The original work belongs to Suzanne Collins and her publishers or any other co-owner. I'm merely borrowing her epic work to make my own spin; the idea of a time-travel simply refusing to leave me alone, so I had to write it.
I'm making no profits from this and the story isn't that good, if you haven't read Collins magnificent work I suggest you do. My messy fanfic is but a gnat in her shadow. If anyone is offended I'm very sorry.
Chapter 5
It has been two hours and still no prey good enough; I have a couple of small birds and a squirrel, but I need something else; a rabbit would be good. I'm starting to get frustrated and carless. To find better pray I have climb up an oak tree overlooking another stream, this one bigger than the last. I try to just breathe in the morning and calm my senses.
For one hour I make no sounds and finally I´m awarded for my patience. A deer and her colt have come to the water to drink, both looking healthy and fat. The colt sin running around and exploring as the mother keeps an eye out for trouble. I hate the fact that I'm going to kill one of them, but the opportunity is to good. I draw my bow and load up an arrow and aim, I make certain that I will hit the colts heart in my first shot. As the mother bows her head to take a drink I close my eyes and let the arrow fly.
Seconds later the colt falls together, dead in an instant. The mother rears up and lets out a shout of fear. She bolts towards her child, but she seems to realize that it's dead. She only pauses for a few seconds before she abandons the body and runs into the forest. I mourn the loss of a life, but as a hunter and I will not feel guilty for getting food. I climb down the tree and move towards the colt, kneeling before it. I gently caress the neck, its skin still warm, before pulling out the arrow.
The shot was clean for there is hardly any blood. I allow myself to feel satisfied for the good kill. I get up and starts to look for three thick branches and soft bark. It will help me tie together a sling to which I will secure the body.
By an old maple tree I find the branches I´m searching for. They have recently fallen to the ground and are yet strong enough to carry the colt's weight. It takes me a bit longer to find bark soft enough to twain together the branches, I could have used grass but that won't last long.
When I have built my sling I strap it to my body similar to a backpack and drag it over to the colt to get a feel of its weight and structure. When I am confident that it will hold I start to load the colt onto it. The colt must weigh about thirty kilos, forcing me to go slowly to preserve my energy. When I am confident that everything is secured I start the journey home again, keeping myself focused by thinking of Prim's face and smile.
…
On my way home I spot a cluster of thick brushes, they are overflowing with ripe raspberries. I should walk past them, but I can't resist them. I'm forced to use the cloth for the bow as a bag since I have nothing else. It will work here and should hold about one liter of berries. I try to pick the berries as fast as I can, ignoring the bugs and leaves that's in my way. As soon as I´m done I adjust my bow and arrow before continuing the journey.
When I'm at the log, just before the meadow, I quickly stuff the bow and arrows in the hollowed log and scan the area, the meadow is empty and alight with sunlight. The day proving to be a sunny one. The fence is on the end of the meadow, big and intimidating. I hesitate to take the final step out into the open. The thought of Prim though strengthens my resolve and I take a determined step out into the tall soft-green grass. The deer dragging tracks into the dirt behind me. I move to my usual opening in the fence, the hole that is disguised by a thick bush. I have to work hard to get the small deer through the gap but after some time I manage.
Now the real problem began, I could just walk right home but since I have caught such a big loot I'm in danger of being attacked. Meat is a rarity for twelve and deer meat even more so. How to get it home without having anyone noticing it? My answer is Johanna, who once told me that seven used sledges to carry home rise and bark for fires.
I run back to the tree line and rips apart branches covered in leaves and use it to disguise the colt. I am sweating heavily by now and feel my thirst grooving by the second. My muscle starting to cramp and my legs feel like logs. I have overworked myself but I refuse to quit now. With determination I steel myself and ignore my bodies exhausted state.
I am soon done and take a step back. I am still mostly counseled by the big bush, but I know that my time is running out. I need to get home now. I place the birds and squirrels atop of the woodpile together with the berries. They will serve as bait so no one looks closer at my loot.
Before moving down the hill into mine-factory-area I take another look around. For those who knows' what to look for would immediately discover my tracks, I have been sloppy and stressed. Hopefully I will have the chance to correct it tomorrow or get some rain that will wipe out the tracks.
Bellow me district twelve lays still and lifeless, the sun reflecting in the metal houses and dirty windows. It looks like a place where people go to die, not to live. It's dark, dirty and depressing. But amongst this houses two dandelions exist that's the light of my world. One I hope to avoid for the pain of my lost past and the other I can't wait to see for she can be my future.
