New Moon Rewound

Disclaimer: All the characters in the story are the property of Stephanie Meyer. I have borrowed them for my entertainment and (hopefully) your reading pleasure. I make no profit from their use.

Author's Note: Rating recently changed to T.

Chapter 4: Backbone

My birthday has actually been pretty good this year. It is several hours later and Edward and Alice have "left" to go home. Actually they drove off with Alice at the steering wheel, and as soon as they were out of sight, she dropped Edward off and he came running back through the woods to wait for Charlie to go to bed before coming back into my bedroom.

To pass the time, I went through my evening routine of shower, brushing teeth, and drying hair so that it wouldn't look like a haystack in the morning. When I return to my room, Edward is waiting for me in the rocking chair. I snuggle into his lap.

"Hey, beautiful!" he says as he breathes in the scent of my clean hair. "Can you stand another birthday present?"

"I don't know," I say nervously. "This is starting to feel like a bit too much."

"Well, this is the one you dreamed of," he answers softly. "And it didn't cost me a dime, go over and turn on the Bose."

My heart rate picks up as I walk over and press down the button. In seconds, the room is filled with the sound of my lullaby being played on the piano. The clarity of the speaker is such that I could swear he was playing the piano right here in the room with me. I can feel the tears welling up and spilling over my cheeks.

"Not all of your dream was bad," he says gently. "I thought that I could recreate one of the best parts."

"After you left me," I say remembering sadly. "You hid all proof that you had ever existed in my life, including the CD. You even told me that it would be as if you never existed. But you lied. I could never forget that you existed."

"Are you still afraid of that?" he asks looking concerned. "Are you still wondering if I will abandon you again?"

I nod, and he very sad.

"I'm sorry," I say contritely. "But I can't help feeling that this is the dream and the other was the reality. Everything is just so perfect. I mean, things are suddenly all out of whack. Nothing is messed up the way it was before. You are agreeing that Carlisle can transform me into a vampire, and I'm actually enjoying my birthday. Even Charlie is being nice to you. You can't tell me that that doesn't sound like a dream to you."

"Actually, thing with Charlie is what I was talking about when I came out to the car and said that it was another birthday present of sorts," he says. "That was why Charlie called me back into the house this morning. He wants a fresh start with me.

"As he was talking, I could see very clearly in his mind that he was afraid losing you to me, and not in a good way. He doesn't want to force you into making a choice between the two of us. He thinks that if he does that, he will lose you.

"That's why he took my family's gifts to you so well. He really thought that they were over the top. And as you were showing them to him, he was getting more and more worried that the next thing that you were going to say was that you were moving out."

"But the very first thing that we showed him was the comforter set," I say. "Didn't that tell him that I was staying?"

"That's what set his mind off," he replies. "He thought that Esme had bought it for your bed in our house."

"How silly!" I say. "Is that what he thought about the Bose and the phone too?"

"Yes," he answers seriously. "That's why he made such a big deal over Carlisle's generosity. Of course he is also very happy that he doesn't have to field any more phone calls from Renee. I could see in his mind that she has really been driving him crazy every time he picks up the phone and she's on the line."

"Why is that?" I ask puzzled.

"Ever since the incident in Phoenix," he explains. "She had basically been hounding him to get me out of your life. She was pretty mad about prom. And then she wasn't happy when you refused to go see her in Jacksonville when she offered this summer. In fact, a large part of the computer money came from what she had saved for an airline ticket."

"Like I was going to go and see her after the way that she acted in Phoenix," I grumble. "She would have spent the whole time hounding me to go live with her there."

"Yes," he says. "That's why she has been on Charlie's back. She has accused him of trash talking her to you, as if he has to. But it backfired on her. Charlie figures that if the price of keeping you here in Forks is accepting me, it's a fair trade. And he really did enjoy spending time with us tonight. He's beginning to really come around, not just pretending to."

"I could see that," I say quietly, thinking about how too much of this whole day was simply a dream come true.

Edward looks at me closely, searching my face for the meaning behind my subdued tone.

"Why is it so much easier to believe that the nightmare was real?" he asks, taking note of my descending air of gloom. "Don't you trust me?"

"I trust you," I swallow. "But I don't trust me. There is a part of me that is afraid that I am going to wake up and find out that we did go to Italy and that you were just humoring me by saying that you wouldn't let me go once we got back. I'm still afraid that I will wake up and you will all be gone again."

"All of us?" he asks sadly.

