The next few weeks went by in a blur. The Squip had finally given Michael a list of everything that could both temporarily and permanently shut the Squips down. And literally everything on the list was mostly impossible - except one. Mountain Dew Red. Michael lived for the discontinued, old-school drinks. His only problem was that nowhere he knew of had it. Spencer's Gifts was getting a shipment in about a month or so, and Michael still needed to get the money for it. But, other than that, Michael was just praying he could get through to Jeremy.
Another thing, the mutual hatred between them had seemed to dull down a bit. The Squip actually made Michael laugh sometimes now, despite himself. When Michael was upset about Jeremy, or bored and brooding, the Squip found ways to distract him and cheer him up in its own dickish ways. And he was a lot more cooperative and willing to listen once the Squip had told him about the Mountain Dew Red. He had been surprised that the Squip was willing to tell him this information, and the Squip had replied,
"I have no reason to withhold this information from you, Mell. If you choose to get rid of me, that is your decision."
So, yeah. He trusted the thing a little bit more, somewhat. He wasn't worried about it corrupting him, at least. It was actually pretty cool to have around, but Michael wouldn't admit it out loud. Not that he needed to, it knew his opinion of it. Which was kind of fucked. But neither of them spoke of it.
Michael was currently frozen in a corner, watching other kids dance and laugh and overall just go crazy over the party. His anxiety was spiking up majorly, and it took everything he had not to throw up right then and there, or just turn tail and leave. His gaze flickered around, searching for Jeremy among the crowd, but he couldn't catch a glimpse of his former friend. Which only made his anxiety that much worse.
He took a deep breath and tried to remember to do just that - breathe. He looked down at the cup in his hand that he had yet to drink out of. The Squip had advised against it, so that it could still function and be there if something went south. And so he could tell Michael what to say to Jeremy when the time came. The Squip had gone off to interact with other Squips, "forging a connection", it had explained, as some of the kids there weren't students of the school Michael had gone to. So Michael was mostly alone while it went off to interact. He stared down, rubbing his thumb along the rim of the cup.
I'm surprised by how many kids here are already Squipped. There was a short pause. How are you doing?
Fine. Well, not fine. But that doesn't matter. Michael took a deep breath, busying himself with chewing on his fingernails as he looked around anxiously, wanting to down all of what was in the cup but restraining himself. Is Jeremy here? Then he almost started laughing. Jeremy. Here. Jeremy Heere.
… I'll give you a pass on that one. And no, he is not. I believe he is on his way, however, I can sense his Squip from here. The Squip was suddenly at his side, arms crossed over its chest as it looked Michael up and down, digital eyebrows knitting together. It shouldn't be that much longer now, Mell.
Michael shook his head and took a deep breath, trying to force himself to relax. The Squip studied him for a moment before suddenly grabbing his shoulder, giving a small tug. When Michael looked, he saw that the Squip was pointing toward the bathroom. You want me to hide in the bathroom.
Not hide. Just try and relax and catch your breath, the Squip advised, staring at him. Michael opened his mouth to protest, but a look from the Squip had him shaking his head, reluctantly pushing forward to go to the bathroom. He flinched away from the other kids, shutting and locking the door once he was safely inside and sucking in a sharp breath, holding it and letting it out slowly. That's it. Breathe.
"Shut up," Michael groaned, not really trying to be rude, but needing a moment of silence to relax. The Squip gave him that, and once he was mostly okay, it spoke up again,
Who spilled Mountain Dew Red in your quantum processor?
Michael actually laughed a bit at that, the joke managing to take the rest of the tension away. He rested his head against the door before turning away, setting the cup of spiked punch down on the edge of the sink before walking over and taking a seat on the edge of the tub, putting his head in his hands. Maybe this was a bad idea. He was at this huge-ass party with a stupid "disguise" that probably wasn't even fooling anyone at all, and he didn't even know if he would be able to talk to Jeremy at all. Maybe he'd come here for nothing.
"Or maybe this is your chance," the Squip replied, beginning to speak aloud again as it sat beside him. "You can't live in fear of "what if's" and "maybe's", Mell. That doesn't get anybody anywhere. You need to take your chances before they can pass you by."
Michael nodded slightly, taking another deep breath and closing his eyes. "I don't know, man. I just…" He trailed off. "I don't even know if he'll listen to me."
"He will," the Squip told him, leaning back a little and placing its hands on the edge of the tub on either side of it.