When I am certain that nobody's near I drag the sling out from the bush and strap it on once again. My steps are slow but I am filled with an elation and energy unknown to me before. Hoping that the peacekeepers can be bribed or has not yet learned of my disappearance. I snort at that thought; I am worried about peacekeepers, a being I haven't feared in years. The situation is ridiculous and I'm astonished at how fast I´m accepting it. I should be running around the forest and be screaming my head off (still).
Instead I'm on my way home to my suddenly alive sister with bribes to oppressors I though defeated. It is ridiculous but it is still real and it's happening. And strange enough all I want to do is smile.
Prim.
…
I have finally reached my block and just a couple of more turns and I should be home. I'm sweating heavily and my entire body is trembling, but I push on. Bypassers is giving me strange looks but leave me be, they have their own problems and can't be bothered. A fact I have been counting on. The colt is still hidden and I am confident that I will make it the last few meters home before my body gives in.
A shadow falls over me and I still. I am terrified that it will be a peacekeeper and that my days are numbered. Instead it's worse: it is Gale's mum; Mrs. Hawthorne. She looks older then my mom, her hair graying at the roots and her face look tired and worn. I have forgotten how thin she was before the war, she had gotten fatter after. Seeing her so weak and starved-like is daunting. Her presence is like a knife; she and her family have always treated my like one of theirs and right now she looks scared and disappointed.
"You have visitors, the troubled kind." She tells me in whispers, dark-grey eyes burning into mine; she wants to know what I have been doing that could possibly have put my family in danger. "Your mother and sister has covered for you, but the visitors is getting angry and hostile."
I nod but don't speak. She moves past me, going home to her little ones and leaving me to deal with the mess I created. Before she disappears behind a corner she turns around. "Your sister told them that you were sick, a fact that is supported by miners seeing you vomiting yesterday morning." After those words she is gone, but it is enough. I know what I have to say now and I hope it works.
I continue on without any more interruption and within minutes I am at the corner before my home. I am terrified, if the colt won't do they will kill my whole family. An angry peacekeeper is a deadly one.
Before I walk into sight I take the birds, squirrel and the berries. Hiding them underneath the nearest house. Thankful most houses, whilst being constructed from metal-plains and bricks, rest their foundation on rocks; thus leaving gaping holes everywhere you look. I know they will be safe, no one is stupid enough to stick their head out when there are peacekeepers in the Seam.
When their hidden I take a deep breath and prepare myself for what's to come. I dry my sweaty hands on my pants and start walking forward on shaky legs. The peacekeepers surrounding my house notice me at once. One of them knocks on my house door and speaks to the person or persons inside.
I hope that Prim is not in there. The colt feel heavy on my back and my breath is short. I am nervous and I want to run away, but it´s too late as one of the peacekeepers take a step towards me, a cold look in his eyes, just daring me to run. I don't.
Out of my house the biggest peacekeeper I have ever seen emerges. His uniform is so shiny and spotless. The whiteness of it could blind a person. He's in his mid thirties and has a fine red colored beard that's clashes with the uniform.
"Ah, Miss Everdeen I am peacekeeper Darque" he says as I come close enough. I study him a few seconds and to my horror I realize that he is one of those people that take great pride in his manners and profession, to bribe him will be impossible. He has the cold gleam in his eyes that the cruelest and coldest peacekeepers has, everyone in district twelve knows to avoid them like the plague. They will judge before a crime has been committed.
"You finally grace us with your present. My I ask where you have hidden yourself; we have been looking for you since early morning, you have missed two days worth of class." The peacekeeper says with frustration and irritation dripping from his voice. He is looking for an excuse to arrest me; he clearly hates being here and me for forcing him. Most peacekeepers hate visits to the Seam. They always leave covered in soot and stinking of unclean humans.
I need him to focus on something else, if he sees the colt he will kill me on the spot.
"I am sorry peacekeeper Darque, I was sick and fainted." As I say in a meek voice. He and the other two peacekeepers take step back. Diseases in the Seam are mostly of the deadly kind and no one wants to risk being infected.
"I only meant to get healing bark, thinking I had a cold, but as I neared the fence where the bushes grow I started to feel even worse. As I was breaking down the branches I started puking." I try to bring fort sick emotions hoping to convince them. Thankfully I am sweating and shaking a lot and probably looking extremely pale.
