Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with General Hospital.

To Choose Life

Chapter 4

I heard a loud bang and opened my eyes. Morgan was standing in my room with a plastic dinosaur in his hands. He hit it off of the table by the bed. My stomach rolled with nausea as my eyes focused on the room. I smiled at him, and patted his head. "What you doing?" he asked, as he followed me to the bathroom. I didn't have time to even shut the door, before I sunk by the toilet and started throwing up.

"Mommy," Morgan shouted. "Mommy come quick."

I heard Carly run up the steps. "What Morgan?" she asked.

"She's sick," he said gently.

"Oh Lulu," she said, as she sunk onto the floor beside me. She pulled my hair back. "I promise it will all be worth it." I started to cry and she pulled me against her chest. "It's okay. You'll be okay," she soothed.

I sobbed against her chest. "I'm so scared."

"I know. I'm so sorry."

I heard my cell phone start ringing in the guest room. I got up and went to answer it. "Hello."

"Where are you?"

"None of your business."

"Lulu, are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay Dillon," I shouted into the phone. "Leave me alone." I slammed the phone closed and fell into a heap of sobs on my bed.

Carly was standing in the doorway to the room. "You can get through this."

"I just want to take everything back. I wish I hadn't lied. I wish I hadn't slept wit Dillon when he was on the rebound from Georgie. I wish they both didn't hate me, and see me as the homewrecker that I am…"

"No you're not…"

"I wish Dillon would stop treating me like his project. I miss what we used to have, so much. I love him," I sobbed.

"I know. Honey, I know. So marry him. He offered right?"

"I don't want him to marry me when he doesn't love me."

"You're too noble. He got you pregnant. Make him suffer."

"I can't do that. Georgie already despises me enough."

"Forget about Georgie. She isn't the one pregnant with Dillon's child."

"I just want to take it all back."

"It's too late to take it all back. However this is your chance," she said, as she sat down on the bed beside me.

"I'm going to be the worst mother in the world."

"No you're not. When you hold your child for the first time, it will change you."

"Why did this have to happen to me?"

"I can't answer that."

"I just wish my mom was here to help me."

"I know honey. I'm so sorry that she can't be here for you."

"Thank you for being here for me."

"Anytime Lulu. I care about you. Come on, I'll make you breakfast."

"Okay."

I followed Carly downstairs and accepted the breakfast that she had made for me. Saltines and eggs had never tasted better.

"What are your plans for the day?"

"I have to go to PCU. I need to be written out of class."

"You don't want to go to class at all? It will give you something to do."

"I don't want to attend class pregnant. It will just be a waste of my time."

"Okay. Do you need a ride?"

"You don't have to do that."

"It's okay. I have to give the boys a ride to school anyway."

"Okay, thank you."

"You're welcome."

XXXXX

I climbed out of the car at PCU and stared at the building. I had wanted to go here so bad. I had wanted to make a life and move on from Dillon's rejection.

I made my way inside and found my way to the counselor's office. The office was empty, so I sat down and waited.

"Can I help you?" a greasy haired man asked, as he came into the room.

"I need to be signed out of my classes."

"Why?" he asked, shaking his head.

"I don't want to go here."

"Why? I need a reason."

"I am not going to college. I don't want to," I spat.

He looked me over. "Not good enough. Tell me why I should sign those papers. What will you lose?"

I glared at him. "I'm pregnant. I won't have time to attend class between working and caring for my child."

He took the papers from my hand and signed them. "There you go."

"Thank you," I muttered, snatching them from his hand. Then I turned to leave.

I made my way outside and sat down on one of the benches to wait for Carly. I reopened my book and started to read. "Lulu?" I looked up to see Georgie standing there. "What are you doing here?"

"Getting signed out of my classes."

"I'm sorry that I was such a bitch to you yesterday."

"You don't have to apologize. I understand. I deserve it."

"No you don't. It's not your fault that you got pregnant."

"Who else's fault is it?"