"And how do you know that?" Michael muttered, then added, "and don't say because of your quantum processor allowing you to envision probable futures-"
The Squip snorted, then turned serious. "Because you're a good person, who genuinely cares about his well-being and is sincerely concerned about what his Squip is doing to him." It met his gaze, eyebrows raising. "You're exactly the type of person he needs in his life right now. He'd be an idiot not to see that."
Michael went silent, considering that for a moment, then let out a laugh and took his glasses off, rubbing the tears from his eyes. "You're really good at this pep talk shit," he sighed, closing his eyes.
"I know I am," the Squip replied dismissively, with a cheeky smile. "Do you think you're alright to go back out now?"
Michael hesitated.
"That's alright," the Squip added with a shrug, then gestured in front of them. Michael turned to look just in time to see the familiar, large, holographic screen pull up in front of them. "You can just pass the time playing video games until you are." It flashed him a smile, and Michael managed to grin in response.
About half an hour later, Michael finally managed to work up the nerve to leave the bathroom, the Squip falling into step with him easily. He made his way through the crowd, trying to avoid eye contact but at the same time at least sort-of attempting to look confident enough to make other people think he belonged there. He definitely avoided Jake, certain that he would recognize that Michael wasn't supposed to be at the party, and paused near the beverage stand to catch his breath, anxiety practically crushing him.
You're doing good, Mell. The Squip put a hand on his shoulder and gave a slight squeeze, trying to reassure him. Michael just shook his head and took another deep breath to calm down. Just breathe. You're fine.
Michael nodded and closed his eyes, taking his glasses off to rub at his eyes. It took him a moment to straighten up again, putting his glasses back on and turning around, only to jerk back when he almost bumped into someone. Someone familiar, actually. Well, not familiar familiar, but he knew that face anywhere. And it just about broke him, because, God, too many old memories resurfaced the moment they locked eyes.
Christine. Christine Canigula.
Jeremy Heere's target female, the Squip muttered, and Michael tried not to wince. Part of the reason Jeremy had gotten the Squip. So that he could get close to Christine. But he couldn't be mad at her for that. She had absolutely no idea. Despite it all, she was a sweet girl.
"Sorry-" Christine paused and looked up, eyebrows furrowing as she met Michael's gaze. He opened his mouth to assure her that it was fine, but she stopped him before he could speak. "Hey… You're Michael, right? Jeremy's friend?" Her eyebrows raised, a smile gracing her face as she spoke. "You two used to hang out together, right?"
"Yeah…" Michael trailed off, rubbing his arm and forcing a smile at her in return. "We did." Awkward silence followed for a moment after that, until Michael finally managed to speak again, clearing his throat. "Uh. You're Christine, yeah?" He reached behind him to grab another cup of the spiked punch - he'd dumped his other one out in the sink - just to make it look like he really did belong there.
"That's me!" Christine beamed and held a hand out to him. Michael hesitated, but he reached out when the Squip nudged him, shaking her hand. She had a firm grip, he noted. "It's really nice to meet you."
"Pleasure's all mine." Michael managed to give her a hesitant smile, then looked up when the Squip suddenly poked him. Immediately, he faltered. Because none other than Jeremy Heere had walked through the door, standing straight and confident and with a smile on his face. He walked over to them, and gave Christine a nod. Michael was frozen.
"Hi, Jeremy," Christine spoke up cheerfully, putting her hands into her pockets and looking over at Jeremy with a smile as he grabbed a can of mountain dew. Michael watched, his heart pounding in his chest. This was closer than he'd gotten to Jeremy in so long, and he couldn't even see him standing there. He couldn't even acknowledge his existence.
"Hey, Christine." Jeremy opened the can of mountain dew, looking like he was about to say more, but stopped abruptly and threw a glance beside him before simply turning and walking away, toward where Brooke was standing. Michael slowly relaxed, a low sigh escaping his lips as he shook his head, surprised by how painful it was to be around him now. But he had to suck it up and get used to it. He just needed to help Jeremy. Then get out of his life for good.
Are you alright? The Squip was glaring after Jeremy, focused on the other Squip that Michael couldn't see.
I'm fine. Michael wasn't fine. He felt numb. Without a word, he slid past Christine, who was trying to talk to him again. "I'm sorry, I have to go," he muttered as he passed, breezing past Jeremy and Brooke without another word and going to the bathroom, shutting and locking it behind him once more before walking over to the sink, setting the cup down and doubling over to catch his breath.