"I turned around and started home again but then everything went black. I've just woken." I continue, hoping that the state of my body plays in my favor.
"Ah! And the fact that it's been over a day and it's almost noon is something you want us to let slide Ms Everdeen; in addition your carrying illegal firewood on your back, which is normal I suppose for a sick person?" Peacekeeper Darque ask with a sneer and a heavy dose of sarcasm. He then takes out a white handcarief and cover his lower face with it.
I have a hard time not sneering back, I hate people that lords their power over others and it brings home how powerless I am now. I swallow my natural answer and try to look meek and compliant.
"I didn't realize that an entire day had passed, I thought I just lost a few hours … and since I already had the branches I didn't think of leaving them. I am truly sorry." I say in a tired and scared voice.
The peacekeepers companions looks bored and willing to go along with it, but Darque clearly want to take this farther. Before he gets the opportunity to speak again mother suddenly stands in the doorway. She looks worried and tired.
"You're back." Her voice is so small and empty, like she's dead on her feet.
"Yeah, I didn't know that I was gone so long. Where you and Prim very worried?" I ask back, taking a couple of steps passed peacekeeper Darque and towards her. I take of the sling straps and pull it up to lean against the wall next to the doorpost. I then hug mom and breathe in her sent.
Mom smells of coal and flowers, she always were so picky about her sent; always trying her best to keep herself clean. I never told her that the combined smell of the two was horrible. I still won't say anything even as the smell makes me gag, I'm too happy to see her.
Mom is a bit stiff but she doesn't resist the hug, she actually leans into it and hugs me back almost desperately. I know that our relationship at this time is strained and a bit hostile. But even though I never really reconciled properly with her I am happy to see her now. I do after all love her. Mom´s suddenly pushing me away and brings her hand up to my forehead. She then exclaims and pulls me inside, completely forgetting about the peacekeepers.
"Mom! What…" I shout, stunned by her actions.
"Not a word child, you are sweating and have a fever. You are going straight to bed, I have to examine you." Moms tell me in no uncertain words, I know better than to argue. Unfortunately peacekeeper Darque doesn't and he is angry at my mother's actions.
"Mrs. Everdeen what do you think you are doing?! She has not yet explained herself to my satisfaction. I demand further answers now." Mom ignores him, dragging me into my small room and pushes me down on the bed. As soon as I'm down she pulls of my boots and forces me to take of my wet clothes in front of the peacekeepers. I am soon laying underneath the thin blanket and feeling mortified.
"You can continue asking her as soon as I have gotten her settled, I know you have a job to do, but she is my child. I only want to make sure that she is fine." Moms says and looks with kind eyes at Darque, she doesn't give the poor man a chance. That look can break any man's resolve.
"I..well..I suppose…hmm, hmm." Darque looks ridiculous when fluster and stuck in a room ten sizes too small for him. I bite my tongue to stop myself from laughing.
"So she is sick?" Everyone knows that my mom has some knowledge of medicine since she is the daughter of an pharmacies. Even some of the peacekeepers have gone to her when their own doctors have been unavailable.
"Yes, she shows signs of dehydration, fever, low energy and stress. I believe that the fever has caused shills and hallucinations as well. It would not surprise me. It's a sure sign of some type of infection in the body." Mom answers back as she touches my forehead. She's only partly lying, I don't have a fever but my body is exhausted enough that the peacekeepers might buy it. My red face probably selling the lie better.
"So her story is believable, she might actually have been knocked out cold along the fence this entire time." One of the peacekeepers in the back asks. He clearly wants to get out of here, afraid of contracting anything.
"Yes." Mom answers. "The fence is long and there is many small holes and rock that could have hidden her." The peacekeepers behind Darque is clearly willing to end this, they withdraw to the kitchen to discuss it. I realize that if they leave we have an entire colt sitting against our house-wall.
I wonder if I should say something to mom and get her to secure it before anyone discovers it, but as I move to speak I hear a new voice at the door.
"Mom! Mom?! Gale hadn't seen her either... Should I, umh, maybe make tea?" It's Prim's voice, her soft and sweet voice. She is home. She must have been out looking of for me, scared that I have been killed, wounded or worse.
"I'm in here." I yell out to her. I hear her light patter as she hurries to our room. Her entire face lights up when she sees me.
