When Duncan returned with trousers and an apology, I waved him off with a word of thanks, because bless these trousers.

I was so glad for these things. They were a bit tight, but I could squeeze into them and I would likely be losing weight. No junk food here and plenty of walking to do. I doubt there would be many times to just sit or drive a car around for transport.

And when we did start walking, holy crap. Maybe it was because I was sick and carrying things, but walking was a trial. I had never walked so much in my life. My whole body hurt when we stopped. I had to pee and I realized I didn't know how to go about doing that surrounded by wilderness and little else.

Duncan taught me with little fuss, despite how awkward the situation was. Now I knew what plants to use to wipe my ass and I was never asking again. How often is it that a grown woman has to ask another grown person how to wipe her ass?

Food was tasteless dried meat and unrecognizable vegetation. I assumed since it was just the three of us, two of which were sick, it would be hard to hunt. Duncan probably stocked up on food when he got my clothes.

My sickness made my stomach shrivel and deny food, but I was always made to eat under Duncan's watchful eye. No matter how long it took, I was to eat every bit of food he gave me. Mahariel tried to eat as little as he could get away with, but, after my first protest and Duncan's insistence, he never rejected the amount of food Duncan gave him.

One night Duncan made a small fire, beckoning me over.

"I do not claim to know much of magic, but I am willing to try and help you before we get to Ostagar. There might not be much time for teaching while we are there and it is best you know some control," he explained, stoking the fire.

"Okay..." I wasn't too sure about this. Duncan was a skilled warrior, but how much did he really know about magic? He wasn't templar trained, and he was no mage, was it really safe for him to be trying this with me?

"I'm told that all mages begin learning control through meditation. Given that you appear connected to fire, it would be best if you meditated as you focus on the flames. Many who meditate, not only mages, use an object as a focus for their energy."

"I don't know how to meditate."

Mahariel was wisely backing up to a safe distance under the guise of keeping watch.

"Empty your mind of all thoughts but the fire. Let the fire consume your mind and wash away all else," Duncan coached, voice low.

It was kind of soothing, and he kept encouraging me to think only of the fire. It couldn't hurt to try, I suppose.

I took a deep breath and trained my eyes on the center of the small fire. I watched the flames wave and dance when a breeze blew by. It was colorful, the warmth was like a small bubble around us. The very center of the fire was the brightest, blocked only by the dark bits of burning wood. I wanted to touch it, but restricted myself to just looking. Like mom always said, "No touching, just looking."

I stared and stared, but there was always something new to notice. Bright flickering of the flames, the pop of the wood as it became charcoal under hungry fire, the curling smoke as it rose and dissipated into the air.

"Elizabeth!" Mahariel shouted in my ear, and a hand shoved me, cutting my vision from the fire.

My mind cleared and I saw Duncan, standing up and away. Mahariel was behind me, dragging me.

"Let go!" I grunted, shoving back. The elf pulled his hand away, eyes not on me, but behind me.

I turned and saw the barely lit remains of our campfire in the center of an enormous circle of scorched earth. I had seen enough of this back home to know that these were marks from a fire... But the fire Duncan had made was small. A fire of this magnitude would had to have been a bonfire at least three shoulders wide.

My eyes darted to Duncan.

"Did I...?" I asked, pointing to myself then the black circle.

"Neither of us are mages," Mahariel said irritably behind me. It was the first time I had heard a clear emotion in his voice.

No wonder. From where he had been sitting, I damn near burned them both.

So it was true. Just what I needed.

My throat closed up. I took a shuddering gasp of air and stepped aside. My butt met the ground as Duncan started toward me.

"I don't want to do that again," I whispered as he knelt next to me.

"We won't."

The rest of trip to Ostagar Duncan didn't make another fire.

oooooooooo

When I started seeing ruins I knew Ostagar was close. My chest pounded with anxiety. Exhaustion didn't help. Since the fire incident my mind only had too much fun thinking of everything that could go wrong. Usually as I laid on my bedroll with nothing to do but think.

"Ho there, Duncan!"

