As she lay head on his chest, tracing gentle circles on his arm with her little finger whilst he planted small, soft kisses on her hair she was complete, it was as if the past year hadn't happened and part of her was annoyed she'd let him break her barriers down so quickly. But he'd always been able to get to her in a way no-one else had, she was Sam Nicholls, tough girl, tomboy, ex-army and she'd fallen hopelessly in love with someone who'd ended up leaving her for dirt.
Sighing she sat up.
"Tom I need to know."
"Need to know what?"
"Everything Tom, everything."
He sighed and sat up also. She hadn't been clear but he knew exactly what she meant, he always knew what she meant.
He lifted his eyes slowly until they met hers and began.
"Sam one year ago I was hopelessly and utterly in love with you, I still am, I always was. And I need you to know that Sam, I need you to know that my love for you never faltered as you probably thought it did. Sam I was scared, I'd never felt love like that and it scared me, ok. I wanted to be with you every single moment of my day and that scared me, I never felt truly dependant on anyone until I met you Sam, I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to function if you ever left me, if you ever broke my heart – "
"So you just thought you'd break mine instead?" Sam voice cut through his, sharp and cold.
"Yes." He replied. Simply and honestly. Sam was too shocked at his honesty, the brutality of it to reply. Sensing the opportunity, he continued.
"I broke your heart Sam because I was too scared of getting mine broken. You left Dylan and you left Ian and I was scared when you got bored you leave me." Tom hung his head in his hands. "It sounds awful Sam I know and it was the hardest thing I've ever done, in those first few months after I left I regretted it every second of the day I came so close to coming back Sam, I really did. I even made it to Holby but I couldn't do it, I, I couldn't do that to you. It would have ruined you. So I returned, to London, to my flat and my job and carried on but Sam let me promise you I haven't been happy for a year. You have to know it's been hard for me too, I left the love of my life because I was stupid and childish and it's been the biggest mistake of my life and – "
"What brought you back Tom?"
"What?" He sounded shocked and she guessed he hadn't expected her to ask that, guessed he only expected her to care about the reason he left.
"You heard Tom, you said that you came close but something stopped you so why one year later did you decide to return? What brought you back?"
"Sam, my dad died."
She said nothing but moved closer and placed her hand upon his and in that moment Tom knew it was going to be okay.
"My dad died and I realised, in my grief that the only person I wanted to comfort me was you. I only wanted you. So I waited to sort the funeral arrangements and until I knew that my mum was going to be okay then I quit my job, rang Zoe and drove up here Sam. I lost you once and it was the worst mistake of my life but I just needed something like this, a tragedy Sam to realise that life is short and it ends and I'm wasting mine without the woman who I love."
He only realised he was crying when she lifted a finger to wipe the tear from his cheek.
"Tom I'm so sorry."
"Sorry for what Sam? It's my fault this happened."
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when it happened. I loved your dad Tom, he was always kind and never judged even when that was the easiest option."
She realised that she was never going to love anyone liked she loved Tom Kent and she couldn't let him go again, he'd left and he had hurt her, bad, but he was here and he was sorry and she'd been waiting for this day for a year she just hadn't realised it until today.
She smiled at him through tears and she could see the sight of her crying hurt him.
"Sam" he began putting a hand to her cheek.
"Happy tears Tom, happy tears, I love you."
"I've forgotten how beautiful that sounded, I love you Samantha Nicholls. I always have."
With that she reached up to kiss him once more and felt her stomach spin cartwheels at the all too familiar taste of his lips. Something she'd never been able to properly feel with Jason.
Shit, Jason.
It sounded clichéd but she'd completely forgotten about him in her time with Tom and the warm feeling in her stomach was replaced by a sickening dread. How could she tell Jason that Tom had returned? And that she loved him? Jason who had listened when Tom had left and comforted her when she was at rock bottom. Jason who she had kissed, be it half-heartedly, this morning before her world had been turned upside down by a knock on the door. How could she even put that into words?
"Tom I don't know what to do?"
"What do you mean Sam?"
"You, Jason, everything. I don't know what to do Tom I can't just, I can't – "
"Sam I'm not asking you to do anything. You know how it feels to be left, I know how it feels to leave someone. Take your time, talk to him. And when you're ready, I'll be waiting Sam."
He paused. "That is, if you want to be with me, if you want to forgive me, because if you don't I understand, I –
"I forgave you a year ago Tom. I was always waiting for you, I just didn't realise it. I'll talk to Jason, I'll explain and thank you for not rushing me Tom. Jason is a good man."
"I know Sam, I know."
His voice was soft and his touch soothing. He gently pulled her into an embrace, her hand firmly implanted on his shoulder, the feel of her soft breaths on his back. Pulling his arms tighter round her waist he felt her wrap her arms around his neck and he closed his eyes.
They stayed like that for what seemed like forever until Sam gently pulled away, planted a soft kiss on Tom's lips and laid down.
"Thank you Tom."
"For what?"
"For coming back to me."
He needed not to answer instead he leaned forward and planted the slightest of touches on her forehead, slowly got up and walked to the door. Looking at her slight frame wrapped in the duvet her couldn't help but smile and when he received a Sam-sized frown his smile grew, he hadn't realised he could miss someone's frowns but apparently it was possible.
"I'll see you tomorrow Sam, that's when I start my job. I love you."
She smiled and that was enough for him. He knew it wouldn't be easy for her, he hadn't made it easy. With that he closed her door and walked down that stairs and out the house. But he still couldn't wipe the smile off his face.
Sam lay back in the covers for a second, wondering if everything was real, if that was real. She knew it was real though, she knew Tom was real and she knew what she felt for him was real.
Shaking herself out of her dream world she felt the cold hard reality of the fact she was now going to be at least 15 minutes late for her shift and Zoe was going to kill her.
Groaning she jumped off the bed and grabbed her clothes from the floor.
But she still couldn't wipe the smile off her face.
