I'm walking down the corridor to the library, Mikasa asked me to pick up a book for her as she is busy finishing an essay. I walk inside the library it's pretty quiet. I accidentally bump into a girl. She yelps and tumbles to the ground. "I'm so sorry, are you okay?" I apologize and hold out my hand. I take a look at the girl to find that she is not actually a girl at all. I would recognize the wide blue eyes of my former best friend anywhere. Armin hides his face behind his book and stands up quickly. He nods at me and walks away. I guess I could take that as an acceptance for my apology.
Historia did tell me that he wouldn't recognize me but I never thought that I would actually see him properly, it feels relatively nice to at least have seen his face after all this time I miss him so much...
I felt a flicker of recognition deep inside of me today. I bumped into a young man in my sanctuary today but when I looked at his face I felt a warmth in my heart that I cannot explain. It felt like I knew this feeling a long time ago. I cannot recall the memories of my past. I know nothing of my family or my friends. I don't remember what it's like to properly interact with people. There are so many important things that I know I've forgotten. When I look back if I concentrate very hard all I can recall are sounds, laughter and just one piano tune.
A part of me wants to remember why I was cut off from the world. I want to know who I forgot but I get the feeling that I'm not supposed to remember. Even so a part of me wants to know why that young man stirred such a nostalgic feeling in my heart and mind. I don't know how I can interact with him. I don't even take classes normally because nobody knows how I will react. I panic whenever I hear raised voices. I've always had the feeling that I've lost something very precious to me but I hope that I can find it...
After seeing Armin for the first time in years I can't help but reminisce about our friendship. I had known Armin for many years I saved him from bullies in his neighborhood. I wanted to protect this small and smart boy. Once I got older I discovered the meaning of having a crush on someone and I reflected on how I felt about Armin. I knew back then that I always wanted him by my side but when his mum died I knew that it was no longer possible to just be together forever if he does remember what happened there is a 99% chance that he will break down completely.
I wonder if he felt any recognition for me earlier. I guess that is just wishful thinking though. It would be a dream come true if we could just go back to our old childhood innocence where we would all laugh together and Mikasa would teach us Japanese songs like the graduation song we sang when Jean was moving. But even back then both Armin and Historia were being abused. I can't believe I was such a fool and never noticed it. I failed so badly as a friend. But I know I have to make amends. I promise I will be a better friend from now on...
