Thanks for continuing reading this!
Special thanks goes to miano53 for reviewing, and erico637 for following!
Also, to miano53: Yep, Link doesn't really have control. We'll be looking into that in this chapter... Spoilers!
I'm glad that I was able to finish this in fairly good time, so there wasn't a huge wait.
Unfortunately, this whole piece decided to delete itself and not freaking save. So everything from about halfway down had to be re-written, because even though I had pressed save about a sentence at a time (I'm kinda paranoid like that) it deleted it all.
I don't think this second version is quite as good as the first, but if I didn't think it was up to par then trust me - I wouldn't have posted it.
Fortunately I found that apparently I have an exceptional memory, so it is fairly close to the original copy. Maybe it's just me, but is it not quite as good as previous chapters? I don't know. Someone please tell me, or I might just end up going crazy over thinking this one isn't as good!
Yes, perfectionist here. So if it takes me three times as long to make it just right, then oh well. At least it's good.
Anyway...
Disclaimer: NOT MINE. STILL.
Oh yeah, and this chapter gets kinda...bad. Violent. In my opinion, anyway. Sure all is well at the beginning, but around the end? It gets quite bad. Not a nice experience.
Shudder.
Sorry for taking forever, but here you go!
On with the story!
The Descent
Chapter 4:
Monster
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
― Friedrich Nietzsche
Link
Walking through the forest has always been a peaceful experience of me, being amongst and part of the breathtakingly beautiful scenery surrounding me. The sunlight dappling the ground through the trees. The birdsong, a quaint melody that seemed to flow through and around you. The life found and seen and heard and felt and lived. I've sometimes felt I should have lived here, so content does this place make me feel. Even at night, when others would cower and view the woods as an eerie and dark place, I would smile and be perfectly at ease, basking in the glory of a world bathed in moonlight.
Not anymore do I revel in the light of the ethereal night, and I will certainly not tonight. I'm as skittish as Epona when there's thunder. I'm more flighty than a bird in a tornado. My eyes dart every which way, and I have to wonder; suspicious or paranoid? Or are they both the same thing? My ears pick up every noise, senses pricked due to my feelings being a mixture of fear and wary. I am the prey here, whereas before I was viewed as neither predator nor prey, simply a traveller through these woods unworthy of any term or title. I was simply here, like a drop of water when it rains, gently falling to the ground. Now I felt more like I was trapped in a storm, thrown everywhere and terrified.
Goddesses above, I hated the feeling of fear.
You'd think a hero gets used to fear, having to constantly face it alongside danger on a daily basis. You would be wrong - at least in my case, and I doubt I'm the only one. I fear for the village, for the children...
For Zelda...
I fear myself...
But that's something else entirely.
I wish Ordona could've provided a simple answer. Just do this and your problem is solved. Of course the world doesn't work like that, but you can always hope, right? Without hope, what is left beyond despair?
Although quite frankly I have more of the latter than the former, so I can't really preach about that.
Soon I reach my little tree-house, but pause before heading up the ladder. Epona is running rampant in the field, dashing every which way in a sort of terrified madness.
It's sickening to watch, especially when I knew the cause.
I pull a whistle out from inside the small pack at my hip, before blowing softly into it. The familiar notes warble around me and she visibly calms, her pace slowing to a trot and her head no longer flicking anxiously from side to side. However she is still obviously agitated.
I whistle again, a short yet soothing melody, and Epona rode towards me. Then she whickers softly, her expression seeming mournful. She leans her head over the fence, pushing against my chest in what felt like an attempt at comfort.
I hug her lowered face against me, my arms wrapped under her neck and the action calming the both of us. She was warm, with the scent of home lingering on her chestnut hide - no matter where we were, she would always smell like home, and would forever lead me back home again when I was lost. It was one of the reasons I loved her. Epona had been with me for as long as I could remember, she was there to sooth me when twilight fell even though she herself was terrified; she had carried me through woods and battlefields alike, never showing fear. She was special. She was my friend.
But I scared her now. More so than any enemy ever had.
