Ashley finished the concert with a smile and wink in my direction and then suddenly Hugh was practically dragging me backstage. Backstage was basically just a big curtained off space and we were put in a waiting room with the rest of the people with backstage passes. I was only a little bit surprised when Steve, Ashley's bodyguard, came and got me. He had been Ashley's bodyguard since my junior year in college when she dropped her first album so I knew him well. Hugh looked amazed but urged me to go on and I did so without looking back. Ashley's dressing room was just a curtained off little space but it had a couch and more importantly - Ashley herself. She looked so casual when she stood up, smiling at me with that smile that always made me weak in the knee area.
"God, I nearly stopped singing when I saw you sitting in the crowd." She said in greeting, hugging me easily. I smiled and hugged her back, a little too tight and a little too long, wondering how this was so easy for her. "You could've told me that you were coming." She seemed so carefree, as if we had been talking everyday for the last five years instead of the reality. I suddenly wished that that was thereality though, and that our friendship could be so easy just like it used to be.
"I don't have your number anymore, Ash," I said softly, making her roll her eyes and hold out her hand. I easily handed her my phone, reading her intentions, and she typed in her number before handing it back to me.
"That's your fault; you're the one that stopped talking to me." She said this playfully but I couldn't help the sadness that surged through me, not to mention the indignation.
"Come on, you know why I had to." She frowned and bit her lip, something that she always did when she was nervous. I felt the inevitable awkwardness finally fall in around us and I wrapped my arm around myself, looking anywhere but at her.
"Listen Spence-" She started, but I couldn't let her finish. I couldn't let myself fall into her ridiculously tempting trap, even though that's all I had wanted to do since the moment she stepped foot on that stage.
"Stop, it doesn't matter anymore. I have a boyfriend, and you are obviously having fun being a party girl." She rolled her eyes and sat down on the couch heavily, still smiling slightly as she patted the spot beside her.
"Don't believe everything that you read, Spence. I thought you would know that by now." I sighed and hesitantly sat down beside her. We sat in awkward silence for a few more seconds before she spoke again, picking at a loose thread on her jeans nervously. "You have a boyfriend?"
"Yeah, he's the one that got us these tickets." I answered, not particularly wanting to talk about Hugh but glad that she'd brought it up anyways. It was like a reminder to keep my distance emotionally.
"How long?" She was still smiling, obviously thinking that it was nothing too serious. Her eyes seemed to penetrate into me as she stared at me expectantly. I bit my lip, debating whether or not I should even tell her.
"Almost a year," I finally answered, chuckling when she let an obscenity slip. "His name is Hugh King." Her eyes seemed to bulge out of her head at this information for a minute before she smirked.
"You're dating Hugh King? Damn Spencer, I never imagined you the high society type." I chuckled and just shook my head.
"He's not really like that." She seemed to accept this easily and this time the silence was more comfortable as we both let our thoughts wander. That is, until she decided to start asking hard questions.
"Do you love him?" She must've felt me tense up because she shook her head, "Never mind, I don't want to know. Can I meet him?" I was grateful that she wasn't making me answer that question; because I had yet to speak the truth out loud, to anyone. If I did it now, to her, it would make things so much harder than they needed to be. I debated whether or not I wanted them to meet but I could never say no to those beautiful brown eyes.
"Yeah, but he doesn't know about us, so it might be a bit weird." She looked hurt for a minute but she nodded and called for Steve. A few seconds later Hugh was led back into the room and his eyes nearly bulged out of his head when he saw that I was sitting with Ashley as if I did it every day. I almost laughed as I saw his wheels start turning.
"Hi, you must be Hugh." She said, jumping up to shake his hand. "Spencer was just telling me about you." I smiled, surprised by this genuine, non sarcastic Ashley. Maybe she had changed. I was honestly expecting her to be overly passive aggressive.
"Yeah, I'm sorry, do you know-" She didn't even let him finish his question before jumping in.
"Me and Spence go way back, she doesn't like to claim me but I used to be her best friend." I rolled my eyes when she said this but laughed as Hugh tried to determine whether or not she was joking.
"It's true, we went to high school together and she was the only one kind enough to take in the new kid." I said, as she sat back down beside me and leaned into me slightly without thinking about it. The warm skin of her arm gave me goose bumps as it brushed against mine.
