Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.
A/N: Hey :-) I know that it has been a while since I updated this story, but just since recently, I have had more interest in writing Trories, however I seem to have been refueled with new interest for this story and Jess's character, although school and my therefore lack of time are often proving to be great obstacles. I will try my best to work on as many projects as I can, though :-) I hope that this chapter will be somewhat to your satisfaction and thanks again to for taking the time to beta. :-)
If only...
-x-x-x-
Envy: a worthless emotion; there's nothing to gain, but everything to lose. It puts everything on the line and leaves your heart dangling dangerously from a string and if you take a chance and cut the cord, the fall might end up being fatal; your heart will be broken, left in pieces for all to see. Jealousy always leads to the worse places - places you dream of being at, but wish not to be at once you're actually there. I read that somewhere and never forgot it because I always believed that it was true, though I'm not so sure anymore. I dream of being somewhere and someone else. Lately, the place I wish to be is in her shoes; I want to be her. I wish I could be her for a day, just one so I have enough time to discover what it would be like to be followed by his eyes whenever I move. I just want to know what it would be like and how it would feel, how I would feel, but in order to get that, I have too many obstacles to overcome, too many doubts and insecurities. Maybe the leap is simply too big for me to take; I have to be sure that I will make the jump. I have to be sure that I really want it. I also must not forget that I am not only considering to put my heart on the line, but am also putting Dean's heart on the line and I'm not sure if I want that, risking my all for possibly nothing when I already have everything. How do I know that when I reach my goal I won't regret it all? I already know that I don't want to hurt Dean, Jess, or Leah so I don't even know why I'm thinking about this. Jess looks happy enough when Leah's around; he smiles more often. I think that she may be the right person to motivate and inspire him, the person to make him smile, to make him happy and I think that she might be good for him. -x-x-x-
Rory pushed her diary aside while looking up, her eyes instantly drawn to the counter, lingering there before hesitatingly looking up at the figure behind it. It was inevitable from the angle she sat at and in the last hour, her gaze had frequently wandered, trying not to include Leah in the picture as she framed it; she knew that it would fit. Her eyes dropped down to the book that was loosely tucked between his fingers, knowing that it was only for show; he and picture perfect Leah were wrapped up in a conversation, one that bared too many intimate smiles and secretive glances. When Leah finally reached for his hand and started to lightly strum his fingers with her own, an invisible line had been crossed and she looked away, her lashes cascading, pulling down the curtain on his sight while she sunk her teeth into her lower lip, trying to push back the bitterness before it could take over and run wild with her emotions.
Her eyes landed upon the stack of empty sheets in front of her, drenched in unspoken words as the sunlight illuminated them. The assignment lay to the right of her, partly covered by her diary, reminding her of why the sheets were still unwritten. She read over her homework once more, comprehending what she was supposed to do, but not the context of the additional pages. Lacking both the will and care, she reached for her coffee cup only to find it empty. With another sigh, she took a hold of her spoon and started to stir while she retreated into the chambers of her thoughts for a few seconds. Eventually, she let the spoon fall back against the surface of the coffee cup with a loud ping, not having the heart to interrupt whatever moment Jess and Leah seemed to be caught up in.
Rory grabbed her pen and brought it to her mouth, chewing on it as she leaned over the table once more, casting only her shadow instead of her knowledge upon it. Meanwhile, the daily routine in the diner went on as it did before, paying no attention at all to the two great minds who were more alike than would ever be brought to light. People continued to enter and exit the diner as they pleased, their footsteps no longer disturbing her because it was how it had been ever since she was just a little small town girl. She didn't bother to look up and be distracted until her coffee cup was refilled up to the brim with steaming coffee. The smell was irresistible to her. She planned on sending the person who had done her the courtesy on their with a simply 'thank you', though she lost all will and courage when she found herself eye to eye with a warm shade of chocolate brown. Her nerves kicked in and made her more vulnerable to him than she felt comfortable with; they grew up together, they had read each other from cover to cover, and they used to be friends, maybe even best friends if he had allowed her to use those words.
''Jess,'' she exclaimed.
He simply nodded, not trying to make the situation any less awkward for her. He just stood there, coffeepot in hand, book stuffed in his back pocket as he looked at her, finally staring her down.
''Thanks for the coffee,'' she said.
''That's what I'm here for. You want anything else?''
''Uhm...no thanks. I think I'm fine for now,'' she mumbled, tightening the death grip she already had on her pen.
Jess nodded again. ''Just call me if you need anything else.'' He turned on his feet and started to casually head over to another table, only to have her look at him from behind her lashes.
