Thank you so much for your kind reviews and the alerts I have received yet again.

I feel so humbled by them; I am not the confident person when it comes to writing and posting chapters, so it is very reassuring. Hope you enjoy this one, and I really hope the big change from the show is okay :) I hope everyone is character still despite that, sorry if not!


Chapter 4

I felt thrown by his possessive comment, almost very nearly petrified.

He wanted me to be his? But wasn't I still Bill's, despite everything that had happened between us in the past hour or so? Of course, Bill had betrayed me and hurt me. For that alone, I didn't want to be Bill's anymore, though I wasn't sure whether there had to be some type of formal declaration between Bill and I that ended his claim over me in the vampire world. Bill hadn't told me much about the rules of vampire law, always preferring to be selective in what he told me. But I didn't exactly want to be Godric's now, either. I didn't want to be his, or Eric's, or anybodies, really. I had learned my lesson very quickly, and harshly, with Bill. I didn't want to be anyone else's but my own. At least not until I properly had the time to get over Bill.

"No," I protested, though it was a weak and pathetic one. "I don't think I will be yours. While I'm... flattered by what you're saying to me, I don't know you, and I... I've learned through Bill that I don't want to be anybodies, not again, not right now." His piercing stare suddenly became too much and I had to wrap my arms over my stomach. "I'm no one else's but my own for now, not after what happened with Bill and how much he's broken my heart. I'm no one's human right now but my own."

He didn't try to force me into it, at least; He simply stared at me, blinking slowly. His grey eyes drifted down to a spot on my neck again, his jaw twitching. I could see he was still famished and was working his way up to getting in the mood to feed from me, yet just like that, at the click of a fingers, he restrained himself and glanced away forcefully, maybe out of sheer understanding or pity.

He pulled up a chair near the fireplace, jerking his chin at it as his eyes found mine again. "Please, sit."

Since I couldn't think of anything else to do, I did, folding my hands tightly in my lap. I was tense and uneasy, waiting for the moment we finally began and he got what he wanted from me, in having a taste of my blood. Godric pulled up another chair for himself next to me and sat as well, the flames from the fireplace sending flickers of orange dancing around his youthful face. He didn't speak or say another single word as he shifted slightly in the chair, eyeing me intently.

I tried desperately to find something to break the excruciating silence with.

"Eric said that you had... surrendered yourself in willingly to the Fellowship?" I asked hesitantly. I wasn't sure whether it was something he had felt he wanted to talk about, but there was no denying I was curious to find out and rationalize the way his mind worked.

Finally, his eyes drifted away from me to the fireplace. I felt myself physically sag in relief. "That is true, yes. I had believed that it may have... fixed everything somehow." He smiled faintly, a distant look in his eyes. "Well, at the time I had."

I just couldn't understand it; Why he'd do that and, I suppose, that alone, showed my ignorance. "But surely you'd have known what they were going to do to you, didn't you?" I asked, as gently as I possibly could. "Surely you had to know that they were gonna make you burn at dawn as part of some 'bonfire' ritual?"

Godric met my gaze again, lifting his head slightly. "Yes, I was perfectly well aware of what they had intended for me. Only I hardly cared either way. It had seemed somehow... fitting, if not meritorious at the time."

"But weren't you... scared?" I shook my head sadly, at a loss.

"Honestly? No. I have since lost the ability to feel anything anymore, whether they be... sensation or emotion. To die? I would have only merely welcomed it." I decided I could have listened to his voice all day long, and possibly had I closed my eyes, I might have even fallen asleep to it; His voice was soft and compelling, yet that trace of an indistinguishable accent I couldn't place made his voice a joy to listen to.

But his words also tore deeply at my heart. He was suffering, in more ways than one. His conscience was buried deep with guilt, as well as a whole lot of other things.

"Do you believe in God?" he asked me next, surprising me.

"I do, yes," I admitted quietly with a tense smile. "I attend Church regularly, actually. Every Sunday."

"And do you think your God would consider me a creature of evil? A... creature deserving of... death in order to absolve all of his sins?" It was obvious, with the way he asked the question, that Godric had thought of himself that way, probably for a very long time now. A creature of evil deserving of death.

"Not one bit," I said, without hesitation. "I don't think God would consider you evil at all, no matter what you've done. God is very... forgiving and he'll forgive if the person truly shows remorse for their sins and learns from them." I wasn't in any way good at articulating my beliefs, but it was just how I felt. "When was the... last time you've murdered someone?" I asked curiously, without really thinking. It also unnerved me how calmly I could talk of murdering people.

I couldn't tell whether it was an inconsiderate question to be asking, but Godric didn't seem as though he minded either way. His eyebrows rose slightly at my question and his lips parted. I thought I had made him surprised.

"One, two hundred years, though... I have lived so long that it has become increasingly harder to count."

"And how old are you exactly?" I asked, unable to contain my curiosity. Considering the power I felt wafting off him, that energy, I was assuming he was quite old. He had to be definitely older than Eric.

"Two millennia," he admitted with some reluctance.

