This chapter is intense and sexual, and is one of the reasons this story is rated M, please read at your own discretion.


She didn't know Kylo Ren, not really. She never spoke to him, not those deep meaningful conversations you have with someone you want to get to know better. Instead, Rey was the type of girl to be shy, to smile and give an awkward wave whenever she saw him, her actions were understandable, she did that to everyone.

She didn't know Kylo Ren, but she'd like to. She'd like to sit down and talk to him, to pick his brain, to find out where he was from. She wanted to have an excuse to stare at him, to feel that strange disarmament she felt when he stared at her. She wanted an excuse to be close to him, and hear the deep timbre of his voice in his chest.

When Rey was a new student at the school, she was friendly, open, naive, he'd told her. The reason that she wanted to talk to him was because he was so prickly, unapproachable, intriguing. She wanted to be the one he was kind to, but their brief encounters showed that he did not feel the same way.

Sometimes it was a passing wave in the hallway, other times a bright smile in his direction. She wanted to see his lips twitch again into a smile he always held back, she wanted to watch his hands move as he spoke. He was fascinating, and despite herself, she felt drawn to him.


It persisted in her chest, swelling until it became uncomfortable, and she could no longer speak to him. Her attraction for him now apparent in her own mind, having admitted it to herself a few days prior.

Rey attended the same classes, did the same route to each one, but she couldn't bring herself to wave, to smile, it was embarrassing, and when he did nothing to initiate contact, she had to swallow the lump in her throat. Nothing was worse to a high school girl than crushing on a guy who did not feel the same. The hope simply ate at her, and her realism, after being called naive, dashed it against the wall.

For months, they did not talk, and eventually, she stopped seeing him in the halls when she walked. She told herself it was for the best, that she might spare herself the ache in her chest.


Then suddenly on a normal day, like the others that had gone on for weeks without seeing him, he showed up to the office.

Dark and brooding and glaring at everyone, except maybe her, but Rey could never be sure, Kylo marched to a chair and fell in it. Rey tried not to stare at him, occupying herself with the task the office ladies had given her. Rey couldn't help it, not when her breath grew stiff in her throat, and her face burned, he was halfway across the room, only having looked at her, and she felt this way.

It was a crush if she ever felt one. Her eyes, lazily, trailed up his body, starting from his standard black shoes, black pants, black shirt and hoodie, to his dark hair and darker eyes. He was frowning at nothing, and trying to write. By trying, it was really awkward movements with his right hand as he gripped the pen in an odd fashion. Kylo Ren was left handed, why was he...?

Her eyes landed on the grey and blue cast, "You broke your hand," Kylo stopped writing, glancing up at her, and then down to the cast, he didn't respond verbally, but by the way his eyes landed on her she knew he was curious as to why she spoke to him. Now or never, she had told herself, wetting her lips, "What happened?"

"Sporting accident," She didn't know he played sports, at least, not for the school. When he saw the look on her face, he leaned back, "Dirt bikes,"

A rough edge nudged Rey's heart, so he was a daredevil, but also reserved, quiet, almost angry. All the time. But in that moment, he had chosen to indulge her curiosity. She didn't know why, but she was glad for it.


Being early to school was a habit for Rey, being a good student she always said her good mornings to peers and staff members, to the teachers and last but not least the councilors. It was a standard morning routine that stopped suddenly because her heart swelled in her chest and a smile touched her lips. She hadn't noticed him before, and maybe that was why she stopped talking in the middle of a conversation.

The counselor followed her gaze to the dark figure hunched over a desk in the corner with his head down, "Does he always do this?"

"Sometimes, but he has this class first thing in the morning, I don't blame him," The counselor said offhandedly. Rey didn't know what possessed her, but she gravitated towards him, watching the slow rise and fall of his back while he slept. His head covered with the hood. She didn't know why she reached and touched him, but she knew that it was the one thing she desired most in that moment.

Her fingers registered the soft fabric of his clothes first, and then the heat he practically radiated. Tentatively, Rey slid her palm up along his spine, pausing at his shoulder, feeling him breathe. It was oddly intimate, and at this thought, she recoiled, stepping back from him quickly and quietly, escaping out the office door before he could wake up.


When they delivered a pass together, it was the most awkward thing. The instructions had been simple, take this vase of flowers to the farthest wing of the school on the top floor, and deliver this package and note to the same room. Rey was always the first to volunteer, but the officials saw fit to send her with someone to help carry the items. Ren, in all his broken handedness, had gone with her for whatever reason. She almost wished he hadn't come, her mind still fresh on having touched him without permission.

They walked silently, and idly, she realized just how tall he was compared to her, how small she felt. They were alone in the hallway, maybe that's what made him speak up, "You've been avoiding me," He said, there was no expression on his face to explain how he meant it.

