Chapter 4: Year 4

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

A/N: So…wow. Been almost a whole year since I updated this. But I figured since Valentine's Day is again quickly approaching, it wouldn't hurt to add a few more chapters. So I hope you all haven't forgotten about this story!

Oh, and as for the timing of this 'Entity' and 'Double Jeopardy' aired closest to Feb. 14, so I'm choosing to go with 'Entity.' Brief spoilers throughout.

Enjoy!

Jack stared straight ahead, eyes unseeing. He was numb; physically and emotionally exhausted. He couldn't even comprehend what he had done…could not even begin to understand what this meant and where he would go from here.

Jack O'Neill was lost.

People kept shuffling nervously into the room, not speaking to him, but rather giving their respect to the fallen woman lying on the cot in front of him. Daniel and Teal'c came by a few times to see if Jack wanted a break, but he waved them off, not even looking in their direction. He couldn't take his eyes off the prone body before him. Most of her face was obscured by the tubes keeping her alive, so instead he studied her hand. Those hands had saved the world time and again over the last four years. She had saved so many lives, including his own, just by moving those fingers.

But it had been his hand that took all of that away from her. He glanced down at his fingers, his chest burning with traitorous feelings. He had shot her. He had shot his major. Twice. With a zat gun.

He had killed her.

"God…" His voice was rough with disuse. Jack pressed his palms against his eyes, trying desperately to erase the image of Carter falling to the ground, her head bouncing on her arm, and her eyes slipping closed. God, her eyes.

He hadn't seen those baby blues in over twenty four hours. He couldn't remember the last time twenty four hours had gone by without her looking at him, whether in exasperation or amusement. He had never really stopped to think how he had taken her eyes for granted. Had taken her for granted.

And now she may never open those eyes again. And it was his fault.

Jack looked at his 2IC, willing her to wake up. For her chest to rise and fall of its own accord and her eyes to open and look at him. He would smile and say 'Welcome back, Carter' and she would smile back, letting her expression do the talking. He would tell her to get some rest and then he'd call the doc. She would be okay and they would be okay and the whole world would be back to normal.

But the minutes and the hours passed and the only sound in the room was the mechanical breathing of the respirator. Jack stared at his major with an indescribable horror—for the first time since this whole thing started, it really hit him what he'd done. Everything that had changed. What if Carter actually didn't wake up this time? She would never laugh again, never share a conspiratorial look with him again, never technobabble again.

Jack was interrupted from his dark thoughts by a soft knock on the door. "Come." He didn't look up.

"Hey, Jack." Daniel's voice was low, as if he were talking to a wild animal.

"Daniel. Teal'c." Jack sighed, before briefly glancing in their direction. It was the best he could muster. He was too full of guilt to meet his friends' eyes.

"We, ah, we brought Sam some…uh…flowers. To, you know, brighten up the room a bit." Daniel stumbled over his words, not quite sure how to handle the situation. By all rights, Sam should have been dead over twenty four hours ago, but Jack was holding on. Not that Daniel didn't agree; he stalwartly believed they would figure out something. But, for the time being…this didn't look good. And Jack looked like he was about to let go of all reason.

"Thanks, Daniel." Peripherally, Jack berated himself for not thinking of that first. But he couldn't have left Carter's for a second, even if he wanted to.

Daniel and Teal'c stayed with him for awhile; not speaking, just letting their presence be a comfort. After a time, Daniel stood and squeezed Sam's hand, praying to anyone who was listening to let her wake up. After another minute, he looked at Teal'c and nodded towards the door. Teal'c inclined his head and started to follow before he paused and turned back to Sam.

Taking her hand in both of his he gripped her fingers tightly. "Happy Valentine's Day, Major Carter. You are loved." And with that, the two men turned and left the room.

Jack blinked, stunned at what had just happened. Valentine's Day? It couldn't be Valentine's Day. Not now. Not after…

Jack's wide eyes turned to look at Sam's face again. Memories of the last Valentine's Day flooded back to him, bringing a sharp pain to his chest. They had been set up by none other than one Dr. Jackson and they had actually had a great time. It wasn't awkward or full of tension. It was a perfect night. Never in a million years could he ever have imagined where a year would take them.

Jack stood slowly, his mind sluggish, but made up. He had brought Carter down and now he would bring her back. No matter what, he wouldn't give up. Not until every option had been explored and every ally contacted to help. He tapped the bed near Carter's hand, unwilling to give him the comfort of holding her hand. He didn't deserve it. Not yet.

"I'll bring you back, Sam. I swear to God, I'll bring you back."

A/N: I hope you liked it! I know it's the darkest one I've done so far, but I kind of liked where it went. Please leave a review!