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Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns what she owns and everything else is mine.
Dedicated: To Golden. Rebel...actually, this whole story is dedicated to you :)
Chapter Three.
"Now those memories come back to haunt me, and they haunt me like a curse." Bruce Springsteen.
When I first saw it sitting neatly with the others, I thought that maybe, just maybe, it was from him. I felt a spark of electricity run through my body and I quickly grabbed it up, my eyes scanning it quickly.
But like it always did, reality seemed to sucker punch me.
I grasped the letter tightly in my hands, and still felt them shake. I thought vaguely that maybe I shouldn't have smoked another joint with Curly after school, it was really starting to mess with my head. His sloppy cursive was scribbled on the envelope, and I could feel the thick letters burried beneath it.
I took a deep breath and headed back inside.
Darry wasn't home, I hadn't seen him in a couple of days to be honest. It was like I lived alone in this house, only my nightmares and headaches to keep me company.
"Damn you, Steve." I mumbled to myself, and threw the letter on the coffee table. My mind started to race and I felt my breath coming out in little gasps.
I had done good, not thinking about Soda and that damn war for a couple of months now; and one letter from Steve and all my hard work goes down the drain. I paced slowly back and forth, going over the pros and cons of opening and reading what Sodas best friend had to say. On one hand I didn't want to know what kind of hell he was going through, but on another he was Steve; family.
I sighed, and snatched the letter back up, slipping my finger under the thin edge and pulling it open.
I gave in.
Like I did every time.
XXX
"That one," Curly said, blowing smoke in my face. I squinted, and looked in the direction of his head nod. "The broad with the brown hair."
The girl from the a couple of weeks ago popped into my line of vision as I rubbed one eye, and I remembered how her perfume had smelt as she leaned into the car window. She had her hair pulled high on her head now, twirling the tennis racket in her hands talking to the couch outside of the main gym.
"Ask her to the Dairy Queen, take her to the ribbon, hell bang her 'till the cows come home," Curly said, looking at me pointedly. "Just figure out her brother, ya dig?"
"And what if I can't?" I asked, feeling the cool breeze blow around me, I shivered absentmindedly.
"That is not an option Curtis."
I sighed and pushed the sunglasses higher on my nose. "What if she doesn't want to go out with me in the first place, huh Curly?" I asked, turning to look at him. "Ever thought about that?" He chuckled and took another drag of his cigarette.
"Christ man, do you even own a mirror? I think every girl in this whole damn school would jump at the chance to go with you." He smiled and punched me lightly on the arm. "Hell kid, you play your cards right and ask me nice, I might even consider it." I sent him a blank look, and fished in my own pocket for a cigarette.
"Fine," I said flatly and Curly grinned a little wider, "I'll do it, but only a couple of dates." I paused and considered everything for a moment before looking ahead. "You owe me."
"Well alrighty then." Curly jumped off the hood of his car and walked around to the drivers side. "Gotta get ready for the party tonight, you in?"
I thought about and shrugged, I had nothing better to do. Darry would be working late again tonight, he had given me some excuse last night about having to catch up on work that has fallen behind. He said that he was sorry for leaving me home so much. I didn't bother telling him that, I too was staying clear of that house as much as I could. The pain of losing my brother was more evident there, and I knew Darry felt it too.
"I'll make a hood outta you man, just wait and see." I rolled my eyes, and took my spot in the passenger seat.
We drove in silence for a while before Curly finally broke it.
"How you doin' man?" he asked his voice taking a concerned side to it. I tossed a half smoked cigarette out the window and looked at my hands.
"I'm fine, why?" I didn't wait for him to answer me. "I'm always fine."
Curly snorted and made a sharp left. "Your anything but fine Curtis. You've been actin' weird these past couple of days..." His sentence trailed off but all I could do was shrug. I didn't have the right words to tell him that I felt like everything was falling apart. That a letter from half way across the world had shattered the walls that I was carefully building up. No, I couldn't tell him that, he wouldn't understand.
He wasn't Johnny, I wouldn't expect him to understand.
So I spoke the language that I knew any Shepard would adhear to. "Damn, Curly I'm just ready to party."
Later on that night, I lost my virginity to a girl in a Tulsa state sweat shirt.
I was drunk, or well on my way to being it when I had to hit the john. I excused myself from the group of guys that were gathered around a poker game, and pushed myself threw the sea of people that had accumulated at Curly's house. I finally reached the bathroom, and lucky for me it was open.
I was finishing up, when this girl stumbles in.
"S'cuse me." She slurred, wrinkling her eyebrows and looking at me through glossy eyes. I turned to try and cover myself, quickly trying to get my zipper up, and not blush too deeply.
"Oh, your cute!" She suddenly shrieked, slamming the bathroom door shut and even from all the noise in the next room, I still remember the distinct sound of the lock clicking. "Lets have some fun."
Curly's words from earlier came crashing back to me, and I couldn't help but think maybe he was right.
Before I knew it she had me seated on the toilet seat, her legs straddled around my own and her mouth on mine. I knew in my head that this was wrong, but my body was on auto pilot. Every part of me just knew what to do, where to touch, and for how long.
When I was younger I use to think about my first time being something special-and not a quicky in the bathroom to a girl I didn't know the name of.
But life had a sick way of messing with you.
And boy, did it like messing with me.