"Katniss!" she exclaims. "You're ok." She says with laughter, clearly relieved to see me. I laugh with her, for that is exactly what I think back. My sister stands before me, alive and well and I can't keep myself from drinking her in. I stare at her, my eyes tearing up.
I wordlessly open my arms for her to run into. I need a hug, desperately. She seems to sense it and rushes into my arms. I embrace her hard. I think I will never let her go again. I burry my head in her baby-soft hair and breathe her in. My light is alive and warm, safe once again in my hold. And this time I will not let anything happen to her.
Chapter 6
Prim sits beside me on the bed, happy to comply to my need of closeness. The peacekeepers is still here and Darque seems to be looking for blood. I am scared, nothing I say are making him glader, no, in fact he looks more angry as time passes. The colt I killed to buy me of punishment is useless as a bribe and I have nothing else to bargain with.
To my surprise mom is having much more luck with the underlings, they even drinking tea with her in our kitchen. That woman is amazing, but alas, I am stuck in a small room with an stuck-up nightmare. Darque has been questioning me for the last hour and has of yet told me off my punishment. If I am to live or to die. It is making me extremely nervous, which I suppose helps me look even more sick.
"Ms. Everdeen, I have wasted enough time in your… lovely home." Darque finally says and it is time for judgment. "You will present yourself in two days time, if you are in etiquette health, to receive your punishment from head-peacekeeper Cray."
I give a relieved sigh, my family will not be punished this day. But we will be remembered, this I know. The best part is that it's Cray who's to punish me, a man I have an understanding with. All I have to do is to give him a couple of birds and the punishment will be lessend.
"However…" the peacekeeper goes on, making cold shills travel down my body. "For your family's failure of given notice of your disappearance you will be given a chance to take their punishment now." Darque says and smirks.
Hate flare in my body as I can feel Prim start shaking. Whenever a peacekeeper says something a lot of women and young girls has to give themselves to the peacekeepers to save their families, or receive food. Something peacekeepers are quick to use. I have been able to avoid it, as has mom thanks to her healing knowledge.
"What is it you want" I say through clenched teeth.
"I believe that you just the other day brought home a tesserae. Didn't you Ms. Everdeen." Darque says as he looks at a hand-disk. Scrolling though my information. I look at him in horror; That was food, our lifeline.
"Yes." I manage to answer, my blood boiling.
"Than it will be confiscated and if not all of it is found it will be added to your punishment." The man states satisfied, a cruel gleam in his eyes. Prim is rigged next to me, if I'm punished harshly we could very well starve to death in the coming months. I could be unable to hunt.
Darque was a much crueler man then I had first thought. He didn't like quick death, no this one liked the slow methods. If we managed to survive we would be very weak and vulnerable, just the way he wanted it. The man gave me the chills.
"Very well, my mother could show you where it is." I say, my eyes dead. Prim tries to get up to lead the way but my hand forces her to stay. She is not leaving this room with that man, not while I'm alive. Darque understand the power he has over us and he make sure that I see him brush his hand along my sister's arm before he leaves. I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from attacking him. I bleed.
I pull Prim closer and hold her until I'm calmed. A fire of hate I haven't felt for a long time blossom in my stomach. I can feel the monster that lives inside me rise up and its power makes my skin itch. It take everything I have to contain it and remain seated as I hear the peacekeepers move around in the kitchen. Not a sound comes from me, Prim or mom. Soon after I hear a door closing and I wait until mom is at the door.
"They gone?" I ask. She nods.
"Prim." She looks at me. "Go out and make sure that your goat is still in the back." Prim hurries out, growing pale with fright. If they have taken the goat they are even more doomed than they thought. Mom lets her pass and moves into the room. I almost pushes her from the bed as she sits down, it's hard for me to share space with her, no matter how much I do love her.
"They took everything." She says in a dead voice. Her face paler than before. She is shutting down, I can't let her.
"Was it enough?" I ask. She nods again. I'm relieved. We will just have to make it to the next month before getting a refill, they limit it to one a month to make us more desperate.
"Some of the things was not fully accounted for, but I gave them the bread we made yesterday and the tea, as well as cheese from the goat." She says. "Peacekeeper Darque wanted to protest, but the other two said that it was more than enough."
I nod at her and we sit there, together in silence while we wait for Prim. She is soon back.
"The goat is alright." She tells us with a smile. "We will have some milk in the morning."
We all are relived over this.
"Prim, did you see the peacekeeper leaving the district?" I ask.
