Realizations

Chapter 4

Disclaimers: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony Bard.

Warning: This has some definite yaoi tones. And some foul language. Yeah, I know big fat fucking deal.





She said she sees him some mornings and he's glowing? Yeah, right. Well, then again I would never know. He leaves be too early to know.

I've always been a late riser, and Squall would be content just staying awake the whole time. He always liked to be on top of things. Especially his work. There were some nights I would have to drag him to my bed with me to get him to close his eyes.

But he was never there in the morning. Sometimes I think he would just wait until I was asleep and then go. But other times I knew that wasn't the case when he would wake me up with one of his nightmares. He told me about them once. A dark thing coming after him with no one to help him. The way he talked about it, it scared me. Scared by a fucking nightmare that wasn't even mine. See what falling in love with him has done to me? I'm not such a prick anymore. Selphie says I'm actually almost likeable. And that's a scary thought right there.

I don't know why Rinoa agreed to help me. I don't know when she grew up and stopped thinking about herself and started thinking about what other people wanted, or needed. But I'm glad she's on my side of this. Said she'd talk to him. I have no idea how to take that. Help from the people I tried to kill. Even Squall. Sometimes I wonder why he ever came back to me after all this shit happened. He says he doesn't love me, but he wants me, and I know that.

My only options are to sit here in the Quad on a lonely bench with no one around to see my misery, and thank Hyne for that, and wait for him.

And of course he comes. He always checks each area of the Garden before going to his room at night. And I'm still sitting there waiting for him.

"What are you doing here… aren't you supposed to be in bed?" he seems distant.

"Something wrong?" I ask quietly.

"Rinoa just left me. Said that there was some thing I needed to sort out." His face gained that cold and controlled look that everyone knew him for. "What did you say to her about us?"

"The truth. You're not the liar, I am. You're not the prick who cheats on people. I am. Stop trying to be someone you're not. It doesn't suit you." I glared at him in a sudden burst of anger and frustration. Be always did shit like this. Becomes cold the moment he is in even the slightest emotional situation.

"We need to talk."

Damn right we did.

"But not here. Meet me in my room in 20 minutes." And my lion walked away.



Sitting in his room is something that always makes me nervous. I'm afraid to touch anything because I know that he knows exactly where everything is and if I move something even the slightest bit he accuses me of snooping. And I don't snoop.

Ten minutes left. How died he know I had talked with Rinoa? Has he just gotten that damn good at reading people? Not even I'm that good and I require to be around people. He never needed anyone.

I want him to need me.

Five minutes left.

I could proably time him down to the second that twenty minutes after hje told me to meet him, he would walk in the door. He was that punctual.

Thirty seconds.

One last look aroud the room and take in a nervouse breath. The door opened.

He's always beautiful. Even in this state of confusion. He looks like the little boy in a Charlie brown shirt who used to stand out in the rain waiting for sis. A little lost, and even then, the rain never hid his tears from me.

There was no rain now.





A/N: Sorry this is all plot. I shold have chapter five up soon. No love this chapter. I have so many ideas for the next one though….