I'm falling in love all over again with this story - its characters, its plot. Which probably means there will be some chapters to follow this one. I'll be writing and updating one way or the other, but if you are enjoying this story, please give me your feedback. It will mean the world to me.
Disclaimer: ASOIAF belongs to G. R. R. Martin.
Of Ice and Fire
You get to the Forest and follow the way of the heart-tree, Jon Snow.
Sometimes Jon just felt like eradicating the wildling people. Why do they have to be so laconic and imprecise? Would it kill them to give accurate information, as "follow north for 3 miles, than turn east and keep walking until you find it"? Apparently, yes it would.
He got to the Haunted Forest alongside Ghost after every single one of the men of the Watch complained about it. He had sent off the only ones who usually agreed with his decisions, and was now left with treacherous and bitter companions. Who would say being Lord Commander would be so nightmarish?
I hope you make it to the citadel, Sam.
The thought seemed to be accepted by the snow sea of the North like a prayer to the old gods. Ghost sniffed the air around him, but soon stopped, seemingly satisfied with whatever it was he found.
Jon ran his hand on the thick fur of his best friend.
"You remember her better than I do, right buddy?" he asked, to what Ghost looked at him, his red eyes shining against stark white. "Help me find her, Ghost. Please. We have to get her out of here, her and her child."
He was trying very hard not to think about this. Faeleen with a child. Could it be his? No, that was absurd. She had probably just found someone else. Maybe he died and she moved beyond the Wall. Maybe she did marry a Northern lord, but fled pregnant when the North was conquered by the Bolton. Maybe her husband died alongside Robb. The options were many, and ultimately he had no right to meddle in her personal affairs. He had been hard with her, impossibly hard, therefore losing any right to even trying to care about her.
But that was what he was doing right now, wasn't it? Caring for her. Caring deeply enough to abandon his obligations and going after her.
"Just be alive, Faeleen." He prayed.
Ghost grabbed him carefully by the arm, as if pulling him forward.
"Did you find her?"
The wolf just stared intently at him.
Jon followed him closely, keeping a hand on his fur not to lose him in the middle of the snow. He kept on through a strange rock pattern, and then the trees began to be more unevenly spread, until they opened completely in a clearing Jon had never seen before. Had he ever been in that part of the woods?
In the exact middle of the clearing stood a solitary wooden cabin, with soft curls of smoke leaving the chimney. Now that he had found it, Jon wondered if he would have the courage to go knock on her door. How should he face her after the way they parted? She wasn't there in the morning to wish him goodbye. She was not with the other Stark when he saw Winterfell for the last time. And he hadn't expected her to be. He knew, when she left his room with anger eyes fighting against tears, that he would never lay eyes on her again.
And now this.
"Get away from my land, Lord Commander. There is nothing for you here."
Startling him, the sound of her voice came from behind. He turned on his heels to look at her. She was still the Faeleen he knew, beautiful and fierce. However, her hair was no longer shining as it once had been, when she washed it with warm water and aromatic herbs; her hands were calloused and dirty, carrying firewood as if it weighted nothing.
"Please, Faeleen, you can't stay here."
She walked past him, heading for her home. He followed her to the door.
"The Others are coming. It's not safe here. You can't stay. Especially not with a child. It's safe on the Wall, Faeleen. I'm sending the women, the spearwives, to one of the old Watch's forts. You can go with them."
"I have no business South. My family is here, in the North."
"And when an army of them comes your way, what will you do?"
She smiled darkly at him.
"No dead thing can come to this clearing, my lord. This area of the forest is protected by the children of the forest. Very well protected."
Her calling him "my lord" hurt in a way Jon couldn't even begin to explain. Even so, he just swallowed it down, trying to ignore the bitter taste in his tongue.
"What do you mean by the children of the forest?"
"I mean exactly what I said. Did you really think they didn't exist in this world anymore? Who do you think tends to the trees of the old gods? It all comes back to them, Lord Commander. I'm safer here than you will ever be in your Wall."
