"Adventure Time!

Come on, bust some rhymes,

We'll go to very jacked up times.

Finn! Betty! And Simon too!

Let's save all space-time!

Adventure Time!

Chapter Three: Walk Like An Egyptian

Outside of Alexandria, Egypt, Ancient Times…

Finn awoke to find himself lying on the in a dune of sand. Looking around, he saw Simon and Betty not far from him. His muscles screamed at him and his bone creaked as he stood up. The events of the last few hours came back to him; traveling to the past, Simon and Schrodinger fighting over the Crown…the Crown being destroyed… Honestly, Finn didn't know what to make of it. They may have prevented Schrodinger from changing history his way, but history was still changed…

Deciding to stop moping, Finn moved to wake up Simon and Betty. "Hey guys…think we went through time again."

Simon and Betty groaned as they got up, suffering the same aches and pains as Finn. Betty took in her surroundings and said, "Well, roughly forty-five percent of the historically important events happened in a desert. So, we could be near Babylon…or Sumeria…"

"Pretty sure were in Late Ancient Egypt." remarked Simon aloud while looking over the dune. Curious to understand his guess, the other two of the group looked over the dune…to see the famed Pyramid of Giza! The only difference between the way it was now and in modern times was that Time and the Elements had not smoothed down the structure making it look newer…

"Well, I guess the question now is under what Pharaoh's dynasty we're currently residing in." stated Betty, overcoming the shock easier. The group decides to start traveling in the direction of the pyramids.

As they walked closer, Finn decided to ask Simon, "Hey Simon. Mind telling what I'm in for. Don't really know a lot about human history."

"Well I could really only tell ya the basic, I was more interesting in Scandinavian folklore. Basically, Egyptian built pyramid as monuments to past Pharaohs, who were treated a living representations of their gods. Their gods mostly had animal heads, especially Bastet the cat goddess, who made cats sacred in Egypt. …Boy that's going to make fighting Schrodinger hard. Oh, and they also made a practice of mummifying their dead to preserve their bodies for the afterlife!"

"Wait, mummies as in the kind that come to life by ancient curses?!" asked Finn in a panic recalling some of the movies from past Earth he watched.

Laughing, Betty decided to join in, "Finn, those movies about mummy's curses are just made up stories to get people to spend money. I mean, it is true curse were written on the walls of the tomb, but there is no evidence any of them would actually work…this could actually be a good chance to see if there's any magic before the modern time though…"

The group's conversations were myriad and boisterous on their journey to Ancient Egypt. Eventually one uncomfortable conversation started up thanks to Finn, "So what do you think Schrodinger wanted to do with the Crown anyway?"

Betty pondered the answer before replying, "Hmmm…I think he wanted to absorb the power of that Comet. Basically becoming the Lich a few million years early. So, probably a good thing we destroyed the Crown."

"Yeah…Good thing..." replied Simon uncertainly.

"Simon… what's up bro?" asked Finn, a little worried.

"It's just…even though we stopped Schrodinger from doing what he wanted, we still changed history! Destroying the Crown at the beginning is still gonna cause a massive ripple effect. There won't ever be an Ice King! What's that gonna mean in the end?!" exclaimed Simon, alarmed at the changes he personally helped cause.

"Look, I think we should just concentrate on stopping Schrodinger. Besides, we don't know the Crown was destroyed. It's pretty sturdy!" explained Finn trying to comfort Simon, and it looked like it was working. As they approached a city near the Pyramid, it looked like a parade was going on! Sneaking into the crowd, the group could see there was a parade occurring and at its head…was one of the most beautiful (human) women that Finn had ever seen…

She looked to be about Finn's age and had dark, sun-kissed skin and ebony locks of hair made into corn-rows. She wore a white linen kalasiris(1) and gold bejeweled sandals and bracelets. On her head was a circlet crown with an upraised cobra decorating the front. She was seated in an open palanquin being carried by four strong slaves with guards surrounding it. This and the various people bowing made it clear…this was the queen!

In truth, the only ones not bowing was Finn; Simon and Betty figure out the situation quicker and immediately joined the crowd so as not to draw attention. Unfortunately, the Pharaoh and the guards noticed this… "Halt!" commanded the Pharaoh, causing the whole procession to stop. The Pharaoh stepped out of the palanquin and walked towards Finn her guards following closely. Finn simply stood there, knowing that running would only get him into more trouble.

As the Pharaoh stepped closer to Finn, two of the guards pointed their khopeshs(2) at Finn! "You! Young man! Why do you stand will all others bow?" demanded the Egyptian Pharaoh both curious and outraged by Finn's behavior.

