A/N: Hey guys! You are so awesome! Thanks for the reviews! (At least put a name instead of 'Guest', so I can properly thank you!) This chapter has a lot of my take on Caleb's feelings about betraying Tris. Here's a long chapter—for all you guys that reviewed, and followed, and just cause someone asked me to update on the weekend and I could only get to it today. Anyways…
Caleb's POV
Four then takes us across the Pit to a large hole in the wall. The next place we go to is much better lit-it's a dining room, filled with loud chatter and the clank of silverware. When we come in, the Dauntless stand and applaud. Cheer. Shout. Stamp their feet. The Dauntless may be crazy, risk taking, and chaotic, but their welcome makes me feel as if I might one day belong here. I smile. I look back at Tris, and she's smiling too. I start to look for a free seat, and follow Tris, Christina and Four to the side of the room.
"Mind if I stick with you?" I ask Tris, somewhat apprehensively. She looks at me strangely. "Of course," she states as if it were obvious. "You're my brother." I smile gratefully. She has no idea how happy I am to hear her say that. Back before she made her big sacrifice, I'm fairly certain she would've shot me in the leg for asking that. Or at least punched me in the face. I sit down between Tris and Four. In the center of the table is a platter of food. There are circular pieces of meat squashed in between two oddly inflated bread slices. We never had food like this in Erudite. We only ate things that improved cognitive functions. I poke it uncertainly, and Tris pinches one with a confused look on her face. Four nudges me, and speaks so Tris and I can both hear him.
"It's beef," he says. "Put this on it." He puts a bowl of bright red sauce in between Tris and I. Christina's eyes are wide as she asks us, "You guys have never had hamburgers before?"
"No," Tris says, "Is that what it's called?"
"Stiffs eat plain food," Four nods at Christina. Well, I think. I'm not exactly a Stiff anymore...haven't been for a long time…but Erudite didn't have any of this kind of food either.
"Why?" she asks. Tris shrugs, saying, "Extravagance is considered self-indulgent and unnecessary." Christina smirks, "No wonder you guys left."
"Yeah," Tris says sarcastically. "It was just become of the food." I grin, and I see the corners of Four's mouth twitch.
The cafeteria doors open, and silence descends over the room. A young man with way too many piercings and dark, greasy hair walks in. His eyes are cold as they move around the room. Christina hisses, "Who's that?" I have a pretty good feeling I know who it is, and Four confirms it. "His name is Eric-he's a Dauntless leader."
"Seriously? But he's so young," Christina whispers. Four looks at her. "Age doesn't matter here." Christina seems ready to interrogate Four further when Eric stops scanning the room and starts towards a table—our table. He sits down on the other side of Four and asks, "Well, aren't you going to introduce me?" He nods at the three of us transfers.
"This is Tris, Cal, and Christina," Four says. Eric smirks at Tris and I saying, "Ooh, Stiffs. We'll see how long you two last." Eric seems like the kind of person I should definitely avoid. Tris appears to think the same thing, as she is trying her hardest to go unnoticed-like she never wants him to look at her again. Anger boils within me. How dare he? Tris will be a major player in a revolution, and I have survived a world war. I think that makes us perfectly capable of getting through Dauntless initiation. Before I can stop myself, I say, "I think you'll find that we'll make it father than you expect." He looks at me calculatingly, and I stare defiantly back. Giving a small shrug, he taps his fingers against the table. They are stabbed at the knuckles, right where they would've split if he had punched something too hard. Nice going, Cal, I think. Pick the meanest, toughest Dauntless leader to talk back to.
"What have you been doing lately, Four?" he asks.
Four lifts a shoulder. "Nothing, really," he says. Four looks as tense as a taunt wire. I guess him and Eric aren't as friendly as the conversation would suggest.
"Max tells me he keeps trying to meet with you, and you don't show up," Eric says. "He requested that I find out what's going on with you." After a moment of silence, Four says, "Tell him that I am satisfied with the position I currently hold."
"So he wants to give you a job."
"So it would seem," Four says.
"And you aren't interested."
"I haven't been interested for two years."
"Well," Eric says, "Let's hope he gets the point, then." He claps Four on the shoulder-hard-and gets up. After he leaves, a lot of tension I didn't know was there seems to break apart. Tris slouches and I exhale slowly. I hope we don't see Eric often.
"Are you two...friends?" Tris asks Four curiously.
"We were in the same initiate class," Four says. "He transferred from Erudite."
"Were you a transfer too?" Tris asks. I briefly wonder when she finds out he was from Abnegation.
"I thought I would only have trouble with the Candor asking too many questions," he says coldly. "Now I've got Stiffs, too?"
"It must be because you're so approachable," Tris says flatly. "You know. Like a bed of nails." I try to conceal my snort, to no avail. So…I'm guessing the thing with Four and Tris wasn't your classical love-at-first-sight relationship. We are in Dauntless—so maybe it was more of a love-at-first-knife-throwing-contest kind of thing. Who knows?
Four either didn't hear my poorly muffled snort or just ignored it. Either way, he and Tris seemed to be locked in a stare-down. I wonder if Four will retaliate, but all he says is, "Careful, Tris."
A Dauntless member at another table calls out to Four, and I turn to Christina and Tris. Christina raises her eyebrows.
"What?" Tris asks.
"I'm developing a theory."
"And it is?"
She lifts her hamburger, grinning. "That you have a death wish." Tris rolls her eyes, but I can see a small smile on her face.
