Disclaimer: I do not claim to own anything in this fan fiction. They belong to their respected owners. If you think I do own this, then I will have to shoot you in the ass with an arrow :]

Pairing: Xion x Axel

Warning: Characters will be mildly out of character; slightly AU — due to the fact no one forgets about Xion.

Summary: Xion is dead and Axel — who had 'feelings' for Xion — is left behind. This is his journey to acceptance.


Step Four;Depression.

The white — and crimson stained — room began to spin. Everything seemed to become hazy and bleak, everything beginning to blend together. The red head's mind began to blank out, his stomach knotted and twisting. He almost felt like he needed to vomit, his hands beginning to shake in dismay — things were different in this mere second then they were moments before.

He suddenly couldn't feel her anymore. Realization hit him like a ton of bricks, if he couldn't feel her then she must have been dead. Pain thudded through his body, mostly in chest where his heart would have been. He lifted one of his heads and placed it over the area, gripping the front of his cloak tightly. His eyes burnt, becoming glossy with a salty liquid — he remembered that these were tears.

His free hand lifted and placed to his left cheek as a tear fell from his eye. He felt the tear rolling down his pale cheek, stopping at his fingertips and trying to roll over them. It obviously failed but it was soon joined by more. He knew what this was — he was depressed, sad, angry. These tears had their meaning, he was morning his loss.

The strength in his legs gave out and he slumped to the floor, his legs under his body as he sat. Tears continued to flow from his eyes, his mind filling with the memories of the doll that he had loved ever-so-much. His shoulder began to shake violently as a sob escaped his lips, the sob was soon joined by more of sobs. His entire body began to shake and almost convulsing violently, sobs escaping him uncontrollably.

He didn't hear his azure haired friend grunt and stir awake. Yellow eyes opened slowly, out of focus for a moment, before everything around him lightened up. He could almost feel the pain from the wounds inflicted upon him from the red head — but that wasn't what his mind was focusing on by itself. Of course not, he was focused on the sobbing Nobody a few feet away.

Something clicked inside of the berserker, memories of his former self's past flashed through his mind. His time with Axel's former self flickered and reminded him of things. It reminded him of a time when he had emotions, when the two were best friends. Lea and Isa, always together and there for one another. He remembered that time, that time when everything was more comfortable. A time he wished they still had.

He debated things. He debated either crawling out of the room to lick his wounds, leaving the Nobody alone. He debated crawling over to Axel and trying to make his wish come true, a time in which things were real and not pretend. A time in which he could comfort Axel, even though he doubted that Axel really felt. He debated on lashing out at the Nobody for beating on him, for everything that he did and is doing.

He made up his mind. It didn't really take all that long to figure out what he wanted to do. He never did when it came to Lea, at least back then or when things were wrong like this. Then again, he couldn't really remember when things were like this, since they had become what they were now. It was odd but it was true.

Despite his injuries, he pushed himself upward and practically crawled over to the red head. He was obvious to the fact the Nobody hadn't noticed him, but still he forced himself to a sit with the energy he had. He lifted a shaking hand and reached out to the red head, placing his hand against the male's slender — and shaking — shoulder.

"Axel…"

"Saïx," Axel mumbled. "She's gone… she's not coming back to me."

Saïx said nothing to his friend and tugged him forward, grimacing as the red head hit his frame. Spiky red head bounced with the impact of his head smacking against the azure's shoulder. The flamer scooted his body close to the diviner, the warmth of the flamer's naturally higher body temperature almost made the diviner want to hold him. That warmth was something that felt, Saïx stopped himself — felt? He couldn't feel.

Nonetheless, he moved his arms around the red head and held him, much like an older sibling would a younger one. It was different then what Saïx was used to now, but it was something he often did as Isa. He had to make sure Lea was alright, the red head was like a brother to the azure haired male — but was it still that way? He wasn't sure but he wasn't going to argue, it almost felt like before.

"I—"

"Be quiet, Lea."

Saïx's reply just slipped out but he didn't bother correcting it. Axel didn't even notice, he just stayed close to his comrade. Tears still leaked out of his emerald green eyes, pain still thumped through his chest with every breath he took. His face seemed to bury itself into the azure's blood soaked shoulder, almost stopping when he felt Saïx grimace.

But Saïx just placed a hand to the back of the Nobody's head, applying a bit of pressure to force him to continue his previous action. Axel complied and tried to find comfort in his comrade — yet something stopped him. He knew what it was, it was the pain pumping through his body and the thought that he had lost Xion forever.

More agony entered the red head as he realized that he would never see her smiling face again. He would never see those blue eyes shining happily, or hear her giggle echo through the air. He would never hear her voice whispering out story at night, or feel her body against his while they laid together. He would never go looking for her, just to bring her back and hold her close again. Everything he cherished was gone, he had nothing left.

He felt weak and hopeless, weary and angry. The sobs and tears increased as these thoughts filled his head. He clung to the other male's cloak like a small child to a parent, using the male as support. He found little to no comfort in the azure male, but yet he still held on because his old friend was all he had now.

Saïx just held him close, trying his best to pretend much like the other did. He slowly moved his arms around the sobbing Nobody, the same one that he once considered his best friend. He felt the red head tense for a moment before shifting and relaxing. He tilted his head and rested it against the other male's, closing his eyes slowly.

"Lea…"

"Isa, she's gone." Axel whimpered, "I-I don't know what to do…"

"I know." Saïx spoke carefully, "You must keep breathing until we…"

"I know."

Saïx glanced down at Axel, noticing that the male's eyes were closed. Tears still leaked through his eyelids, but his breathing became slow. Saïx knew what this meant, Axel was falling asleep. Saïx smiled, not smirked or grinned, he smiled down at his friend for a moment. He knew that Axel would make it through this — he just needed time.

Once the red head was deep within slumber, the azure haired male shifted the thinner male into his arms. He stumbled to a stand, still weak from the beating he took, and carried him over to the single bed. He placed him down and tugged the covers around him, then limping over to the wall where the beating took place.

He leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor. He leaned his head back and turned his gaze to his friend. He watched at the man slept, keeping an eye on him — not because of what the superior said a days before hand. He kept an eye on him out of memories of their previous friendship, he had once cared about this man and he planned on keeping it that way; at least to the best of his abilities.

He would watch him like an older brother would a younger sibling. That's all he could do. He had realized before how attached Axel had gotten, how lost he became in his pretending, but he never imagined this. Could Axel have actually loved Xion? Of course — at least to some extent. And now Axel felt alone and lost without her, maybe Saïx should have kept better tabs on the dolls.

Axel blamed himself — and the organization for all of this.

Xion blamed no one.

But Saïx blamed only himself for the state of his red headed friend.


A/N: The next chapter is the last one. :] I hope you all loved this one! Remember to review peeps!