(Blaine's POV)

November Part 1

Dear Journal,

Kurt couldn't fly back for my 18th birthday. I was alone. The glee club tried to do something for me but I told them I had family plans. I'm lucky no one knows my family situation because my parents didn't even acknowledge my birthday. I know Kurt doesn't have the money or time to fly out for his stupid high school boyfriend's birthday but it still hurt. But my anger wasn't directed at Kurt, it was directed at the world in general.

I was at my shattering point, and then life took a turn for the worse and I shattered.

Things have gotten so much worse, and when I say worse I mean WORSE. In short; my dad caught me skyping with Kurt one night and it just so happened that we both had been crying. He said that I was a sissy and Kurt was the reason I was so diseased, luckily though I managed to log off before he said anything that would make him suspicious.

Then my father thought it would be a good idea to beat the gay out of me. I could practically smell the alcohol wafting off of his clothes and breath. I was so scared. It wasn't like my father hadn't hit me before because I was no stranger to that. I can't even count all the times I've had to wear make-up just to hide the bruises he would leave behind after one of his alcohol driven attacks.

But this time it was so much worse, it was terrifying. The way he was hitting me, like it was my fault that his world is so terrible. I honestly don't even know what I ever did to deserve the hell he put me through. I am not the reason he has a drinking problem or the reason that he couldn't find a decent job was his firm fired him. Or maybe I am…

Anyway, that night was so bad. He kept pummeling me like he never wanted me to see the light of day again. He would slap me across the face the elbow me in the gut when I moved my hand to caress the stinging in my cheek. He kicked me when I was down, and it gave him pleasure. But little did I know the worst was yet to come.

I could take the physical side of it all but when he dove into the emotional side of his hate towards me and my being gay that was when I couldn't take it anymore. It hurt me because he blamed it all on Kurt. He would claim that I was fine before Kurt came along and 'turned me gay' but the truth was that I just never had the guts to come out to him or my mother before Kurt. He gave me the COURAGE to do that.

But the truth was that he had always had a certain dislike towards me. He had told me on numerous times that I was a mistake. That Cooper was the planned child and I was just some drunken sex they turned terribly wrong, he used to yell how he wished that my mother had gotten an abortion. It was humiliating to have to hear that from my own father. The man I was supposed to look up to hated me for a reason I couldn't control.

So I finally stood up to him, and decided enough is enough and I didn't deserve to be treated that way. I yelled and screamed and let out all the pent up aggression and anger I had towards him and his hate. He wasn't going to just sit back and take it though. Once I was finished he slapped me across the face and told me I had 10 minutes to grab my stuff and leave, he said he never wanted to see me again. I was still so hurt from before physically and emotionally that all I could think about was getting out of there and being safe.

I grabbed my stuff and left. I left the house that was my home for 18 years. The best part was that I wasn't sad to see it go. Only once I was out of the house and on the sidewalk did I realize that I had nowhere to go. All of my family lived in the Philippines or Ireland. My father's side were all drunks and homophobes; we never really talked to them anyway. And I was not going to seek the refuge of my mom's family who lived in the Philippines, they lived half way across the world, and it's not like my mother had stood up for me one bit. She just stood there and watched her son leave.

I was in a lot of pain by now; my adrenaline rush was wearing off. I slumped down on the curb and brought out my phone and looked for someone to call, anyone.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks; Burt Hummel.

The man had always been like a father to me. Replacing my own who wasn't man enough to accept me for me and love me like any father would love their son. So I called Burt, and now I live with the Hummel's. I'm 18 so I am legally able to live anywhere I want which is great because I don't think I could survive a court battle with the people who called themselves my parents.

Kurt doesn't know, and he won't know until he comes back to Ohio in a few days, I begged Burt not too tell him claiming I wanted it to be a surprise but in truth I'm just ashamed. Ashamed that I couldn't be a man and stand up to my father without getting beat down. I'm so ashamed that I literally get sick thinking about what Kurt will say when he gets home.

But I still push all of those thoughts away because if I dwell on them then life would really suck at the moment; I work at Burt's tire shop to earn some cash and to pass the time. I feel bad that I rely on Burt and Carole for so much, they just rid their house of children only to have another one step right back in.

But they keep assuring me that I'm not intruding and that they would rather have me safe and at their place then living with the monsters that I had previously. I am so grateful for that because if it weren't for them I would be living on the street.

It's funny to think that all this has happened to me over the last few weeks and Kurt still has no idea, h still thinks that I'm a happy senior who lives at home and hangs out with my friends and lives a normal life.
If only he knew…

-Blaine Anderson


(Kurt's POV)

November Part 1

Dear Journal,

I know you're an inanimate object and all but I'm going to ask you a serious question; have you ever felt like something really bad is happening right under your nose?

Well I know you haven't but I have, with Blaine. One night we were skyping like normal and we had both been crying heavily, it's hard no too when we see each other. I miss him so much it's not even funny. I know I'll get to see him in a few days' time because it's almost thanksgiving break but I just can't help but feel like going back with involve a flood emotions I've been trying so hard to repress lately.

So like I said, we were skyping then I could hear his Dad walk in and start yelling something, it sounded like he was drunk. It happened a lot, his dad drank his body weight in alcohol on a weekly basis. But it sounded like they were fighting about Blaine being gay, which also wasn't out of the ordinary.

Sometimes, I think it would have been better if we had kept our relationship a secret from his parents until we moved out to New York to be together, it sure would have saved Blaine a lot of pain. I know he'll never admit it to me but I can't even count how many times we would be making out and he would get sweaty and the make-up he was wearing would rub right off to reveal deep purple bruises. But every time I would try to bring it up he would push the subject away.

I just hope he's okay, I know he's strong but you can only be strong for so long before you shatter, and I sure hope that Blaine doesn't get to his shattering point.

Other than my constant worrying about my boyfriend back in Lima life isn't all Rachel, Finn and I had made it out to be. We had carved New York into our dreams and placed it on a pedestal. We thought it was perfect and untouchable and bound to lead us to a quick fandom. That was a slap right to the face, we had basically been turned down for every role we auditioned for and were living off Roman noodles and processed cheese slices and working double shifts so we had just enough money to pay the insane amount of rent our crappy little apartment cost.

I pretty much live for mine and Blaine's Skype dates. We try to make it a habit of skyping everyday like we had originally planned but assignments and Blaine's glee club mixed with my auditions and both of our utter lack of sleep always seems to get in the way.

I have even stopped hanging out with Scott, Delilah, Genevieve and Tom. We still talk in school but I just can't seem to find the time now that the semester has come at us full swing, and while I'm trying to maintain a good relationship with the man I love.

I was so heartbroken that I didn't have the funds or time to fly out to Lima for Blaine's 18th birthday, he said it didn't bother him and that he understood but I knew it got to him. And it makes me sad everyday thinking of him alone on the special day. No one should be alone on their birthday, I just hope that Tina and the rest of his Glee club friends made it special for him, because I sure know his god awful parents didn't.

I know I sound cacophonic but life really sucks at the moment, I don't know if it's being in New York without Blaine or how life seems to be falling in to place for everyone except me. New York was my dream but maybe somewhere along the way going to New York with Blaine was what my dream became.

-Kurt Hummel