Director:I have another beard, it looks like Zhuge Liang's a little bit.*puts it on*

Guy:How many do you have?

Director:Just enough if the other ones don't work.

Guy:They DID not work, Sima Yi and Cao Cao could see through them.

Director:They are sharp men, I bet they can find Waldo in half a minute!

Guy:Where should we go next?

Director:Wu, because-

Guy:NOT because of Lian Shi.

Director:That, and Shu is too far. We are near the border of Wu, so it is convenient for us. But I'm glad you appreciate Lian Shi as much as I do.

Guy:That was not-ugh..nevermind...

Wu Palace

The two opened the doors and see Sun Jian.

Director:(He's alive? Aww, I wanted Sun Quan, so I can see Lian Shi's ta-tas..)

Sun Jian:Ah, what brings you to our palace?

Guy:Koei sent us to inspect your rooms. Sorry for any intrusion.

Sun Jian:You may go do what you need to do. I'll send Ce to show you around.

Sun Ce:Where do you need to look first?

Director:We'll inspect here first, then show us the offices, and lastly your home.

The two began to look around with theirs lights on.

Guy:This place is very clean.

Sun Ce:This place was just built.

Hallway

Sun Ce:Here are the offices.

Director:How many are there?

Sun Ce:Seventeen, including Father's and mine's.

Guy:Same number as Wei's.

Sun Jian's office

Director:Nothing, except some dust.

Guy:Aww, he has pictures of the Sun kids with him.

Director:How are they able to get these kind of pictures? They don't have cameras.

Sun Ce:When asked, Koei will give anyone a picture of anyone.

Director:Ahem,anyone?

Guy:No, you're not asking them for a picture of Lian Shi or Zhang Chunhua.

Director:*nervous*Heh,heh, you're funny...I would not partake in such a...perverted act...no..heh...(I want to...)

Guy:Uh-huh.

Sun Ce's office

Sun Ce:Pretty nice, huh?

The office revealed the room in tiger print and a tiger desk and chair.

Director:(This looks more like Mike Tyson's house than an office.)Yeah, nice...

Guy:Ok, the light reveals nothing. It's clean. Also, is it real tiger?

Sun Ce:No, why would we do such a thing? Koei told us about this style, but I was the only one that actually did this renovation. All of this is fake, but stylish.

Director:There's a stuffed tiger head on the edge of the desk.*pokes it*

Sun Quan's office (Sun Quan and Lian Shi are in it)

Sun Ce:Quan, these guys here have to inspect this room, so don't get startled.

Sun Quan:Ok, if it is alright with you.

Director:Yeah... *staring at Lian Shi,no doubt*..let's get inspecting.

Guy:*hits him*Stop it!

The two shined their lights everywhere in the room.(With director sneaking a peak of Lian Shi every couple of minutes)

Guy:There is nothing here, lets go...HEY!

Director is staring at Lian Shi again, and Guy hits him. The two leave the room.

Sun Quan:...That guy was constantly staring at you...*eye twitch*

Lian Shi:...He looks familiar...

Sun Shang Xiang's office

Director:Why does she have an office?

Sun Ce:She wanted one, and annoyed us until we built one for her.

Guy:It's dusty, overall, it's clean.

Sun Ce:She wanted this when she was little, now she can't use it because, you know, the Liu Bei thing?

Taishi Ci's office

Director:Clean. Pretty empty...

Sun Ce:Poor Taishi Ci, he doesn't get much to decorate his office except his twin rods.

Lu Xun's office

Guy:So much red and orange...

Sun Ce:He loves red and orange, I don't know why though.

Director:It's clean except for some ashes in the corners.

Zhou Yu's office

Guy:Some blood stains on the floor.*holds light*Some old, some new.

Sun Ce:He is sick, but for some reason, he gets better, only to get sick again. Right now he is fine.

Director:I found a doll of Zhuge Liang...it's missing a arm and a leg. It is covered in stab marks and a knife is sticking out of it.

Sun Ce:Yeah...about that...he...

Director and guy:We know.

Lu Meng's office

Guy:There are some weird germs on the desk...*holds out machine* Monkeypox?(this is real, google on your own risk)

Director:Sanitize. And let's get out!