"I'm sorry," I reply. "It just felt so real. And now this feels so real. But if this is the dream, then I hope that I never wake up again."

He reaches over and touches the heart of the necklace around my neck.

"This feels real?" he asks. "Doesn't it? Could you ever have dreamed of such a necklace?"

"No," I say. "But I also know that I could not have dreamed of the Volturi either, or that Jacob and his friends were wolves."

"Well," he says. "I have told you bits and pieces about the Volturi over the past six months. You could easily have put it all together in your subconscious. And didn't Jacob tell you about the werewolves after you met me? That could also have triggered your dream. The mind is a funny thing. You never completely lose memories. You just lose the ability to bring them out of your long-term memory.

"But that is the way that human mind works. When you are transformed into a vampire, most of your human memories become very dim. On the other hand, those things that you learn and experience as a vampire remain crystal clear and ready for you to access at any time. No one knows why this is. Carlisle is still studying it."

"So when I am a vampire," I say. "If I want to remember things like today, which has got to be the most perfect day of my life, I will really have to try."

"There is of course another way," he says thoughtfully. "I have never known anyone who consciously planned to become vampire like you are. If you write down all of your human experiences as you now have them, then you would never lose them.

"If you wanted, you could refer back to the journal if you wanted to recall something in greater detail. Obviously no one has ever tried it before, but it might even trigger clear memories of your human life. You could start writing a diary on your new laptop."

I yawn as I feel my body relaxing. It has been a long day. Sitting here discussing my eventual transformation has calmed my mind better than any tranquilizer.

"You are getting tired now," he says. "Why don't we get you into bed under your new warm comforter?"

"As long as you will be with me," I say.

"Of course," he says, as he lies down on the top of the bed.

He then settles me in, so that I am wrapped in the warm comforter and then in his arms. I can feel his sweet breath on my neck.

"I have to admit that I have never felt so warm in your arms before," I say sleepily.

"When Esme designed the comforter, it wasn't just the outer design pattern," he replies. "The down inside is the kind they use in ski jackets. I believe that this is the thousand weight, which is also designed to be lightweight, but can withstand sub-freezing temperatures."

"Your family thought of everything," I murmur.

"They are your family too," he whispers. "They welcomed you as a member on the first day they met you . . . "

I am vaguely aware that he is continuing to talk about how much his family loves me, but my mind is drifting further away from consciousness. Despite my exhaustion, my sleep is restless. At one point, I feel myself breathing heavily and trying to break free from something that is trying to keep me from Edward. I finally wrench myself awake and cry out.

"Edward!"

"I am here, love," he says soothingly. "What's wrong? You were struggling against me, so I finally let go."

I can't talk. I simply sob. I was in the woods again, searching through all of the green, mossy places where I couldn't find him. Like in my nightmares when he was away, I was running but going nowhere. It was simply a large green endless maze. But unlike those nightmares, something grabbed me and was holding me back. Then I realize that it was Sam.

"The Cullens don't come here," he said in the same ominous voice that I first heard when I went to La Push that first time.

"I didn't know it was you," I reply incoherently. "I was looking for you. Sam was holding me back. It was green. It was too green. There was moss everywhere. I was running but I couldn't find you. You're here. Don't leave me! Don't you ever leave me again!"

"I promised you that I would stay," he says as he smoothes my hair back. "I haven't gone anywhere. I am here. I will be here when you wake up. But I will have to leave to go home and change once Charlie is up, and you will need to get ready for school. But I will come to pick you up, I promise."

"It will be different when it is light," I say as I begin to get my bearings. "It's worse in the dark. I don't know why. I've never been afraid of the dark before."

"The nightmare still haunts you," he says quietly. "I'm so sorry. How can I prove to you that I won't leave you?"

"Be here," I say simply. "Just be here."

"I will be," he says as leans back. "Now try to settle in again."

I lie back down, only this time I cuddle into the hollow in his shoulder between his arm and his chest. It is cold and hard, like the rest of his body, but it feels very safe. In an odd way, I find his cold body temperature more secure than any warmth. With one arm wrapped around me and the other hand stroking my hair, he begins to softly hum my lullaby.

His sweet scent fills the air and my senses are flooded with his touch, his voice, and his aroma. My heartbeat settles, my breathing falls into an even rhythm, and I drift into a dreamless sleep, silently praying that I will not wake up and find him gone.