The hero-king himself. He looked like a typical, handsome blond jock. His smile was bright and charismatic. Though I disliked his naivety... I couldn't really dislike him. Not yet, anyway.

"King Cailan. I did not-"

"Expect a royal welcome?" Cailan laughed. "I was beginning to think you'd miss all the fun."

Fun? I bristled. He couldn't know what was coming, but I couldn't reconcile a leader knowing what his soldiers would face and still claim it was in fun.

I ignored them, sidling closer to Mahariel. He looked just as apprehensive about this golden king as I did.

"So, I take it these are the promising recruits? I had thought there would only be one." Cailan mused, turning his eyes on us. I resisted the urge to hide behind Mahariel.

"Yes. Allow me to introduce you." Duncan said, straightening his spine.

"No need to be so formal, Duncan," Cailan waved, still smiling ever so brightly. "We'll be shedding blood together after all. Ho there, friends! Might I know your names?"

Mahariel held his head high and spoke respectfully, "I am Theron Mahariel of the Sabrae clan, your majesty."

I kept my face neutral as I stared blandly at golden boy's chin. "Elizabeth," I answered shortly.

"Elizabeth," Duncan rumbled, a scolding note to his voice.

I made a growling noise in my throat. "... Your majesty."

Duncan didn't look any more pleased by that, but Cailan merely laughed again.

"Well, pleased to meet you. New Grey Wardens are always welcome and I, for one, am glad to help them," he said pleasantly. I refused to feel embarrassed by my lack of maturity and his response to it, as if dealing with an unhappy child.

"You are Dalish, are you not?" The king placed his attention on Mahariel, the politer of us new recruits. "I hear your people possess remarkable skill and honor."

Mahariel's gaze shuttered. With a monotone voice, he very carefully replied, "thank you, your majesty. You are too kind."

"I commend you for speaking so politely to a race that has treated yours so terribly. I tell you this: You are welcome here."

Mahariel was getting tenser as the king spoke. I coughed loudly before Cailan could speak anymore.

"We should get going. We have things that need doing and it's been a long trip. Your majesty."

Duncan's lips tightened and Cailan's smile looked a little strained.

"Yes, you're right. I must return to my tent. Loghain seeks to bore me with his battle strategies," Cailan said, starting to turn.

"You uncle sends his greetings from Redcliffe and would like you to know his forces could be here within a week," Duncan said quickly, stepping forward to follow Cailan.

"Ha! Eamon just wants in on the glory," Cailan dismissed, "We've won three battles with these monsters and tomorrow should be no different."

"You sound so confident of that." I jibbed, sneering at the king. I think Duncan wanted to smack me.

"Overconfident some might say. Right, Duncan?" Cailan chuckled. "We've faced plenty of darkspawn on the field... But we've yet to see an Archdemon. I doubt this is a true Blight."

"Disappointed, your majesty?" Finally, Duncan's ire pointed elsewhere.

"I just hoped for a battle like in the tales!" Cailan dodged, "Oh, but I really must go before Loghain sends out a search party. I hope to see you later."

Idiot. It's not a wonder that Anora was the one leading the country while Cailan played soldier against darkspawn.

"Farewell," Duncan bade, Mahariel saluting as the golden tin can walked away with his guards.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Duncan turned a narrow gaze at me. I flinched back and put my head down.

"What the king said is true," he finally spoke. "They've won several battles against the darkspawn here."

"Yet you don't sound reassured," Mahariel noted sharply.

Duncan sighed and gestured for us to continue moving toward the camp.

"The darkspawn horde grows with each passing day. Soon they look to outnumber us. I know there is an Archdemon behind this. But I cannot ask the king to act solely on my feelings," he explained, frustration evident in his voice.

I knew exactly why, but I remained quiet. I wasn't in Duncan's good books right now.

Mahariel spoke for me. "Why not? He seems to regard the Grey Wardens highly."

"But not enough to wait for reinforcements from Orlais. We are too few in Ferelden, but he thinks our legend makes him invulnerable. We must look to Loghain to make up the difference."

