Director:I have another beard, it looks like Zhuge Liang's a little bit.*puts it on*
Guy:How many do you have?
Director:Just enough if the other ones don't work.
Guy:They DID not work, Sima Yi and Cao Cao could see through them.
Director:They are sharp men, I bet they can find Waldo in half a minute!
Guy:Where should we go next?
Director:Wu, because-
Guy:NOT because of Lian Shi.
Director:That, and Shu is too far. We are near the border of Wu, so it is convenient for us. But I'm glad you appreciate Lian Shi as much as I do.
Guy:That was not-ugh..nevermind...
Wu Palace
The two opened the doors and see Sun Jian.
Director:(He's alive? Aww, I wanted Sun Quan, so I can see Lian Shi's ta-tas..)
Sun Jian:Ah, what brings you to our palace?
Guy:Koei sent us to inspect your rooms. Sorry for any intrusion.
Sun Jian:You may go do what you need to do. I'll send Ce to show you around.
Sun Ce:Where do you need to look first?
Director:We'll inspect here first, then show us the offices, and lastly your home.
The two began to look around with theirs lights on.
Guy:This place is very clean.
Sun Ce:This place was just built.
Hallway
Sun Ce:Here are the offices.
Director:How many are there?
Sun Ce:Seventeen, including Father's and mine's.
Guy:Same number as Wei's.
Sun Jian's office
Director:Nothing, except some dust.
Guy:Aww, he has pictures of the Sun kids with him.
Director:How are they able to get these kind of pictures? They don't have cameras.
Sun Ce:When asked, Koei will give anyone a picture of anyone.
Director:Ahem,anyone?
Guy:No, you're not asking them for a picture of Lian Shi or Zhang Chunhua.
Director:*nervous*Heh,heh, you're funny...I would not partake in such a...perverted act...no..heh...(I want to...)
Guy:Uh-huh.
Sun Ce's office
Sun Ce:Pretty nice, huh?
The office revealed the room in tiger print and a tiger desk and chair.
Director:(This looks more like Mike Tyson's house than an office.)Yeah, nice...
Guy:Ok, the light reveals nothing. It's clean. Also, is it real tiger?
Sun Ce:No, why would we do such a thing? Koei told us about this style, but I was the only one that actually did this renovation. All of this is fake, but stylish.
Director:There's a stuffed tiger head on the edge of the desk.*pokes it*
Sun Quan's office (Sun Quan and Lian Shi are in it)
Sun Ce:Quan, these guys here have to inspect this room, so don't get startled.
Sun Quan:Ok, if it is alright with you.
Director:Yeah... *staring at Lian Shi,no doubt*..let's get inspecting.
Guy:*hits him*Stop it!
The two shined their lights everywhere in the room.(With director sneaking a peak of Lian Shi every couple of minutes)
Guy:There is nothing here, lets go...HEY!
Director is staring at Lian Shi again, and Guy hits him. The two leave the room.
Sun Quan:...That guy was constantly staring at you...*eye twitch*
Lian Shi:...He looks familiar...
Sun Shang Xiang's office
Director:Why does she have an office?
Sun Ce:She wanted one, and annoyed us until we built one for her.
Guy:It's dusty, overall, it's clean.
Sun Ce:She wanted this when she was little, now she can't use it because, you know, the Liu Bei thing?
Taishi Ci's office
Director:Clean. Pretty empty...
Sun Ce:Poor Taishi Ci, he doesn't get much to decorate his office except his twin rods.
Lu Xun's office
Guy:So much red and orange...
Sun Ce:He loves red and orange, I don't know why though.
Director:It's clean except for some ashes in the corners.
Zhou Yu's office
Guy:Some blood stains on the floor.*holds light*Some old, some new.
Sun Ce:He is sick, but for some reason, he gets better, only to get sick again. Right now he is fine.
Director:I found a doll of Zhuge Liang...it's missing a arm and a leg. It is covered in stab marks and a knife is sticking out of it.
Sun Ce:Yeah...about that...he...
Director and guy:We know.
Lu Meng's office
Guy:There are some weird germs on the desk...*holds out machine* Monkeypox?(this is real, google on your own risk)
Director:Sanitize. And let's get out!
