Chapter 4 – Who's Assumptions Are Wrong, Exactly?

The woman he loves. Likes. Loves. Likes. Loves......

Oh. Oh dear. No. No use in denying it anymore. The photos prove it: she is in love with me. And I've fallen for her equally as hard and as deeply. No. More so. Rassilon. What the hell am I going to do now? It's too late to stop it. I physically cannot not love her. And although I should send her away, because I can never give her the life she'll want and deserve, I can't let her go, I can't send her back. It's too late. She's here with me, where she's going to stay as long as she wants. Her forever. And these photos...these photos would show anyone and everyone just how I feel about her. Apart from her. Because I don't think she gets it this time. I don't think she gets that I love her too.

Rose rests a hand on his chest, in between his two hearts, and she can feel how rapid the beats are coming. It's almost like he – no. No, he can't...he doesn't want that...we're just friends. Just...friends. Sure, I happen to be in love with him, but that doesn't change the fact that we're just friends. Yeah, the Doctor said that we looked like more than that, but that doesn't change the fact that 'just friends' is all we actually are. All we ever could be. Which is exactly my point. To an outsider, we'd look like a couple. In fact, on many, if not the majority, of situations, people who don't know us assume that we're together. God, even people who do know us believe that we're together, despite us assuring them we're not...

Oh. Hang on. We don't, do we? I can't remember a single time since he regenerated when we've corrected someone who thought we were a couple...He just...let them believe it. More often than not, I don't say anything purely because I think, maybe he's letting them think we're together or married or whatever for the sake of the current situation – maybe we're undercover, or have to follow certain laws or some such.

Or maybe he just forgets that they're not together, so he doesn't remember to correct peoples' mistakes.

The Doctor rests his chin on the top of her head, finally moving his eyes from her door. He's concentrating on that nice bit of wall by her wardrobe, now. He's never noticed that bit of wall before. Nothing special about it, of course. It's as pink and as plain as the rest of the wall. But still. It's nice to notice new things.

He counts to ten in a thousand different languages, but that doesn't stop his thoughts from wandering again.

Maybe I just like to pretend that we are together. So that other people know that she's not available. Which is selfish. But I don't care. She's mine. She belongs with me. No one else. No one.

Rassilon. I was never this possessive before. Weeelll, I suppose this is all new, really. Feeling like this, about her. Feeling like this, full stop...

I've never felt so human. And the strangest thing of all is that I really don't mind. All this domestic stuff like Christmas dinner and romantic walks and visiting her mum and shopping and eating toast on the sofa and watching The Muppet Movie...it's domestic. Very domestic. And it doesn't worry me in the slightest. Which, ironically, is what worries me. Not the fact that I'm acting like this is all perfectly normal, Time Lord-y behaviour, when it isn't, but the fact that I enjoy that stuff, and don't care that it's going against all my rules. I enjoy being with her. Making her smile. Making her laugh. And, Rassilon, I think I might be completely in over my head here. This is far scarier than anything I've ever faced before. The first time in weeks that I've been silent for longer than thirty seconds; the first time in centuries that I've felt this way about someone.

Except this...I never remember it quite like this before. Rose is just...well. She's not perfect. But she's pretty damn close. She's brilliant.

I only take the best.

"Doctor?" Rose says quietly, breaking the Doctor's internal musings.

"Hmmm?" he murmurs.

"All those photos. A thousand smiles, a thousand hugs," she states firmly.

"Yeah," he sighs. "A thousand missed opportunities," he continues before he can stop himself.

"What?" she asks, sitting up, moving out of his embrace.

He gulps. "Erm...weeelll, a thousand times I could have..." he trails off.

"What, Doctor?" she asks slowly, staring down into his eyes.

"Weeelll..." he whispers, reaching up to caress her cheek lightly. Rose's breath hitches at his touch. "A thousand times I could have done this." And impulsively, he demonstrates what he means by bringing his head up and pulling her head down at the same time so that their lips meet in the most tender, feather-light of touches. Rose gasps against his mouth in surprise, and he pulls his mouth away by an inch, his own eyes as wide as hers, as if shocked at himself. "Sorry," he whispers, his words ghosting over her lips. "Couldn't resist. Anymore." He smiles sheepishly.

Rose bites her lip thoughtfully, and his eyes flicker from hers to watch. She notices this. She's entirely confused. Had that just happened? Did he just...? Did we just...?

Did we just snog?

"Not really. Didn't get that far. It was just a peck. A snog would constitute a parting of lips and an exploration of each other's mouths via our tongues. I think. Actually, I'm not very experienced with that sort of thing, so, you tell me," answers the Doctor, and Rose cringes inwardly as she realises she must have said that last bit aloud. He grins at her blushing cheeks, his face still close to hers.

"Well..." she croaks out, her mouth suddenly dry. "Erm...no. You're right. That wasn't... snogging." But it still felt amazing. It felt like I was on fire. Electricity running through my body. Woah. Is he gonna do that again? Ever? I hope so. Wow. I want to.