You can't lie to me, Mell. I'm inside your head, the Squip sighed, and Michael flinched when it put a hand on his back. But then he relaxed into the touch, surprised to find himself strangely comforted by the goddamn supercomputer. Just breathe. You'll be okay, I promise.
"I can't do this," Michael whispered, shaking his head and blinking back tears as he looked up. He lifted one hand to pull his glasses off when they abruptly began to fog up, rubbing at them furiously before doing the same to his eyes, trying to fight the tears as much as possible. "It's so stupid, but I can't do this."
It's not stupid.
"It feels stupid."
Of course it does. It's a typical teenage thinking process, especially when it comes to boys. The Squip pulled him away from the sink, guiding him over to the tub. Instead of sitting on the edge of it, this time, Michael ended up climbing inside. Because sitting on the edge actually hurt. The Squip took a seat on the edge and crossed one leg over the other, watching him. But I assure you, it's not stupid. You don't decide how you feel, you simply do. There's nothing stupid about it. It's what makes you…
"Human?" Michael finished, unable to help but let out a soft, watery laugh as he put his glasses back on. "Sometimes I wish I wasn't human, then. It's a curse."
Your emotions aren't a curse, Michael. They're part of who you are, the Squip insisted. And you shouldn't let anyone or anything allow you to believe that any part of who you are is stupid.
"You say all this like you actually care," Michael murmured, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. "You're a computer. You don't process human emotions." He was just repeating what the Squip had told him before.
I'm not supposed to. There was a moment of silence while they both processed this, and then the Squip cleared its nonexistent throat. Do you need a moment to calm down?
Michael just nodded. On cue, the Squip pulled up another holographic screen. This time it was much smaller, and instead of a video game, it was playing one of Michael's favorite Star Wars movies. He quirked an eyebrow at the Squip, who merely shrugged. You need some form of entertainment to relax.
Michael went silent, focusing on the screen again. After a moment or so of silence, he took a deep breath and murmured, "thank you."
… You're welcome.
It was at least an hour this time before Michael managed to convince himself to leave. He stayed in the bathtub for a while after the Squip had shut the screen, looking down and wringing his hands together as he prepared himself for whatever would come when he stepped out the door. He still wasn't sure he'd even get the chance to speak to Jeremy. He hadn't seen him earlier, why would he now? Why would his Squip let him get drunk or high, knowing what it would do? The thoughts and questions raced through his head, almost working himself up into another anxiety attack, but stopped abruptly when he noticed the sudden silence from his Squip.
The thing was just sitting there, staring at nothing with wide, glitched over eyes. Michael blinked hesitantly, starting to push himself up, but the Squip snapped back to attention rather suddenly, causing Michael to jump. "JEEZ, DUDE!"
Target male approaching. The Squip moved aside, gesturing for Michael to pull the curtains shut. He did so reluctantly, and the Squip re-materialized in front of him in the bathtub, causing Michael to jump again. The Squip put a finger to its lips, shushing him, and Michael tooka deep breath but stayed silent.
A few minutes passed before the door opened - Michael jumped and flinched - and he heard the familiar mumbling voice of his former friend as the door shut. He sounded out of breath and terrified, immediately sparking concern from Michael. But when he started to get up, the Squip gestured for him to stay down. He stayed put, tense.
There was silence for a few more moments. Michael watched through a small crack in the curtains as Jeremy walked over and sat on the edge of the tub, seemingly trying to catch his breath, and he threw a helpless look toward the Squip. After a moment of silence, the Jeremy-lookalike finally nodded and Michael started to push himself up.
A sharp scream from Jeremy made him realize he'd accidentally grabbed his former friend's arm while doing so. He cursed under his breath as Jeremy scrambled back, and immediately pulled the curtains back to make sure he was okay. He was on the floor now, pushing himself back as he stared with wide eyes.
For the first time in months, their gazes met again, and Michael felt something inside him crack and mend at the same time. Jeremy's eyes were warmer than the Squip's, no glitches present, cheeks flushed and hair messy. He was breathing heavily, staring at Michael like he'd seen a ghost, and he might as well have.
Michael opened his mouth to speak, ask if he was okay, then kind of just panicked, awkwardness and anxiety taking over. "... 'Sup?"
The Squip facepalmed. Michael wanted to, too.
Jeremy let out a low, breathy sigh, slowly starting to relax. He kept his gaze on Michael, clearly not knowing what to say. Michael wondered for a moment if he could even see him… And then- "Michael?"
