Chaper 4: in this moment

iCarly and v for vendetta and monika from ddlc and aja killian from the pendragon books, and fred from fred except he has one arm, and shirc annegel with his forbiden backpack full of a bunch of shit all finished swimming through the ocean of trash that there were in and eventually reached the bottom. The trash didn't end at a floor though, but rather it became a sort of semiliquid celling for a different chamber and it hung in the air suspended by nothing. When our heroes emerged from this vast sea they found themselves in an even more vast cave. Almost everything in the internosphere was made out of things that people had posted onto the actual internet, but this place was a sort of bedrock. A suspiciously real thing in a sea of fakeness. And what was real was that there was almost nothing here of substance, but at least nobody was trying to deny it. The bare stone walls were occasionally decorated with beautiful caveman style paintings of girls with dicks and my little ponies with dicks.

Fred pulled an already flaming torch directly out of his asshole and illuminated the scene. The swirling chaos of the trash ocean threatened to fall on our heroes at any moment, but though it moved and twisted, nothing ever fell into the narrow space.

"You've done well" said v for vendetta "only degenerates can enter the forbidden city."

"what do you mean?" asked iCarly. "how are we degenerates?"

"A degenerate is someone who is utterly devoid of redeeming qualities. A real goddamned smackoff. Someone who does not give, but only takes. A person who does not live a truth, but shrouds others in lies. Or you could just watch rick and morty."

Shirc chimed in "I thought that season three was actually very good. It really got a bad rap from the fanbase."

V for vendetta didn't even look at Shirc, he just waved a gloved hand vaguely in his direction. "See?" Fred, Monika, and Aja all started ashamedly putting away rick and morty merchandise after he said that.

V for vendetta took the already flaming torch from Fred and began to walk down the cave hallway, casting a longer and longer shadow behind him as he took the torch away from the group. "come on, we have to meet with Him."

The group continued on in the narrow passage and eventually the walls started to broaden and the floor sloped further and further downward. The farther down they went, the more the torchlight seemed to creep inward, as if it were being sapped away by the ambient dark. The group huddled closer unconsciously, but v for vendetta was undisturbed and even started whistling the French national anthem, "the macarena."

Eventually in the darkest pits of the cave, they came to a door. The massive threshold loomed out of the blackness, monolithic and powerful, ancient as god himself. The door creaked open on its own and inside there was a pathway made of racials slurs leading to a throne carved from the bones of massive hulking trolls from scandanavian myth. Strewn about the throne were several brilliantly colored spiny beasts, each the rough size and shape of a man, who were bowed in supplication to a figure in an organization thirteen robe. They scuttled into the shadows hissing as light breached this innermost sanctum. iCarly watched as V for Vendetta entered the throne room.

"Father, I have returned!" cried V for Vendetta

The figure on the throne let out a long and protracted sigh, or perhaps a long suppressed belch. Waves of nauseating heat and moisture washed over iCarly and company, pushing them back and whipping their hair and clothes about in the wind. The sigh-belch was fetid like the guts of a deer starting to rot in the backyard, and longer than any of the assorted crowd could have thought possible. Only V for Vendetta was unfazed by its horrific power. After it was over the figure on the throne began to speak falteringly, as if it were unsure. Its voice was a soft hissing tenor whose very timbre betrayed a lifetime spent among the wet and the rot.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh, my son, my seed, my spawn. How I have missed you. I am once again gladdened that you were one of the ones I did not recycle when I first birthed you. Come closer my son. Cwickly now. Let me gaze past your Mask of Anonymity."

V for vendetta looked back at his new friends who he had become so close with over the last few hours. His mask looking uncertain and sad.

"But father, you said that if the outsiders ever saw what I truly was then they would hate me and fear me."

The figure on the throne of bones hissed a long breath through its teeth, then quietly scoffed "do you disobey your father?"

"No, no! I would never."

V for vendetta took of his mask slowly. He faced his father and did not turn towards the rest of the protagonists. From his hat and hood emerged sickle-like green quills and two pointed ears. Taking off his cloak, a long leaflike tail emerged from above his pants. The creatures in the shadows let out a collective chilling howl and the figure on the throne of bones could barely be seen smiling underneath his hood. V for vendetta turned around and faced iCarly. He was just sonic the hedgehog, but green and with pikachu ears. "My true name…" he said "is Wild Sonichu."

Aja killian was the first to speak up "but if you're Wild Sonichu, then that would make the guy you've been taking us to meet…"

The figure on the throne leaned forward with some effort. The light of freds torch falling on the rounded jaw under his hood and revealing the Cheshire cat grin of a man monsters called father. He hissed his name very quietly and drawn out for dramatic effect.

"Chrissssssssssssssssssss-channnnnnnn"

Shirc too a step back, almost to the point where he was outside the chamber. Before anyone could react he withdrew malachite dream from the forbiden backpack. His dark eyes were wild behind his glasses and he was breathing heavily. Fred made like he was going to go put a hand on Shirc's shoulder, but then he remembered that he only had one arm and the other was still holding a torch.