Rey stared at him as they walked, and then looked down at the floor, blushing as the words rushed arily from her, "Probably because I don't know how to talk to you,"

"We never talked before," Kylo stopped, broken hand adjusting his hold on the box, he looked at her then and pinned her in place.

"That doesn't mean I didn't want to," She told him, shoving herself into the room to deliver the items. Following that, she made a frantic announcement that she needed to utilize the ladies room, she walked back to the office by herself, counting to ten on repeat and trying to breathe. She tried to avoid his piercing and considering stare when she sat back down on the opposite side of the room.


He ate alone, she noticed, and oftentimes, he ate nothing at all. She wondered why. And he never seemed to talk to anyone, it made her worry that he didn't have any friends. She watched him fumble with the packaging to some cookies, his left hand failing him, and his right hand becoming less dexterous the more he struggled with it. Eventually, he put the bag down and frowned at it.

Rey stood, taking her own few items of lunch with her, some crackers and an apple, and she sat next to him, watching the way he tensed up.

Gingerly, she reached over and took the bag, opening it with some force before handing it back to him. Kylo Ren stared openly at her, a hard and almost venomous look as if he were ungrateful for her assistance. But then he ate a cookie slowly and ignored her the rest of the hour. She'd take that over eating alone.


Graduation day was creeping closer to her than she'd like, she knew Kylo was a senior, she knew that her chance was coming to a quick close. She needed to know what would happen if they tried if she tried. She wanted to know if they would work out, or if he even felt the same way about her. Rey needed to tell Kylo how she felt.

He was sitting in the office, his cast finally off, and staring at his hand. She was standing a few feet away from him and it took a moment for him to notice her.

"How does it feel?" She asked,

"Hurts," He said, "It's weaker,"

"The muscle fibers in your hand haven't been used for the past two months, it will take some time," She told him, it was the most she had gotten out in one sentence to him in a while. Maybe this was a good day to do it. Kylo looked up at her, dark eyes consuming her, making that squeeze return in her chest. She had sought him out, it couldn't be for nothing. Rey gripped the strap to her bag tighter, "Can I talk to you?" He said nothing, "Somewhere else?" He looked at her then, a dark emotion on his face before he nodded and led her across the school.

They were seated on a bench under one of the many staircases about the school. A quiet alcove that left them utterly alone. Rey stared at the ground between her feet, trying to formulate the words. Kylo said nothing, just watched, she could feel his eyes burn her skin, "Gods this is harder than I thought," She said to herself, "Talking to you is difficult for me," He waited, "Because I..." I really like you and don't want to mess this up.

"Take your time,"

"But I don't have the time, you graduate in a few weeks," she stressed, wanting to rip her hair out. She settled for running a hand through it.

"It might help if you look at me," He said, Rey shook her head, laughing to herself, looking at him would only make her feel vulnerable, it would make her mess this up,

"Looking at you makes me want to kiss you," She froze, Kylo froze, and she stopped breathing.

Rey stood up abruptly and blushed, looking away from him, "I have to get to class, thanks,"

She didn't look back at him as she walked away, staring straight ahead, but she heard him move, "Can I at least get a hug?" She stopped, her breath stinging in her chest as she held it, she wanted that hug, no, needed that hug from him, and who was she to deny him? Slowly, Rey turned, walking back over to him, he met her halfway.

He slid an arm around her, his hand on the back of her head, the other around her waist and spine, she was pressed chest to chest with him. Gods he was so warm. Rey gripped the back of his hoodie, doing her best not to melt into his embrace, resting her chin on his shoulder as he held her.

Then it happened, a ghost of his breath on her skin made her tense up, her eyes staring straight ahead, and then, the soft pressure of his lips on the hollow of her throat, feathering down the column of her shoulder. He was kissing her. Her hands tightened on his jacket, breath leaving her in a shaky sigh, his lips found a spot she didn't know existed, and she moaned.

The sound she made broke whatever spell he had put her under, and Rey pulled away from him like he was on fire. She was on fire.

She blushed and looked at the ground, away from him, anywhere but him, and practically ran away.


Rey wasn't confrontational, it was why when she saw him the next day that she did her best to mind her own business, that she tried not to think of how his lips felt on her skin. Whenever she had to deliver a pass, she jumped on the opportunity, if only to breathe when he wasn't staring at her.

It appeared that Kylo was the opposite, confrontational, he went with her to deliver the pass and even held open the door for her. She felt small, and embarrassed, and naive.

They were alone, alone near the hallway that she had... that they had... She blushed again despite herself and tried to walk faster than him, trying not to notice how handsome he looked wearing all black.