When I open my eyes the next morning, he is smiling down at me. He looks glorious as his skin glows like millions of tiny diamonds. The sun is streaming through the window and I feel deflated. A sunny day means that he will not be with me at school. My disappointment must show on my face.

"You must be the only person in Forks today who is unhappy to see the sun," he says. "Except for one other, of course."

"Yes," I reply. "Except for one other. And I have to work at Newton's this afternoon."

"I don't know what I am going to do with myself," he says. "There is a part of me that would like to hang out in the woods near the school and follow you through your day through other people's eyes. But that is a little too stalkerish."

"It's not like you haven't done it before," I reply.

"Yes," he says. "And my excuse was that you needed my protection. But now you really don't. And I don't like the idea of spying on you."

I look at him with blatant skepticism in my eyes.

"Okay," he admits. "I do like to spy on you, but not in a creepy kind of way. I just hate being away from you. I hate it when I can't see you and make sure that you are safe. And now that I know how much you worried about me leaving, I always want to be close enough that you know exactly where I am."

"I have a new cell phone," I say smiling. "You could text me and send me selfies. And I could text you and tell you how much I miss you."

"Do you really have to work this afternoon?" he asks a little wistfully. "We could go off together to the meadow if you want."

"That's a very tempting offer," I admit.

"But . . ."

"But," I say. "I have to make up for the shift I missed yesterday."

"You really don't need to worry about money," he says.

"I know that you have enough money to buy me everything that I want, not to mention a few things that I don't want," I reply. "But I like the idea of saving up for college."

He looks like he wants to say something and then changes his mind. I know better than to ask him what it is.

"I should really leave now," he says. "I need to get out before the neighbors notice me sneaking out of the window. If they told Charlie, it would destroy all of the progress that I made with him yesterday."

"Okay," I say reluctantly. "When will I see you later?"

"Not until you've gone up to bed for the night," he says. "Remember? I'm going camping with my family today."

"What will you really be doing?" I ask curiously.

"Most likely driving the rest of them crazy," he replies with a smile. "Ever since I started dating you, they dread sunny days because I mope around all day waiting until it's safe to go out and visit you."

"I'm sorry," I say. "But just think. After Carlisle changes me then we can hide out from the sun together. And I won't have to waste any more of my time with you sleeping."

"Don't apologize," he answers. "The few hours that you spend sleeping now will seem like nothing after a few decades with me. You may even get sick of me."

"Never!" I say fiercely. "Does Carlisle ever get sick of Esme? Does Alice ever get sick of Jasper?"

"No," he says. "I was just joking. And trust me, Rosalie and Emmett can never get enough of each other."

I grin and give him my usual enthusiastic kiss, which he has to stop. Then he leaves by the window and vanishes. Humming to myself, I begin my morning routine again. I suppose that every morning that I wake up and find him staring down at me will be further proof that he isn't even thinking of leaving me, let alone actually leaving me. But there is something that I am definitely going to need to check out when I get the chance.

In my nightmare, my friend Jacob Black had turned into a werewolf. He had grown at least six inches in a couple of months and cut off all of his beautiful long hair. If I see him now and he is his old size, which still pretty tall, and has his long hair, then I will know that this is real. But I also have to wonder if he might not have a secret crush on me.

He has always been very eager to monopolize my time whenever we have the chance to be together, which isn't very often. I spent almost my entire summer with Edward. The few times that he and Billy visited or Charlie and I went to La Push, it was impossible to have any kind of private conversation.

And because Billy had been so suspicious of Edward, I also been trying avoid to avoid him, and by extension, Jacob. If his obnoxious warnings before Phoenix weren't bad enough, he sent a mortified Jacob (although willing to be bribed) to my prom with the ominous message "we will be watching."

I wonder how he will feel when he finds out that Charlie is starting to warm up to Edward. But still, I am worried about Jacob. He's a good kid and I don't want to mess around with his feelings.

Well, I decide, I am going to ask Edward to look for any hints of that and tell me if we run into him together. After the way that I hurt him in my dream, I want to make sure that I don't do that in real life. Of course the reason why we had become so close was that Edward left and Jacob had gotten caught up in my whole plot to see Edward by finding ever-new ways to experience adrenaline rushes.

I hope that I would never be so selfish in real life. And I hope that Jacob wouldn't have any reason to hate Edward the way that he did (in my dream). But there still was that weird moment at prom when Jacob had come and de levered the message from his father about how the Quileutes would be watching the Cullens.