"I just don't want to make this any harder than it already is, for you."

"I'm fine," I muttered.

"Dillon and I got back together," she revealed. Suddenly I felt all the air get pulled from my lungs. My chest felt compressed and I was overtaken by pain. I wanted to collapse and cry, but I held strong and gave her a forced smile. My mind was screaming at me to run away. I couldn't escape. My heart began to shatter into thousands of pieces. I was so happy to see Carly pull into the parking lot.

"I've got to go," I said.

"I wanted to talk to you, Lulu."

"I get it. I'll steer clear of Dillon to make you happy," I muttered, as I started to walk toward Carly's car, where I knew I would be safe.

"That's not what I mean. You're having his child. I get that. I want us to be friends."

"I've got to go," I said dismissively.

She nodded and started to walk away. I climbed into the passenger's seat and started to cry, as I came to terms with Dillon and Georgie getting back together.

"What's wrong?" Carly asked gently.

"Dillon and Georgie are back together."

"Honey, I'm so sorry. That must be hard for you. How did you find out?"

"Georgie came over to tell me while I was waiting for you on the bench."

"Was she gloating?" Carly asked.

"No, she was being nice."

"Don't you hate that?"

"Yes," I said, with a grimace.

"She's all nice to your face, but mentally you're picturing breaking hers."

"Exactly," I agreed, smiling for the first time in a while.

"Things will work out. I have faith Dillon will find his brain and realize that he loves you more than he thinks."

"Please, don't give me false hope. I've dealt with enough loss and abandonment in my life. I can handle it."

"I don't think Dillon is the type to abandon you. Besides, you wait until this child is born. You don't understand the connection that you have with someone when you have a child together."

"I think it's too little too late, for anything with Dillon."

"I'm just speaking from experience."

"Thank you," I said again.

"You don't have to keep thanking me. I just want you to be happy."

"Give me eighteen years and seven months and hopefully I will be."

"You really don't want this do you?"

"I don't trust myself to be a good mother. What if my child hates me?"

"Your child will not hate you. All children feel like they might when they get mad but they never mean it. You will be this child's mother. No matter what happens, you will always be connected."

I smiled at her. "I like that."

She smiled back at me. "It's not the worst thing in the world."

Carly took me to the metro court with her. Her and Jax entertained me, for most of the day, to take my mind off of the fact that I was pregnant.

Carly asked me to go to Kelly's and get something to eat for everyone for dinner. I acquiesced and made my way over there.

I pushed open the door and saw Dillon out of the corner of my eye. I wished I could just become invisible and avoid another one of his concerned lectures. I was so tired of dealing with him.

I stood at the counter to give my order, when I heard his voice behind me. "Lulu?"

I turned to look at him and immediately pictured him and Georgie together. I had to drop my gaze to keep from crying. "What?" I asked indifferently.

"Can we talk?"

"Don't you think we've done enough talking? I'm not going to have this baby for another seven months."

"I don't want to talk about the baby."

"What, you're going to tell me that you and Georgie are back together? Don't bother, I already know. I talked to Georgie when I dropped out of classes at PCU."

"She told you?" he asked with concern.

"It's not like its some big secret," I muttered, feeling the familiar feeling of an anxiety attack. My hands started to sweat and it became harder to pull air into my lungs.

"Look, I wanted to talk to you about it."

"What's to talk about Dillon?"

"Are you okay with it?"

"It's not up to me. Just because I'm pregnant with your child doesn't mean I have the right to tell you who you can and cannot date. I don't own you."

"I just wanted to give you one last chance to tell me whether or not you want me to marry you for the baby…"

"What?" Lucky's angry voice filled the air. Perfect timing, I thought. "You're still pregnant?"

"Yes," I muttered.

"Well then you guys need to get married," Lucky started.

"Excuse me?" I asked, enraged. "We don't have to do anything."

"You are pregnant. He needs to support you and stop screwing off with Georgie." I felt the need to sink into the floor and melt away. Dillon opened his mouth to defend himself but I held my hand up to silence him.