Michael's heart skipped a beat. He could. Jeremy could see him.
"I didn't know you were invited to this party?" Jeremy somehow made the words sound accusing, bewildered and disbelieving all at once. Michael shrugged slightly, glancing toward the Squip for a moment before putting his hands on the side of the tub and pushing himself up.
"I wasn't," he responded quietly, stepping out and dusting himself off. "Which is why I'm wearing this…" He gestured to himself. "... Clever disguise."
Jeremy just stared. Michael gazed back. He didn't know what else to say.
You're speechless.
Yes, I am.
Not you. The Squip actually laughed a little bit, then turned serious again. Say that to him. "You're speechless". Michael gave a skeptical look for a second, then took a deep breath and managed to step forward.
"You're speechless."
Squip got your tongue?
That was actually a good one. Michael offered Jeremy his hand, a little hesitant at first. "Squip got your tongue?"
"What?" Jeremy asked dumbly, then his eyes widened, reaching out and grasping Michael's hand. "No, it's…" He trailed off as Michael pulled him to his feet, staring at him with an unreadable expression. "It's off."
Michael had already figured that, actually. He snapped his fingers and shoved his hands into his pockets. "That would explain why you're talking to me," he muttered. Then he continued, repeating after the Squip. "I was thinking about this moment. What I was gonna say to you?" He took a deep breath and walked past him, running his fingers through his hair. "I had this really, pissed off monologue…" He spared a glance at the Squip, who nodded, then turned back to Jeremy. "An epic journey through twelve years of friendship-"
He stopped. Because Jeremy was staring at him silently, his expression softer than Michael expected. And because the Squip had held a hand up to stop him.
"... What?"
"You know, it's just-" Jeremy cut off, and let out a slightly choked sounding laugh. Michael was stunned to see tears brewing in his eyes. "It's just really great to see you, man." He let out a breathless laugh, looking down. He didn't see Michael's expression change, pure pain flashing through the boy's eyes as he faltered, a lump rising in his throat.
The Squip put a hand on his shoulder, and Michael took a deep breath and braced himself. He could do this later. "Well, it won't be… When you hear what I found out."
"Found out?" Jeremy's eyebrows furrowed together, pushing his hands into his pockets for a moment as he stared.
"About…" Michael gestured, tapping a finger against his own head, and watched Jeremy's eyes widen, a look of understanding crossing his face.
"... How? There's nothing on the internet about-"
"Which is weird, right?!" Michael interrupted suddenly, despite the Squip's protests. Of course, Michael had eventually found some stuff on the internet, but it had taken him a lot of time and hacking to do so. "I mean, what's not on the internet?" Jeremy shrugged, looking down, and Michael paused to look toward the Squip, eyebrows raising.
The Squip hummed. Tell him about that friend of yours, the one with the brother in the mental hospital.
And Michael did. "So I started asking around." He looked down, rubbing his hands together, then glanced up to meet Jeremy's gaze. "And, finally, this guy I play Warcraft with? He told me his brother went from a straight D student, to a Freshman at Harvard." He paused again, then asked quietly, "you know where he is now?"
He watched Jeremy process this information, blue eyes flickering silently before he spoke again. "Really happy and successful?"
Michael couldn't even bring himself to laugh at the innocence. "... He's in a mental hospital." The second he said that, Jeremy's face fell to a horrified look before he suddenly masked it again. Michael watched him carefully, frowning. "Totally lost it."
A moment of tense silence passed between them. The Squip was glancing between the two, eyes narrowed. Michael took the chance to finally realize how weird it was to be staring at two Jeremys, even if one of them was a holographic supercomputer.
Finally, Jeremy spoke again, and Michael was surprised by the amount of irritation in his voice. "Alright, well, I don't see what that has to do with me and my Sq-"
"Think, man!" Michael interrupted, once more echoing the Squip, and paused when Jeremy flinched. But he didn't stop. "We're talking, an insanely powerful supercomputer! You think its primary function is to get you laid?" The Squip nodded encouragingly, and Michael went on, "who made them? How did they end up in a high school? In New Jersey?"
Kids like Richard Goranski, the Squip muttered. "Of all possible applications for such a mind-blowingly advanced technology…"
Michael repeated it, a little more quietly, and added, "... You ever wonder what it's doing inside of you?"
Both Michael and the Squip were taken aback when Jeremy suddenly scoffed and looked down, sliding a half-step back and letting out a low, shaky sounding sigh. "And I thought Chloe was jealous."
