The Improbable part 4
By Tralla


Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters do not belong to me. No profits are being made.


\\lyrics//


Quatre's bleary gaze moved from a standing Trowa to sedentary Wufei. The Chinese man continued to finger the end of Duo's braid. Quatre blinked. He was quite sure he'd heard right. The blond scratched his head. At least, he thought he heard Trowa and Wufei say that they planned to…

In his drunken state, the blonde managed to appear mortified. He faced Trowa and Wufei with a horrified expression. "You twooo spant do that…" Quatre frowned. That didn't come out right at all. He closed his eyes. God, he was feeling kind of woozy. His hand clutched the drink Trowa had just handed him. He opened his eyes and peered down at the half full goblet. His eyes watered over. His bleary gaze moved over to Trowa, who had a slight smirk on his face. "Tro..wa…what'd…ya give… me…" The blond promptly passed out on the couch. The goblet fell from his grasp and landed in his lap, immediately spilling the yellowish-pink mixture on his crotch.

"It definitely wasn't another 'tickled and pink,'" noted an amused Wufei.

Trowa snorted. He'd offered to give Quatre another 'tickled and pink' if the blonde promised not to wake Heero and Duo before he and Wufei had their fun. But, then Trowa thought about it. The likelihood of Quatre keeping his mouth shut while they played their prank was small to nonexistent. The blond was talkative when sober but suffered from diarrhea of the mouth when he had even an ounce of liquor in his system. So, Trowa decided to silence him. He'd slipped some of Heero's experimental mixture into the blonde's drink. Trowa moved away from his liquor stash and stood in front of Wufei.

"I think Quatre's right," said Trowa while casting a glance at the unconscious blond. "Touching the braid is out of the question. Any man who grows his hair that long is either incredibly fussy, conceited, or has a weird hair fetish."

Wufei nodded in agreement and released the end of Duo's braid. The braided man continued to doze with his mouth wide open. The only other sound in the room was Heero's spasmodic snoring.

Wufei looked up at Trowa and crossed his legs. "What do you have in mind then?"

Trowa turned away. His pert rear was in Wufei's direct line of vision. "Follow me and I'll show you."

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Trowa led Wufei to the guest room in which Catherine stayed. The Chinese man's eyes moved from frilly, yellow curtains to an equally frilly yellow bed.

"If you needed help decorating, this isn't the time to ask," murmured Wufei.

Trowa shot Wufei a dark look before moving to Catherine's closet. "Cathy visits often enough that it's practical to give her her own room."

"Right. Just admit it. This isn't her room at all. It's yours. I pegged you as a crossdresser years ago," said Wufei as he eyed a gossamer pink negligee.

"Trying something once doesn't count," murmured Trowa as he began to search his sister's closet. "Make yourself useful and look through the dresser."

Wufei snorted, "What am I looking for?"

Without turning around Trowa said, "Something obviously feminine." He paused. "Something that will show up great in pictures."

A chuckle came from Wufei. "I'm impressed." He strolled from the doorway and began opening drawers.

The two of them spent some minutes in silence as they searched for items to dress Heero and Duo in.

And then, suddenly Trowa's voice broke the quiet. "He's attractive," said Trowa as he referred to a certain sleeping and ill-fated braided man. "Do you want him?"

Without looking up, Wufei continued to rifle through Catherine's panties. "Why do you care?"

There was a pause before Trowa replied, "I don't."

There was more silence between the two before Wufei suddenly turned around victorious. In his fingers was a white lace panty with a removable crotch.

"This is another side of Cathy I'm afraid I haven't seen."

Trowa turned red. "There's something disturbing about you fingering my sister's underwear. Put that down and go look in the closet."

Wufei snorted but didn't relinquish the erotic article. Just to perturb Trowa, he rested it on his shoulder before proceeding past the slightly taller man to the closet. Trowa took Wufei's place at the dresser.

As soon as Trowa reached the dresser, he began flinging items from it onto the bed. "You can't do anything right," said Trowa as he threw a lavender lacey bra over his shoulder. "Anything from here will do."

Wufei didn't say anything. He reached into the closet and pulled out a large pink feathered boa. "You call me incompetent? How could you miss this?" He turned around and dangled the boa before him.

Trowa turned to look at the brightly colored article. His eyes moved over it distastefully. "It's tacky."

Wufei snorted again. "We're not preparing for a fashion show. What does it matter?"

Trowa turned away. "Forgive me for having some sense of aesthetic." Trowa paused for a moment before saying, "Bring everything downstairs while I get my camera."

"I'm not your errand boy."

"I never said you were." Without another word, Trowa left his position from in front the dresser and walked out the door.

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Wufei entered the den. In his arms was an overflow of feminine items, some were dainty and frilly in nature and some skirted on the erotic. With his head cocked to the side, he approached a currently at rest Duo Maxwell. His eyes roved Duo's sleeping form, taking the length of his lax lean body. But he was interrupted from a thorough assessment by the sound of approaching footsteps. Trowa entered the room with a large professional looking camera in one hand. His other hand was behind his back as he approached Wufei.