"Yes. I think so. They seemed to be in a hurry and I could see some of the neighbors look out the windows." She answers.
I throw of the blanket and rushes out into the kitchen. I stand in our own window and look out. It is dirty but I can see well enough. No neighbor has yet left their house and I smile. Prim and mom follows me curiously.
"What is it Katniss?" Mom asks. I turn around and smile at them.
"I have a surprise for you, but we have to be careful." I say in reply. I look at Prim.
"The corner of Mrs. Cuts house, you know where?" She nods. "In the hollows next to the cracked stone to their house I hide some booty." She looks at me in surprise.
"I want you to go get it, take my bag so no one will look." I say and geuster for mom to go fetch my bag that is by my dirty clothes in the bedroom. Mom hurries away.
Prim looks a bit scared but nods. She will do it, we will need the food. I smile at her courage, I would go myself but we have snitches in the Seam and it is too dangerous. When Mom returns with the empty bag I put it around Prims left shoulder.
"This is what you will do. You will go out the door, but stop to look around more closely." I look into her eyes and make sure that she is listening closely. She is.
"Then you will start scouting your way over to the other houses, appearing to be searching for peacekeepers. The neighbors will be spooked and won't dare leave their homes. Make sure you behave scared and cautious." I tell her. her hands are shaking, she is nervous.
"What will I do next." She ask in a low voice.
"Next you will run toward the Cuts house, there you will trip close to the hole I talked about." I say as I hug her to me, our mother comes closer and start petting Prim's hair.
"Why don't I do it." Mom says. I look at her.
"Because I'm supposed to be sick and you're taking care of me, besides there is more to do later." I tell her, understanding her fear.
"Prim, as you trip make a startled half-shout. Than pretend that you're afraid to draw any peacekeepers attention. Huddle up next to the hole and stay there for a couple of seconds." My voice is grave as I think about the risk Prim is taking. If any cameras is directed to our house at the moment any mistake might cost Prim her life, but if mom or I went that would be a huge warning sign for either the peacekeepers or the neighbors.
The people around us are not evil, but they are desperate and hungry and I have a family to provide for. Prim will have to take this risk so that we can have food on the table.
"And while I huddle up I should try to get whatever's in their into the bag." Prim concludes. I nod, but look uncertain.
"It might be too much for you, focus on the white package and squirrels. Leave the rest if you think it's too much." Prim smiles at the mention of meat, she has no idea about the colt, it would be enough, but that is not what I have in mind.
"Then continue towards Gale's house." This makes them look at me in surprise.
"Shouldn't I run back home?" Prim asks.
"No it would look to suspicious. The idea is to get whatever's in the bag over to Mrs. Hawthorne, they have the basic food at home and I think she would trade you flower and rise."
Mrs. Hawthorne usually had more of the basic food at home saved up as much as she could, she would trade a little of it for the meat. Gale can later trade the meat in the black market, whilst I can't go there for some time now.
"When I went to collect the tesserae did Gale walk with me?" I ask. They look at me a bit worried.
"Are you really sick?" Mom asks. I shake my head.
"No but I think I hit my head in the forest, some things are scrambled." Mom nods and looks at me with concerned eyes, she will make me stay in bed after we get this done.
"Ah! No, Gale stayed at home." Was my answer. I curse, if Gale had been with me that would mean more food for us, but now we would be lucky to get a third of a sack from his mother.
"Okej! Prim, Mrs. Hawthorne won't be able to give you much, but whatever she will give you accept it. We need it more than the meat, trust me on this." My family just goes along with it. I still don't know exactly how old I am or what time of the year it is, but I realize as I look at them that I have been the head of the family for some time now. There is no argument, what I say goes. I'm disgusted by that fact, but it will help us now.
"So I should look scare, get the loot and then hurry towards Gale's house?" Prim ask for clarification.
"No! you will move in that direction and when you are close enough pretend that you get cold feet and run home to Gale. There you will stay until mom comes looking for you. It will be two or three hours. So make sure nothings figures you out for we won't be able to get to you in time." At this Prim pales even more, but instead of crying she make me proud by straightening her back and nod.
We make sure to hash out all the details before she goes, moms' hugging Prim the entire time. We are all scared, but the peacekeeper crippled us and it needs to be done. Soon Prim has opened the door and left. I want to scream for her to return to safety. Mom and I look at the closed door and are both trembling. We would never have sent Prim if it wasn't necessary. That is the only comfortable though we have for our action.
