You know, sometimes I'm not all that sure where I come up with these things. I have no excuse. Just, enjoy I guess.
Warnings: Mentions of Yaoi
Pairings: A lot. Too many to list. You can try to find them all if you want. Make a game out of it!
And I don't own One Piece. Ever.
"You'd think, this being an important meeting and all that, that more people would have shown up on time!" Akainu barked.
Glancing around the room, Sengoku had to agree. Twenty minutes after the official start of the first official Whitebeard War Meeting and the only people here were him, the three Admirals, Vice Admiral Garp, Commodore Smoker, Mihawk, and Doflamingo. Mihawk was currently dozing while Aokiji was in full sleep mode…probably.
"How is it that the three people most likely to not show up to this meeting are some of the only ones here on time?"
"Garp dragged me here." Smoker answered. "No, he literally dragged me off my ship and into this room."
"I thought this was the dining room." Doflamingo admitted.
"I was napping in here first, and then you decided to have your pointless meeting here." Mihawk said.
"That's because it's the only way to get you to show up." Akainu said.
"Well, Jinbei would be here," Doflamingo added, "but you threw his sorry ass in prison. Hancock's probably wasn't going to show anyway…unless, of course, Mr. Mihawk here invited her personally."
"Just because she refuses your advances doesn't mean she already has a boy-toy; it just means you are an ass. And just because I'm the only other Shichibukai she even considers being somewhat agreeable with doesn't mean I'm previously mentioned non-existent boy-toy."
"Humph." Doflamingo leaned back. "No, I guess you do already have your eyes set on a different boy-toy, hm Mihawk?"
Mihawk lifted his head up in the slightest indication of something that might possibly interest him. "Explain your meaning."
Dolfamingo smirked. "I mean, you've been following the Strawhat pirates quite closely haven't you? Especially the green-haired first mate?"
Mihawk would have blushed if he was actually capable of the act. "It's not like that. He just has potential."
"Yeah, potential as a lover."
"You talking about Luffy's first mate over there?" Garp chimed in.
"What of it old-man? You want a piece of the action too?"
"Pirate-hunter Zoro? He's taken isn't he?" Kizaru added.
"Pardon?"
"Yeah, him and the blonde." Aokiji added, finding the conversation interesting enough to wake up for. "Shame too; I would've hit that."
"You'd hit this?" Doflamingo held up Sanji's wanted poster. "Doesn't look like anything special to me."
"That is a very poor misrepresentation of Black-leg Sanji." Smoker stated. "Trust me Flamingo, you'd hit that too."
"How can you be so sure they're an item anyway?"
"Trust me, they're an item." Aokiji, Kizaru, Smoker, Garp, and Mihawk said simultaneously.
Everyone else blinked, simultaneously. "Is it that obvious?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, I was putting them in mortal danger, so those kinds of emotions show up a lot but still." Kizaru said.
"I was just checking up on Luffy-I mean trying to capture him of course-and I could obviously see how together they were…not just because they were making out at the BBQ mind you…not that I went or now about any pirate BBQs that didn't happen in Water 7…" said Garp.
"Well, damn, all I did was attack Robin and I could tell how close they were." Aokiji said.
"Hmph. I can top that." Smoker said. "I first met them back in Loguetown, and even back then I could tell that they were together."
Mihawk leaned back, smirking. "I can even top that Commodore. I first met them probably within the first week of them meeting each other and I could see the sparks flying." That seemed to shut everyone up.
"Black-leg Sanji and Pirate-hunter Zoro?" Sengoku piped in. "That's a total bounty of 197,000,000. This could be problematic in the long run."
"Now that you mention it," Garp said, "That Nico Robin and cyborg guy were making gooey eyes at each other when I last saw them."
"Sucks for you Aokiji." Akainu said. "Looks like Robin's finally off the market."
"Psh, please. Just because I stalked her for twenty years doesn't mean I wanted to be romantically involved with her."
"Of course not. It was all for Saul, right?" Akainu smirked.
"Still, that's only 124,000,000." Sengoku said. "The Zoro/Sanji thing is still more troublesome in my eyes."
"You think that's troublesome!" Doflamingo laughed. "I guess someone didn't hear about Law and Kidd…"
"Oh? So they finally hooked up?" Kizaru asked.
"Yeah, I heard it from a source that never lies." Doflamingo shrugged. "Their respective crews, however, are still totally oblivious."
"Together that's a total of 515,000,000." Sengoku said. "Not to mention an alliance of the Heart Pirates and the Kidd Pirates would be devastating in itself…"
"Che. Told you."
"Not necessarily." Mihawk said. Everyone turned to face him.
"Just what do you mean by that?"
Mihawk shrugged. "If their crews don't know about it, then it's doubtful an alliance is going to happen. Plus with them being on different crews and all that, it's very likely that they will see much of each other. I'm betting it's not going to last very long past the Archipelago."
"Agreed." Akainu added. "If anything, Ace's mystery lover is a bigger threat to us than any Supernova pairing."
"Eh? How's this the first I'm hearing about a mystery lover?" Doflamingo grinned with the prospect of new gossip.
"Ace's been seeing someone for about a few months prior to his imprisonment." Garp said while picking his nose. "Other than that, though, I don't know much. Damn brat never talks to me about these kinds of things."
"I don't see how it's a real threat though." Aokiji said. "We've already got Ace behind bars. He's going to be executed soon anyway."
"Ah, but that's the thing," Akainu leaned forward, "this mystery lover could bust him out. Love makes idiots out of us all, and if we don't know his power level, well, he could possibly succeed."
"I don't see much of a point." Doflamingo had his head in his hand. "Strawhat Luffy is already tearing the place apart, mystery lover or none."
"That just makes it even riskier." Kizaru added. "If said lover were too also attack Impel Down, well, it might actually crumble."
"Damn though, I'd really like to know who it is." Doflamingo said, leaning back and looking at the ceiling.
"Enough of this!" Smoker slammed his hands on the table, blushing slightly. "We are here to discuss matters of international importance concerning the War against Whitebeard, not gossip about would-be-pirate relationships like some high school clique!"
Everyone started at Smoker before looking around at each other. Finally Akainu broke the silence:
"So, did you hear about Kaidou and Shanks?"
