Blind Devotion

Chapter Four

"Got any family?"

"Piss off."

"Friends?"

"None of your fucking business."

"A home? A roommate?'

"Fuck off."

"Anyone who's going to miss you?"

"Do you understand what 'fuck off' means?"

Goku could only sigh loudly in exasperation, placing his head in his hands and staring at the blond who had taken up residence on his couch. He had been able to find out the blond's name, but that was about all the information he got out of him. Immediately after he seemed to accept his blindness, he had demanded to know where his jacket had gone to. Goku had been surprised by the demand, but allowed the man to do as he pleased. As soon as the material came in contact with his hands, the blond had grabbed a cylinder wrapped in paper, and stuck it in his back pocket.

"What's that?" Goku had asked him, only to receive a growl and a sharp, unfocused glare in his general direction.

"Fuck off if you know what's good for you," the blond snarled.

Since then the blond—Sanzo, Goku corrected himself—had not let the strange cylinder out of his hands. It made Goku curious, but he didn't dare try to snatch it from the man, Sanzo didn't trust him as it was.

"I'm hungry," Sanzo complained standing and making his way over to the table. He was clothed in a little more then a cotton t-shirt and jeans, which accented his thin figure. Goku let his eyes stray over his torso for a little longer then necessary, telling himself he was only checking to see if his bruised ribs still bothered him.

Goku could only raise a skeptical brow, finally turning his focus to the man's face. His hair was tussled that morning, and Goku had decided he liked it that way. "What, no 'I don't need help from anyone' crap?" he asked sarcastically. He was done playing nice. After three days crammed into the house with the irritating blond, he'd had enough. Sarcasm seemed to be his only way of fighting back, as he had found out previously that the man outranked him physically.

Sanzo growled at him, turning towards the direction of the kitchen, his hands held out wildly in case he ran into something. "Fine, I'll do it myself."

Goku sighed. The man was going to burn off his hand or blow something up at this rate. "Sit down, I'll do it," he snapped, rising to his feet and making his way over to the fridge, giving the man a soft shove into a nearby chair. "What do you want?"

Sanzo fell into a nearby chair a little ungracefully, frowning but deciding not to say anything on the matter. "I don't know," the blond mumbled, his brows drawing together in thought. "Anything? Everything?" There was a note of desperation in his voice; one Goku was all too familiar with.

Shooting him a stare over his shoulder, Goku said, "You sound like you haven't eaten in a while." It couldn't have been long enough for the effects to make their way into Sanzo's frame, but he recognized the sound of a man who had not eaten in a few days. Being passed out would have had an affect, but the way he was poised, the look on his face, told tales of a man who was used to hunger.

All Sanzo did was scoff, turning his head away. Clearly the man did not want to admit feeling anything—hunger, exhaustion, helplessness. It had taken Goku several hours to put the man to sleep the other night, as he seemed intent on staying up, thank you very much. Goku had yet to convince the captivating blond that asking for help was not admitting weakness. And his stubbornness was driving Goku up a wall.

Goku rolled his eyes, turning back to the fridge. "I'm not in the mood to make you a five course meal. I'll just make you a sandwich or two," he muttered, mostly to himself. He doubted Sanzo would reply anyway.

He was surprised when Sanzo spoke up. "A sandwich?" he questioned. Goku didn't miss the hopeful note Sanzo tried so hard to hide. It was the sound of a starved man who had been offered nothing more then a bowl of soup, and seemed incredibly grateful for it. It only made Goku wonder more and more of where this man came from.

"Yes, a sandwich," Goku bit back sarcastically, unable to feel sympathy for the man seated behind him. "You know, two pieces of bread, with stuff in the middle?"

"I know what it is, idiot," Sanzo snapped back, losing the hopeful tone almost instantly and looking away as if he could actually see Goku standing in the kitchen, making a sandwich for him. Goku could detect a twinge of embarrassment, and a soft blush on the man's pale cheeks that if he had blinked, he would've missed. Goku couldn't help but smile. It was kind of cute.

He placed the plate on the table, ignoring Sanzo as he groped blindly for it. The phone rang and Goku sprang for it, happy for any sort of human contact that wouldn't snap back at him. "Hello?" he asked happily, leaning against the wall and smiling softly as he watched Sanzo all but devour the sandwiches.

"Hey Goku, it's Hakkai," the voice on the other line said, polite as always. He could already picture the man's face in his mind, smiling away. "Gojyo's been worried about you. You didn't come into work today."

