Disclaimer: You all know how I don't own Teen Titans. This is also to say I don't own any of the Tamora Pierce books because, simply speaking, she does. Thank you
Authors Note: Do you know I seriously love writing these? Sometimes I think I should write just so I can put in author's notes which no-one even reads. Anyway this is a little different to what I usually write (or have written so far) in the fact that it's a little bit more serious and a little less fluffy. I still hope you enjoy it though, and since there are some confusing bits please check the extra notes at the end for explanations. Thank you!
Summary: Being a superhero means you save lives, but it also means that you sometimes fail. In a little exchange of roles Robin shows Starfire it's alright to be afraid…and she shows him that it's alright to feel.
Afraid
Starfire sat and stared into the ashy remains of what had once been a fireside. It seemed strange to her that a place where a family had once sat, singing songs and sharing stories while the flames danced merrily in the grate had later been consumed by those same flames, this time deadly and uncontrolled. She reached out a hand and touched the mantelpiece with a slender finger. It came up coated with black soot and grime, still warm from the recent fire. She glanced once more at the once proud domain and turned away. There was nothing she could do here anymore, it was best to leave. But before she could float away something crunched under her foot. Surprised she lifted it up, only to reveal a small doll. Its hair once a curly brown was now darkened and its pretty yellow dress had all but burnt away, with but a few frayed remains managing to cling on. Starfire squeezed it gently and without exactly comprehending what she was doing she placed the doll in her pocket. Then she rose into the air, it was time to go.
Starfire was sitting on the roof, staring out at the sunset. The sky was a deep blood red reflecting off the sea and the buildings in the distance. She felt a sense of restlessness, unworthiness. She pulled out the doll.
On the way back to the tower she had taken a small detour and had bought a dress (red with ribbons on it) and some plastic shoes. Then at home she had managed to wash the grime out of the doll's hair and body and now it was before her, dressed and cleaned and beautiful. Starfire hugged it to her heart, while a lone tear dripped down her cheek. "Star?" a familiar voice called from behind her.
"Yes Robin. I am here," she responded quietly. The boy wonder came and sat down beside her looking quickly at the heavens above them. "It's quite an evening tonight, isn't it?" His voice was mildly cheerful but something in his face didn't quite match his tone.
Starfire still didn't look at him. "Have you noticed that the sky is red…?" she asked.
"Star-" Robin's voice warned her to stop but she ignored him.
"It's such a deep red, crimson almost scarlet with a tinge of orange." For a moment silence resumed and then her voice broke. "Like fire."
Robin watched as the solitary tear track on the alien's face was engulfed by hundreds more, apparently falling with no regard for any other. He stared at his hands unsure. Starfire wasn't supposed to cry. She was supposed to be happy, because that's what she did. She was happy and somehow everyone else was happy too. But hesitantly he put an arm around her. "Don't cry Star. It'll be…" his voice struggled to say alright but he couldn't manage it. Her sobs were slower now, though her shoulders still shook and her hair curtained her face. Robin caught sigh of brown curls among her own crimson mane. "Star, what's this?" He gently tugged it out of her grasp and then gasped.
"Oh my God Star. Where did you get this?"
Her voice was shaky. "I found it just before we left."
Robin's face softened and this time he pulled her to him firmly. "I'm so sorry Star."
She shook her head, drawing a hand across her eyes. "It is not your fault. You tried to save them. But I…I hung back like a coward."
"Everyone's afraid of something Star."
"No they are not. Or at least if they are they don't let that get in the way of their duties!" Her eyes were alight now and fierce, almost daring him to contradict her.
"Sometimes, things happen and it's not anyone's fault Star," he said slowly. "And you end up blaming yourself for them and half your life goes by." He rubbed his neck and forced himself to continue. "And when you stop you realise that by shutting yourself off you didn't help anyone at all. Not them, or your friends and definitely not yourself." For a moment figures danced before Robin's eyes. A tightrope, the glint of a knife, falling, screaming, the whoosh of air…He pulled his mind away and met Starfire's confused face.
"What are you afraid of Robin?" Her voice had changed again. Soft, curious, mildly hopeful. He looked at her, at the huge amount of trust in those emeralds.
"Of feelings," he said finally. "Things that I can't understand, can't control. Of losing you." He looked up and he felt as if something heavy had been lifted from him. She reached for his hand and slipped hers into it, warm and soft. He stood up and she leant against him. The sun had faded away now leaving behind a soft, peaceful glow, the kind that lasted for a few seconds before night came in with its starry cloak.
Starfire turned and faced Robin, her face serious. "Everyone's afraid of something Robin," she said a small smile crossing her face.
And as he finally leant forward and kissed her, he heard her whisper against his lips, "But at least we can be afraid together."
And the small doll, lying unnoticed on the roof, seemed to smile.
Extra Notes: First the explanation. All right, as you may have gathered from the first paragraph there was a fire and it destroyed a house. The Titans were called in to help, but they were too late to save the family. So basically the family (including a little girl) died. Now to what were the more confusing parts. Starfire was scared of the fire so she didn't go forward straight away and now she is feeling guilty. And the whole small doll metaphor or whatever you call it was supposed to be how the doll looked like the little girl who died. So there's that whole happy spirit watching them make out thing. So there I hope that clears everything up and if you have questions just drop them by in your review.First the explanation. All right, as you may have gathered from the first paragraph there was a fire and it destroyed a house. The Titans were called in to help, but they were too late to save the family. So basically the family (including a little girl) died. Now to what were the more confusing parts. Starfire was of the fire so she didn't go forward straight away and now she is feeling guilty. And the whole small doll metaphor or whatever you call it was supposed to be how the doll looked like the little girl who died. So there's that whole happy spirit watching them make out thing. So there I hope that clears everything up and if you have questions just drop them by in your review.
Now I have several apologies to make. I honestly have so many stories planned out for you guys; I just don't have time to write them. So I promise I'm not going to abandon you (unless a rampaging giant beaver eats my house) and I will update whenever I can. Thanks for all your support. The amount of reviews are wonderful and so encouraging. Without becoming too corny I can honestly say they make me so happy! And speaking of happy next time
Preview: It's Robin's birthday! And Starfire's present is about as traditional as they get!
So till next time (sorry for the length of this!)
Crystal