Maybe that was another trigger for my crazy ideas in my dream. Even though the nightmare is starting to fade, there are parts of it, the worst parts that are still very vivid. In fact, there are times when I have trouble remembering that all those awful things really didn't happen. A day at school without Edward is not going to help.

The school day drags slowly (as I knew it would) and the shift at Newton's even more slowly. But since the sun is still brightly shining, I know that I wouldn't see Edward anyway. Every once in a while, I catch myself looking at the window, wondering if he is watching me.

Every couple of hours, he texts me to see if everything is okay. Alice texts me a couple of more times, begging me to send him selfies so that he knows that I am not lying about being okay. Even Emmett sends me a text reminding me not to have any funny accidents that he would miss seeing. And Esme sends a couple texts to remind me how much she loves me.

I find myself eagerly reaching for my cell phone every time is vibrates against my butt because I keep it in the back pocket of my jeans. I am stocking shelves toward the rear of the store when it buzzes again.

"I didn't know that you had an iPhone," Mike remarks, when I take it out and laugh at Emmett's text.

"Birthday gift," I say briefly.

"Is that Cullen who keeps texting you?" he asks. "I don't see why he didn't just come to school instead of going camping with his family."

"He doesn't have a choice about the camping trips," I explain. "Carlisle insists that they all go together."

"Huh," he says. "So it's Carlisle instead of Dr. Cullen. You two must be as hot and heavy as Lauren says you are."

"He calls my Dad, Charlie," I point out.

"Everybody in town calls your Dad, Charlie," he retorts rudely. "No, I think that there's something pretty serious up with you and Cullen."

"Are you insinuating something?" I ask testily.

"No," he answers. "I'm doing more than insinuating. You know. That guy is a real weirdo. You could definitely do better."

"Oh, really?" I ask sarcastically. "And I suppose that you have someone in mind?"

"As a matter of fact . . . "

"Mike!" Interrupts his mother sternly, as she comes down the aisle with her heels clicking on the hard wood floor. "Quit gossiping and go up front and talk to the customer there about tent options."

"Yes, Mom," he says obediently.

"Don't pay any attention to him, dear," says Mrs. Newton when he is out of earshot. "He's just jealous. I wish that he would go back to dating Jessica Stanley or some other nice girl and get over you already."

"Oh, um, I guess so," I say uncertainly.

"Look," she says. "I know that he has been making snide remarks to you all summer. But now he has finally crossed the line where it is becoming unprofessional. His father and I both hope that someday he will take over the family business.

"The first thing that he needs to know is that a good business owner respects his employees and does not get involved in their personal lives. Now I know that you two go to school together and I cannot control his words or behavior there, but whenever you are at work, he will no longer harass you with comments about your boyfriend."

"I, um, wouldn't exactly call it harassment," I weakly protest.

"Well, I would and that's all that matters," she says. "And Bella, this is just a little piece of personal advice. Don't let other people belittle you or try to control you. Stand up for yourself, especially with men. If you were my daughter, then that is the exact advice that I would give you. So take it or leave it. But I hope that you will take it. You are a very talented young lady with lots of potential."

"Uh, yeah," I say as she walks away.

I am still dazed by Mrs. Newton's words of feminist wisdom when I pull in the driveway later that evening. I get out of the truck and can see the TV blaring with some sports game or another.

"Hi, Bells," says Charlie as I walk in. "Did you have a good day at school and work?"

"Yeah," I say. "Have you eaten?"

"I had the leftover Chinese food," he answers without taking his eyes off the set. "The dim sum stuff isn't too bad."

"Good," I say. "I'll grab something and go up to my room. I have a ton of homework to do."

"That's nice," he says absentmindedly.

"Yesss!" he shouts as he jumps up in his chair. "Home run for the Mariners! Good job, boys."

As usual, Charlie has more interest in his sports than he does in me. It is no wonder he doesn't know how much time my boyfriend spends in my bedroom. It's kind of funny that he's so afraid that I'm going to move out when he always seems more interested in sports and fishing than he is in me. What does he need me here for anyway except to keep the house and cook his meals for him.

Mom is the same way. She may be driving Dad crazy to talk me into going to Jacksonville, but I know exactly what it would be like. She would be totally absorbed in Phil and miserable when he had to go on the road without her. Although now that I'm eighteen, I'm sure that she wouldn't feel any guilt about leaving me alone to fend for myself.