"You can't possibly think that! So you are telling me this place has magical protection? This is absurd!"
She smiled again.
"As absurd as human kind facing an army of ice corpses?"
Well, that was a hard point to counter. But he just couldn't leave her there. He refused to go back to Castle Black without her.
"Fae, please. Our family is all dead. We have to stick together."
"Our family isn't all dead. And you and I… we are family no longer. You renounced to that right when you joined the Night's Watch."
Every word that left her mouth made his heart broke a little bit more. He knew he deserved her hate, her despise, but still… All he ever wanted was her love.
Inside, the soft callings of a child prevented him from saying any further. Faeleen opened the door, and a small, dark haired baby boy, probably a two year old, clung to her legs.
"Mommy! It's cold!"
She smiled tenderly to him and messed with his hair.
"I'm sorry for that, Arty."
She put the wood she was carrying in the fire and the child went back to his comfortable spot near it, covering himself with furs. Before closing his grey eyes, he stared directly at Jon and whispered a word.
"Crow."
Jon tensed. The word was an accusation, blaming him for all his sins.
"You two won't stand a chance against an army of them, Faeleen."
She sat at a table at the corner and signed with her hands for Jon to do the same.
"Don't be stubborn. This area is well protected. Artur and I are safer here than we will ever be anywhere else."
The boy moved on his furs, apparently already deep asleep, but mumbled, "Uncle Bran will protect us."
Jon felt his blood freeze in his veins with the mention of Bran.
"Fae, what does that all mean? Stop acting so distant. I know there is no forgiving for what I've done to you, but since then not one day has passed when I didn't regret leaving things the way I did."
For one second he thought he spotted the Faeleen he used to know on the depths of her grey eyes, but that glimpse vanished so quickly, as if it had never appeared in the first place.
"But not once have you regretted your choice, have you, my lord? Not for me, anyways. Perhaps when you heard of Lord Eddard's death, or even of the death of our beloved Robb. Maybe you regretted becoming a man of the Night's Watch when you heard Sansa was forced to marry Tyrion Lannister. But never, ever have you regretted your decision because of me. No need to make this face to me now, relax your brows and relax your lips."
He wanted so bad to scream at her, tell her that was a lie, that he regretted leaving her from the moment she left his room. But he couldn't. She was right.
"I always knew the bond you had, you, the children of Lord Eddard, was unparalleled. And I always knew there was no room for me among you, brothers and sisters. But the Starks are not all dead, Lord Commander Snow. Sansa lives. Arya lives. Bran and Rickon also live."
"Theon murdered them!"
"You really believe Theon Greyjoy would have the courage to murder Bran and Rickon? Don't be so naïve. Bran is alive. He is somewhere here, beyond the Wall with the Reed siblings and Hodor. Rickon went south with a woman of the free folk named Osha. The gods only know where they are now, but they live and breathe."
Jon felt warm tears running down his face.
"Are you really speaking the truth?"
She nodded.
"The Starks will regain the North. No one can lead here but a true Stark. No Bolton will ever keep the chair of Winterfell."
They just stared at each other for a long time, letting silence surround them, the crackling of the fire and Artur's soft breaths the only sounds filling the small space.
Jon got up and kneeled beside her, taking her hands in his.
"Fae, please. Just come with me. I won't ever be able to sleep again with you out here. I'm so sorry for everything. I wish I could make things different, but I can't. And you are right when you say I didn't regret coming to the Watch. I believe I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. But that doesn't mean leaving you was easy. It was never supposed to be easy. I never knew how you felt about me, but I knew how I felt about you, and I knew I would never be able to stand seeing you married off to someone else, but I also knew that was your best chance. You were supposed to be a fair and fierce lady of the North, Fae. And I would forever be nothing, the bastard of Winterfell."
