Chapter 4

BPOV

Oh God. Here we go.

I wasn't expecting to have this talk yet. I was even debating the possibility of it actually happening. How foolish. Of course it would. He waited patiently for me to begin. I cleared my throat. 'Um. OK. What would you like to talk about?' As if i didn't already know. Fuck. He leaned back into the chair. He spoke after a seemingly interminable silence. 'How are your injuries healing?' I nodded. 'As well as possible, Carlisle says. I'm not in as much pain and the bruises are fading.' A slight frown disrupted his features. 'That's not what i meant. Carlisle keeps me updated on your physical status. I meant mentally.'

I treaded carefully around this subject. 'It's.....difficult. I don't want to speak to a psychiatrist. I'm not crazy. Time will help, as will taking my mind off it.'

He looked me square in the eye. 'Bella, if I've learned one thing, it's that bottling things up never helps. It's presumptuous of me, but I hope I can help you.' I took a deep breath before I spilled everything. Why would this perfect specimen, whether responsible for saving me or not, have any interest in me whatsoever, let alone want to help? I decided how best to word my answer.

'It's very considerate of you, but you have a life and-and a family who aren't fucked up and bed-bound because of their irresponsibility. Don't feel you have to help me.' I had burst into tears halfway through and Edward reached towards me, then thought better of it.

Then Edward said something that completely shocked me.

"Bella, I'm not trying to help because I think I have to. I'm doing it because I want to. And because I think I can help."

I took another deep breath. "OK. Thank you. You really want to help?"

He nodded, an expression of sorrow in his bottomless eyes.

"Right. You want to know how I'm doing? I have nightmares that are as vivid as the actual event. It starts, and I'm walking down that alley, and I know what's coming next. But I can't stop. I hear those footsteps that chill me to my core. And then they close in. The fear chokes me so bad, I can't breathe. I see the dead end, and I know I'm trapped. One of them grabs me, and slams me up against the wall. His friends laugh, and I can smell the beer on his breath. He describes in detail what's going to happen to me, and everything he says happens. Then I see them walk away laughing. And I wait for you to come and save me. And I wait, and wait, and then you come and I can wake up. The nightmare won't let go until you're there. I say, as I'm lying there 'Edward, why aren't you here?' Because no matter how bad that night was, you saved me. I would have died without you."

Edward's jaw dropped a lttle further, and I saw the guilt in his eyes and wondered at it. He dropped his head. "I'm so sorry, Bella, I should have came sooner. If I'd have done as my instincts told me, you would still be safe and whole. You wouldn't be injured and scarred. It's all my fault, Bella, and I'm so very sorry."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Edward, it's not your fault! You didn't attack me! You didn't leave me for dead, quite the opposite, in fact! Don't blame yourself. You saved me, and I'm so grateful for that. I don't understand why you care so much about me, but I'm very glad you do."

Edward looked amazed and very sad at the same time. "You don't understand why I care so much about you? Bella, you are without exception, the most beautiful person I have the privilege to know, inside and out."

I shook my head, the tears returning. "I'm not. I'm clumsy, I'm broken and I'm scarred. I'm nothing special. I'm less than ordinary. I'm a clumsier version of the average teenage girl, with no chance at a normal life anymore. Don't waste your time with me anymore. Every girl in the school wants you. They're better than me."

Edward looked angry now. "How can you...No, Bella, they aren't better. They're silly and shallow, and boring. You're selfless, and beautiful and adorable in every way. I love you, Bella."