Goku resisted the urge to smack himself upside the head. Work! "Sorry Hakkai," Goku apologized, his eyes straying over towards the clock, before lingering back towards the table. "I got a little… distracted."

"Oh?" Hakkai's voice seemed interested now. Never a good sign. Gojyo had always warned him about Hakkai's telling signs, like when he was angry, or upset, and Goku had seen them demonstrated more then once. That tone of amusement usually called for disaster. "Is it our patient?"

Goku frowned, watching Sanzo finish off the second sandwich, scouting for more. "Yeah…" he muttered, forcing himself to focus on the conversation as the unoccupied part of his mind toyed with the idea of making something more for the blond. "He's awake now, and…. He's blind."

There was a pause at the other end of the phone, allowing Sanzo to perk up. The man immediately recognized who they were talking about. "Who are you talking to?" he snapped, not bothering to move up from the chair, but still sending a noticeable frown in Goku's direction.

Rolling his eyes at Sanzo's paranoia, he covered the receiver with his hand. "A friend," Goku replied.

Sanzo snarled, opening his mouth to say something more when Hakkai spoke. Goku ignored the blond as he focused on the phone. "But… I checked his eyes. There was nothing wrong with them."

Goku's brows drew together in a frown. "What do you mean?"

"They were functioning normally when I checked them…. This is odd," Hakkai paused again, and Goku continued to drown out Sanzo's snarls. It was exceedingly difficult when Hakkai wasn't talking. "I'll come over later today, all right? I want to check him again."

"All right," Goku said, watching wearily as Sanzo attempted to make his way over to the living room again, grumbling things under his breath. A voice in the back of his mind told him he was going to trip. "I'll talk to you later, Hakkai." He didn't even wait to hear the man's response as he hung up the phone, crossing the room to watch as Sanzo managed to fall safely on the couch.

"Who was that?" Sanzo snapped again. "And don't try to bullshit me."

Goku frowned. "Hakkai. He's a friend, he helped patch you up."

Sanzo's scowl only deepened. "Don't tell people about me," he said coldly.

Goku could only cock a brow at this. "Why? You hiding from someone?" he asked. Sanzo said nothing, simply deepened his scowl and turned away. Curiosity began to eat away at him, and Goku edged closer. He wanted to know about this strange man who had washed up on his shore and didn't seem to want to go home, if he even had one. "Oh! Is it about that package you keep packing around?" he asked brightly, a small smile catching his full lips as he felt himself growing closer to his answers.

Sanzo snarled, eyes darkening as he jumped to his feet so fast Goku took a step back in surprise. The blond could have only been a few inches taller then him, and even as he glared with those unseeing violet eyes, he was very intimidating. His fists clenched at his sides, and Goku was suddenly afraid the man would hit him. "Stop asking questions!" he snapped loudly, causing Goku to flinch. The sound echoed through the small apartment, making the man sound louder then he did. "Just back off and mind your own fucking business!"

Goku's surprise turned to anger so quickly it shocked him. To hell with this. He was tired of having the blond yell at him only because he fished his goddamn body out from the river. Fisting his hands by his side, he used his toes to gain leverage, attempting to glare the man in the eye, even if he couldn't see him. He could feel Sanzo's angry breath against his nose, and he flared his nostrils in anger. "No you shut up!" he yelled, surprising himself with the volume of his voice. "All I've tried to do is help, and in exchange I wanted to know a little about who you are! Is that such a bad thing!?"

"Yes!" Sanzo yelled so suddenly it caused Goku to fall back up on his heels with a soft thump. "Don't get involved with me!" He then turned, and stalked off down the hall as if he lived in the apartment his entire life. Though Goku heard him stumble over something, cursing before disappearing inside Nataku's room. The room Goku allowed Sanzo to use for the time being.

Goku could only blink slowly, his anger suddenly melted away, wondering what in gods name the blond meant by that.

---

"And… move your eyes in the opposite direction."

Goku could only watch from the sidelines with Gojyo, as Hakkai inspected Sanzo's eyes. They had arrived only a few minutes ago, and Goku had expected Sanzo to refuse the treatment, and stay locked up in Nataku's room. But, he had been surprised when the young man had said nothing, sat down in the chair and did exactly what Hakkai asked him to. No sarcastic replies had made their appearance yet.

It was slightly unnerving.

Goku watched Sanzo's hand fist in his jeans, lips pressed so tightly together they became pale with lack of blood. Clearly, the man was uncomfortable with the situation, but he wasn't saying anything. That in itself was odd. Sanzo hadn't seemed like the type who would sit through something he didn't much like without muttering a curse or two.