Finn was a bit slow to respond, overwhelmed by the Pharaoh's anger and beauty. Not to mention her voice vaguely reminded him of Princess Bubblegum(3). But as the blades inched closer to his throat, he decided to go with the truth, "I'm sorry, my lady. I was…blinded by your beauty…"

Stunned by the boy's ardent response, the Egyptian royal giggled and waved off her guards before replying, "Since you seem to be a stranger to these lands, allow me to introduce myself. I am Cleopatra VII Philopator, Pharaoh over all of Egypt! You are lucky today is so special, else you might have faced serious consequences…"

Finn gulped, guessing just how bad he almost messed up, before asking, "What exactly makes today so special?"

"Quite simply, a group of my 'advisors' tried to oust me from power because I took the reins in my marriage. But then, a divine servant of the Gods came and not only informed me of the plot, but helped me defeat them. Now, we will soon gain a weapon to bring Egypt back to the height of power we once enjoy…mayhap even enslaving that upstart Roman Empire!" exclaimed Cleopatra in joy. As they walked into the palanquin, Finn thought about asking Simon and Betty to join, then decided against it. If this 'messenger of the Gods' was who he thought it was, Betty and Simon might be more help outside the Palace…

Imperial Palace, several hours later…

While the Palace was impressive, it still paled next to the Pyramids at Giza in both size and presence. From what Finn understood, this lead to future leads looking to the past with nostalgia. Cleo (as Finn began to affectionately call the queen) had nearly been thrown out after surpassing her husband instead of playing the submissive wife to the king. She did this because her role model was a previous Egyptian queen Nefertiti. However, she now had another problem to the north…

"The Roman Empire has never stopped expanding for more than a few years. And they have one of the best, if not the best militaries in the world. Ever since their conquest of Judea, it has been feared that will extend further south…towards Egypt. I have a limited amount of options, or military is no match for theirs. I had even contemplated a marriage with their new leader Julius Caesar…

"I was only stopped by the arrival of the Divine Messenger! He warned that Caesar was not long for this world and he was right! I have only just received news of Caesar demise at the hands of his countrymen. Rome is in chaos! Now is the perfect time to secure our borders from Rome!"(4) exclaimed Cleopatra after explaining the situation.

Finn was seated on a mat in Cleopatra's private room listening to the monarch rant. He was wearing only a white skirt called a shendyt and sandals, leaving Finn feeling rather exposed. Despite the monarch sharing many similarities with Princess Bubblegum, there was a certain…exotic appeal to her. Maybe it was the fact she was one of the few female humans close to his age, maybe it was because she held power and authority…there was just something attractive about her.

"But enough about affairs of state. Tell me, Finn, where do you hail from? You remind me a bit of stories of men from the land of cold, white sand." asked Cleopatra.

Now Finn was in trouble! He was never that good at making up stories. Jake usually came up with any cover stories they needed! "Well…I just wander around exploring the world, ya know? Life of adventure for me!"

"Hmmm…and what sort of adventures have you been on young Finn?" asked Cleopatra in a sultry tone while drawing nearer. I seemed that the young queen had become quite smitten with Finn. Having been with a princess and current in a relationship with a wizard, Finn saw the signs and slowly back away. Unfortunately, he stumbled leaving Cleopatra leaning over him about to steal a kiss…

Fortunately, a servant barged in at that moment, "My Pharaoh, we have been unable to bring the divine messenger to you!"

Straightening herself with a huff, Cleopatra asked harshly, "Is he still with the priestesses of Hathor?!"

"Yes, my lady." answered the servant before being bowled over by the queen exited in a huff. Whether the anger was because of Schrodinger's disobedience or being interrupted before things could get further with Finn is unknown. But Finn was quick to follow her, needing to confront the evil mastermind. Unfortunately Finn the Human was not prepared for the sight that awaited him…

"OOOH! YEAAAAH! Thhhaaaattt's the spot." moaned Schrodinger, as several servants massaged his little body. Finn shivered in disgust at Schrodinger's behavior, as he took great pleasure in his position. The queen was also not amused as she glared down at him…

"Leave us!" the Queen exclaimed to the priestesses. They immediately obeyed, much to Schrodinger's disappointment. Schrodinger got to his feet, causing Finn to notice…the demon cat had grown taller! Not more than a couple of inches but enough to be taller than Jake was. Also, Schrodinger's claws were more visible and his smile seemed to split his face in half…

"Why my Pharaoh! What brings you her today?" asked Schrodinger, bowing courteously.

"That object you wanted from Greece has arrived. I would see this…great tool to make Egypt rise in glory for myself." answered Cleopatra skeptically. It seemed the queen was suspicious of the creature's promise. Finn noted this and hoped he could use that against Schrodinger.

