Here we go with the next chapter.

I hope you'll enjoy it ^^
Because I'm having exams the upcoming weeks, I'm not sure I can make the update next week, but I'll try my best.

Have a great weekend ;-)

Sharry

Chapter 4

Yawning loudly Sugawara rubbed his face with both hands. He liked Saturday's training, it wasn't as early as during the week and because coach Ukai had to work until later, they usually spent the first hours in a much lighter mood – which was mainly due to the energetic members of their team – but since almost all of Sugawara's free time was occupied by studying and study group meetings he was barely able to keep up with his schedule.

He wasn't sure if he was looking forward to all this stress being over, after all then he would also… NO! He wouldn't brood about that, not right now. Shaking his head, he turned around a corner and finally the gym came into sight.

It didn't surprise him to be first, after all he was ten minutes too early, but while he was unlocking the gym, he could already hear the familiar steps of his captain, who was also yawning like he'd spent the last night studying.

"Did you hear?" Daichi asked directly after a short greeting. "Apparently Shimizu sent Hinata and Kageyama to Asahi's yesterday."

Raising an eyebrow Sugawara turned to Daichi, but before he could even ask anything a well-known roaring told them that Hinata and Kageyama were also close, racing for the gym like almost every day.

"Stop yelling like that this early in the morning, I'm getting a headache!" It seemed like Tanaka wasn't that far away either.

Sharing a slightly concerned glance both third-years walked inside, it was always smart to be at a safe distance from the entrance when their odd first-year-combi tried to beat each other in reaching the gym first.

"Poor Asahi, he certainly would have been more pleased about Shimizu visiting him than our power couple," Sugawara laughed, though he didn't feel like joking at all.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I said, too," Hinata called from the door, where he and Kageyama entered; who of them had won the third-years couldn't tell, not that they cared.

From outside the voices of Tanaka, Nishinoya, and Narita greeting each other wafted inside.

"How was it?" Daichi asked seriously. "Is Asahi feeling better? Will he come back today, or Monday?"

Surprisingly the usually loud Hinata was having difficulties finding his voice.

"Well," he mumbled, fiddling with his fingers while averting his eyes and searching for help turning to his setter, "it's more like..."

"I was right. Azumane-san isn't sick."

Obviously Kageyama's priority here was on the part where he had been right.

"What?" Hinata yelled in confusion. "Have you seen another Asahi-san than I did? As awful as he looked, I was about to call an ambulance and you sa... "

"I'm not saying he's not feeling like crap, it's just he isn't sick. He has no virus, infection, no flue, not even fever. Whatever is bugging him, it's not of physical nature."

Kageyama still sounded so matter-of-factly that he was testing the others' patience.

"And when did you become a nurse?" Hinata grumbled only to dodge Kageyama's angry fist.

"Talking about Asahi-san?" The second-years approached them and Ennoshita – quick witted as always – had already grasped what their topic was about.

"What do you mean by that?" Sugawara asked Kageyama, growing worried while Hinata greeted the newcomers. "Why is he feeling like crap if he isn't sick? What did he say? When will he come back?"

Kageyama shook his head.

"No, he didn't say much, but from what I saw yesterday I actually doubt he will ever return to the club."

It was like a hit right into the face.

Sugawara and Nishinoya gasped for air like they had actually been kicked into the guts. Tanaka was already raging towards Kageyama, barely controlled by Kinoshita and Narita.

Hinata lowered his head helplessly and bit his lower lip. He'd already had the same discussion with Kageyama yesterday and although he couldn't really grasp how the other one had come to this conclusion; he couldn't deny that the words of Asahi's little sister were sill haunting him.

He should have never come back.

But those words weren't as haunting as those lifeless eyes of the man he admired.

The present members barely noted how more of their teammates arrived and listened to their conversation.

"Kageyama." Daichi sounded like he was fighting for air - or patience. "What makes you think that? Why shouldn't Asahi come back?"

The setter shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't really know what the reason is, but he seemed different than in the beginning of the school year. It's probably no longer a matter of just running away from his fears or simply missing self-confidence."

"Don't say it so dismissively," Sugawara grumbled, obviously fighting his tears with shaking fists.

"I don't mean it dismissively, I'm just trying to find the right words," Kageyama explained apologetically. "Back then, he was facing problems we were all aware off, problems we could work on, that we could handle as a team."

"And you think it's not the case this time?" Daichi asked, almost matter-of-factly if it wasn't for his short breath.