"There is it," Hakkai sighed finally, standing back up and flipping the small light off. "It's small, which is probably why I missed it in the first place, but his retinas have been burnt."

"Burnt?" it was Gojyo who spoke up first, glancing between the three other men in the room. "How the hell does that happen?"

"It happens when a very powerful light shines in the person's eyes," Hakkai answered calmly, turning back to Sanzo, who appeared to be listening intently. "Where on earth did you come in contact with such a bright light underwater?" his voice was suspicious, and he hadn't even bothered with the cheerful smile as he regarded the man in the chair closely.

Sanzo said nothing for a moment, the silence in the room dragging on an amazingly long time, before finally muttering, "I don't remember," begrudgingly.

"Well, I hope you do," Hakkai replied, not believing the blond in the least but not having anything to prove him wrong. "Because it would help me a great deal if you could shed some light on the situation." Goku bit his lip as Sanzo flinched.

"Is he gonna get his sight back?" Goku found himself asking, rubbing his arm behind his back. He didn't know why he cared, but for some reason the blond's well being was all he could think about.

Hakkai seemed to hesitate. "I'm not sure. I won't be able to tell until the retinas have had a little time. It might only be a few weeks before they heal completely, and he'll be able to see. If not, they might only be able to heal a little, and his sight with come back, albeit fuzzy and possibly in black and white. And… if they don't heal at all…" Hakkai paused, though Goku doubted it was for dramatic effect. "He'll be blind permanently."

Goku breath caught at the words, but otherwise he gave no other indication of hearing. His eyes flickered over to Sanzo; the man appeared not to be affected by the news, but Goku could see the tension straining in his hand, practically shaking with pressure where it gripped the fabric of his jeans.

Several more words were passed between each other, but mostly it was just small talk as Goku led them to the door. He said his goodbyes and promises to be at work before slowly closing the door behind them. From the entryway he could see Sanzo still seated in the chair, fists shaking where they clenched his jeans. Goku waited a moment, watching as the blond slowly stumbled to his feet, feeling around for the wall. He looked so lost, like a child who had been separated from its mother. Goku almost wished he would yell—scream out in frustration, because it was better then this suffocating silence that had descended upon them.

Goku covered his mouth with his hand as he watched Sanzo pathetically make his way along the wall towards the bedrooms. After finding Nataku's room, he slid inside and shut the door. Goku expected to hear Sanzo scream and hit something, and when nothing but silence ensued, Goku threaded his fingers in his unruly brown hair and sunk to the floor. He didn't know why the news that Sanzo might be permanently blind would upset him so much, but it did.

He just wished there was something he could say.

---

It was thirst that drove him from sleep as he sat, lying awake, staring at the ceiling of him room. Moonlight shadowed the entire room, making things and images hard to make out. Goku lay motionless for several minutes, simply listening to the sounds of the silent apartment. He could hear the clicking of his alarm clock next to him, and the sounds of downtown traffic out his window, otherwise the world seemed to have fallen into slumber. Idly, he wondered if Sanzo was up. The blond didn't seem so intent on sleeping.

Slowly, Goku pulled himself from the inviting embrace of the blankets and placed his feet to the cold wooden ground. He flinched at the coolness there, but soon became accustomed and stood, making his way over towards the door and out into the hall. The hallway was colder then his room and he shivered. Normally Goku wore little more then a t-shirt and his boxers, and he could feel the cold air making his way up his legs, causing Goosebumps to make their way along his skin.

Pushing the cold from his mind, he continued towards the kitchen. He didn't bother with the lights, deciding to use the small amount of light given by the moon and the street lights. He and Nataku had lived in the apartment for over a year and a half already, and he knew the place like the back of his hand. He moved down the hallway, tripping over a leftover book that was most likely the cause of Sanzo's stumbling earlier that day. Cursing, but leaving it behind, he continued towards the kitchen.

He'd been having those dreams again lately. The ones that shook him from sleep and made him unable to even think because the thoughts were so destructive. Even when Nataku was around, these dreams plagued him. It was mostly in winter, Goku thought with an inward snarl, turning his attention to the nearby window. Snow was falling silently, blanketing the world in a sea of white. An endless, white world. He hated that world. He hated the snow. Hell, he hated winter in general.