"SHIT." Said Shirc. "that MOTHERFUCKR is the ancient evil I was talking about."

The party of heroes might have tried to escape at that moment, but instead the next moment they all found themselves in a heap being dogpiled by electric hedgehog pokemon. Monika tried to hack her way out of the pile, but this only made the horrible beasts pile on top of her more than the rest of the team.

The iCrew was brought before the throne of the ancient evil and the great stone door was locked behind them. Their wrists were bound behind their backs with rope and their legs were knocked out from under them so that each was kneeling. "Adopt a proper pose when speaking to our father!" shouted a yellow one. Aja tried to grumble a retort, but was silenced by a backhand from another.

"You think im evil?" said chris-chan. "I do more good in a day than you have ever done. I am the servant of the dark one." Chris-chan gestured towards the clay medallion he was wearing. "This the stupidest thing on the internet. It is the sonichu medallion, and he created it as a way to distract himself from his own failures. If I am here, he does not have to be the worst writer on the internet, and so he doesn't have to try as hard because the comparison makes him look better." (Shadowlord from Neir started playing over the speakers.)

"Once, a dark god walked among the people of the outside world. His name was Cole. He longed to create, and delighted in the creations of others, but when it came time for him to make his own world, he thought it would be easier to piggyback on the efforts of others under the guise that he was contributing.

Other gods used their powers to craft experimental and worthwhile parts of history, but the dark god chose to close himself off. He created a rather inconsequential second in a separate dimension from the main world, and promised that what happened within it would never have any relevance to anything that was going on with the main story. The concept of the side story was a fun one for him and he thought he could make a nice tangential work to compliment what his friends were doing, but he was super easily distracted by stupid shit on the internet, and he would rather look at that than write. That is what I am. I am his divine excuse.

However, the dark god was ambitious as he was lazy, and he sought to influence others from within the safety of never doing anything of consequence. His tendrils of utterly garbage ideas wormed their way into the ears of those who would create stories of actual substance, and he felt included even though he was contributing jack shit. You, iCarly, a creature from inside this bubble, were tied irrevocably to the main story, and you brought people from the main story into our side one. Your blood relation to Negan from rugrats: crusade of the crimson rosebush (see rugrats: crusade of the crimson rosebush) meant that you have to be an important character even if you are shittily written, and so you have the power to steal people from that world and place them into another."

Aja killian started to speak "you can't mean-

"Yes!" Shouted Chris-chan "that woman kneeling on the floor next to you did not create the internosphere for our safety. She sold her soul so some guy could be lazy."

iCarly looked stunned. She had lost her memories when the nostalgia critic remembered them so she wouldn't have to, but she thought they just contained a dramatic backstory. She never would have guessed that she was so poorly conceived as a main character.

"ALL HAIL THE COMMANDMENTS OF GOD." Shouted chris chan. The sonichus all stood at attention and shouted in unison.

"THOU SHALT SERVE AS A DISTRACTION FROM OUR GODS INADEQUECY. THOU SHALT INSERT YOURSELF INTO SITUATIONS WHERE YOU WILL GAIN SOME SEMBLENCE OF STORY RELEVENCE IN A BETTER WORK. THOU SHALT ACT SUPER DRAMATIC SO THAT GOD CAN SAY HE WROTE SOMETHING IMPRESSIVE AND FUNNY WHEN HE ACTUALLY HAS ZERO PLAN OR WORK ETHIC-" The chant of the sonichus was deafening. As it continued on iCarly's ears began to bleed and it was really dramatic and cool you guys I swear please validate me. In the background Shirc annegel was repeatedly slamming his face into the ground.

"No! I have an actual point in being here I swear! I have a dramatic backstory, iJust can't remember it right now!" she continued her protests at the top of her lungs, but nothing could sway the zealotry of the electric hedgehog pokemon. Suddenly the chant stopped as a massive THUD echoed through the room. Chris-chan had stood up from his chair and was looking in horror at something behind iCarly. "What the fuck?"

The door to 4chan shuddered once and then again as the thuds continued the doors bent inward, and with one final massive thud they flew off their hinges entirely. One of the doors flew through bubbles rosechu and cut her entirely in half. She fucking died.

A skinwalker had bashed in the door to 4chan. The skin of David wong fluttered dramatically in the breeze and the torchlight from freds ass torch glinted in the mysterious mans eyes. He would have been in prime position to deliver a catch phrase if he were the protagonist of this story.

Shirc Annegel bashed his face into the ground one last time and his FORBIDEN BACKPACK full of A BUNCH OF SHIT was jostled open from the force. several red stones the size of a baseballs rolled out of the pack and Gibby the skinwalker calmly walked over and picked one up. Shirc smirked.

"gibbay" Gibby whispered.

