Author note: Due to the length of my reply to "guest" it is now at the bottom of the chapter so the rest of you ever suffering viewers (lol) do not have to read it or skim through it.
Nightmares
Puck never really slept deeply, without tossing and turning and listening for sounds, until some point past three in the morning. His experience had taught him, since moving in with Santana and her roommates, that if they reached the 3 am marker without disturbance, then Santana was going to be able to make it peacefully through the night, without her sleep being disrupted- or anyone else's. But until that point in time, whether he was curled up on the couch or in her bed with her, holding her in his arms, it was fair game to be awakened, and he almost expected it, more nights than not.
He never blamed Santana for his interrupted sleep or his uneven quality or length of rest; it was hardly her fault that just over five weeks after their release from the hospital, she was still having nightmares on a regular basis, so vividly that each time she woke up highly distraught. Whether she was screaming and begging in her sleep, still half in her dream, and needed to be awakened, or simply crying, upset and frightened, after having awakened, Santana needed someone to hear and be with her, needed someone to hold her and comfort her and soothe her back to being able to relax enough to try to resume sleep.
Puck preferred the nights that Santana let him sleep in her bed with her. Most often he could feel the tension in her body even before she started to make noise and knew that she was heading towards a nightmare, and he could sometimes soothe the nightmare away without waking her at all, simply by stroking her cheek or hair and whispering that she was all right into her ear. Even if he couldn't, or if he wasn't sleeping lightly enough to notice the change in her and to respond proactively, he was close enough that he could respond immediately to her cries when they were voiced, leaving little delay in between in which she was not being held and spoken to.
He never asked her what she was dreaming about, although she sometimes choked out details almost incoherently through heavy sobbing, as though she were trying to purge some of the details out of her thoughts through speaking them aloud. He never tried to kiss her on the lips or anywhere but the head, cheek, or forehead, not wanting her to mistake the gesture for an attack or a forced intimacy. He never pointed out to her that Rachel and Kurt could almost certainly hear her through their thin curtains, nor did he or any of the others speak the next morning about what had occurred the night before. Puck simply held her, every night that it occurred, and rocked her lightly, rubbing her back and caressing her hair, whispering words even he couldn't make much sense of in her ear, until he felt her breathing slow down and her body start to relax into his, her panicky grasp loosening to a hold almost equal to his of her.
The one time that Kurt had tentatively tried to bring up to them both the possibility of Santana being prescribed medication to help her sleep better, Puck had nearly bit his head off with his reply, and he hadn't allowed Santana to even consider the possibility either. Despite Kurt's and then Rachel's efforts at reasoning with him, arguing that they were safe, that they would help her to be more rested and therefore more healthy and well, he hadn't budged, and seeing how adamantly he felt about it, Santana had agreed with him. But later, when they had lay together in Puck's bed that evening, his arms loosely around her, her head resting against his shoulder, she had shifted her eyes up to look at him, asking with quiet confusion.
"Puck…why does it bother you so much, me maybe being on sleep meds? It's not like I'm the only person in the history of the world to consider them, and it's not like it's crack."
Puck had shrugged one shoulder, giving her his standard response when he didn't want to think or talk about a matter any further.
"Don't know. Just don't want you on them, it's lame."
But long after Santana had drifted off, her hand unconsciously splayed across his chest, Puck had lay awake, thinking it over, and he had come to several conclusions. For one thing, he and Santana had both been drugged several times during the course of the captivity- tranquilized first when they were initially abducted, then again through the Gatorade, in order for Puck to be carried upstairs to be talked with alone. The thought of someone giving Santana any drug, whether it was legal or not, that would make her drowsy when she wasn't naturally definitely raised his hackles. Then there was the possibility that Puck didn't want to fully acknowledge to himself, let alone to Santana. An overdose of sleeping pills, whether accidental or otherwise, could be harmful or even fatal…and what if Santana, in the grips of a panic attack while alone or having locked herself in the bathroom, managed to take too many?
But the last reason was selfish, one Puck sort of hated himself for even having, yet couldn't fully deny being reality. He didn't want Santana to take sleeping pills, because it would mean that his touch, his efforts at comfort, his presence nearby, was not enough for her to be able to sleep comfortably, that he alone was not enough to make her feel safe. And this would be a failure he couldn't quite stop himself from taking to heart.
He never told anyone about his own nightmares, although he suspected that Santana knew, or at the very least had an inkling that he too didn't rest peacefully through the night. He didn't describe to anyone how he could see Santana over and over, harmed in so many ways, and knew that every single one of them were reality. He didn't say, never let out or voiced how every night he lay down to sleep a mingled dread and anger pressed against his chest as he anticipated the long night's struggle. He didn't say, because it seemed pointless; what could anyone do for him, how could they banish the unreal or change what was done and over with?