Rory nervously started to tap her pen against the table while biting her lip, looking at her assignment before returning her eyes to Jess's retreating figure. She let her teeth rake over her bottom lip before making up her mind. ''Hey, Jess,'' she said, just loud enough for him to hear.
''Yeah?'' he inquired while turning around and looking at her, his brown eyes looking almost seductive underneath his even darker locks.
''Can you help me with something? Homework?''
He walked back over to her, placing the coffeepot on a vacant table he passed. ''Homework?''
''Yeah, I have to do this assignment for my Lit class, but I can't seem to fully get the passages they included and since I know that you read a lot I figured that you might be able to help me?''
He raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.
Rory's eyes lowered themselves. ''You don't have to, I was just wondering so if you...''
''No, I'm just surprised,'' he said, his voice much closer to her than before.
She glanced sideways, finding that he was standing beside her. He placed one hand on the back of her chair, his fingers brushing against her back lightly while he slid the other one in his pocket. Her heartbeat fluttered as he leaned over the table a bit more. She fought to control her breathing as he read over the assignment, glancing sideways whenever she could to watch him read. The third time she looked his way, he caught her, smiling to himself when she looked away, the red on her cheeks the only evidence.
''So, can you help me?'' she asked, nervously tucking loose strands of hair behind her ears.
Jess smiled. ''Yeah, it's...''
''Jess.''
Both Jess and Rory looked up. Leah gave Rory a quick once-over before locking eyes with Jess whom reluctantly removed his hand from Rory's chair. ''Why don't you come back after closing time?'' was all he said, but it was enough.
Rory nodded. ''Yeah, sure. I didn't mean to keep you.''
''You didn't,'' he uttered gently, walking off before she could reply, though currently she was unsure of what to say.
She sighed while looking down at her still unfinished homework.
''Why the deep sigh, dear?''
''It's just...homework,'' Rory weakly explained to Mrs. Patty who sat at a table behind her.
''Ah...you know what might help? Taking a break. You're still young and when you're young, you are still allowed to have fun every now and then.''
Rory smiled. ''Thanks, maybe I will take a break.''
''Good,'' Mrs. Patty said, satisfied with her advice. ''My, my, look at those two lovebirds. Doesn't she seem perfect for him? Just what he needs?''
Rory didn't look up as she answered. ''Yeah, perfect.''
''Just like you and Dean,'' Mrs. Patty commented.
This time, Rory said nothing as she started to gather her stuff together and pick it up, only to drop it again about fifteen minutes later on the reception desk at The Inn where her mom was currently on the phone. Lorelai waved at Rory and made a face, making her crack a small smile.
''...Yes, Mr. Malcolm, I see your point. So I will book two rooms on your name, one for you and your wife and the other one for just your wife in case you two get into one of those arguments you've mentioned, right?... Yes, I will personally make sure that everything is in order for your arrival... Yes...uhuh...well, that's what we're here for... Okay, I'll see you and your wife tomorrow then. Have a nice day.''
Lorelai hung up the phone, putting it aside as she threw Rory a smile. ''Hey, sweets, what are you doing here?''
Rory shrugged. ''I was bored...or something.''
''Uhuh...what are those?'' Lorelai asked while nodding at the books that now covered the desk.
''Homework. Literature to be exact and I'm having trouble with it. You wouldn't be able to help me, would you?''
Her mom gave her a sympathized look. ''Sorry, babe, but all I read is Vogue and even there I have to look up the really big words.''
Rory sighed.
Lorelai pouted. ''I'm sorry, I'm a bad mother for not being able to help you with your homework.''
Rory smiled. ''I just need a break. I'm sure I'll figure it out later, although I think I already crossed the desperation line since I asked Jess for help.''
''Ah, sweetie, you're not desperate, Jess carries a book with him everywhere so of course you asked him.'' Lorelai paused as she took Rory's books and neatly stacked them up into a pile. ''You should just forget about your homework for a little while and focus on something else like...oh, like eating! There are cookies in the kitchen, Sookie just took them out of the oven so...''
Rory shook her head. ''No, that's okay. I just want to do something, maybe even something useful to really challenge me.''
Her mom reached for the phone and handed it to her. ''Want to play Michel?'' She wiggled the phone in front of Rory's nose. ''I'll even let you insult some of the people.''
Rory smiled and took the phone.
-x-x-x-
That night, Rory went back to the diner after closing time, knocking on the door twice as she waited for Jess to open the door, not expecting him to remember, although he did.