"I found something else while I was looking for my camera."

Wufei turned to glance at him. "What? One more reason to finally get a decent hair cut?"

Trowa managed not to glare at him. Years of suffering hair jokes had given him a tough outer shell. He simply pulled his hand from behind his back and raised it to the level of Wufei's face. From his long fingers, dangled a shiny pair of—

Wufei's eyes actually widened. "Handcuffs?"

Trowa nodded and for the first time that night, a smile seemed to touch the corners of his lips. "It's seems my dry spell is over. I'm feeling a bit creative." Trowa's eyes moved to Heero. "And I'll need your hands to help me."

Wufei arched an eyebrow. He caught on and dropped his arm full of Catherine's intimate articles. They fell to the floor with a flop.

Both men moved over to Heero's unconscious snoring figure. Trowa rested his camera on the far end of the couch and kept the handcuffs in the other hand. There was a glance at Wufei before he reached over to shake Heero. The man grumbled something about fighting fire mages in a bat cave before sinking deeper into unconsciousness. Trowa shook his head as he slipped his arms underneath Heero's pits and began to drag him from the couch. With his irritation showing, Trowa looked up at Wufei say, "Get his legs. He's dead weight."

"Weakling," murmured Wufei before moving to take Heero's legs. But, he grimaced a little as they began to move Heero over to the couch on which Duo slept. Trowa was correct. Heero appeared much heavier than he looked. But, amazingly enough, all the while, even as they almost dropped him, Heero continued to snore.

Unceremoniously, Trowa and Wufei plopped him on the couch beside Duo. The sudden weight on the couch caused the braided man to stir in his sleep. Both Wufei and Trowa froze in silence. They watched as Duo scratched his crotch before falling back asleep.

Tentatively, Trowa stepped forward with the handcuffs ready. He slipped one metal bracelet around Heero's wrist and the other around Duo's and then locked the handcuffs in place.

"You have keys for those," asked Wufei.

Trowa answered, "I lost them weeks ago."

Both men shrugged before bending to pick at the pile of Catherine's things. Among the articles of clothing were other items that Trowa had picked from Catherine's dresser to throw onto her bed. Nail polish, make-up, and perfume were among the heap of brassieres, panties, and scarves.

Without really paying attention to aim, Wufei and Trowa began to throw the little lace articles onto Heero and Duo. The delicate articles landed softly and silently on the two sleeping men. A lavender bra landed on Heero's head. A gossamer pink panty hung from Duo's shoulder. Nylons fell between the sleeping pair. A lemon colored thong fell over Heero's crotch…

Finally, the pile was empty and the only items that remained were the nail polish, perfume, and the make-up.

Trowa eyed the make-up bag and said, "Too risky. They'll wake up."

Wufei already had a bottle of Cupid's Passion nail polish in his hand. "That still leaves their hands." He moved forward, trying to near Maxwell as quietly as possible.

He twisted the cover off the nail polish. Carefully, with his free hand, he made a move to position Maxwell's hand to allow maximum coverage. But, the very moment their skin made contact, Duo moved against the couch. One word fell from his lips as he resettled himself against the couch. "Milliardo…"

Wufei almost choked. He dropped Duo's hand.

"Who's Milliardo," asked a half interested Trowa from behind.

"His brother-in-law," murmured Wufei with a slight smirk. "Interesting…Interesting…" Wufei lifted his free hand again. This time he brought it close to Duo's knee.

"What are you doing?"

"Just an experiment," murmured Wufei with a look of concentration on his face.

Trowa's eyes narrowed as he watched Wufei run his hand along Duo's inner thigh.

In his sleep, the braided man writhed against the couch cushions. His lips parted and one more word fell from his lips. "Relena…"

Wufei turned green as he whispered, "That name wasn't as gratifying to hear…" He turned around to face Trowa. "But…" The green faded away to be replaced by an expression of amusement. "He's dreaming of both brother and sister…there's still hope…" Wufei dunked the nail polish brush into the bottle. He pulled it out and it was laden with fuchsia. "There's still hope…"

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Duo awoke with a start. A loud, adolescent and almost goat like voice woke him from his drunken slumber.


//Dirty Pop! I'm sick and tired of hearing
All these people talk about
What's the deal with this pop life
And when is it going to fade out?//


His hands flew to his head to drown out the droning voice. Well, his hands tried to. The left one succeeded and cupped his ear while the other one seemed weighted down.

Duo tried to lift his right hand. Finally, after much tugging, he lifted it and saw *two* hands instead of his singular right one. He nearly jumped out of his skin.

At least that was until he saw the set of metal bracelets that paired his hand with another. And then he turned to the right and was greeted with an alarmingly

close face and a hooded pair of Prussian eyes.

And then the owner of the face spoke and Duo was greeted with the scent of stale liquor. He wrinkled his nose in disgust as Heero grumbled over the music,

"It's about time you woke up."

Duo closed his eyes. "Where am I?" He rubbed his temples.