I had to control my facial expression, to not let my shock show. He was very old. I couldn't even begin to imagine how much he had lived through, how much he had seen of history. You hear people say that appearances can be misleading; It wasn't more truer in this case, with Godric. He came across at first glance as a young boy, not quite having reached manhood completely, yet with the way he carried himself, you could just tell that underneath all that boyishness, was a vampire with bucket-loads of wisdom.

"Well, that is a very long time," I said simply, ever the understatement.

"Yes." He almost smiled in amusement. Then something similar to recognition flickered across his face. "Tonight," he said in a barely audible voice, lowering his eyes to the flames crackling in the fireplace again. He seemed back to being uncomfortably ashamed.

I rose my eyebrows at him questioningly; It seemed to me that he was restarting a conversation about something we had previously been talking about. If so, he had officially lost me. "Pardon me?"

"You asked when the last time it was that I had killed?" he explained, glancing my way again. Something similar to regret was shining in his eyes. "Tonight, as you very well know yourself." He paused for a moment, swallowing, "That human in the Fellowship's basement, who mistakenly thought that he and I were something close to friends in all my time of being down there."

Gabe. Of course, I had even forgotten about that myself. Though, to be perfectly honest, I didn't count him in as a real victim. It may have shown how unchristian I could be, how terrible, but I couldn't help feeling that way. As far as I was concerned, Godric had given Gabe everything that he had deserved.

"I don't think he really counts. He was a... very big rapist," I said heatedly, remembering Gabe. "You saved not only me tonight, but a whole lot of other girls from Gabe. Him trying to rape me, well... it wasn't the first time he's done that." Gabe certainly had shown as much when he had attempted to do it to me; He was remorseless, and had even been sadistically enjoying it at the time. "And you've stopped it in a hundred years or more? All the killing?" Admiration and respect for him swelled in me overwhelmingly. "That's showing that you truly are sorry for what you've done, that you've gone to great lengths to stop yourself from sinning. For that, I know that God will forgive, rather than consider you a creature of evil."

I could still see a shade of doubt there on Godric's face. He frowned as he thought my words over contemplatively for a moment. Then he shook his head, "But I have taken many lives, some more brutally than the last?"

"And what about those people that are part of the Fellowship? You think they are any better with all that malicious hatred left in their hearts?"

Something about my words he had found so amusing, I could tell. The corners of his lips arched, and a short sigh sounding very much like an incredulous laugh escaped him. "This is unexpected," he murmured, in both wonder and appreciation, I thought. "A human daring to fight for me in the cause to keep on living so strongly..."

"Well, you just said you haven't killed in over a hundred years or so," I pointed out steadily. "So do I think that God would consider you evil or worthy of dying? No, I don't." I looked him deeply in the eyes to show him I meant it with all my heart. "I think that alone shows that you're truly committed to stopping yourself, to do good. You've learned from the errors of your ways and you're committed to changing them. I hardly think God would consider you evil or worthy of dying when you've acknowledged what you've done and you have gone to great lengths to change your behavior."

It dawned onto me belatedly myself that I was prattling on and on insistently; I suppose I felt very strong and opinionated on the matter of stressing his goodness.

I had just sensed, right from the very moment we had talked down in the Fellowship's basement, that he was carrying a deep sadness within him. I could tell, in the ways he carried himself, almost heavily like a great burden was sitting on his shoulders, that he had grown tired of living, that all the guilt and shame inside him had weighed him down over the years.

While I mightn't know much about him all in the short and little amount of time that I have been in his company, I knew more than anything in the world that Godric deserved not only happiness, but to live despite how he was feeling about himself. No doubt, there was plenty of others close to him that felt exactly the same way, Eric especially.

"And what about Eric?" I asked as a point. "What about you being there for him as his maker? I know Eric would miss you terribly had everything followed through to its completion down there at the Fellowship come dawn?"

Godric angled his head to the side, as if both acknowledging that yet dismissing it at the same time. "Eric no longer needs me as I have taught him all. I am of little use to him now." Even as he said it, I could tell he didn't quite believe that to be totally true himself. "My child... he can take care of himself."

"What about Isabel, though? And Stan?" I went on desperately. "All the others in your nest? When I was asked to help in finding you, you didn't see how they were like I did. They were... distressed that you had gone missing, and they were deeply worried for you. You don't think they would care either if something happened to you? That they wouldn't feel just as upset as Eric would had you burned?"

I felt a lump grow thicker and thicker in my throat and before I knew it, tears were springing to my eyes. This whole thing, it was just so sad, causing me to feel overwhelmed and emotional.

"And while I've only just met you tonight and I know it may seem crazy, me telling you this, but... I know that... that I would miss you terribly too if something ever did happen to you." It was difficult to look at him and know what he was feeling on my words. I had no idea whether I was successful in getting through to him or not, especially when my eyes went blurry the way they did.

I hadn't wanted to cry, especially not in front of anyone, but it was too hard to remain strong. It was everything tonight; What had happened with Gabe attempting to rape me, the end of my relationship with Bill. But most of all, I thought it was mainly due to this vampire and the idea that he had surrendered himself willingly to the Church of the Fellowship with the intentions of committing suicide.