Maybe Mrs. Newton is right. I should take more control of my life and not worry so much about what will make Charlie and Renee happy. I know what makes me happy and that's being with Edward. I'm too tired to make anything for myself except scrambled eggs and toast. And I'm kind of pissed that Charlie ate my leftovers from last night as well as his own. I had been looking forward to them all afternoon.

I stop by the living room and look in on my way up to my room, thinking that I might say something. But he is so engrossed on the game that he doesn't even notice me standing there. I sigh. If I try and talk to him now, I will only have half of his attention. I decide that I will start standing up for myself tomorrow.

When I open the door to my room, I see the most beautiful sight in the world. Edward is stretched out on my bed with his hands behind his head, smiling at me. I set down my plate and backpack and go over to kiss him, planting a big one on his mouth. When he tries to stop me, I refuse to let go. I'm going to get what I want whether he likes it or not. Instead I force his startled lips open and begin to explore his mouth with my tongue before he can stop me.

Something gives way in him and he flips me on my back and eagerly responds. We have never kissed so intensely before and I feel all sorts of new sensations in my body. Without thinking, I slide my hands down his back and press his backside into my hips as they rise to meet his. Then suddenly, he groans and pushes himself off the bed. I lean back breathing heavily.

He is out of breath too and backs away so that he can sit in the rocking chair. When he calms himself, he looks at me with a combination of fear, love, and exasperation.

"What was that all about?" he finally says.

"I was standing up for myself," I say bravely. "You know, going after what I want."

"I don't think that Mrs. Newton was talking about risking your life," he replies.

"You were listening?" I ask.

"You said that you didn't mind," he points out.

"I did say that and yeah, I really don't," I admit. "Did you hear Mike talking too?"

"Of course," he replies. "He's very lucky that his mother is going to tell him to shape up. I might have hurt him very badly for what he said to you."

"No, you wouldn't," I retort. "Because I would have told you to mind your own business and let me fight my own battles."

He looks at me in surprise and then in wonder.

"You know that I could have killed you just now," he says mildly.

"I think that you've already proven that you wouldn't do that," I reply. "Remember Phoenix?"

"That wasn't what I was talking about," he says. "I came very close to biting you and changing you right here and now. And that would have been a very bad thing."

"Not from my perspective," I say playfully.

"Bella, listen to me," he says seriously. "I've agreed to let Carlisle do the transformation. But if I had done it now, how do you think that Charlie would have felt when you started screaming for me to kill you to stop the burning? I couldn't have gotten you out of here and back to my house quickly enough so that the whole town of Forks wouldn't think that I was murdering you or worse."

"Oh," I say. "I didn't think of that."

And I know that he is right. I can remember how it felt when my arm was burning from James's venom. I am trying not to think about how that would feel all through my body. But then something else occurs to me.

"Can I stand up for myself about something else?" I ask.

"Why are you asking?" he laughs. "You don't need my permission to stand up for yourself."

"But I don't want you to get mad at me," I say.

"That's the whole point," he says. "If you are going to stand for yourself about something, then you shouldn't care what I think. Just say it."

"Oh," I say. "Okay. I want you to change me yourself. I don't want Carlisle to have to do it. And don't tell me that you don't have the self-control. You proved that you do down in Phoenix."

"This conversation was going better before I explained what 'standing up for yourself' meant," he mutters. "And no, I'm not angry with you. But can you explain why you want me to do it?"

"Well," I say. "If someone's venom is going to be going all through my circulatory system, I want it to be yours."

He looks at me quizzically.

"That is actually pretty romantic," he comments. "In a weird and macabre sort of way. But then again, vampires are by definition pretty macabre."

"So is that a yes?" I ask hopefully.

"Would you be happy if I said that it's not a no?" he replies cagily. "Can I think about it?"

"Okay," I say. "Oh damn! My eggs are cold."

He laughs.

"They look pretty awful hot or cold," he remarks. "But you have a lot of homework to do."

"Yeah, I know," I say. "And I didn't do any last night."

"That's very true," he says. "Do you want me to leave so that you can concentrate?"

"No," I reply. "I want you to stay so that I can be distracted by how wonderful you are."

"I can handle that," he says with a grin and lies down on the bed again.

I smile and flip open my math textbook. I take a fork full of cold eggs and a bite if cold toast. But I hardly notice the taste. I asked him if he would change me himself and he didn't say no. And I still have almost eight months to persuade him and get my way. With my newfound backbone, maybe I can actually do it.