Again, Kageyama shook his head.

"Whatever the trigger, Azumane-san is broken, and I have no idea how to fix a broken spirit."

No one said a word as they realized the true the meaning behind Kageyama's statement; some of them were shaking their heads in denial, some watched it like spectators who weren't concerned about the outcome, and others whispered soundless words to nobody in particular.

"But wait a sec," Tanaka tried with a weak attempt to build up the mood, "we don't even know if that's true, do we? Asahi-san hasn't said anything about it yet, all we have is Kageyama's word and... "

"Daichi!"

Like a rolling thunder Nishinoya shouted and interrupted Tanaka, stomping forward with a face filled with anger and pain, pushing Kageyama and Hinata aside effortlessly.

"If this coward doesn't come back, I'm out, you got that?!"

"Noya-san…" Tanaka whispered.

"Hey," Sugawara tried to break the tension after no one said anything for several seconds, "now is not the time for something like that, Nishinoya. Let us wait before we make hasty decisions. If you still …"

"Stop it, Suga-san! This asshole doesn't have the right to wimp out on me after Wednesday!"

Their libero was shaking in pure anger.

"That time against Date Tech I could kind of understand it, okay, but why the fuck now? Asahi-san has no reason to – how did you call it? - break! He put on his A game on Wednesday, he was at his best and was even able to build me back up again after I had been through a hell of a day and was so ready to give it up. I was the one thinking about throwing the towel!"

Nishinoya's anger and his all too honest words broke the tension, leaving them in defeat.

"And now he's the one who doesn't want to continue?! Who's broken and hiding in his room like a sulking dog?! He either wants to play volleyball or he doesn't, but what he's doing right now I won't… I can't… I don't want to..."

"Just wait a moment!" Sugawara interrupted Nishinoya, who wasn't even able to phrase what he was feeling anymore. The third-year turned towards Kageyama.

"Kageyama, you said you have no clue why Asahi is in this bad position, so why do you think it has anything to do with volleyball? Maybe he has some other issues in his life. The world doesn't revolve around our team after all; there are certainly more important things in his life to worry about. Also, he had an awesome time on Wednesday so why should he stop wanting to play volleyball now out of all times?"

"If Nii-chan feels this bad it's always because of that shitty volleyball club."

Everyone present stared at Hinata, who had muttered those words towards the ground.

"That's what his sister said yesterday. She said she'd wish he would never return to the club."

"Akemi-chan said something like that?" Nishinoya turned around in shock. "Why would she say that? She knows how much Asahi loves to play volleyball."

Hinata shrugged his shoulders slightly; he didn't want any of this. He didn't want their team to tear apart, didn't want Asahi to feel bad, didn't want Nishinoya to threaten them with leaving, didn't want Sugawara being close to tears and Daichi looking like he wanted to break down as well. He didn't want them to fight each other, he wanted to fight with them, growing stronger with each other.

"I don't know," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes, "but she was really sure that he is the way he is right now because of us."

He gulped heavily.

"I don't want to believe myself that Asahi-san won't return but after I saw him yesterday, I don't know anymore. No matter what we've said he didn't smile once or talk. I mean if Kageyama would tell me that he was ready to set up the ball for me in the national team, I would jump till I reach the top of this roof, but not even then did Asahi-san..."

"What did you tell him?!"

Daichi interrupted Hinata and took a step towards Kageyama. It was truly impressive how innocent the youngest team member could look at the captain, because even the bravest of those present got scared of Daichi's gaze.

"I just repeated what the coach told us. I wanted Azumane-san to know what potential he was putting on the line."

"Why the hell did you do that?!"

Daichi grabbed Kageyama by the collar.

Sugawara slammed a hand against his own mouth.

The other team members winced as their captain crashed Kageyama against the wall right next to the door.

"Is that why you think he won't come back?! Why did you even tell him in the first place then?! We all know that Asahi easily crumbles under pressure and when you throw something like that right in his face, if he's already feeling down... "

"It didn't make a difference anymore."

Daichi got his words stuck in his throat when Kageyama answered him so naively and didn't even try to fight back.

"What do you mean by that?" Daichi asked breathlessly.

"Coach Ukai didn't want us to put unnecessary pressure on Azumane-san so he could have fun playing volleyball and not get even more anxious than usual. But from what I saw yesterday, there was nothing left in need of protection anymore. Whatever happened, it broke him and so it was irrelevant whether I would withhold the truth from him or not."