"KILL HIM!" shrieked chris-chan and all of the sonichus started bristling and foaming at the mouth. They jumped at gibby from every angle, and the video even went into slow motion so that it could really hammer home how fucked gibby was, but instead gibby just smirked. With a motion that as fast as shit even in the slow motion, gibby swirled dragon's tooth from dark souls around in a circle and smashed every soniuchu away.

Gibby started walking slowly towards the throne of bones, dragging dragon's tooth behind himself. "Let me tell you all something" he said. "A good story means something. A protagonist should always have something to strive for. That's why someone would read something. You can't just carry a story on edgy imagery and memes." Gibby slung his giant tooth club forward and pointed it at Chris-chan menacingly. "A hero has villains to overcome that represent problems in the world or in human nature. If we don't actually matter, if we have nothing of substance to say, why can't we make a story about that?" He struck another dramatic pose. "I say this girl here does have relevance, even outside of her relationship to her father" gibby smiled bigger "and im going to struggle to prove it."

"but that's-" started chris-chan.

"something a protagonist would do." Said Shirc Annegel. He was grinning even with blood running down his face. "I was keeping these to myself so that someone like you wouldn't get your hands on one of them, but now I see that if this story has a hero, that hero could defeat ancient evils like you!" Shirc bent his head down and picked up a red stone between his teeth. Immediately white feathered wings erupted from his back and snapped the rope binding on his wrists.

Shirc quickly flew over next to Gibby and drew malachite dream, then he snapped it in half over his knee. Gibby cocked an eyebrow. Shirc shrugged, raised the broken sword, and said "I thought it would be a good idea to differentiate myself visually."

Gibby looked to the ring of sonichus struggling to their feet and smiled. "lets do this, partner" He said, and then they both lept into action. The electric hedgehogs all shot lightning, but gibby's bone club didn't conduct electricity so he batted all the bolts of lightning aside easily. Shirc didn't fare as well against the bolts because of his metal weapon, but his newfound purpose gave him the strength of will to endure the pain of being electrocuted.

Chris chan threw his cloak to the side revealing his blue and red striped shirt. "You both think you're so clever, but let me tell you something. A quest for the story to have a point isn't an actual point to the story. This is supposed to be a bad fanfiction, and as gods model for what bad fiction should look like, I have more power than you could possibly imagine. If you kill me, this place loses its original purpose as a stupid joke, and your stories will end. Ambiguity and pointlessness are what keep us alive even if the story stops getting new chapters." Chris chan reached into one of the previous stories and pulled one of the question marks off of the to be continued at the end. Then he grabbed his sonichu medallion and turned into a blue verson of sonichu. He was now CHRIS-CHAN SONICHU. "Behold my p-

Chris-chan sonichu couldn't finish the last line of his evil monologue because he got hit in the face by a giant tooth and then he got hit in the face by the wall the giant tooth had knocked his face into. While he had been talking Shirc and Gibby had killed all of the sonichus except for wild sonichu.

"Be careful using pointlessness as a weapon. It means nobody will care if you lose." Said Gibby. Then Gibby snapped Chris-chan's fucking neck.

And nobody cared

So, he died.

Gibby stepped over the broken carcass of Chris-chan to stand over the bound and kneeling iCarly. He raised his greatclun over his head and she flinched away as he brought it down with a gruesome crunch.

iCarly opened her eyes. Her bat, Fatherly love, was cracked into pieces revealing a purple crystal that had been imbedded into it.

"what is that? How did that get into my bat?"

"That's an antajewel" said gibby. "your brother hid one inside of your father's bat in the hopes that it would one day kill him. Those who are in possession of one gain incredible power, but it is ensured that they will bring about their own ruin. They're also called the devils bargain." Gibby picked up the stone between his thumb and forefinger, keeping it away from himself. "Since spencer was such a dedicated sculptor, he put one in the replica of your father's bat as well." Gibby bent down and untied the ropes binding iCarly's hands. He took her newly freed hand and helped her to her feet.

"I don't understand, what does this mean?" iCarly asked.

"It doesn't." said gibby, "but it could mean something…" iCarly looked down at her hand at the fist sized red crystal that had been left there.

All this time, iCarly had wondered why exactly she was the main character of the story. Everyone seemed really impressed with her all the time, but she didn't consider that she had any sort of destiny beyond her fight with freddywraith. "what are we supposed to do about the fact that we all know the future? After all this story is on the internet and so are we."

"I'll let you in on a secret." Said Gibby. "If the dark one is so incompetent, why should you think he has the story all planned out for us?"

"… you're right. I've seen the narrative change before…" iCarly looked over her shoulder at aja, monika, and fred who were all being untied by wild sonichu. "our future is not set in stone! The dark one doesn't have a concrete plan for the ending!"

"did I just hear some SHITGIBBLET talking about god on MY internet! I'll have you know if you watched enough rick and morty you would know gods not real!"

ENTER: RICHARD DAWKINS

To be concluded: NEX CHAPTER