She pulls herself from my grip gently, as if jerking away would insult me, but allows me to leave a hand resting on her cheek when she raises herself to her full height - with her muzzle reaching my nose. I breathe softly into her nostrils, and she blows back, her warm breath and sweet scent surrounding me. I have just told her that she is my friend, and she has replied that I am her friend. Even the simple action, though typically performed by horses which I have merely copied, brings me comfort. I have not scared her so that she sees me differently, at least. That makes me sigh in relief; I didn't even realise I was so tense over her acceptance of me.
She keeps her neck leaning over the gate as my hand strokes her face, before I return it to my side. I raise my gaze to meet her eyes, which shine down on me with an intelligence unlike any other I have seen in a horse, her cerulean blue echoing my azure in their expression of sorrow as she stares deeply into my eyes. It feels like she understands, and is showing sympathy for me.
I wasn't sure if it made me feel better or worse, seeing the love and trust she showed. Especially when considering that it was my fault she had been in such a state earlier.
Or maybe it was all just wishful thinking, hoping she - if none other - could truly know me, and express such strong sympathy for me.
She turns around and slowly walked back into centre of the field, her pacing stopped and her agitation seemingly forgotten. Instead she begins to graze, flicking her tail calmly from side to side as the sunlight, surprisingly bright considering it was early morning, flitted across her back.
I smile at her now docile behaviour, glad she had calmed, before I climbed the ladder and entered my house.
I breeze through the place, ignoring the dust that has settled everywhere from my absence, heading straight for the ladder which will take me to the basement. I feel dread as my feet touch the wooden floor, my mood - which had improved when Epona's did - plummeting as I peer into the inky blackness. My eyesight is almost accustomed to it by now, used to the darkness surrounding me and able to easily perceive it without the use of a lamp as others would require.
I look to where it lays on the floor at my feet, almost wishing it wouldn't be there but knowing such a wish would either not bode well or be in vain. I need it, really, but in all honesty? I despise it. The knot in my stomach curls ever tighter.
Gingerly I pick up the small parcel, cradling it with my left arm as I use my right to hoist myself back up the ladder. Upon getting into the main part of the house I drop into one of the faded green armchairs, a sigh unintentionally slipping past my lips as I place the package on my lap.
My fingers skim over the light brown material, focusing on the black seal - imprinted with the complete form of the fused shadow - placed over the seam, which must be broken to reveal the words hidden within.
A black orchid lay on top of the letter, cut halfway at the stem and with a flower as dark as night. It signaled that which I already knew - who it was from. The black orchid was a symbol of formality, mystery, royalty and leadership. So of course it couldn't belong to anyone else. She left one with each letter, every night.
Placing the orchid into the fireplace - which contained all those I had received, though since I hadn't lit the fire in a while all remained unburnt and as dark as the new one, as if they had been picked moments ago instead of weeks ago - I turned my attention onto the main subject of importance. The letter.
Gently but swiftly, like pulling out a knife, I break the seal and pull open the paper, revealing the script it conceals. The writing is italic, slanted, looping and fancy, obviously written by one of high standing. It is a beautiful piece of calligraphy, each word as perfectly printed and dark as the orchid, but I would expect nothing less.
Though it was the words inside which would matter.
Dearest Link
There is no need to fear. All went well. None were harmed, and the beast was successfully kept away. It did not escape, though strove to do so.
I sighed in relief, raising my gaze from the letter to the door briefly - as if to check whether anyone was there - before I continue.
The creature fought me at every opportunity, and we both know all control on it was lost after dusk. You did well reigning it in until then, as I know how hard it fought you when twilight fell.
The days grow harsher and the nights ever longer. I cannot keep this up forever, and I worry my composure may crumble soon. I have returned home now, much to my shame, but the cycle will begin anew at sunset. I hope you will be prepared when the beast and I return.
My eyes skim over the words, seeing them only fleetingly but understanding the message instantly. Though the reason for such formality - as she never spoke in such a manner, and rarely were her letters as eloquent as this one - took longer to reach me. She was home. Therefore she could be discovered. Writing in an obvious and informal manner might alert someone, as evidently someone must read any letters she sends before they leave if she indeed was home. I wouldn't be surprised if she was more worried about me than herself, though currently she was in more danger than I was.
She and everyone in the village.
I continue to read.
I hope the beast's days are numbered, as I search for a way to bring it under control. The library here is extensive, and I have discovered something that could be of use. I trust you will be doing the same as we previously discussed, in the hopes that between us we can stop the beast. In the meantime, be vigilant against it. It will strive to break free at any and all opportunities.