Taking a deep breath, Daichi took a step back while Kageyama shrugged his shoulders.

"One way or another, if nothing is left, there is nothing to be threatened by the truth, so I risked telling him. I actually hoped it would give him some courage, but I was wrong. Like I said, when the glass heart breaks, nothing remains but pieces and shards."

A heavy silence filled the gym while all players stared at the ground.

Nothing could destroy the team's spirit as easily as when the team's ace broke and they could all feel it, their team was about to break as well. Nishinoya had already announced to leave the club should Asahi not return and after what Kageyama had just said it seemed impossible he would.

Some of them crumbled under that loss, especially Daichi and Sugawara felt lost and heart-broken while Hinata couldn't hinder his tears. Even those of them, who didn't knew Asahi that well, could feel the pain of their breaking fighting spirit.

If their ace wouldn't come back, how could they make it to Nationals? How could they fill that gaping hole? Had all the effort, all the straining moments, the beautiful and the hard hours of the last few months suddenly become unimportant?

Could it be that the loss of a single team member could destroy everything?

"Just because of a heart of glass," Daichi whispered, feeling his eyes burning.

At that moment, the doors of the gym opened.

"Hello everyone. Good, looks like you're all here already. I got off early today so we could… What the hell is going on?"

Coach Ukai stood in the door frame and could almost smell the hopeless heaviness floating towards him, sucking out any oxygen in its path.

Some of them flinched when he slammed the door closed, but nobody really reacted to him.

"Sawamura, what is ...?"

He forgot what he wanted to say when the team's captain turned to him and he saw the glassy eyes and the wavering lips.

Ukai took a second to glance around and noted that not only the captain who was close to the door was almost in tears. Daichi and Kageyama stood a little bit apart from the others and the young setter seemed beaten down as well.

"Of course!"

Suddenly, a ray of light divided the sea of misery as Sugawara straightened up and looked around. He, too, had obviously been crying.

"A heart of glass!" He shouted to his fellow players as if it was the obvious solution, but no one reacted and Ukai understood less and less what was going on. Sometimes he wondered what kind of drama show Mr. Takeda had stuck him in.

"You!" Sugawara grabbed the desperately mourning libero. "You're coming with me now!"

One or two looked up in confusion; Sugawara's sudden energy seemed to rattle them.

But the setter didn't care as he pulled Nishinoya along to their changing room.

"Daichi!" He yelled at his captain while charging by. "He's got a glass heart; don't you get it?!"

Then he slammed the door shut behind Nishinoya and himself.

The captain stared at the changing room with wide eyes, before his dark face slowly lit up.

"So it's not over just yet?" He whispered.

"Okay!" Ukai clapped his hands loudly. "I have no clue what's going on but I didn't get off early so you can act like somebody just died. ...nobody actually did die, right?" He asked Sawamura, who swiftly shook his head.

"Good, so whatever is wrong, we can deal with it. You've seen that Sugawara hasn't given up, so don't you give up just yet either."

His words didn't have much effect.

"Alright. I want you to go running to clear your head. The usual round, up the hill. Those of you who get it done in less than thirty minutes can chose a free samosa after training."

At least Tanaka came back to life due to the possibility of free food.

"Less than half an hour?" He roared unenthusiastically. "I've only managed that twice and I run the track almost every day!"

"Well then I guess today would be the perfect day to make it a third time. Come one, go out and run some of that worry off and when you get back, your problem will be taken care of."

Most of them still didn't seem convinced but at least they were moving slowly towards the door.

"Sawamura," he called for the captain, "you'll stay and tell me what the hell is going on."

"Sit down," Sugawara ordered after closing the door.

"But Suga-san, what the..."

"I said sit down."

Nishinoya obeyed and settled on one of the folding chairs.

It wasn't like he really wanted to sit down, but right now Sugawara almost scared him. Sugawara didn't have Asahi's tough look or Daichi's intimidating presence, yet Nishinoya couldn't hinder to feel awed.

Still, Sugawara could look dangerously all he wanted, Nishinoya had not interest in listening to him for even a second. He wanted to punch something, scream at somebody, he was angry. But the setter stayed silent, folding his arms and looking like he had just developed a dangerous tactic to bring down an enemy.

"Suga-san, what's going on?" Nishinoya growled after he couldn't take the silence any longer. He really couldn't care less about this right now; he was mad. Asahi was the team's ace – his ace – and Nishinoya would never forgive him if he just gave up this title, gave up what he loved to do, not even fighting for it.