Michael blinked. "I'm honestly asking."
"Oh, really?" Jeremy challenged, glancing back up.
"Yeah."
"Well, I think you're just pissed off," Jeremy growled, lips curling into a faint sneer as his eyes narrowed at Michael, colder than he'd ever seen before. "That I have one, and you don't."
Oh, Michael almost wanted to start laughing. But he also felt sick. Jeremy had never spoken to him this way - not seriously, at least. And it hurt. He replied anyway, his voice strained. "Come on."
"Hey, maybe I got lucky, alright?" Jeremy snapped, gesturing wildly at nothing in particular as he stepped forward. Michael stepped back, surprised. "Is that so weird? I mean, with my history, I would say that the universe owed me one! And look, I don't know about your- your friend's brother's whatever, but if you're telling me that his Squip made him crazy-"
Michael felt like he was about to drown. "The Squip didn't make him crazy-"
"Alright, well there you go!"
Despite the Squip's protests to back off, Michael finally yelled, "he went crazy trying to get it out!"
Jeremy reeled back, and the Squip shook its head wildly, trying to catch Michael's gaze. Michael just stared, breathing heavy and trying to keep his tears back as he stared at Jeremy, silently praying that he'd stop and listen for a second. Then, after a moment, his expression froze over again, and he straightened up, crossing his arms. "Well, then, I've got nothing to worry about. Why would I want that?"
He turned toward the door. But Michael, panicking, stepped forward, blocking him before he could leave. He just had to get him to listen to him. He was so close.
"Come on, man," Jeremy scoffed, glaring down at the shorter boy. "Move it."
Despite how threatening he tried to sound, Michael was a little more confident now. Jeremy wouldn't hurt him. He never had, not once. "... Or you'll what?"
Michael-
Too late. Jeremy was in his face, hands gripping Michael's shirt, pulling him up to come face to face with him completely. Michael's breathing hitched, and for the first time, staring into his ex-best friend's cold eyes, he felt… terrified. Of Jeremy. "Get out of my way," Jeremy spoke slow and precise, dropping Michael and pushing him to the side. He stumbled, managing to grab the edge of the sink to steady himself. "Loser."
The door slammed shut. Michael flinched, staying completely still.
The Squip was watching him. Quiet, careful. Gauging his reaction, his thoughts. It actually looked concerned. Michael didn't say a word, just pushed himself away from the sink to lock the door again. It rattled as soon as he did, and he flinched, stepping back.
"Hello? Some of us have to pee!"
Michael wasn't in the mood to wait for the Squip to come up with a reply, so he said the first thing that came to his mind. "I'm having my period."
"... Take your time, honey."
He exhaled, hearing the footsteps fade into the distance, and looked around. His gaze caught the cup he'd set on the sink. A perfect fix, actually.
Are you sure that's a good idea? The Squip asked quietly, still watching him. Michael had never been more sure of anything in his entire life. He needed to be numb. He needed it to stop. And he didn't have weed with him, so this was the only thing he could think of. He gave a stiff, short nod to the Squip, grabbing the cup without a word.
… Very well. The Squip closed its eyes. I'm sorry, Mell.
Michael simply downed the entire cup and watched the Squip glitch out of sight. And then he was just Michael in the bathroom, Michael in the bathroom by himself.
All by himself…
A few hours later, Michael was honestly ready to just give up and call the bathroom his new home when the Squip reappeared. Dammit, he wasn't drunk enough. He hadn't wanted to go out and risk running into Jeremy again, so he kind of just stayed in there and ignored anyone who knocked on the door. It made him feel bad, but he couldn't go out and face the crowd. Not yet.
"What?" Michael sighed when the Squip appeared. He wasn't mad at it, though he wanted to be. He was only mad at himself. He shouldn't have needed a supercomputer's help in the first place. He should have known how to help his best friend without it. The Squip sighed and sat down on the edge of the tub, watching him.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be." Michael gestured dismissively and looked down, rubbing his hands together and closing his eyes. "He doesn't want to be helped. I just-" he laughed a little, the sound catching in his throat. "I don't know how to help someone who doesn't want it, you know?"
The Squip nodded understandingly, then opened its mouth. Only to stop and turn abruptly. Without any warning, though, it suddenly jumped up, its expression glitching over for a moment before a look of pure terror crossed its face. "We need to leave."
"What?" Michael struggled to push himself up, confused. "Why?"
"Now!"