But then again, you know that better than I.
You said it has been safely contained during the daylight, that light makes it weaker. Maybe that is a way to stop it?
Even if it is, do not rely on the light to keep you safe. The beast is growing stronger, and with each day gains control for longer. It won't be deterred by the sunlight for long.
Be careful. You always were fearless, but such bravery can lead to mistakes and injury. I do not wish to return to find you harmed.
Or buried.
Good luck, Hero.
Because I think today you're going to need it.
Signed,
Tilly
Her fake name amused me - no doubt it would confuse those who read it, as 'Tilly' was an alias which meant next to nothing.
Sure it rhymes with something of importance - someone could pick up on it, but it was unlikely - and those who didn't understand what was meant by it would most likely be confused.
Exactly as they were meant to be.
I tucked the letter into an alcove in the bookshelf, where many others reside - each in order of when they were received.
Few of the letters were quite as vague, though none of them made their meaning blatantly obvious in the hopes that only I would understand. Only her and I would fully comprehend their meaning, while to everyone else the words - and thereby the letter itself - would seem disjointed and disconnected.
Before I can understand her true meaning, my thoughts are interrupted.
Knock knock. Knock knock.
Zelda... I had meant to visit her and Ilia, but had delayed it in favour of visiting Ordona. So now she had come looking for me.
I get up from my seat, my dejected mood melting (or at least hiding) away as I swing open the door.
She stood rather awkwardly, as if she wanted to enter the house and forgive me but something was stopping her from doing so. She looked up from staring at the floor, fixing me with a gaze filled with sadness and a cold anger. Such a look would've turned lesser men to stone.
"May I come in?" She says calmly, her tone matching her glare. Once more I sense a hint of sorrow in both, which is swiftly swept away by the icy fury.
Instead of answering I step back, allowing her to easily walk past. She nods to me as she enters – courteous till the end – before settling down into one of the two armchairs. She seems at home here, and I feel glad. I see that some of her anger has dissipated, as though it had never been there at all, and I sit in the chair opposite her. I didn't look at her, nor she at me. We both stared at the floor in stony silence for a moment.
"I understand, Link." Zelda speaks slowly and cautiously, as though worried of offending me. In reality it was I who was worried of offending her. I saw now that the anger had most likely been an act, as I had expected her to be angry – and so she had pretended to be. We were looking at one another now, but it wasn't hostile (though I had partially expected it to be). Now her gaze held only sorrow, before that too was hidden. The only emotion she was willingly showing gave away slight amusement.
"I completely understand why you abandoned me to the clutches of Ilia." She smiles lightly, and I reply in turn. It was true Ilia could be somewhat overbearing at times – I remembered fondly of a time when she had refused to let me leave my house due to having a cough – though really she was kind, caring and sweet. Like a little sister; sort-of annoying, yet overall someone you loved to pieces and often teased about her being younger than you (even if it was only barely). She was more protective than overbearing though, as she cared about almost everyone and didn't want harm to come to them.
"Was it bad?" I asked, knowing that though her tone was annoyed and serious her eyes shone, showing me she was actually anything but. Or at least I hoped that was the case and that I wasn't reading too much into the situation.
"I think she was waiting for me to run so she would have an excuse to eat me." She told me, causing me to chuckle quietly. Ilia had probably watched her like a hawk the entire time. I wouldn't have expected anything less. We were both smiling now, albeit only slightly.
We sat in silence a while longer, but now it was more comfortable. Zelda's eyes travelled around the house, as if to see any differences in it, while my gaze was watching her face. She was an exceptional liar, but I could still see the worry etched into it. Not clearly, but still there.
"Link." I grimaced internally at her tone. She both sounded and looked determined. Whatever she wanted, by the goddesses she was going to make sure she achieved it. I prayed it wasn't what I thought it would be.
"I want to fight alongside you tonight." I made to protest, but she raised a hand to stop me before continuing. "I will be queen one day. How will I be able to defend the kingdom if I cannot protect even a portion of it? I can strategise and plan, but if a time comes when I must lead how will I ever hope to know how if I haven't had a chance to fight? Let me help, Link. I want to protect this place just as much as you do." Her eyes plead with me to let her. I stare out of the window at Epona, quietly grazing. I didn't want to think of Zelda, and especially not her fighting.