He knew he was selfish, but to be on the court without Asahi... winning Nationals without Asahi, that was out of the question for him. He just didn't want that; he couldn't do that anymore.

Sugawara's deep sigh made him pay attention as the third-year also settled down on a chair.

"You know," Sugawara mused, without looking at Nishinoya, "even if I didn't want to admit it, just like Kageyama I kind of doubted that Asahi was sick right from the beginning. I had this uneasy feeling all along that something was wrong with him again, but I didn't know what it was."

Again, Sugawara sighed and this time he looked considerably older than before.

"At first I thought it had something to do with our club, with the practice match; but even after Date Tech, even after he completely lost his fighting spirit he still came to school and was in a good mood, I think. Additionally the practice match went really well for him so it couldn't have been that. It couldn't be because of volleyball, it had to be something aside from that, maybe something had happened at home, something we just didn't knew."

Now Sugawara folded his arms and looked at Nishinoya.

"But then I remembered what Kageyama told us and what Hinata said about Akemi-chan and I realized that it must have something to do with us. But I couldn't figure out what could be worse for an ace than being completely blocked during an official game? What could be so horrible he couldn't even make it to school anymore? What could be so devastating that his parents actually called him in sick, that he wouldn't even leave his home anymore?"

For a second, Sugawara remained silent, but Nishinoya had no clue why the hell he was telling him all of this. Nishinoya had no idea what was going on, but to be honest he didn't care for Sugawara's trail of thoughts.

"So at first I really didn't grasp what could have happened, because Asahi is so dutiful and would never risk his grades and future because of some simple issues within our club, and he wouldn't want to worry his family by neglecting school because of some hobby. But then I thought about Kageyama, the king of the court, remember? His biggest fear was that his teammates wouldn't jump for his ball, that they would disobey. When he became part of our team he was scared to be abandoned by the other players, that they were even distrusting him. Still, he wanted to play; it affected him, but it wasn't enough to make him stop playing."

Sugawara looked directly at Nishinoya now, but he didn't follow. Yes he had heard about all that crap, although he had been suspended at the time and didn't come back until later. But what the hell had the king of the court to do with their coward of an ace?

"And then I realized that Asahi is not like Kageyama; would he continue to play in a situation like that and impose himself on the team, so to speak? Quite honestly, no, I even believe that unlike Kageyama, Asahi would completely break under such a notion. What could be worse for an ace than to disappoint his fellow players? Clearly, nothing is worse than being left behind by your own team members. Be it as a setter who doesn't set the ball for a spiker or be it as an attacker who doesn't jump for the setter's ball. Nothing is worse than that horrible feeling to be useless to the team, to even be a burden to the other ones, or am I wrong, Nishinoya? This horrible feeling that the other ones have surely noted that one has lost his own worth for the team?"

The libero gulped heavily; this had been his exact feeling on Wednesday, that he had been nothing more than a damn burden to his friends, because he had failed at his one task, failed at being the defense deity.

"So Nishinoya," Sugawara mumbled and leaned forward, "the last time I saw Asahi, he was overflowing with self-confidence and sense of victory and we all know how unusual that is for him. Afterwards he was talking to you and since then he hasn't shown up in school. So, what did you tell him?"

Nishinoya forgot to breathe, shook his head and threw both hands into the air.

"What the fuck, Suga-san?! You really believe I'm the reason this coward hides in his room? I told you it was a good conversation, Asahi-san really impressed me and..."

"Right, you told me Asahi had found good words to talk to you and that he really pushed you back on your feet. But I'm asking you about your part in that conversation. What did you say? Because you were the last one of us to see Asahi on his confidence trip last Wednesday."

Yes, it was justified to be scared of Daichi when he grew angry, but even he couldn't compare to the Sugawara currently in front of him.

Nishinoya only noticed that he had been leaning away when his back hit the back of the chair.

"What the hell are you talking about?" He grumbled defensively and folded his arms. "Like I would say anything for Asahi-san to..."

"What did you say, Nishinoya?"

He could barely bear the intense glare and lowered his head.

"Well, I… I have no clue what the hell you're talking about, Suga-san. Sure, I was a little bit irritated because of the match and maybe I was a little bit rough in choosing my words, but I would never..."

"Nishinoya, just tell me what you told Asahi."

"No idea. It all happened so fast and I didn't really say much, so..."