"Trowa's house."

"Dear God…" Instead of being surprised by his handcuffed situation Duo found another cause for his irritation. His temples continued to throb with the irksome upbeat music. Duo griped, "Is he responsible for this music?"


//Baby, you can't stop
When the music's all you got
Come on now
This must be POP!//


Heero nodded. It was a motion Duo missed. Heero continued, "I assume he set it to come on at this time. I've been coherent for half an hour without having the chorus of 'N sync's 'Pop' ringing in my ears…"

" 'Coherent?'" Duo snorted. Who used the word coherent so casually? Duo managed a bleary and slightly peeved gaze at Heero. He was still quite soused so he couldn't quite make sense of what was going on. "So you just sat there without waking me?"

"Yes."

A disgusted sigh left Duo.

"But, in that time, I removed all the underwear from us."

There wasn't a word for the look of alarm and disbelief on Duo's face. He wriggled in his position on the couch. His drunken state kept him from really reacting to his situation, but he was sure he felt that his tighty-whities were still securely in place.

Heero shook his head. "No, they put underwear on *top* of us…and took pictures." This was all said in a rather calm tone.

Duo's eyes sprung open to dart over to his composed informant. "What?!!!" Duo had sobered up, and fast.

Heero simply outstretched his free hand and first gestured to the pile of women's underwear he'd set up by throwing the dainty articles to a space on the floor and then his hand moved to gesture to a camera that was placed on a single chair before them. It was obvious that both the chair and the camera had been placed there for both Duo and Heero to see when they awoke.

Heero explained, "Trowa's a professional photographer."

There came a choked noise from Duo. "And you let all this happen," asked Duo in a small voice as he looked from the pile of women's under things and thought of the resulting pictures.

"I awoke *after* the fact. I simply put two and two together."

Duo swallowed and crumpled inwardly. His left hand covered his face. Was he really having a rational conversation about being photographed in women's underwear while handcuffed to another man…an all too comfortable *gay* man? Duo sighed and his head continued to throb. Apparently, he was.

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A groggy Quatre struggled into consciousness. He groaned but even as he did he became aware that his head was supported by a soft pillow and his body by a firm mattress. Obviously, someone had carried him away from the den to this bedroom. He groaned again, but then the sound of movement from his side caused him to pause mid groan. It came from a figure which stood at the bed's side. It was—

"Trowa," murmured Quatre as his red eyes took in the lanky man's familiar figure. Quatre made no motion to sit up. A wounded expression appeared on his face which was replaced by one of anger as he recalled how he'd passed out to begin with.

"Don't be angry," said Trowa from above him.

"Why shouldn't I?" replied the blonde. He turned on his side. He had sobered up considerably in the elapsed time but his choked utterance had caused him to feel queasy.

"I'll make it up to you," Trowa said simply. He continued to stand over the bed.

"How? Are you going to slip something into Wufei's drink as well?" The blonde seemed truly irked.

There came a snort from across the room. It came from Wufei. He remarked, "So vindictive, Quatre. I'm surprised."

The blonde frowned. He hadn't even realized that Wufei was in the room.

Trowa sat on the bed and said in a voice that was so low it missed Wufei's ears entirely. "Forget tonight and I'll take you clubbing."

Against the pillow the blonde hid his excitement. But he couldn't help but murmur, "Promise?"

"It's a promise." Trowa hid a smirk. Quatre was too easy to appease. Trowa left the bed in one fluid motion before saying, "Now, follow me. It's time for a trip to the dark room."

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Duo made an attempt to dart off the couch to make a grab for the camera, but he was prevented from reaching it. He needed Heero to move with him in order to succeed.

Heero didn't react to the severely pissed off expression that ruled Duo's features. He continued to sit on the couch as he said simply, "Do you really think Trowa would leave a roll of those pictures behind? The camera's just there to taunt us. You're wasting your time."

"How can you be so calm about this?!"

There was a miniscule quirk of Heero's lips. "I don't have a wife to explain myself to." When Duo paled to a deathly shade of gray, Heero continued, "How do you think Mrs. Maxwell is going to feel about those pictures?" An unusually talkative Heero raised his arm, consequently lifting Duo's shackled arm as well. "Trowa's probably developing them right now. He just might make the deadline for tomorrow's newspaper."

"Newspaper?" Duo's eyes grew wide.

"Yes, the Greenwood Closet."

A very pale Duo wobbled precariously in his sitting position. "Greenwood…has its own newspaper?"

Heero nodded. "But, it's become so popular over the years that it's circulated in Silverrod City as well." Dispassionately, Heero watched Duo go from white to green. He added to Duo's distress by saying, "I can already see the Greenwood headlines: Straight Man Comes Out in a Big Way. The Ultimate Fantasy…Women's Lingerie and Bondage."

Shaking, Duo interjected, "That's impossible…"

Heero snorted, "Unfortunately for you, it isn't. Trowa's the head photographer. His pictures always make front page."


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Lyrics taken from 'N sync's "Pop"


Part 5