In that short space of time in being around him, he had come to my rescue twice. He had already shown himself to be so full of goodness, so filled with compassion and humanity already- unlike any other vampire I had been in contact with throughout the months- and yet, he was willing to throw that all away so that he could burn?

"Excuse me," I breathed deeply after a moment, wiping my eyes hurriedly. No matter how hard I tried to compose myself, the tears wouldn't stop streaming down my face. "I'm sorry to cry in front of you like this, but I just... I find it so sad. So sad and wrong." I could hardly endure looking at his face, so I forced myself to keep my eyes down at the sleeves on my jacket instead as I fiddled with them. "You've just... already, you've shown yourself to be such a compassionate vampire, unlike any I have ever met. It just... it's wrong that you could feel that way, that you'd want to end your life."

"I am humbled," he said softly, his voice wavering with emotion. When I forced myself to look his way again, I found his eyes were scrutinizing me, strangely tenderly. "Humbled that not only a human is there to fight the cause so strongly for me to keep on living, but also..." His gaze flickered between my wet cheeks and my eyes, growing emotion filling into his eyes, "Also, that they would dare cry human tears over it." He started to smile. "In this, I see the value of living; that a human as yourself would dare to be so kind."

I couldn't even have the time to smile at him before something else distracted me, flitting through my consciousness.

Someone had come into Godric's house, someone who was not invited. Their intentions weren't good at all; They were a member of the Fellowship, and they had a bomb.

I rose to my feet hurriedly, wanting to warn everybody in the next room to take cover. Jason. Eric. Everyone was in peril. Something dangerous was about to happen, only it was too late, I wasn't quick enough.

There was a big ear-shattering noise, and then everything went black.

When I gradually came to again, I could hear nothing that made any sense. My ears were ringing, and something was on top of me, something fairly heavy like either a body or a piece of wall.

Forcing my eyes open, I immediately regretted it when I saw what was on me. It was definitely a body, and it was still and cold enough that I got the worst suspicion that it was dead. Whatever was on top of me, it had died during the explosion.

When I tried to move my head, looking around, I caught sight of all the mess surrounding me. Godric's nest wasn't standing anymore; It had been thoroughly blown to bits, with pieces of plaster and debris everywhere. Pieces of furniture and glass shattered. Worst of all, there was blood and body parts that had been blown off from various bodies.

Seeing the lone bloody finger about a hair's length away from me caused me to panic. Jason. I hoped to God that Jason had survived this. Oh God, I hoped everyone had managed to somehow survive this; My brother, all the vampires...

And Godric. Where was he? I tried to lift my head up, only with the thing weighing me down, it was too difficult. Godric had been right next to me before it happened. So where was he now?

As my ears started to settle down with their terrible ringing, I wished it could have somehow returned again once I was aware of the shrill screams, the sobbing. I snapped my eyes closed, trying to remain calm. Then when I brought them open again, Godric's face was instantly right by mine.

"Are you badly hurt or injured in any way?" he asked, his voice strained.

I shook my head silently; that only being the thing I seemed capable of doing. Words had seemed to leave me.

That weight bearing me down was lifted as he moved off me, and after the facts finally registered in, it occurred to me that Godric had thrown himself on top of me, protecting me.

My eyes searched him frantically as he knelt beside me, and with difficulty, I rose myself up into a sitting position. Far as I could tell, Godric wasn't hurt. He had strings of blood and stains on his shirt and his face was dirty with smears of black dust from the debris, but he didn't look as though he had suffered any extensive damage while protecting me. A quick inspection of myself told me that I had been incredibly lucky myself, all thanks to Godric taking initiative to cover me. I felt my heart overflow with gratitude for him as I glanced at him again, my savior for the third time in a row now.

That was when I noticed, as Godric turned his head from me to glance in dismay at everyone panicking around him and at the wreckage which was now left of his nest home, that a small piece on the side of his head had been blown off, in a gaping bloody hole. I knew, by experience thanks to Bill, that vampires healed themselves from any injuries. Only Godric's was healing at a slow, snail's pace rate, probably due to lack of blood in him. Could starving yourself of blood lessen the healing process? I couldn't be sure.

"Oh, Godric!" I gasped in a panic, unable to think of anything else that could be more painful. "You're hurt and you don't seem to be healing all that well!" Scrambling closer to him, I thought nothing of it when I rolled my sleeve up and put the side of my arm to his mouth. "I think you need to drink some of my blood and then maybe that will help you with accelerating your healing again!"

It seemed that Godric thought that what I was saying was the solution as well, because I heard his fangs retract with an audible click. He lifted his mouth from my arm to glance at me for a moment ruefully. "I am very old," he assured me, sounding apologetic and hesitant. "It won't take very long; I only require two sips, at the most."

"Just do it, please!" I begged him desperately. "Whatever it takes to get yourself healing!"

Without another word, he did. He lowered his mouth to my wrist, I watched his jaw contract and stretch wide as it would possibly go, and then, his lips pressing into my skin and his sharp fangs in position, he sank in.

Hope you enjoyed this one? I have a feeling it was terrible, so I'm sorry. :) I just want to thank you all so much for your kindness, it really helps as a not so confident writer. It makes my day.