The libero shrugged his shoulders and tried to avoid Sugawara's eyes. The latter stayed quiet for several seconds while Nishinoya tried to rub the tension in his neck away, looking from one corner to another.

"So actually I only told him what I told you. I was frustrated because I - libero, master of defense - fucked up so badly that I even had to be supported by the offense players. I don't want a spiker to have to receive a ball because of me and lose the opportunity to score a point just because I sucked at my duty."

Sugawara nodded in agreement.

"I feel you," he mumbled. Sugawara also wanted to avoid at all cost that a spiker was blocked because he didn't make a good set.

Maybe he had been wrong, maybe Asahi's current condition had nothing to do with...

"But it might be that the way I said it to him is the problem."

Nishinoya looked up and glanced insecurely at Sugawara.

"I don't remember the exact words, no matter how hard I try, but it might be that I said something like I don't want him to defend for me and that I don't need his help."

"Oh."

"I think I might have even told him that I don't need him."

The libero seemed more shocked about those words than the setter. The corner of his mouth started twitching and he bit his lower lip.

"Do you… do you think Sugawara-san, that he took it seriously? Do you think Asahi-san really thinks that I don't need him now? That I don't want him on the court with me?"

Nishinoya started shaking.

"You think Asahi-san actually believes that I hate him now? You think he broke because of me?"

For a moment Sugawara regarded the younger one in silence. He was angry, furious actually, but he also felt sorry for him. He understood what Nishinoya had done, maybe even why, and he could imagine what the libero was going through right now.

He nodded with a sigh.

"If one of my team members would tell me that he had no use for me on the court, uff, that would be tough on me, especially if it were Daichi or Asahi."

Nishinoya bowed forward in his seat, covering his mouth with a hand.

"I guess those words would hurt anybody, though everybody would deal with it quite differently. I think if you would have said something like that to Daichi or me on Wednesday, we would have needed a few minutes to realize that you probably didn't mean it like that but were just frustrated by the game."

He scratched his cheek.

"If somebody else would had said something like that to Asahi, I guess he would have been hurt, maybe even desperate, but I don't think he would have stopped coming to the club. But I think..."

Sugawara interrupted himself watching the libero, who looked like he was about to cry.

"Asahi thinks the world of you; you're able to reach him even when our words cannot anymore. You're really important to him. I believe, although you certainly said your words out of anger and frustration, that Asahi still took them to heart. Yes, I think Asahi actually believes that you meant every word just the way you said it."

Nishinoya gulped heavily.

"Sometimes we forget that our ace takes even stupid jokes seriously and crumbles from the weight over time. Especially those of us important to him must be very careful in choosing our words, even if that's difficult for us sometimes. It's not always easy when a friend of yours has such a delicate heart."

"But what am I supposed to do now?!"

Nishinoya jumped up and stared at Sugawara desperately.

"I don't want Asahi-san to stop playing! I don't want him to hate me or to quit the club just because of me! I want him with me on the court. I can't play in a team he had given up on. I do need him. Every time he calls for a ball or guards my back, I remember how strong we all are. Thanks to all of you I'm allowed to make mistakes and he was the one who taught me that! How could I ever hate him?! How can I go back on the court when I pushed him away?"

By now Nishinoya started crying after all; rivers of tears streaming down his cheeks.

"I don't want Asahi-san to be miserable because of me. What am I supposed to do? How could I ever forgive myself if I broke him?"

"But Nishinoya." Sugawara smiled gently, although a thousand needles pierced the corners of his eyes. "I can't tell you the answers to any of this. You need to talk with him about it, not with me. You need to go to Asahi."

Surprised, the libero took a step back.

"You know, we're all aware that Asahi has a glass heart and Kageyama assumes that it's broken and he's probably right; it's almost impossible to repair shards. But you know, I wonder what was hidden within that glass heart. Maybe it had to break one way or another so he can keep growing; so his true diamond can shine."

With huge eyes Nishinoya stared at Sugawara while his tears ran dry and then – oh so slowly – he nodded before rushing out of the changing room, straight through the gym and was gone.

Grinning widely Sugawara followed him out of the changing room.

"What happened?"

Next to the sideline stood coach Ukai and Daichi, who had been talking with each other in serious voices up until now.

"Where the hell did Nishinoya run to?" The trainer asked. "And why do you look so happy? Didn't we just lose our ace?"

"Not yet," Sugawara whispered from the bottom of his soul. "We haven't lost Asahi yet, his glass heart just broke."