Gan Ning's office
Guy:More unusual germs.*holds the machine*Phthirus pubis?(another real one, google on own risk)
Director: SANITIZE. IT.
Guy:There's also semen...
Director:GET THE F**K OUT!
Huang Gai's office
Guy:Pretty nice. There is a Bowflex machine in the corner.
Director:*holding light*Clean. Except the machine is covered in filth, I'll just wipe it down with Clorox.
Zhou Tai's office
Guy:The room is like it's never been touched...
Sun Ce:He never uses it.
Ding Feng's office
Director:The door's big...
Sun Ce:He's a big guy. We had to make the door wider and higher.
Guy:Clean. Hey, some poems.*reads some* *goes in a corner, depressed*I wish I was never born...
Director:Oh, come on, it can't be that sad.*reads it* *goes in corner with guy*I wish I was never born...
Sun Ce:Let me see...*reads* *goes in the corner with the two* I wish I was never born... (Did you get this anime reference?)
Ling tong's office
Guy:*shines light* There is a giant splotch there.
Director:*holding Machine*It's semen, and urine*looks at machine closely*.. oh,dear...SANITIZE THIS ROOM!
Lu Su's office
Guy:The desk is worn out. The germs on here are normal for a desk.
Director:Just wipe it with Clorox.
Han Dang's office
Han Dang:Oh, hi guys!
Guy:Ok, *shining light* Nothing, nothing, and it's clean.
Director:Pretty clean in here.
Han Dang:Uhh..what are you doing?
Director:Alright let's go.
Han Dang:HEY! DON'T IGNORE ME!
Zhu Ran's office
Guy:More red and orange...
Sun Ce:He also loves his red and orange! That's why Lu Xun and him became good friends.
Director:Clean. More ashes in the corner.
Sun Family residence
Sun Ce:Here is our home. After this you're done right?
Director:Yes, I'll start with Sun Jian's.
Sun Jian's room
Director:Seems normal.
Guy:*shining light* It's dirty. The room is pretty old.
Director: The germs are not harmful. So we can leave it like this.
Guy:Nice pictures. Who is that lady?
Sun Ce:My mother.
Director and guy:*staring at picture, raising eyebrows* Really?
Sun Ce's room
The room is covered in tiger print along with tiger-themed furniture.
Director:(It looks like a pimp lives here.)You also did this for your room?
Sun Ce:Why not? It looks nice.
Guy:*shining light*Clean. But does anyone mind this?
Sun Ce:Quan and Shang Xiang sometimes question this.
Sun Shang Xiang's room
Director:Nice weapons on the wall.
Guy:The room is nice. *shines light* It's clean.
Sun Ce:She had a phase where she wanted to collect every weapon to put in this room. She didn't get to finish it. She also had a clean-freak phase.
Sun Quan and Lian Shi's room
Director:Ok, then...oh-ho-ho!
He sees Lian Shi changing in the next room. Sun Ce and guy did not catch up with him yet. Director sneaks up behind her carefully and is straining to get a better look. He hits his foot on the threshold.
Lian Shi:*looks behind her*My lord, is that you?
The director is hiding beside the door leading into Lian Shi's chambers.
Lian Shi:Hello? *walks very slowly towards the door*
Director:(Oh no, she is coming this way!) I should...
Sun Quan: Ahem...Looking for someone?
Director:*turns around* Oh, I...lost my way around here...(Oh no, I'm dead!)
Lian Shi:My lord?*pauses and sees director*
Director:Oh,crap...
Outside of SQ and LS's room
Guy:The room is clean.(Except for the bed...)
Sun Ce:So you're done?
Guy:Yes, but I can't find that idiot...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The director is flung outside, breaking the door in the process.
Director:*arrows are sticking out of his back and butt* Uhhh...*beard falls off*
Lian Shi and Sun Quan walk out of the broken doorway.
Sun Quan:It's you...
Guy:What happened?
Sun Quan:This guy was near Lian Shi's chambers when she was changing.
Sun Ce:Dude, not cool...
Guy:That is so like you...
Director:I almost saw it...*twitches*
Guy:Uhh, disgusting...*drags director off* Sorry for this guy, he is rather like this, unfortunately.
Sun Quan:I feel sorry for you having to work with him...
Guy:I'm used to it.