Certainly not her getting hurt.
I wanted to protect her, but how could I do that? She would find some way to defend the village unless I consented, in which case she would be among the villagers and therefore safer than trying to do so by herself. I could tell Rusl to keep an eye out for her, lest she find herself wounded.
We need more people to protect the village. My mind says logically, while my heart screeches Not Zelda!
I don't know who to let win. I shouldn't be fighting with myself, but on such a matter how can I not be conflicted? Would she be safer with a sword in her hand and the enemies before her, or behind a wall yet without a weapon and enemies on the other side?
"You may fight alongside us to protect the village." I distantly hear myself saying. It isn't that I don't believe she can protect herself, it's the fact that I should be there to protect her and I won't be. I can't bear to look at her as I say the possibly fatal words, so instead take to staring intently at my feet. Oh how interesting they are.
"Honestly?" She whispers. "Do you promise?" I almost feel wounded that she has to ask, but then remember my stunt yesterday when I left her in Ilia's care.
No! A voice within me screams. I don't want her to fight. I can't protect her. She wants to fight alongside me, but she can't. Not when I'll be fighting something that is much too close for comfort to her at the moment. I feel a strange anger come over me at the prospect of her fighting without me there, but quickly I quench it. I instantly know that agreeing to this was an awful idea, but I can't exactly back out now, even though I desperately wish to. So instead I nod.
I know she'll be smiling slightly, but I can't bring myself to look away from the floor. She doesn't understand how desperately it hurts me to even contemplate her injured. It would make her think I believe her to be weak. I'm fighting a battle within myself against myself, when I need to be strongest to defeat the bigger enemy. But I'm torn, and weakened because of it.
Now she'll be wondering why I can't look at her, why I won't speak. I don't want to see the pain and sadness and maybe even guilt that will be in her eyes. To avoid them I stare at the floor somberly.
Tug
I feel a strange sensation at my throat, but it seems irrelevant.
Suddenly she's kneeling in front of me, those beautiful grey eyes filled with worry as she stares up at me. Her right hand is resting gently on my cheek as she tries to pull my gaze towards her. She doesn't know how it physically hurts me at the moment to see that expression on her face, of sorrow and grief and confusion. She will want to know what is wrong, and even I don't really know.
Tug
I ignore it.
"Link..." She trails off as I continue to avoid looking at her, once more opting for staring out of the window as opposed to at her heart-breakingly pain-filled eyes
"What's wrong?" In that small sentence I want to collapse and reveal everything, but I can't bear to tell her. No one needs to know, especially not her. If I avoid the truth, can the lies be true? If I deny the monster, does it die?
I feel weaker than ever, so weak. A breeze could defeat me now. Ordona's words haven't helped at all, and any relief I've received from the letter is dead. It all means nothing now. Not when I am this, and I can't stop it.
Tug
She guides my gaze towards her, turning my head with her hand on her my cheek. Her face is inches from mine, as she seems to search for an answer to her question in my eyes. They are soulless, hollow. They will reveal nothing to her.
"Please?" She whispers, and the word is filled with so much emotion that it causes me pain. It hurts more than ever any wound has.
Tug
I absentmindedly rub my throat.
Her hand falls from my face, and her expression is more mournful than any I have seen. I want to comfort her, but she can't know. I'm the cause of her pain and her hurt and confusion, but I can do nothing to stop it. Even if something within me shouts that I have to.
I pull backwards from her then, pushing myself into the back of the chair. I clutch at my face with my hands, tightly tucking myself into a curled position.
Pull
The sensation at my throat is stronger now, almost edging onto painful. But the expression across her features makes me feel awful for even contemplating that my pain is anything near her obvious despair.
I don't mean to speak, but suddenly I am. They are the words of a deranged lunatic, a madman.
"I'm sorry..." I murmur. The words pour out of me in a torrent after that, like the floodgates opening, so quick that she can't possibly be able to catch them. What she does hear must mean nothing to her, but they are everything to me.
"I thought I could hold it in but it's so strong and now I've brought you here and she thought it would be okay and that it would help and I hoped I would be alright but it's just not working and now I'm losing to it and it's going to win and then everyone will suffer and I just don't know what to do anymore..."