I should be laughing—and I would have, under different circumstances. Instead, my stomach drops, and a thousand images flash in my mind. Tris, jumping on and off trains. Tris, holding a gun, shooting guards at the Bureau. Her turning that gun on me, demanding I give her the backpack with the bomb in it. My fear. Her determination. My desperation to just end the guilt. Her selfless sacrifice. I should have died, I think. I shouldn't have gotten another chance at life while she bled out—alone—on cold tile in front of a mass murderer. If anyone deserved a happy ending, or at least a shot at it, it was Tris. Suddenly I can't stand being next to the sister I betrayed. The sister who died so I could live. The sister who loved me when I had stabbed her in the back. I have to get away from her. I have to get out of here. NOW.
"I'm sorry," I say, standing abruptly. Tris and Christina look at me. I can't look at her face. I can't.
"I have to go," I say. I run out of the cafeteria, along the edge of the Pit, and go to the chasm. I stay as far back from the edge as I can, and sit down hard. My hands are shaking as I bury my face in them. Why did I do this? How did I ever even think I could do this? Go back in time and fix, what? EVERYTHING?! I'm just one person.
************FLASHBACK************
"Follow your instincts!" Tobias shouts. He knees me in the stomach then elbows me in my face. I try to throw a punch, but he catches it in his fist and twists my arm behind my back. I spit out a glob of red-stained spit I've been holding in.
"My instinct is to not even get into a fight in the first place," I say dryly. Tobias makes a discontented noise in the back of his throat, and before I know what's happening, I'm lying down, my face being pushed into the ground.
"No. But when the fight comes to you, you're going to want to know how to follow your instincts to defend yourself," he says. I struggle fruitlessly to try to get his grip to loosen. After a while, I sigh, giving up.
"Okay, Tobias. We both know that by now the other guy would've killed me. I failed. Again."
The weight on my back lifts, and I groan, slowly getting to my feet. I rub my neck, and find myself under the disapproving gaze of Tobias Johnson.
"What?" I ask defensively. "I was never in Dauntless like you. How do you expect me fight like one?"
Tobias glares at me. "The factions don't exist anymore, Caleb. When are you going to get used to that? Now, you either know how to fight, or you don't. Nobody cares if you have a talent for filling test tubes or picking apples anymore."
Ignoring the jab at Erudite, I stand up straighter. "I'm going to be back there soon enough anyways-why should I get used to the idea of no factions if I'll be in one in two months?" I ask. "Actually," I continue, "why am I even the one going back in the first place? You're clearly more skilled than I am at fighting."
Tobias glares at me again, and I'm really starting to get sick of that look. We made our peace, yes, but that doesn't mean we're friends. Even if he hates my guts, which he probably does, I can't blame him. Why should I be the one alive? I betrayed my family. Tris saved everyone in Chicago from getting 'reset'. I sent my sister to her own execution-I helped make it happen (even though it failed). She gave her life for a brother who didn't deserve it. Every day, I ask myself, "Why? Why would someone as good as her sacrifice herself for someone as undeserving as me?" Every day, I wonder. The only answer I can come up with is the one I hate the most. She would do that because she was that good, that selfless.
"You know why I can't go, Caleb," Tobias says. "You're the only who can recreate the time machine if something goes wrong when you travel back. There's no way I could. Plus, to make the inoculation serum for the attack simulation, it's going to require an Erudite mind, as much I hate to admit it. Also..." he seems to debate something, before giving up. "When it comes to Tris, I can't think straight. I'm afraid...I'm afraid I'll just take her and run. That I'll abandon the mission. We can't let that happen."
I still don't fancy the idea of going back there. "What about Cara? She was in Erudite," I say. During his explanation, he had been looking at the corner, staring at something only he could see. Now, his piercing gaze snapped back to me.
"Look," he says quietly. "If you do tell her you're from the future, Tris will..." he pauses, and it seems to take him a great deal of effort to get the next words out. "...She'd be more likely to...trust her brother, as opposed to a random transfer."
When he says "trust", I flinch. Trust. The word causes me physical pain. There is nothing that I regret more than my decision to align myself with Jeanie Matthew's. I used to tell myself that it wasn't my fault. She was incredibly persuasive—I mean, if she had told me the world was flat, and that clouds were made of mushrooms, I probably would've believed her, she was that convincing. I thought that I had been doing the right thing. But every time I tried to tell anyone-tried to explain to them how good she was at being deceptive-they shut me out. Scoffed at me. Called me a traitor. Weak. Cowardly. And deep down, I knew it. I knew I was a traitor; that I had betrayed my family. I just didn't want to admit it. It had to be Jeanie's fault. It had to. I couldn't bear the thought that I would've betrayed Tris on my own. That I really am just a coward.
"Okay," I say quietly. "I'll do it."
He nods, but his mind seems elsewhere. "Good," he says, and then he lifts his fists up defensively. "Go again?"
**********************END FLASHBACK***********************
After a while, I walk back to the cafeteria. I have to clench my fists to keep my hands from shaking. I rejoin the other transfers, and Tris looks at me questioningly. I clear my throat and whisper, "Uh, I think that meat I ate was raw or something. It-" She holds up a hand, stopping me. "I don't want to know," she says. I smile weakly.
A/N: So. I hoped you liked the flashback. I think I'm going to insert more of those in throughout the story—you know, show you a little of what it was like before he left. Anyways…I really do appreciate all the reviews. However…I could always use more. ;) Go review. Come on. Go. Review. As per usual, I honestly don't care if it's only one sentence—but it means the world to me when you guys spend the time to do even that. I will probably get around to putting the next chapter up either this weekend, or next week if school decides to be annoying. Later!