Mom starts making her way over to me, I know she wants me to go to bed, but we need to cover for Prim. Also mom need to bring the colt inside.
"No mom, I sleep later. It is time for your part." I say in a hard voice. I can see she is startled by it and her eyes loses some of it's shine. Ever since father died mom has a hard time staying focused when she is scared, but I need her so I take her into my arms and forces her to look me in the eyes. It brings her back from the brink.
"I know that you are scared, but you need to do this. It's not as dangerous as what Prim is doing, you can do this." I say to her and she just looks back at me.
"I need you to go out in a few minutes, Prim needs time enough to leave the Cuts house. When I think she is cleared you will open the door and start to look around. As if you are searching for her." As I talk mom starts to listen more and more. I realize that she believes that is all she will have to do.
"When you can't find her you turn around and head back inside… just before you enter you stop. You look at the wood I collected and then you start bringing it inside." I tell her, my voice growing thick at the danger we are about to put ourselves in. A danger I put us in. The other peacekeepers would have easily been bought off by the meat, but I had to get the one that still obeyed the law. Figures.
Thankfully mom doesn't fully grasp the severity of the situation, her mind is more to Prim. This is also why I send Prim away, if we are found out the only two that will die is me and mom. Prim will be protected by Gale. The peacekeepers will shoot us point blank, but the people in the Seam will tear us apart if they find out how much meat I have hidden away. They won't be able to stop themselves, the hunger is too great.
"Mom. The wood is more heavy than what you will expect. Whatever you do, do not drop it." I say in a grave voice. I can see her suspect that there are more out there than wood. Before she can start contemplating what exactly I direct her attention to something else. A thought that just appeared to me.
"Mom. What exact time and day is it today?"
"What?"
"Time and day mom."
"Um… It's wednesday, the sixth day of the 73th Hunger Game." She answered. I realize that this means that I am fifteen year old. I am also thankful that I at least don't have to think about the Games for an entire year. Thank the creatures.
"Then the chestnut trees are full a their thorny seeds, right." I ask her. She has to think for a moment, having a hard time jumping from Prims adventure to my everyday questions. Good.
"Yes, but they are uneatable. You know this Katniss. The trees are a mutation and their seeds are unbreakable." Mom says exasperated. Shaking her head and looking at me like I am crazy. Maybe I am.
"And if it is late summer, they are still green. Right?" I ask.
"Well. Yes"
"Good." I say and let the matter drop. Enough time has gone by that Prim should be halfway to Gale's house by now.
"It is time for your part. Are you ready." Mom doesn't answer she just walks to the door. I hide in the shadows. She is gone in an instant and I soon hear her calling for Prim. Nothing else is heard. I can hear mom moving back to the door and place myself behind it. I will help her the moment the door is closed.
Mom opens the door. Take a last look after Prim before she moves to enter, doing exactly as I told her. She then stops and look at the sling, I can see through the door-gap how she takes a strong hold off it and heaved it inside. It is hard on her, but shows nothing for anyone else. I breath a relieved sigh. I am there the moment she closes the door. Taking hold of the straps and drag our price over to the table, then run back and watch carefully out the window.
"We need to be quick, the neighbors will avoid us for the next few days but Gales family might come by." I say excited. I ripp of the branches and I hear mom's surprised gasp behind me. I turn with a happy smile towards her.
"We will have meat the next few weeks." I say and laugh, mom soon joins me.
We forget about Prim as we work on quarter the colt. The meat before us has taken first priority. It will keep us from starvation until I can go back into the forest. It's a good thing that it's august, the forest is rich with food. Before I only had father's book as a guide in scavenging, but now I have so much more knowledge. Where's before the isolation made new knowledge hard to come by I now have a vast source to draw from. For example, the hazelnut trees in district twelve had been an unknown food-source, until Johanna had shown me how to open them.
Within two hours we have skinned the colt, hanged it up for draining and empty it from its insides. The leaves from the branches working as stuffing and drying-tool. We emptied out the pantry and hanged the colt in there. We will leave it till it's tenderized before we cut it up and process it. Thankfully the pantry is towards the vest and shadows from the outside, thus always cold all year around.
Inside we put some sand and vinegar to mask its scent. When we were done we cleaned out the intestine to make sausage later, letting it soak in a tub. The blood could be made into a pudding, most of which we could give to Gale's family. They needed it and we couldn't eat everything before it went bad.