The three of them walked through the palace towards the Nile River, where the ship containing the prize lay. Several burly servants pulled from the cargo hold…a statue depicting nine ladies!(5) Each of the women seemed to merge into a mass yet held their own distinct characteristic. "Behold! The sacred statue of the Nine Muses. The key to the great power I promised…" extolled Schrodinger.

"How is a statue of the Muses going to help my kingdom rise to greatness?!" asked Cleopatra incredulously.

The demon cat merely laughed and replied, "Hehehoho! Relax your Majesty! I'll explain at the ceremony tonight…when the moon is high…" After that cryptic response, Schrodinger headed off to make sure everything was in place. Meanwhile the young Queen silently fumed at being dismissed, which Finn took note of. Huh, maybe I got someone on my side here after all… thought Finn.

Later that night…

"It's just…I feel as if this 'messenger of the Gods' is merely using me to his own ends! But what can I do? Even if he isn't divine, he has the people thinking he is. I move against him, I move against the Gods!" explained Cleopatra while lying down on her royal couch. Finn was there acting like the psychiatrist off to the side, sitting and listening to her rant.

"And how does this make you feel?" asked Finn, mimicking those times Jake play psychologist. The reason he was doing this was to convince Cleopatra to show him what Schrodinger was up to. The fact that she was having doubts about his plans could be really helpful.

"Frustrated…powerless…angry! I mean, just who does that cat think he is?! …You know what? I am going to march right down to the ritual site and demand an explanation!" exclaimed Cleopatra as she leapt to her feet. It seemed Finn's plan to turn her against Schrodinger might be working too well.

"I'm all for it! …Accept maybe we should wait until my friends show up." stated Finn, hoping to stay the headstrong queen's reaction. Normally, Finn would all in to charging straight at the problem, except that Schrodinger always seemed prepared for Finn's responses. So maybe a sensible approach this time…

"Look I'm gonna be honest with you. Remember those two people kneeling next to me? You know, probably strangely dressed, one of them a woman with red hair? Well, there bound to be arriving here soon. With their help, we can figure out what that sneaky cat is up to." explained Finn.

"Oh they're already here! My guards informed me of two strangely-dressed intruders; one with red hair and the other with strange object resting on his nose. I was going to wait until the morning to judge but if they can help…" replied Cleopatra, as she made her way out of the room…

Few moments later, in the dungeon…

We see Betty slamming a guard into the wall after escaping her prison cell! Simon was the first to notice the two, "Oh hey Finn! …Your Majesty."

Finn giggle a little at Simon's awkwardness around royalty (secretly wondering if it trickled down into Ice King or vice-versa) before introducing them, "Cleopatra these are the people who can help us with Schrodinger! The red-haired lady wailing on your guards is Betty and this polite fellow is Simon!"

"Greetings." Cleo said, unsure of her new 'friends'. Simon did not seem like a warrior, while Betty looked ready for a fight. "If you will follow me…"

Betty dropped the guard to the ground, who groaned in pain. As the group went deeper into the palace, a strange chanting could be heard. Finally they come to an underground chamber tall enough to hold two of the statue Finn saw on the boat. Nine women stood in a circle chanting, while Schrodinger stood in front of the statue. Suddenly, moonlight began to trickle from a hole in the ceiling and heavy metal music seem to sound from nowhere…(6)

"A homecoming to the devil's den

Abandoned dreams drawn

And then condemned

The happy smiles here are not your friends

That was a long time ago

All their lives have been deformed

The nine women banged their heads to music as the group looked on curiously. Schrodinger rose his hands in the air while the sounds of thunder and music filled the air, while not a cloud blocked the moonlight streaming down. As the moonlight touched the statue, the figurine began to deform and reshape. While the cult and cult leader were distracted, our heroes slipped in, careful to keep away from the freshly drawn symbols on the floor…

"You fall victim to the death machine

Corroded parts drip with atrophy

Tonight you become its battery

Tell me can you smell the rot?

Byproduct of playing god

Failed abominations filled with life

(You lost control)

Witness your creations now you die

(Welcome home)

It became harder to avoid symbols as the paint began to run…towards the statue! The paint wrapped around the shifting shape like colorful ribbons. The shapeshifter tried to pull itself free only to be pulled back into its original position. Eventually the shape settled on a blue giant humanoid with three eyes and a mouth filled with…which tickle a sense of familiarity in Finn's mind…

"Bend you till you break!

Animate reshape!

Bring me to your world

Create me! Give me power!

Too late to erase!

All the blackened stains!

Crawling through you veins

It is you I devour!

Bend you till you break!

(La la la...)

Bend you till you break!

(La la la...)

Bend you till you break!