Reply to "guest":
Author note: To guest review with second follow up comments: First off, I really do prefer people log in to comment so I can directly reply to you. That being said I appreciate all comments :) And I thank those of you who are commenting, I love to hear from you.
However I do have a replying statement for "guest." I have already stated that yes, Santana is gay. However, you are incorrect when you say that "lesbians enjoy sex with men, but they never take it further than just sex." First off, you cannot speak for all lesbians. Second off, that is absolutely untrue. In the case of Santana, which I have already explained to you before, although she does identify as lesbian and she is attracted nearly exclusively to women, she nevertheless has had previous relationships with men which she enjoyed and she did have some feelings towards them, even if they were primarily platonic. Platonic feelings, however, can deepen and become more when someone experiences deep trauma with someone else and that person is the ONLY person who is there for them. Ever heard of Stockholm syndrome? Although this isn't exactly what is going on with Santana, the bond she formed with Puck is overriding her usual identity as a lesbian because she loves Puck the person more than she cares about the fact he has a penis. Again you say "none of this makes sense." It's basic psychology. Not for every person or for every lesbian, but we're talking about one person in one set of circumstances- Santana. And we're also, by the way, talking about a fictional character in a fictional setting in a fan fiction story, so...honestly, I have the ability to, if I want, make Santana a mermaid with purple hair who fell in love with Puck who is a sponge living under the sea if I wanted to. Would that make sense? Not really. I am in fact trying to stick to a plausible and likely psychological reality here.
"Lesbians dont' suddenly develop feelings for men." There was nothing "sudden" about this. Santana was trapped with him for a prolonged period of time in which she was fearful for her life, dignity, and well being. Puck was the one and only person there who respected her (even though they could also be terrible to each other, both of them) and who tried to protect and comfort her. She didn't "suddenly fall for him without reason," she gradually latched onto the only person she could trust.
"I know Santana had relationships with men before, actually in canon(which you were going by) was just Puck Sam, and Dave. With Puck they mostly just had sex, and she broke with him for his credit score, which says she didn't really care about him. "
She also got back with him several times, and although it was mostly fwb, she cared enough to fight for Mercedes over him, even if this was more about possessiveness than love for him. this was season one. Over time, both of them developed a mildly affectionate sibling like relationship in the background and Puck showed support for her when she came out as a lesbian (even if it was mostly aimed at Shelby too).
"With Sam you can tell she was with him to get Brittany jealous, she didn't really have feelings for him, and Sam knew that, that's why he broke up with her."
She also got jealous because she thought he liked Quinn and actually, he didn't break up with her, she basically suddenly ditched him without warning for Dave. I agree she didn't really care about him like that, but by season three it's clear she has affection for him as a friend, and does care about him. Just like Puck.
"(Lesbians) don't even like to date girls who are Bi, and no, I'm no speaking for all lesbians, but most of them. There's even a youtube video about it. All of them talk about not wanting to date a Bi girl, knowing they were with a man."
SO you're basing all lesbians off a youtube video, seriously? I'm a lesbian myself and I in fact have almost always dated bi girls. You cannot make a sweeping generalization of whether or not lesbians like to date bi girls! Some do and some don't and that has nothing to do with whether or not Santana would care about Puck!
"This is the kind of story that should be realistic though, and what you're doing with Santana's sexuality isn't. I honestly didn't think you were paring them when I was reading the first story since it was more platonic on Santana's part when she was cuddling him."
By chapter 26 Santana was kissing him, initiating it, and enjoying it. Responding to it. In fact, there is a line that says "She was enjoying this. Lesbian or not, previously pissed off at him or not, she was enjoying this, whatever reasons of her own." How do you get platonic out of that? How do you get platonic out of the last chapter in which Puck travels hours to come to her and hold her and she comes right to him and basically falls into him after no one else could comfort her?
"I haven't even read this since the second chapter, I just come here to respond back to you since I don't have an account."
Well if you don't have any desire to read the story there is no point in continuing to respond. You made your opinion clear, I explained mine. Nothing much more to say.
You are absolutely within your rights to prefer not to read a story with Santana paired with a male. However, it said right there in the 250 page long first story that it was a Pucktana and it also was made very clear in that story, as you see Santana initiating kissing him and cuddling him and opening up to him slowly, that she is in fact developing real feelings for him. If you did not want to read a Pucktana or thought it didn't make sense, I'm not sure why you read all 250 pages of it and didn't say anything until the sequel?
