Mom,

I wish I could tell you I was safe, I wish I could tell you not to worry, I wish I could see you one last time. I miss you, I love you. I hope you're doing well.

Love,

CM

Lizzie,

I can't explain why I had to go and I hate that I'll probably never see your high school graduation or watch you choose what college you'll be in. I'll miss you always and I'm sorry it had to be this way. I just wanted to keep you safe.

Love,

CM

Derek,

I miss you, I wish I could see you again.

Love,

CM

There were more letters, she had written every single day. Sometimes to Nora or Lizzie, or even Marti, Edwin, and his dad. More often than not, though, the letters were addressed to him. Sometimes it was like that first letter, short and sweet telling him she missed him. Other times she had shared something that she thought he would be amused by, or laugh at her for.

She was probably lonely because she never mentioned a friend or lover. Sometimes she'd mention a co-worker, in passing, but nothing indicated that she'd grown close to anyone since living here. She also never noted where she was, specifically or where it was she worked, or even what it was she did there.

When he refreshed the page, there was a new e-mail in the drafts.

D-

It was nice seeing you, I miss my best friend. Sorry about the pepper spray. I hope you can forgive me for letting you, and everyone else, think I was dead but they convinced me it was best for my safety and all of yours. I'll be deleting this account in a few days… I wish I knew what was going on in your life, what you were up to, why you're here, but it was hard enough leaving the first time. Knowing anything more and I wouldn't be able to resist coming to see you. And if my handler sees you around then she's going to want to move me, just to be safe. I'm really, truly sorry. I hope, otherwise, all is well.

CM

Derek cursed out loud and slammed his hand on the table. He wasn't going to lose her, again, but he didn't want to put her in danger. He wrote back quickly, hoping that she would look.

C-

Does it really have to be this way? Can't I get to know you as Casey M (what does it even stand for anyway, I know not what it used to)? I've missed you… I can go into WP, too, Don't shut me out, please.

DV

Although he kept refreshing the page every five minutes, there wasn't a reply for the rest of the night. His sleep was restless and his dreams were filled with Casey. She was running and he was trying to catch up, but she just kept looking back over her shoulder, scared and sad.

When he woke up it was close to three in the morning, he'd been asleep for only four hours, but he felt wide awake and his back was drenched in sweat. His laptop was still open, asleep, and he ran his fingers across the mouse pad to wake it up. Typing in his password he pulled up the e-mail once more, not expecting anything, but there was a reply.

D-

I won't take away your life. You would have to change your name, your job, move… and you would live the rest of your life in a lie. You could meet someone and get married and never be able to tell them who you really are, introduce them to the family… and Mom and George can't lose another child. Marti couldn't lose you. I'm sorry, but this is how it has to be. I have several months before I testify, and even after that I'd still be in danger. As long as I stay with this, I am safe. If I decide to get out—think about what that would do to my parents, knowing how you felt when you found out—I would forever be in danger and so would your family.

I'm sorry.

CM

p.s. I can't tell you. It would make it easier for you to find me.

He was being selfish, of course, and she'd said it without actually saying it. She had to go into hiding for her safety and to protect her family. He just wanted to be with her, damned the consequences. And obviously she didn't get that he wasn't looking to settle down with anyone else… she'd always been so obtuse.

It was in the shower that he came up with the idea. Part of them being them is that neither could back down from a challenge from the other. He would just have to antagonize her just enough that she'd have to keep replying. It would buy him some time to figure out how to convince her to let him be with her and convince her that he was in love with her. A lot had changed in the year that she'd been gone, but that hadn't changed.

After his shower, before he'd even changed, he wrote back.

C-

Since when do I ever do what you want?

DV

p.s. I'm a radio personality now.

He didn't think she'd be awake, but he still refreshed the page was surprised to see a new message in the drafts.

Derek,

I told you I didn't want to know anything else. Please, just let it go.

C.

p.s. I am going to deactivate this account, now, because I don't trust you to follow the rules.

Spacey,

You always have to get the last word, don't you? You also always want to be the one to lay down the rules.

I'm telling you, we can make this work.

D.

p.s. Have you thought about going red, or blonde? You know I love blondes.

He could picture her fuming and knowing that if he'd said that to her face she'd break his name in half in that familiar and that brought a smile to his face. He worked quickly, now, to change the settings so that her e-mail had a new password for the next time she refreshed.

It was something stupid he would have done in the past, anyway, and he wasn't ready to lose all those letters detailing some bit of Casey's life. He knew, too, that she would not be able to give all those up, either, and the fact that he'd had the last word (because then he logged in and checked that she hadn't got another reply in) that she would justify to herself, coming to yell at him. She had always bent her rules in the past when it came to him.