It was then Finn realized…the creature looked similar to what Jake looked like now! Could this be the source of his changes? Finn shook his head and tried to focus on the current mission. If he had time, maybe Finn could ask the creature later…

"Projected nightmare is in your midst

You're drowning in black ink

Flip the switch

And watch your cold reality

Twist

Our affliction wears you down

Then we'll see who's laughing now!

While Finn was thinking this over, the group was sneaking closer and closer to the center. It seemed the priestesses were in some form of trance, blind to the world around them. Meanwhile, Schrodinger's eyes were fixed on the shapeshifter, which was slowly wrapped up in a cocoon of ink and paint. From a hidden pocket, Schrodinger pulled out an ornate dagger, making ready to stab the helpless creature…

"Demonic grin stalks in black and white

Against our cruel masters we will rise

With each piece the torment

More alive!

Had your chance now it's our turn

To control and watch you burn!

Failed abominations filled with life

(You lost control)

Witness your creations now you die

(Welcome home)

A rock thrown at his hand caused Schrodinger to drop the dagger, while the sharp sound of it hitting the stone floor grabbed the priestesses' attention. Finn, Betty, and Simon stood shock still before turning their heads around to see that Cleopatra was the one who threw the rock! Snarling, Schrodinger gestured towards the group, causing the priestesses to pull out weapons and charge at the group. Meanwhile the music played on…

"Bend you till you break!

Animate reshape!

Bring me to your world

Create me! Give me power!

Too late to erase!

All the blackened stains!

Crawling through you veins

It is you I devour!

Bend you till you break!

(La la la...)

Bend you till you break!

(La la la...)

Bend you till you break!

Finn pulled out a khopesh he had picked up from the unconscious guard previously. The charging priestesses grew claws from their fingertips and gnashing shark-like teeth. Betty and Cleopatra showed surprising skills in hand to hand combat fending off half a dozen of them, while Simon mostly ran to keep ahead of them. Finn swung his sword in front of him keeping them back, while Schrodinger just picked up the dagger ready to complete his work…

"Paint it black

Paint it black

Paint it black rearrange

Until our worlds are the same

Your truth bends

Paint it black rearrange

We're stepping out of the frame

It's the end!

The other-dimensional creature struggled in its binding while Schrodinger lifted the dagger dramatically. Finn seeing this pushed back the priestesses he was fighting and charged at Schrodinger. Time seemed to slow as the dagger creeped closer and closer to the shape shifter's flesh…

"Bend you till you break!

Animate reshape!

Bring me to your world

Create me! Give me power!

Too late to erase!

All the blackened stains!

Crawling through you veins

It is you I devour!

A massive gash was carved into the Shapeshifter's flesh! Of course this was better than what would have happened since Finn slammed into Schrodinger's back, throwing off his aim. But that seemed to be enough for the ritual as red lightning shot out from the paint, illuminating the room. It showed that the priestesses were truly not human, as their arms morphed into blades and clubs to fight Betty and Cleo, whilst the ones pursuing Simon's legs bent to provide more speed. Meanwhile, the moonlight began to fade away…

"Bend you till you break!

Animate reshape!

Bring me to your world

Create me! Give me power!

Too late to erase!

All the blackened stains!

Crawling through you veins

It is you I devour!

Bend you till you break!

(La la la...)

Bend you till you break!

(La la la...)

Bend you till you break!

(La la la...)

Bend you till you break!

(La la la...)"

Behind the prisoner, a rift in reality began to form! The ink bindings fading allowing the creature to run towards it. Schrodinger tried to stop the creature but Finn would not let go. As soon as the creature was through the rift it closed, leaving no trace. The priestesses melted into puddles of ink right before the eyes of our heroes, who after shaking off the shock turned towards Schrodinger…

"Looks like your time is up!" declared Finn, waiting to use that line since this whole adventure started.

"Over?! No my dear boy…our little adventure has only just begun!" counter-declared Schrodinger before disappearing in a flash. Slowly, Finn,, Simon, and Betty began to disappear as well leaving Cleopatra in the tomb by herself. Leaving her to wonder, what will I do now?

End of Chapter Three

Continued in: Chapter Four: Medieval Menace

Postscript: I do not claim ownership of Adventure Time and any related characters. Only the OC characters and concepts of this story. Sorry for the delays…my father passed on recently. Though this chapter turned rather fitting with the upcoming holiday. Please read and review! Have a Happy Halloween!

1 A fairly conservative Egyptian dress

2 A sickle shaped Ancient Egyptian short sword.

3 Let's go with both of them having the same voice actress from the show. Hint: there will be a lot of parallels.

4 In case you're confused at the ordering of certain events, let's just say Egypt's capital was not Schrodinger's first stop…

5 This is a statue scene in one of Jake's dream in the episode "Abstract".

6 "Bend You Till You Break" (Bendy And The Ink Machine Song) by TryHardNinja