Sorry this is kinda late. I'm a horrible procrastinator... but I hope you like it.
Why Me?
All along, I tried to pretend it didn't matter, if I was alone, but deep down I know, if you were gone, for even a day I wouldn't know which way to turn, cause I'm lost without you...You're the only one that knows me, better than I know myself- Better Than I Know Myself by Adam Lambert
Kendall was wrong. As much as he hated to admit it, he was wrong. His assumption that Dougie was not like Logan was way off.
It turned out that Dougie's real name was Mitchell Henderson. That was Kendall's first mistake.
Apparently Mitchell got his nickname 'dougie' because when he was younger, he loved to dougie- Logan's favorite dance. This was Kendall's second mistake, now, every time he heard 'dougie' he'd think of his favorite brunet singing; 'Teach me how to dougie, yeah, t-teach me how to dougie.'
Kendall wanted to slap himself senseless.
Kendall's third mistake: dyed-blond, unique dressing, tattooed Dougie was an utter and complete nerd. The boy never went anywhere without a book or anything school-related, and did every single homework he got, the night he got it.
And the worst mistake of all. Dougie decided that he didn't want to be blond anymore. How was Kendall supposed to know that Dougie's natural hair color was the same exact shade as you-know-who?
Kendall was screwed. Big time.
…
Logan Mitchell was happy. Maybe not fully happy, but happy nonetheless.
He'd just been accepted into university, and, because of his high grades and excellent marks, he was allowed into an advanced class.
Now, he was celebrating, by himself, the joys of being smart.
If only Kendall was here.
Logan shook his head. He needed the blond to stay out of his thoughts, that is, until he was strong enough again, strong enough to keep him from penetrating his heart.
Kendall.
Just the name was a recurrent thought in Logan's mind. With Kendall came love, compassion, and everything you'd want in a person. Everything you'd want in a friend. Everything you'd want in a boyfriend.
Logan was afraid to think about him, but as a congratulatory award, he allowed one memory of the blond to seep through. Just one.
Hortense. What's in a name? To seven year old Hortense Mitchell, everything.
His name was the cause of his anti-social life. And it also explained his situation.
He was upside down in a garbage can, wondering when the misery in him life would end. Hoping it would end.
Suddenly, he was pulled out from the garbage can, by strong hands. As he stood up, brushing his clothes off, he came face to face with his daily savior, Kendall Knight.
'Hey,' the blond chirped, as if the brunet wasn't upside down in a trash can, mere minutes before. 'What's up?'
'N-nothing,' Hortense whispered. The guy may have saved his life and his dignity several times, but that didn't make him less afraid of the blond.
A large boy came lumbering up to them.
'Hey, punk!' he yelled at Hortense, shoving him.
Kendall jumped in, between Hortense and the boy. 'Don't touch him.'
'Or what? You're gonna tell your mummy?'
Hortense whimpered and tiptoed quietly backwards. He was scared to death and Kendall was going to be pummeled to death and it would've been his fault.
But his fears quickly evaporated as Kendall did a seven year old version of a spinning roundhouse kick straight into the other boy's groin. The larger boy's face turned red and he gripped his crotch in immense pain as he fell to his knees.
Kendall grabbed Logan's hand and pulled him, running at full speed down the hall, before stopping when the were safely hidden in the middle of a crowd.
'How..' Logan panted, out of breath, 'how did you do that?'
Kendall shrugged. 'My older cousin does karate and I sometimes watch him practice. He even taught me a few stuff.'
'That's really cool,' Logan replied.
'Hey, I want you to stay around me from now on. I don't like bullies, Hortense. From now on, I'll be your best friend. I'll be... I'll be...' Kendall paused as he searched for the correct phrase, then when he found it, he puffed out his chest and put his hands on his hips. 'I'll be your knight in shining armor.'
Logan grinned. Maybe school wasn't going to be so bad, after all.
Logan smiled faintly as he remembered that beautiful memory. Kendall had seen him when he was invisible, the little geeky boy in the corner of the room.
Yet he couldn't help but wonder, out of everyone in their year group, why Kendall continued being friends with him.
Out of everyone, why did Kendall choose to be friends with me. Why me?
'Hey Kendall, could you take Katie to her ballet class today? I'm really busy.' Mrs. Knight said as she struggled to hold a large laundry basket in one hand and stir something in a pot at the same time.
Kendall blinked. 'Umm... No. She hates me.'
Mrs. Knight sighed and put down the laundry basket. 'Kendall, it's been over a month and you still completely ignore her.'
Kendall immediately became defensive. 'She ignores me! She doesn't talk to me and every time she watches me, it's with her death glare. And I like living.'
'Go talk to her.' Kendall shook his head frantically.
'She's the only twelve year old that is capable of killing me!'
'Kendall, go talk to her. She's just hurt that you let Logan go so easily.'
'I didn-' Kendall started but stopped immediately when Mrs. Knight gave him her version of the death glare and pointed at Katie's closed door.
Kendall drooped his head dejectedly and shuffled towards Katie's door and certain death.