Faeleen disentangled one of her hands from his and softly cupped his cheek. Everything her life had turned out to be, everything she ever felt, seemed to be boiling inside of her. And it hurt. Before all the wars, she was sure she would never see Jon again, but since ruin fell upon the House Stark, she realized they would meet again. The expectation killed her. And reality managed to be even worse.
"That was not your decision to make. You should have talked to me, Jon. You have no idea…" the words stuck on her throat as tears threatened to form in her eyes. "You have no idea of my shock and dread when you decided to join the Watch. Out of nowhere you decided you would never be by my side again. Out of nowhere you decided to abandon me to some other man, whoever Lady Catelyn chose. How could you? How could you, Jon? You knew. You knew I didn't want to marry a stranger, I told you that so many times, and still… Still you left me all alone. Even if you didn't want me, couldn't you at least have stayed by my side?"
She was clinging to him, her hands tightened in fists, holding him by his black garments. Slowly, he reached out to wipe away her tears, and got even closer, close enough to kiss her.
"Please, don't." her lips whispered against his. "I'm already broken."
He motioned to back away, to go back to his chair, but she refused to let her grip loosen, and hugged him, burying her face on his shoulder.
"I hate you so much." She whispered.
Jon sighed and embraced her, bringing her down to him, accommodating her between his legs as he leaned on a wall. They stayed that way for what seemed like forever. Faeleen cried as Jon ran a hand over her long hair, enjoying her warmth.
"I'm proud of you, Jon." She finally admitted when the tears dried.
"What for?"
She smiled to him. The first real smile, not the mocking ones.
"For becoming Lord Commander. You were always as capable, if not more, than Robb in everything. You deserved to have an opportunity like this. You owe to the world to put your good skills to work. Make the Watch a better place. An honorable place."
Jon was speechless.
"And that, Jon, is why you shouldn't worry about me. I'll be fine, I promise. This place is protected by the old gods, no white walker can ever come here. And if one of them tries, I do have an obsidian dagger."
"One dagger will do you no good against, say, twenty of them. What if a hundred came? They are coming, Faeleen. They will be in our doors soon. I'm letting all the free folk come to the southern side. This winter will be one of the worst Westeros has ever had."
"Winter is coming. But Winter is always coming, Jon, and I shall face it as I've faced everything in this past couple of years. Alone with my son."
"You will make me beg?"
She chuckled.
"Oh, Jon, just ask the question that has been eating at you all this time. You came to my door knowing I had a child. Someone of the free folk must have told you."
"Val. Val told me."
"Oh, Val. Beautiful Val with all her light. She came here with her sister, to convince me to join them at the Fangs. I refused her as I am refusing you."
"If you will not think about yourself, than think about your son. Don't you want Artur to live?"
"I do. And he will, as long as we don't leave this place. You heard what he said, and it's true. Bran will protect us. Bran with his endless power. Bran will end this war for us, Jon. He will call for her – the Fire Queen Beyond the Narrow Sea."
"You will count with the unlikely existence of dragons?"
"Oh, Jon, Jon, you should know better, shouldn't you? Dragon glass and steel are the only weapons we have against the Others. What else can defeat them if not a dragon in the flesh?"
"We can defeat them with fire."
Artur mumbled again in his sleep. "Fire and Blood. Winter is coming."
Jon stared at the boy, holding Faeleen closer to him.
"He is my son as well, isn't he?"
"Yes, he is. I made a point of not following the fate you so desperately wanted for me, Jon. I left Winterfell soon after you, headed straight North. On the way I found I was pregnant, which only made me run faster. I wanted freedom. Here I am free."
"There is no freedom among the dead."
Faeleen sighed.
"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm safe here. But fine, see for yourself. The sun is setting, you can't go back now."
If she hadn't said anything, he wouldn't have noticed the orange lights of the sun. He wasn't supposed to spend a night away from Castle Black. He would face the consequences when he got back. However, in his heart he knew he was glad he stayed. That happiness he was feeling now, of knowing he would spend one last night with Faeleen, he would never feel again in his life.