When we finally had everything finished and cleaned away the evidence we hurried to get mom into some clean clothes. When she was ready she said goodbye and then hurried off to find Prim. We both hoped that she had made it safe to Gale's. We would soon see. I couldn't follow her even though I wished for nothing more, instead I laid my exhausted self on my mattress and soon was asleep.
Chapter 7
It was odd how quick I got used to the hunger again, for despise my learnings and many hunting trips we still went hungry most of the time. The meat from the colt was good but went quickly. Mom had given most of it away to get medicine when a disease spread amongst the people in the Seam. I had bared it because that's the way of my mother, even if it vexed me.
In the months that passed I slowly adapted myself to the new situation. It was harder than anything I have done before. Prim had made it safely to Gale's mother and had managed to collect almost everything from the hollow. Which was good because Mrs. Hawthorne made a much better trade than expected. I later learned that Gale had gone to the mayor with the barrier and birds, thus managing to get flour and other basic supplies from the hob.
The first time I interacted with Gale after coming back was at my house, it was a horrid meeting. I had a hard time preventing myself from shouting at him and demanding him to leave. Blaming my mood on my sickness. He forgave me. I got better at being around him as time moved on. The one that was hardest to see was Peeta. We had the same classes and I avoided as best I could. Every time I saw his eyes sky-blue eyes, dirty-blond hair or gentle smile I turned away. Ignoring him while my heart pounded and I struggled staying focused. It was a nightmare, I hated feeling so weak.
It wasn't easy to adapt to my old life. There were more bad days than good ones. Mom and Prim bore it, helping me every step of the way. I never told them why I was so different, I guess they just assumed I had a breakdown. Not far of the truth, the cause being the thing that differentiated. Some days I missed my family more than I loved Prim, those day where dark ones for I couldn't stand looking at my own sister. Other where full of rage and violence, those days I hunted in the forest alone. Gale avoiding me until I had calmed.
The bright side with my return where the food I could gather, it was more than my family needed so Gale´s family got the excess. No one ask about it, Gale just ask me to teach him. I did. I also had Prim teach some of it to the others in the Seam. How to dry fruit, handle different roots, barks and fungus that before we couldn´t. It meant less children starving to death in the coming winter.
I didn't have the nerve to do it myself, every face I saw face reminding me daily of my past and gave me nightmare. I couldn't stand looking at the desperate mothers' and hungry children. The miners I could handle, they were faceless beings and easy to ignore, but the mothers' who fought every day for more food to their young... that I couldn't ignore.
As time moved on and fall and then winter came I got better, more stable. I still had bad episodes but not as often or as violent. I was glad over it. Some days I was depressed but my sister got better and better at drawing me out, made me interact with her and others. I never actively chose to spent time with any other than my sister, but I slowly started to accept Gale and his family once again. Some days it felt as if I had just met him, cautious but curious interaction with each other. Other days, they would be bad ones.
Every month I made new plans on how to face the future. Somedays when I was angry I planned to burn down the entire capitol and piss on president Snow's ashes. Those days I hide myself away from peacekeepers and my family; I can still remember the pain from my punishment. Cray had been lenient, he wanted meat I could gather for him, but I still weak for days after. They hadn't whipped me, but I was brutally caned.
Part of me was grateful to him for it since could have been much worse, but mostly I was angry. The anger was good, it kept me grounded. Especially when the peacekeepers reminded everyone of their place. It was a known fact that when one of us went against the norm the peacekeepers would be more harsh in the days that followed. After the canning people came to mom baring bruises or broken tools, because of me. from peacekeepers. It was hard having to stand there and hear it, knowing that I was to blame. At the time I had worried more of my family surviving.
So time had passed; summer turning to fall, fall to winter, winter to spring. Soon spring would be over and as the trees bloomed and the weather grew hotter I got more and more scared. The 74th Hunger Games was on it's way and I dreamt nightmare about it everyday.
I prayed every night that this time it would be different. Mother and Prim tried to comfort me, but for everyday that passed I grew a bit more hollowed inside. I could feel the burden of the future crushing me slowly and I despaired. I couldn't decide what to do, it was impossible to control others action and counteract them when you have no idea how it work the first time. I hated the vulnerability I felt. It was paralyzing.
Before I could think, before I could plan. Before I could do anything the time had suddenly run out. I had no more time and I felt most unprepared. I was going to have to face the probability that I had to relive the hell I once defeated. i wanted to scream.
End part I