"He is in a relationship with Georgie. It wasn't like we were planning to start a family. He does not have to marry me. He can support me without marrying me."

"No," Lucky shouted. I had never been more embarrassed in all of my life as the many patrons stared at us.

"You don't own me," I shouted back at him.

"You're my little sister and I won't see this asshole go behind your back and leave you stranded with a child."

"I would never…" Dillon started but before he could finish Lucky had grabbed him and pushed him against the bar. Everything suddenly became a blur, as people ran forward and pulled Lucky off of Dillon. I ran to Dillon's side.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"I'm fine. I was just caught off guard"

"I'm so sorry," I exclaimed as I helped him off of the floor. I turned to my irate brother. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

He looked me over and then shook his head. "I want what's best for you. Nikolas and I are all you've got," he shouted.

I couldn't stop the tears from spilling down my cheeks. I just wanted the Earth to open up and swallow me whole. "Yeah well, leave me alone," I yelled at him before running from the building.

I kept running until I reached the pier, waiting for a boat to take me to Nikolas. I heard footsteps approaching toward me and turned to see Dillon a few feet away. "Please just leave me alone," I cried. I felt so suffocated by everyone's concern and pity.

"I will not abandon you," he assured me. "I want you to know that. I'm sorry that your brother upset you."

"He's going through a lot right now," I explained. "I'm fine."

The boat approached and I started to walk away. Dillon grabbed my arm. "I'm here for you Lulu. I promise; we are in this together."

I shrugged him off and waved to the driver of the boat.

XXXXX

I arrived at Wyndemere and ran inside. I found the nanny Colleen holding Spencer. "Where's Nikolas?" I asked frantically.

"I think he's upstairs," she told me softly. "Are you okay?" she asked, as she looked at the tears that flooded my face.

"I just need my brother," I said gently.

"Lulu?" Nikolas asked from behind me.

"Lucky attacked Dillon," I said as I turned to look at him.

"Colleen, can you give me a moment alone with my sister?"

"Of course," she said, as she carried my nephew from the room.

"What are you talking about?"

"He heard Dillon and I talking about keeping the baby and he started ranting about Dillon having to marry me for the baby. I told him that Dillon and I were not getting married. Dillon went to defend himself and Lucky attacked him. He's still doing drugs Nikolas."

"I know Lulu. We're trying to get him into rehab, okay?"

"I'm scared for him," I said, as I dropped onto the couch and cried for my brother.

"He'll be okay. I'm trying to deal with it."

"Nikolas," Emily's voice filled the room. "Lucky needs rehab. Oh Lulu, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were here."

"It's okay," I said gently. I've always liked Emily.

"Lucky is out of control," she explained.

"So I've heard," he said, motioning to me.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked, as she sat down beside me.

I nodded. "Lulu, I would really like it if you stayed here with me until I deal with him," Nikolas said.

I nodded again. I would do anything to keep away from Dillon.

Nikolas turned to Emily. "Colleen suggested that I stage an intervention…"

"I think Lucky's beyond that. He needs rehab."

"He has to make the decision to go to rehab. I can't just tie him down and leave him there."

"I think Elizabeth is in danger around him," Emily exclaimed.

"He would never hurt Elizabeth," I defended.

"He wouldn't do it intentionally but he's lost it Lulu. He's not in control of his actions anymore," Nikolas explained to me.

I felt sick, as my mind flooded with images of Dillon being thrown against the bar at Kelly's. "You're right," I said sadly. My cell phone started ringing.

"Hello," I said into the receiver.

"Lulu are you okay?" Carly asked with concern.

"I'm sorry, I forgot. I had an incident at Kelly's and I ended up at Nikolas'."

"Okay, did you want to come back to my place tonight?" she asked gently.

"Do you mind if I stay with Nikolas at Wyndemere?"

"No, of course not. Call me if you need anything."

"I will. Thanks for everything Carly."

"I'll always be here if you need me."