he just wasn't comfortable with that.

He'd be damned before he asked one of the guards he didn't even know by name for help. So what options were left?

Should he request for Armin to be allowed to visit him? But that might take a while and he wasn't even sure if Armin – despite his brilliant mind – could be particularly helpful in this situation. So who else could he…?

And like this he had is answer. He didn't even have to consider it for long. Annie was here, the matter actually concerned her, so Eren might as well go and talk to her. It would probably be awkward and she'd most likely call him an idiot, but since both things had happened before he didn't feel like he had much to lose. And just maybe he could get a better idea of what she felt for him. She had kissed him back, so there had to be something.

Having made his decision, Eren broke into a sprint to get to the former headquarters as soon as possible. As he ran he tried not to think about what exactly would expect him in Annie's cell. Had her limbs grown back by now? He wasn't entirely sure how long the process would take. Also, the captain hadn't given any hints about when he had severed her arms and legs.

He reached the courtyard, causing the horses to shift in uneasiness as he dashed passed the stables. No one was in sight as he entered the gate of the building, barely reducing his speed.

It didn't occur to him that what he was about to do maybe was something from the category "stupid" that the captain had warned him not to do. It also didn't come to his mind that he at least should ask permission before going to Annie. Though he hadn't specifically been told to stay away from her since the first time he had been allowed to see her, he clearly didn't have the authorisation to do so whenever he pleased.

But these rational considerations did not concern Eren as for now. He didn't even pay proper attention to his feet. On his way down to the dungeons he stumbled and almost tripped on the stairs. Yet he found the right way without effort, despite only having visited Annie twice.

Before the turn into the corridor to his destination, he came to a halt, catching his breath the second time today.

He had no idea how to get past the guards, but he figured he'd improvise. So he straightened up and determinately walked around the corner. He didn't expect to intimidate scouts, who had been on several dangerous missions by now, much, but at least he could look like he belonged here, even though he was faintly aware that he probably was about to do something his superior would not approve of.

The two guards who were on duty noticed him and eyed him suspiciously as he approached. As Eren reached them, the male on the left, who was approximately two years older than him and about his height, stepped up between Eren and the cell door with crossed arms.

"You shouldn't be here," he commanded.

I know, Eren thought, but he wasn't going to admit that.

"I have to be here," he replied instead. And it was the truth. He didn't have to mention that the reasons for him having to be here were personal and not an order from higher up.

Both scouts examined him with narrowed eyes, but Eren did not budge.

"Will you please let me through, so I can get on with this?" he asked them, managing to sound polite, but also a little annoyed and pressed on time. There was another moment of silence in which they just stared at him.

"No," the female scout on the right replied then.

Though she spoke silently, her tone was clear and there was something threatening in it. She looked to be around 19 years old and though she didn't seem much taller and less intimidating than the captain, she'd probably hold her ground against most people despite her physical disadvantage.

Eren considered his options as impassively as possible.

The male guard grew impatient.

"Didn't you hear us? You have no business here. Now get lost!" he barked.

Taking a deeper breath, Eren decided to be daring.

"I'll transform," he stated calmly.

For a moment they both stared.

"The f-," the guy started. "We're underground!"

"See if I care."

Eren kept his voice low and even managed to put a hint of roughness into it. His eyes grew a little wider as he let them sway between the two guards in his way. That was the good thing about having such an abnormal ability like transforming into a titan: people bought way more easily into the mad monster act.

They seemed to consider the possibilities while exchanging some glances. If Eren was lucky, they fell for his bluff and believed he would actually be mad enough to transform in a place like this.

In that case their chances weren't well despite wearing their 3DMG. Even if they had enough confidence in their skills to take on a titan with intelligence, Eren's transformation probably would destroy the ceiling. Should they manage to not get crushed from the debris that would be raining down on them, moving around with their 3DMG inside a crumbling building was probably impossible.

Eren was pretty sure their conclusions went something along those lines. And if they weren't some complete weirdos or were as sharp as Armin, they wouldn't be willing to take the risk of him transforming and wrecking the whole building. Of course neither would he – the captain could very well kill him for that – but they didn't have to know that.

"Fine," the woman said. Her narrowed eyebrows told him that she didn't like to give in.

Her partner opened his mouth in protest, but she didn't give him the chance.

"Let him through," she ordered her comrade and even though he still didn't look happy with it, he obeyed and stepped aside.

The female guard pulled out a key and unlocked the cell door, then pulled it open for Eren to enter. He suppressed a smile and held back a "thank you" that would've sounded too mocking to be ignored by them and passed them silently.

The door fell shut as soon as he was inside.

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