Gan Ning's office

Guy:More unusual germs.*holds the machine*Phthirus pubis?(another real one, google on own risk)

Director: SANITIZE. IT.

Guy:There's also semen...

Director:GET THE F**K OUT!

Huang Gai's office

Guy:Pretty nice. There is a Bowflex machine in the corner.

Director:*holding light*Clean. Except the machine is covered in filth, I'll just wipe it down with Clorox.

Zhou Tai's office

Guy:The room is like it's never been touched...

Sun Ce:He never uses it.

Ding Feng's office

Director:The door's big...

Sun Ce:He's a big guy. We had to make the door wider and higher.

Guy:Clean. Hey, some poems.*reads some* *goes in a corner, depressed*I wish I was never born...

Director:Oh, come on, it can't be that sad.*reads it* *goes in corner with guy*I wish I was never born...

Sun Ce:Let me see...*reads* *goes in the corner with the two* I wish I was never born... (Did you get this anime reference?)

Ling tong's office

Guy:*shines light* There is a giant splotch there.

Director:*holding Machine*It's semen, and urine*looks at machine closely*.. oh,dear...SANITIZE THIS ROOM!

Lu Su's office

Guy:The desk is worn out. The germs on here are normal for a desk.

Director:Just wipe it with Clorox.

Han Dang's office

Han Dang:Oh, hi guys!

Guy:Ok, *shining light* Nothing, nothing, and it's clean.

Director:Pretty clean in here.

Han Dang:Uhh..what are you doing?

Director:Alright let's go.

Han Dang:HEY! DON'T IGNORE ME!

Zhu Ran's office

Guy:More red and orange...

Sun Ce:He also loves his red and orange! That's why Lu Xun and him became good friends.

Director:Clean. More ashes in the corner.

Sun Family residence

Sun Ce:Here is our home. After this you're done right?

Director:Yes, I'll start with Sun Jian's.

Sun Jian's room

Director:Seems normal.

Guy:*shining light* It's dirty. The room is pretty old.

Director: The germs are not harmful. So we can leave it like this.

Guy:Nice pictures. Who is that lady?

Sun Ce:My mother.

Director and guy:*staring at picture, raising eyebrows* Really?

Sun Ce's room

The room is covered in tiger print along with tiger-themed furniture.

Director:(It looks like a pimp lives here.)You also did this for your room?

Sun Ce:Why not? It looks nice.

Guy:*shining light*Clean. But does anyone mind this?

Sun Ce:Quan and Shang Xiang sometimes question this.

Sun Shang Xiang's room

Director:Nice weapons on the wall.

Guy:The room is nice. *shines light* It's clean.

Sun Ce:She had a phase where she wanted to collect every weapon to put in this room. She didn't get to finish it. She also had a clean-freak phase.

Sun Quan and Lian Shi's room

Director:Ok, then...oh-ho-ho!

He sees Lian Shi changing in the next room. Sun Ce and guy did not catch up with him yet. Director sneaks up behind her carefully and is straining to get a better look. He hits his foot on the threshold.

Lian Shi:*looks behind her*My lord, is that you?

The director is hiding beside the door leading into Lian Shi's chambers.

Lian Shi:Hello? *walks very slowly towards the door*

Director:(Oh no, she is coming this way!) I should...

Sun Quan: Ahem...Looking for someone?

Director:*turns around* Oh, I...lost my way around here...(Oh no, I'm dead!)

Lian Shi:My lord?*pauses and sees director*

Director:Oh,crap...

Outside of SQ and LS's room

Guy:The room is clean.(Except for the bed...)

Sun Ce:So you're done?

Guy:Yes, but I can't find that idiot...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The director is flung outside, breaking the door in the process.

Director:*arrows are sticking out of his back and butt* Uhhh...*beard falls off*

Lian Shi and Sun Quan walk out of the broken doorway.

Sun Quan:It's you...

Guy:What happened?

Sun Quan:This guy was near Lian Shi's chambers when she was changing.

Sun Ce:Dude, not cool...

Guy:That is so like you...

Director:I almost saw it...*twitches*

Guy:Uhh, disgusting...*drags director off* Sorry for this guy, he is rather like this, unfortunately.

Sun Quan:I feel sorry for you having to work with him...

Guy:I'm used to it.