"You okay?" he asks tentatively, noticing Rose's dazed expression. He also notices just how close they are to one another's bodies. Without either of them realising, his arm had wrapped around her waist, a hand lazily stroking her lower back, and one of her legs had slid in between his.

Right. That's...interesting. Kind of nice. Very nice. Does she think so? Does she even realise where her leg's positioned right now?

"Huh? Oh. Erm...yeah. Yeah, I'm...that's just...that's a bit different," she stutters.

"Yeah," he says, exhaling a breath he hadn't known he had been holding.

"I...I liked it though," she says reassuringly.

"Yeah?" She nods. "Me too," he replies. So much, he thinks.

She glances down and notices where her leg is for the first time. She blushes again, and considers pulling away. But he hasn't pulled away, a voice inside her head tells her. If he didn't like it, he'd have pulled away. Does he want this to happen, us be this close? Did he want this all along? Does he want this as much as me? Oh god, I hope so.

"So...missed opportunities? You said, a thousand missed opportunities. So...erm, all those times...did you..." she trails off, embarrassed in case she was making some very wrong assumptions.

"Did I want to kiss you all those times too?" he vocalises her thoughts.

She bites her lip again. "Yeah," she whispers almost inaudibly.

"Honestly?"

"Yes," she says quickly, willing him to just give her an answer.

"Of course I did. Did you never realise?" he replies, chuckling quietly. He brings a hand up to sweep a strand of her hair from her eyes, tucking it behind her ear.

Wow. Am I dreaming? I must be dreaming. What took him so long?

"No, I never...I never realised. I thought...well, after everything you said, when I met Sarah-Jane, I thought that you would never...you know, when you made the whole you, Time Lord, practically immortal, me, human, withers and dies, thing as clear as day. I didn't really think, that you could ever let yourself feel...you know...But then...erm, with Reinette, well, I knew then that you could feel...that way...so I thought nothing would ever happen between us, because, we just weren't like that." You don't love me.

He gazes into her eyes imploringly and swallows thickly, a feeling of guilt rising up within him. How could I have been so stupid? Assuming she could tell. Assuming she already knew. Rassilon! She really didn't realise...

"Reinette wasn't...that was just...nothing. It really, honestly, was nothing. I didn't..."he trails off.

I didn't love her. She was a stranger and I thought I could pretend for a while. Pretend that I wasn't in love with you; use her as a distraction. It was selfish. Terribly selfish. Slush instead of snow; Reinette instead of Rose. No, wait, stupid analogy. And a bit mean. Anyway, I'm selfish and very stupid, basically. And when she died, I felt terribly guilty, because all that time she'd been waiting, waiting for a man, weeelll, a coward, that was never completely hers in the first place. I was so selfish. And I had left you, which I couldn't bear, and oh, I just wanted to pretend and ignore my real feelings because I'm so scared Rose, so scared of really losing you, and I love you, and you have to know that, you must've known, ever since...oh, when was it? I don't even know. So long ago. Satellite five. That kiss... No. Before that. That first time you met a Dalek. When I almost lost you. No, 10 Downing Street, perhaps. Having to face losing you again. You or the World. You or the universe. It's always going to be you... And that's quite scary. Maybe I loved you for trying to save your Dad. You're so human. And you was so sorry for all that, but not, because he was your dad, and of course you'd want to save him, and I know that if I could, if it were possible, I'd save my dad too, and everyone else. That made me love you. Oh, wait. No, no, no. It was before all that, too. Maybe since Christmas in Cardiff? Maybe since 'run...' Oh, I don't know, and I don't care, but it's there, Rose, I feel it; Rassilon do I feel it. You, you, Rose Tyler, are everything, and I'm too scared to tell you that because you'll leave, one day, and then what will I have? Slush. Not-snow. That's all. Memories, and photos and not-Rose...he doesn't say.

"I thought you knew how I felt...how I feel...about you," he whispers instead, wishing he had the courage to tell her all those thoughts he was thinking. Loving Rose is inevitable; this moment unavoidable. But he'd tried to deter it, for both their sakes. Tried to push her away; but he couldn't because he actually kept bringing her impossibly close at the same time. The pretending didn't work. For once in his life, he couldn't keep up the charade any longer. Everyone, everyone, saw right through it. Well. Except for Rose.

Her expression is soft but a frown flitters across her face in confusion. "No, I didn't and I still don't...how do you feel about me? 'Cos that's my whole point; those photos, they show a completely different side to the story. They show two people who are clearly in love with each other. Which is wrong."

He's looks at her intently. "Is it?"

A/N: Hiya :D Oh, am I evil for leaving it like that? Probably. Sorry. If only there was a way that I can be forced to update super-super-quickly...ooh, I know! Maybe you could drop me a lovely little review? Please? And then...an update will appear! Wahay! Well, if you liked this, of course. If you didn't then I am truly sorry. And please let me know anyway, so that I can try to get better. And thus an update shall appear anyway! Wahay! *shudders at complete cheesy lunacy of this author's note for which I am deeply apologetic*

But please REVIEW! They make me happy :D

Laura xxx