Then his hand was on her shoulder, twisting her body, pushing her back into another dark area, hidden from view unless someone knew where to look. She held her breath, eyes wide and her face hot. She was trapped, her back to a wall and their hips touching.

Kylo leaned over her, arm braced on the wall beside her head, their noses touching, she could smell him, the mint of his breath, the musk of his body. She wanted to bury her face in whatever he was wearing.

He brought a hand up, touch light and careful as he moved her chin, looking up, exposing her throat. She gasped and reached for something to steady herself, evidently, that was his shoulders, his mouth had already found what he wanted. He was kissing her throat and shoulder, finding that spot again, biting down. Rey gasped helplessly, digging her nails into his clothing.

Slowly, methodically perhaps, he leaned his body against hers, and she felt it, felt him getting excited. She didn't realize it would turn her on.

Her lips parted and she let out quiet pants, his hands were on her waist, fingertips dipping under the hem of her shirt, gently caressing the skin of her hips. Rey shuddered, "Kylo," She felt him smile, and he looked up, dark eyes meeting hers. Heavy with something she didn't have a name for yet.

Her body was on fire, and she was so responsive to his touch, she didn't know why she shook her head, she didn't know why she denied him when he leaned down to kiss her.

Their noses bumped and she looked down and away, he was confused, she knew that much, "I can't," She said, she didn't have a good explanation, only, "I've never... Kissed someone before," His gaze was thoughtful, and he said nothing, instead, he pulled away from her and helped her smooth down her clothes.

It was when they made it to the room they were supposed to deliver a note to that he said something, "Let me take it," She looked at him, "You're blushing,"

If she wasn't already, she certainly did then.


It continued that way for a week, Kylo would find some way to get her alone, and he would skim his fingers along her body, getting so bold as to slip his hand down the back of her pants and squeeze her butt, she yelped and pushed him down into the bench, panting and blushing and shaking her head, she wasn't ready for that. She had never gotten physical with a guy before, and she was still trying to figure out if he liked her, or if he was taking advantage of her.

She liked it, she admitted that much to herself, and clearly, he did too. It was like the moment she admitted to wanting him, that something in him just unraveled and he couldn't keep his hands off her. He was no longer the restrained and angry guy, but instead a considerate and very good lover.

Lover was the word she had taken to using, mostly because he hadn't asked her out, and she didn't have the nerve to.

They were sitting quietly together at lunch one day, she had found his secret spot in the drama auditorium, up in the farthest corner, away from people.

His eyes found hers as she stood at the bottom of the stairs, her hand gripping the single strap of her backpack, "Can I come up?" He nodded and moved over one seat for her to sit between him and the wall. She was very careful not to do anything to excite him, she wanted to talk.

Kylo was relaxed in the chair, leaning back and watching the drama kids practice on stage. Rey folded her hands in her lap, "What do you plan to do? After you graduate?" He put some thought into the question, gaze flicking to her for a moment before he tilted his head, "Enlist in the military,"

"Wow," She said, she hadn't been expecting that, she blinked and took a breath, "Why? Family tradition?"

"Not really," He said, shifting in his seat, resting his hand on her armrest, "I want to better myself,"

"It's a manly thing then?" She asked, watching as his lips twitched, "When do you leave?"

"The summertime, I think," Rey tried to hide her disappointment, her chest growing cold and empty, she didn't want him to leave, for that she felt selfish. She looked up, finding that he was watching her, she gave him a pained smile, "Well, good luck, it's not going to be easy," She started to stand, but his hand caught her wrist, and he gently tugged her back down.

Rey sat very still, unsure of how to respond, "There's still time," He said to her, and she didn't know if he meant for the lunch hour, or before she would never see him again. She tried not to think about it, "What do you want to do after you graduate?"

"I want to be a cop," His face betrayed nothing, and she tried not to feel insecure, "I like helping people," She said, and they fell into a very stiff silence. Rey stared hard at her knees, contemplating her next question, it had been bugging her, "Why do you keep touching me?" He looked caught off guard, surprised even, as if the answer were obvious, then he settled, "You excite me," He told her,

"Yes but, why?"

"You're beautiful, and you said you wanted to kiss me," He said, and she blushed, of course, the second part was self-explanatory, but no one had ever called her beautiful before.

"I find you very attractive as well," She mumbled, embarrassed at how it escaped her lips, as if she couldn't come up with anything better, "You're very good at... touching me," She blushed, Gods what did she sound like to him? She found herself increasingly insecure, unsure of his opinion of her. A voice inside her said it didn't matter, but to a teenage girl, it was everything.

"Would you like me to stop?"

"No," Rey shook her head, leaning back in the seat, forcing herself to relax, "I like it," He looked like he wanted to eat her, or do something to her, in the way he leaned closer, their shoulders brushing. Rey blushed, his hand slipped down to her thigh, just resting, but the heat and pressure was enough to make her squirm.