Yet I knew Loghain wouldn't. Loghain, who was both insane and sensible. Who Cailan refused to listen to, just like he refused to listen to everyone else. In the beginning, I had been so furious with Loghain's decision, but now... It's not one he made lightly, but one he made because he was forced to. In the end, Cailan only had himself to blame.

"For that reason we must proceed with the Joining ritual without delay."

"Wait, what does this ritual do? Aside from making us Grey Wardens," I interjected, crossing my arms.

Duncan crossed his arms back at me. "The Joining will cure you of the suffering that the taint brings you both. If it had been possible, I would have done it before now."

I huffed and dropped my arms. "Right, but what do we have to do?"

Please, don't say I have to go with them. I can't do anything, I can't even use my magic properly.

"For now, Mahariel, you may explore the camp as you please. The Grey Warden tent is on the other side of the bridge, should you wish to find a meal. When you are done, find a Grey Warden named Alistair, and tell him to gather the other recruits. Elizabeth... Come with me."

His eyes, soft on Mahariel, became steel when they turned to me.

I meekly followed him, and Mahariel trailed behind, much more interested in his surroundings than getting to the camp.

"Theron," I whispered, "if you find any flowers with red centers, can you pick them for me?"

Mahariel gave me a questioning look.

"I just need it for something. Please? I'll owe you a favor."

The elf's brow twitched, but he nodded silently in assent, and I thanked him.

When we crossed the bridge a guard greeted us cordially, and Duncan took the right path, straight toward the mage camp and their purple tents. I saw three mages, arms moving swirls of strange silvery light around into a single funnel. Right, communing with the Fade. It was strange to see such a thing, like from a movie, but to know it was really there. I could touch those people. Maybe even do what they were doing.

Templars, though. They were foreboding, though their armor was admittedly strange. I was glad for my unassuming clothes now. I looked like a servant, someone that needed no thought. If Duncan had gotten me elf robes or something... I think I'd be in trouble. More than I am, that is.

"Wynne," Duncan greeted, bowing his head in respect.

My heart stuttered. Wynne! I stopped as Duncan did and stared at the older mage. I probably looked like a loon. She had a sweet face, her hair completely white and held back in a tight, short tail. But even so, she lacked serious wrinkles of age and her hands were smooth. She looked nothing like her... But she reminded me of my mother. She had such a gentle, matronly aura.

"Duncan," Wynne replied, voice warm, "It is good to see you. Is this another recruit?"

The Warden nodded. "Hopefully. She is... Untrained, however. She has lost her memory. She claims to remember few things from her past, none of which relating to her talent. If she had talent before her loss, any memory of how to control it is gone."

Wynne's eye widened in alarmed, then narrowed in calculation as she looked me over. I shifted uncomfortably and looked at the tree behind her.

"You wish me to train her? We have only a day before the next attack. There is little I can do for her in such a short time."

"Do as much as you can. I believe she shows some promise, but she lacks control. She would be a valuable addition to the Wardens with the right training."

Wynne sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. "It takes years to be a properly trained mage. She would be better off with the Circle."

"No!" I squeaked, reeling back. They both looked at me, Duncan with a raised brow, and Wynne with understanding. "I-I mean... I'd rather not, if that's okay?"

Wynne gave a half smile. "... Do you have a mage in the wardens who can train her?"

"I do, but he is indisposed right now."

She sighed heavily and uncrossed her arms. "I will do what I can. What is your name?"

"Elizabeth," I answered quietly. "Duncan, what about the ritual?"

The Warden shook his head. "It is tradition that you would go with the other recruits to gather the needed resources, but you lack the skills to keep up with them. We will have to forego tradition in this case."

Basically, if I went to hunt darkspawn with the rest of them, I would end up dead. Duncan was really counting on me training up to be a good mage. Were they so desperate for mage Wardens?

"Okay..."

"Go with Wynne. I will have someone retrieve you when it is time."

I nodded and stepped closer to Wynne while Duncan promptly turned and left. It was as if he had wiped his hands of me. I felt a twinge of hurt in my chest.

"Come with me," Wynne murmured patiently and led me away.

My resolve to learn magic was weak, but if it kept me from setting anything and anyone else on fire, then I really had no choice.