I realise she's pulled me onto her lap, and is softly stroking my hair as she soothingly hums a melody to me. Tears stream silently down her cheek, and I find that my own face is damp. I want to comfort her, but it all just hurts too much.
Rip!
The pull at my throat is sharp and harsh now, demanding my attention as it reshapes my vocal chords, ripping through them to become something else.
Too late I know what is happening, and I feel shame at being too consumed to notice.
My distraction with Zelda was all the beast needed.
I cry out as it attacks me from within, biting and clawing along my body as it searches for an escape to the prison it is confined to. It has an advantage at my surprise, and will easily force its way out. Unless I can stop it.
I frantically scramble away from Zelda, dragging myself to a clear spot on the floor before the true battle begins.
Then I contort and spasm uncontrollably, eyes shut as if to block out the pain, as the beast and I fight for control. It is desperate and fierce, while I am weak and have been caught by surprise.
It isn't as strong as normal - though that barely means anything when it was so powerful already - especially having struck during the day. But it wants to win so badly.
I'm fighting a losing battle, and the beast knows it.
My spine twists and morphs, wrenching a scream from me, trying to change into a form unrecognisable as me. I thump against the floor with each painful movement, painfully jerking and shifting as it attacks. It drags me this way and that, ripping into muscle and turning bone to dust as it wishes. I know what the end result will be, but somehow the beast always seems to destroy me before reshaping my form. It uses my body against me, and resisting only makes it worse with every second.
But I have to. For Zelda's sake.
"Go." I force out the word, my vocal chords screaming in pain. Then they are taken by the beast.
I need her to leave before I'm too far gone to care that she's here anymore, when the pain becomes too immense that I simply can't bring myself to give a damn anymore, when everything is so confused with pain that the whole world is hazy and life without the pain just a memory.
Because then it will win. Completely. And I'll never come back, if it can drag me to that point.
Give in...
The beast taunts. I bite my tongue to keep from screaming in pain, and blood wells in my mouth before pooling on the floor. It knows I will fight it while I can, but I'm not sure how long that will be. It is weaker than normal, but so am I.
My skin burns as fur tries to force its way through, but I push against the beast. So instead it concentrates on reconstructing my legs into a more appropriate form. I try to stop the beast, push it back down into submission and keep it under my control, but it is too far along for that. There is no way to stop it now. I can only resist for so long.
Currently Zelda is the only thing keeping me going. If she had left already I would already be lost, but I can't let the beast win until she's safe. I will fight it until she's gone, even if it means I lose completely.
I won't let it harm her.
"Link-" I barely hear her over the pounding of blood in my ears as the beast attacks me, but I shout to her through it.
"GO!" The command is a shriek ripped from the jaws of the beast itself, barely distinguishable from a feral howl. I have briefly regained control over my voice before it is lost again, the beast revelling in the fight and the thrill of knowing that this time, by the end it will have won. I've lost the battle and the war, but if I can prevent any casualties then I've succeeded.
This only makes the beast fight harder, trying to gain control before she leaves. It wants to kill her and I know it. It fights for chaos while I for control.
When the door slams, there is a brief respite, as if the beast too must catch it's breath. So I pray.
Please goddesses, make sure no one comes to harm because of the beast. Because of me.
When the battle begins anew and the beast tries to regain control, I allow it. I was losing the fight, and so I relent.
I am more monster than man now, anyway.
I've got to admit, I sort of like this chapter. It was fun to write (though not so much to re-write). That probably makes me a horrendously sadistic person, but still. At least it was interesting, right?
I also absolutely adore the last sentence. I feel so evil! Also, there is a reason for it being in bold and centered (beyond making it even more awesome! To me, anyway XP)
What is Zelda going to do? Will Link hurt someone?
I've barely started Chapter 5, and I'm finding it just doesn't want to be written. Which is really annoying. I just can't seem to get ideas down at the moment. It's less like writers block and more closely related to writers-having-a-moment. So this one could take a while. Sorry.
And I know I said this one would take a while and only took a day, but still. It's gonna be a while, and I mean longer than one day this time. Probably.
Who am I kidding? I can't write six detailed pages in a day! A week or two, at a guess - fingers crossed that it's not anything longer than that. Hope it's not that long, but that is the likelihood of it.
Thoughts?
Scar