"Why didn't you tell me about this?" He asked, making Ashley grin and throw her arm around my shoulders, trying her best to look buddy buddy but getting entirely too close for my comfort. She smelt so fucking good I almost leaned over to take a closer whiff. I stopped myself, making myself focus on the question that had been presented to me.
"I didn't know how you'd take it," I finally said, making Ashley tense up beside me. Hugh looked confused for a minute and then his eyes found Ashley's wrist where the script S was tattooed and he seemed to understand all at once.
"Oh! You two were- oh God," He said, sitting down heavily, shaking his head. "Is that why you kept turning me down?"
"Yeah," I answered, as Ashley pulled away from me with a small smile, as if pleased that I hadn't just jumped into his bed. He was taking it better than I expected, though a small part of me had kind of been hoping that he'd freak out and dump me so that Ashley would pick up the pieces and fall madly in love with – okay I really need to stop thinking these things.
"Holy shit! You're the girl in her book! The one she was so in love with!" I nodded again while Ashley looked a little uncomfortable and Hugh sighed, leaning back as he tried to take it all in. "Wow, just…wow. I cannot believe this."
"Hugh, it was high school. Almost ten years ago!" I soothed, internally cringing. Had it really been that long? Sometimes it seemed like just yesterday.
"So you two are officially over?" I nodded and Ashley looked almost sick as she nodded too. "Okay, this is no big deal, right? You two are just friends." He seemed to be talking to himself, as if trying to reassure himself.
"Just friends." I echoed, and he seemed to relax even as Ashley slowly inched away from me, a frown on her beautiful face.
"Great! So Ashley, would you like to get some food with Spencer and me?" She looked a bit surprised but nodded after a second of deliberation and looked at me with a raised eyebrow.
"Well I have to go to the meeting room first; my manager would kill me if I turn down meeting some of my fans. You can chill here if you like; I'll only be about fifteen minutes." She pushed a hand through her curls and smiled tightly before pushing the curtain aside and leaving us alone.
"Oh my God Spencer! You should've told me!"
"I'm sorry, I was afraid that you would've taken it the wrong way." I answered, smiling as he sat down beside me.
"No, it's cool, really. I mean, I'm not going to lie to you it caught me off guard. You don't seem like the lesbian type to me."
"Well it's not like there's a certain type of woman –"
"No, no that's not what I meant." He said, seeing that he had kind of offended me. "I just mean I never pictured you being with another woman. You're just so straight." I laughed and he grinned as I shook my head.
"Obviously not," I retorted, making him raise his eyebrows.
"So how many other women have you been with that I don't know about?"
"Oh, don't make this perverted." I laughed, smacking his arm slightly.
"I'm not, I'm just curious as to what else you've kept from me." He grinned, throwing an arm around my shoulders.
"Ashley has been the only one, except for a few brief flings with girls in college." He processed this information before setting me with a questioning gaze.
"So how long were you two together?"
"Almost two years, we broke up when I went to New York, but we stayed best friends until the night before I graduated from NYU."
"What happened?" I looked down as I felt my throat close up.
"Well I wanted more, I was still in love with her but she didn't feel the same so she left and we haven't talked since, until tonight." He covered my hand with his and I looked back up with a fake smile. He sighed and looked away, as if thinking about something.
"Do you still love her?" He said this as though it hurt to say it. I was going to lie; I was going to deny everything. He'd never take me alive! "I need to know Spencer, please." He sounded so pathetic and it broke me. Crap.
"I'll always love her." I answered, making him nod but stand up and scratch his head thoughtfully. "I love you, you know that." I said, getting up to grab his hand reassuringly.
"But you love her too." He pointed out, setting me with a questioning stare.
"I'm with you aren't I? If I didn't love you would I still be here?" I asked him, wondering how the hell I had gotten myself into this situation.
"Yeah, but do you want to be with me? I mean am I more than just a protection blanket for you?" I had to make a decision. I could walk away from him right now and try to be with Ashley the girl who broke my heart and probably would never want me back. Or I could stay with a man who loved me and wanted to marry me. A man who would do anything for me and protect me for the rest of my life and I'd always have Ashley as a friend.