-x-x-x-
A couple of hours later, when the darkness had already spread and the moon hung from the sky, one of the small tables in the diner had been scattered with sheets of papers, a couple of pens, hers blue and his black, various books which masked her diary from him, and a few empty cups, the remains either coffee or chocolate milk.
''I think we're done,'' Rory said while stretching her arms above her head, exhausted from sitting in the same position from so long.
''Huh, so it seems,'' Jess replied, not missing the seductive movement she made with her long limbs as she arched her back and tugged at the air with her fingers. He looked away quickly as she let her arms fall back down to her sides and looked at him, her blue bedroom eyes irresistible to him, although he couldn't manage to look into them for more than a few seconds at a time. ''Do you want some more coffee?''
Her lips curved into a smile, although she shook her head. ''No, I think I should be getting home; my mom's probably waiting for me. Thanks for helping me, though,'' she said as she started to bring some order into the loose pieces of paper.
''Any time.''
She paused briefly with her actions and looked at him. ''Do you mean that?''
Jess met her eyes, silently counting the seconds before he averted his gaze. ''Yeah, sure, why not?'' He got up, calmer on the outside than he was on the inside.
There was no response. Rory just continued collecting her stuff. ''I've never heard you talk as much as you did tonight, you know,'' she remarked, getting up from her seat, her arms filled with books and paper.
Jess reached for the empty mugs and started to stack them up just to busy himself.
She watched him, a short silence following. ''Well, I better get going,'' she said, accepting the fact that she wouldn't be able to unravel all of his mysteries in one night, though she had wanted to; she had wanted to be ahead of Leah, know more about him than she did just because. She had no better reason but jealousy to back it up.
He nodded, taking a step back from the table and pushing his hands into his pockets. ''You want me to drive you?''
''No, I'll just walk.''
''If you insist.''
Rory smiled. ''Goodnight, Jess.''
She was out the door before he could give her a reply.
He locked the door and finished closing up the diner while she was on her way home, her pace slow, almost leisurely; she liked being outside on her own at night with nothing but the night to shade her, the late night howl of the wind to listen to, and the empty streets and dark buildings to look at. All of the stores were closed, except for Doose's Market where the last lights were turned off as she passed it, not looking back to see who was the one that had to lock up this night, although the person did see her.
''Rory!''
She halted, recognizing the voice. She turned to look over her shoulder at the figure, features becoming visible once it stepped out into the moonlight. ''Dean, hey. What are you doing out so late?'' she said, asking the obvious.
Dean caught up with her with ease, the keys to Doose's jingling as he walked. He held up the keys for her to see. ''I had to lock up this time.''
Rory shifted the books in her hand. He offered to take them from her, but she declined. ''Taylor trusts you, huh?''
''Guess so,'' Dean said as they started to walk. ''So what are you still doing out? I'm guessing by the books that it wasn't one of your late night video runs.''
''No, it wasn't,'' she agreed.
''So what, you and Lane had a study date or something?''
''Not exactly,'' Rory started, ''the study part is true, though. See, I had this assignment for my Literature class and it was really really hard so...''
''You asked someone to help you,'' Dean finished.
Rory nodded. ''Yep, even geniuses have their weak moments.''
''Who helped you?'' he asked, curious. ''Was it someone I know?''
''Kind of.''
''Do I have to guess or...''
Rory sighed. ''Jess helped me.''
''Jess,'' Dean repeated.
''Yeah... Are you mad?''
''No, of course not, why would I be mad? You needed the help and he helped you, right?''
She nodded. ''I would have told you, but I just asked him this afternoon.'' Another sigh followed. ''Are you sure you're not mad?''
Dean glanced at her and chuckled. ''You are so paranoid. He just helped you with your homework, that's all, right?''
''Well, yeah...''
''Then stop worrying,'' Dean said while loosely wrapping an arm around her waist and gently pulling her closer. He took her books from her with his free hand and placed a kiss on her hair. ''Come on, I'll walk you home.''
''Thanks,'' Rory replied as she snuggled into the nook of his arm a bit more, glad that her journal was safely tucked away at the bottom of the small pile.
REVIEW! Please? :-) I hope you read the A/N at the beginning at the story, but I won't blame you if you didn't 'cause I can see how you would want to get to the story since that is what this site is for. :-) Currently, I am working on three things and will try to balance them as best as I can, though I can promise absolutely nothing since it all depends on my time and both my and your interest, of course. :-) I would like to thank all of you who have taken the time to leave me a review, something I really appreciate since I am always trying to improve my writing and characterizations so please let me know what you think of anything and everything. :-) Thanks :-)