"Can I see what you're wearing?" Kylo asked her, his voice soft, careful, and she felt compelled to answer. Rey adjusted her hips, and hooked her fingers in the loops of her pants, shimming them down just enough, her thumb finding the side strap to her underwear, they were nothing special, grey and white, and positively soaked just by sitting beside him. She heard Kylo's breath hitch and slid her pants back up, concealing her once exposed skin. She busied herself with checking the time, "We've got about 10 minutes, want to go?" She asked him, suddenly feeling emboldened by his reaction.

Kylo followed her down the steps, awkwardly fixing his pants in the corner of her eye. They made it to the central buffer, a room that was enclosed between the auditorium and the mess hall, it was small, dark, and empty, and Rey was alone with him.

Kylo tensed up when she suddenly turned, her hands on his chest and stomach, pushing him back against a wall. Their noses were touching, both were panting, Rey spoke, not recognizing her own voice, "I think I figured it out," His eyes burned into hers, and her pelvis brushed against his. Kylo moved his body to grind against her, but she held fast, kissing his chin and jawline, "You like the idea of doing me at school," His breath came out in a shaky stream, Rey smirked, feeling powerful.

He didn't touch her, mainly because he knew that he wasn't supposed to.

Rey pressed her chest against his, "I can think of a few places," She watched Kylo's eyes darken, felt his body tense as her hand moved down the hard plane of his torso, "You'd have me under the desk upstairs while you monitor the halls. Or, bent over a desk between classes... Maybe on one of the benches beneath the stairs?" He let out a shaky sigh when her fingers dipped under his belt, nails gently brushing his happy trail and lower, "Would you do it slow? Or hard and fast?"

"Both," He whispered, her fingertips brushed what she was looking for, and with concealed glee she gently massaged his hardening and twitching bulge through his boxers.

Rey stood on her toes, lips brushing Kylo's ear, "I just might let you..." She told him.

She felt him move, and before he could grab her and do her against the wall, she slipped away from him, a good distance and smiled, "But I'm a little loud in bed, wouldn't make good in an empty hallway," He stood there, his brows slightly furrowed, painfully aroused and panting softly. She knew the look in his eyes now, desire, want. Rey smiled coyly at him, biting her lip just to play with him more, "The bell is about to ring, you should fix yourself before then," She suggested, not unkindly, and fixed her own clothes.

Rey left him there, knowing that he would get her back for it later.


She wrote him a love letter a few days later, he had a weekend away from her, and perhaps had some time to calm down and keep from jumping her. She included her number in it and expressed how she really felt about him. Of course, she had written and rewritten this letter a million times before she decided that it was never going to be good enough and that she could struggle to tell him everything as long as she knew him.

The excuse she provided for her number was so they could talk while he was overseas, she received a text later that day asking her to skip class.

She didn't do it.


He found her in the office, perhaps he had been paying attention to her morning routine. Kylo stood in the corner, waiting for her to finish talking with the counselor, his hands in his jacket pockets. Rey gave him a soft smile, unsure of why he was there, "Good morning," She said, Kylo nodded,

"No one's ever written me a letter before," He told her, Rey looked up at him,

"Well, did you like it?"

"I think the term 'Lover' fits for now," He looked down at her, amusement in his eyes, truth be told, so did she, knowing that he was leaving her in a few months made her hesitant to dub him 'boyfriend' and she couldn't address him that way either, due to their primarily physical interactions.

"Walk me to class?" She asked him, he looked surprised but nodded anyway, and they marched slowly together to the top floor in the science wing.

Rey stopped him suddenly, surprising herself as she grasped his elbow. Kylo looked down at her and turned his body, a questioning look on his face, "Close your eyes," She told him, unsure of herself. Rey knew what she was doing, she just didn't know if she could do it. Kylo obliged, waiting patiently with his hands in his pockets, and Rey, of course, stood there, trying to muster up her courage, "C'mon Rey just do it," She said aloud, forcing her body to move, she stood on her toes, cupping his strong jaw and pressing her lips to his.

He didn't move, or maybe, he didn't have time to get over the shock, because Rey stumbled back from him, blushing, noting that his hands had slipped from their pockets, and she gave him a smile, "I'm going to be late," She told him, and walked briskly to her morning class. Getting reprimanded by the teacher about PDA in school. It didn't keep her from smiling. She had lost her first kiss, no, given it to Kylo Ren, a guy who, clearly, felt the same way about her as she did him.

It was a wonderful feeling.


Hello, I hope you are enjoying a longer chapter compared to the last. This one was a lot of fun to write, mostly because, well, it actually happened. This is how I met my husband. :) let me know what you think.