He realized long ago that sleep would not be an easy thing to obtain during winter. Every night it seemed he was plagued with the same endless nightmare, and he always seemed to awaken before it ended, covered in sweat and trembling at the images he'd seen. But at least when Nataku was around he had someone to sit and talk with, or even play board games with until the nights would pass. Winters were always long and tiresome for the both of them, but every year they seemed to make it through.

Goku stepped up towards the counter, pulling a glass and placing it in the sink. He allowed the cold water to run for a moment, before filling up his glass. He savored in the taste of the cold water, and nearly drank it all down at once. It felt sweet against his parched throat. After finishing the glass, he simply fingered it, reminiscing once again. Mostly about Nataku, and how they had come to obtain the apartment. It had been one of the happiest days of his life. It felt like so long ago now. Gods, he missed his friend.

The sudden scream that tore through the small apartment caused him to drop the glass, shattering along the tile. He stiffened against the counter, before realizing the scream was coming from Nataku's room—Sanzo. Without any concern for his own safety, he bolted across the floor, hissing as shards of glass bit into his feet, undoubtedly drawing blood. He forced himself to block the pain from his mind as he hurried down the hall, and ripped open the door, surprised to find no one else in the room. Sanzo was on the bed, tangled in sheets so tightly it looked painful. Blond hair clung to his temples and cheeks with sweat, and even from the distance he could see the beads of sweat making their way down his slender neck. His eyes were screwed shut, and he was screaming and yelling at some phantom in his nightmare. He mentally kicked himself for staring, and sprung forth to make sure the blond didn't accidentally hurt himself.

Goku raced into the room, grabbing hold of the man's shoulders as he continued to writhe violently. "Sanzo!" he cried, his voice hoarse. He pushed his weight onto the man, but Sanzo's struggling only seemed to increase with his weight. "Sanzo, wake up!"

Sanzo's screaming abruptly stopped, but his thrashing did not. In horror, Goku watched as his lips began turning blue. Gods! What was happening!? He shook his shoulders harder, hoping to raise the man. He wondered if Nataku had felt as he did on some nights, when he was forced to pull the brunet from nightmares which left him screaming. "Sanzo! Wake up!" he was growing desperate as Sanzo's thrashing slowed, and he continued to soundlessly gasp for breath. His face was draining of color, save for his lips which almost seemed a royal blue color now. Did he swallow something? Why the hell was he choking? Desperate, Goku slapped his hand right across Sanzo's face.

Sanzo's unfocusing eyes snapped open almost immediately, and he bolted upright, coughing and gasping for air. There was several minutes when Sanzo could only cough, attempting to fill his lungs again with precious air. He finally regained some of his composure, and simply sat, heaving for air.

"What the hell happened?" Goku demanded finally, the shock of what had just played out finally wearing off. His voice sounded muffled against the stiff air.

Sanzo said nothing for a moment, placing his hands over his face, before he finally muttered, "Get out."

"Hell no I'm not!" Goku snapped, again a bit to loud as he moved to sit in front of him. "I'm not going to leave you alone with this, Sanzo." He tried to sound sincere. He wanted to show the man that he really did want to help. His eyes were wide the shallow light, attempting to soak up every feature of the beautiful man who had somehow wound up in his apartment. He had a strong desire to wipe blond tresses from his eyes, but resisted.

He pulled Sanzo's hands away from his face, and was surprised by what he saw. Two hand-shaped bruises sat around the blond's neck, as though someone had previously been trying to strangle him. Those had definitely not been there before. His breath hitched slightly as he turned to look up towards Sanzo's face, which was masked. He wished, more then anything that the moonlight would shatter the man's mask, and he could finally understand what he'd landed himself into. "Sanzo…" he breathed delicately. "What's going on…?"

Sanzo said nothing.

Needless to say, neither one got anymore sleep that night.


A/N: I am so proud of this chapter! I went back and edited stuff about six or seven different times, and I'm happy with the result. I hope everyone else is too. I simply could not wait any longer to update this. It was killer to wait, so I decided to update it two days before planned. xD

Oh, and since a lot of people asked, I'm placing up the French translations. Since there's none in this chapter, I'll just put up the ones for the last one.

/La pluie niore./ 'The black rain.'

/Non/ 'No' (pretty obvious for anyone who's taken Fench)

/Ne Faites pas/ 'Don't.'

/S'il vous plait/ 'Please'

/Le nouveau monde/ 'The new world'

/Quel est votre grade?/ 'What is your rank?

/Qui est votre commandant?/ 'Who is your commander?'

/Ou vais-je d'ici?/ 'What am I going to do?'

Confused? Now you know why I left it in French.

C&C appreciated.