He pushed the door open. 'Hey Kat-'
He stopped as a pillow came in full contact with his face. 'Hey! What'd you do that for?'
Katie was sitting on her bed, in her pajamas. She folded her arms. 'Why'd you let Logan leave?'
'Katie, it was his choice. I couldn't stop him.'
Katie frowned. 'Then you're a bigger idiot that I thought,' she muttered.
'What?'
'Kendall, of all people, you're the only one that Logan would've listened to. Maybe you wanted him to leave, you goddammned asshole!' She exclaimed, her voice rising steadily. 'Why didn't you stop him?'
'I couldn't. He-'
'You fucking idiot!' She was screaming now. 'Yes you could. But you didn't. Why?'
Kendall closed his eyes and remembered the conversation he had with Logan.
Will you be happy?
I hope so.
Could he tell Katie his deepest secret? She was his sister.
No. Not now. He wasn't ready.
'I- I just couldn't. He wanted to. And I let him.' he whispered, his eyes never opening.
'Didn't you ever think about the rest of us? You just let him go without a thought?'
Kendall didn't have to open his eyes to know that Katie was crying.
'Don't make assumptions Ka-'
'I'm not making assumptions! Logan was my brother, Kendall. He promised me that he'd always be there for me. He wouldn't leave me. He promised.'
Kendall couldn't help but feel a stab of jealousy when he heard Katie say that. Logan was my brother, Kendall. He quickly pushed it away and focused on the matter at hand. His eyes slid open and saw Katie lying face down on her bed crying.
Logan, you idiot. First me, now Katie. Who else?
'Katie-'
'Leave, Kendall. And tell mom I want her to carry me to class today.' Katie said hoarsely.
Kendall fought back tears as he walked softly out the room.
'Mom, take Katie to her lessons, I'm going in my room.' Kendall whispered, and before his mother could reply, he ran into his room.
Kendall lay down on his bed. He had no one left in his life. He felt utterly and completely alone.
Logan abandoned him. Katie hated him. He didn't think Carlos was talking to him. He didn't know Dougie, Dougie didn't know him. James- well James was probably the only one who cared about him right now.
Kendall was always the strong one in the band. He was the leader, the one who had to keep the band together. And yet here he was, moping about his past.
Get a grip of yourself, Kendall. Get up. Do something about the situation. You're the leader of BTR. Put away any idiotic feelings you have for Logan, man up, and call him, he chided himself.
He picked up his phone, and punched in Logan's phone number to tell him to get his ass back to Big Time Rush.
His finger hovered over the call button, before he swallowed his feelings and pressed it. The phone rang once, twice, then three times before Logan answered.
'Kendall?' The obvious shock in the boy's voice was easily portrayed.
Kendall blinked for a moment, confused, before he realized that his name would've appeared on the phone.
'Hi, Logan,' he said softly, the intensity of everything weighing down upon him, and hearing the boy's melodic voice again brought back tons of memories.
There was an awkward silence before Logan said, 'So, uh, why are you calling me? And if it's about me leaving-'
'Yes,' Kendall interrupted abruptly. 'We need you back, Logan. Big Time Rush is incomplete without you.'
Logan sighed, and Kendall wished that he could hug him, then beat some sense into him.
'I wish I could. But I've already signed up for university to get a bachelor's degree in medicine. I can't come now. But I can promise you that I'll come back soon, Kendall. Soon.'
'Logan-'
'I have to go, Kendall. I have a class that starts in five minutes,' Logan replied, then, in a softer tone he said, 'I'm sorry, Kendall. I really am.'
'Logan-' Kendall protested, but the other boy had already hung up.
Kendall dashed his phone on the ground and groaned in frustration. He put his head in hands, running his fingers through his blond locks.
The phone rang again, and Kendall looked up, shocked, then dashed for the phone, his heart pounding. Was Logan calling him back? His heart sank when he picked up the phone from the floor and saw his mother's name flashing across the screen. Sighing, he answered.
'Hey, mom.' He said, walking over to the window and staring through it, wincing at the sun's bright rays streaming through it.
His mother yelled something over the phone, but the background was noisy, he couldn't hear a thing she was saying.
'What's that? Mom?'
'Hold on, let me get away from this noise,' he heard her say faintly. Her voice wavered slightly, as if she were crying.
'Mom, what's wrong?'
Then that was it. Two words. Two words were enough for the world to come crashing down on Kendall. Time stopped, and all he could hear was his mother's breathless sobs.
'How? How could this happen?' he whispered, mostly to himself.
His mother was incomprehensible. Kendall couldn't understand anything, but he had heard those two words clearly. And it was impossible. He had to see it for himself. Even God was not so cruel as to do this to him.
'Where are you?'
He whispered a quick 'Good-bye, and stay strong, I'm coming just now,' to his mother after she told him and he hung up.
This wasn't happening. It couldn't be happening. Why do all the bad things happen to me? Why me?
And all he could hear was his mother's broken voice saying in his ear, 'Katie's dead.'
Whaaat? Yep, I'm that cruel. Sorry. But what did you think? Please R&R. I'm gonna start the next chapter now. I'm really excited for it :) Hope you are as well :)
