After about 10 minutes of standing rooted to the spot I collapsed into my chair. I was so… overwhelmed by my courage and still in shock from what I had done. But that was undoubtedly that best moment of my life so far. What if Mikey hadn't wanted me to do that? What if I'd upset him? 'But he didn't seem too upset with my advancement during the process' a little voice inside my head whispered. I shook my head as if to remove it. Then again, he did run out of my room. My silent contemplation was broken by my mother's shouts of "Gee! Dinner's ready!" I hadn't even realised that she had arrived back home, or taken notice of the time. I sighed. 'Not now mum' I thought as I dragged myself up the stairs and put on my false smile, still unready to face my brother.
I sat down in my usual seat at the dinner table shaking; hopefully it wasn't too noticeable though. I was worried I'd upset Mikey. I glanced up to see if I could read any emotion on his face, but the only thing I saw was that he was looking as if he wanted the chair to swallow him up. I hastily averted my gaze before he saw I was staring.
"What's wrong with you guys today?" asked mum. Apparently it was so obvious something was going on that even my emotionally oblivious mother had noticed. I shrugged, and judging by my mum's tut Mikey had done the same. "Come on guys," she continued. "I feel like I don't know you anymore." She looked genuinely sad as she said this.
"That's because you don't," Mikey snapped. My heart sank as I knew what was going to happen now; Mikey was winding himself up for a massive argument.
"Calm. Down. Now," I said sternly. My order must have pushed him over the edge.
"NO!" he yelled, standing up and slamming his fist on the table. "NO I WILL NOT CALM DOWN. SHE KNOWS FUCKING NOTHING ABOUT ME"
"LANGUAGE Mikey!" Mum never raised her voice at us, so I knew Mikey was crossing a line.
"NO! I WILL NOT MIND MY FUCKING LANGUAGE! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME AND YOU DON'T CARE. HAVE YOU NOTICED I ONLY WEAR JUMPERS? NO? Didn't think so." I knew where this was going now. "THIS IS WHY." I was right. Mikey rolled up his sleeves. He thrust his wrists violently at mum and I watched her begin to cry. "AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU DON'T KNOW? ME AND GERARD ARE - -"
"MIKEY," I screamed, cutting him off mid-sentence before he spilled what had just happened with us. I stood up and faced him for the first time. "SHUT. THE FUCK. UP!" I hated yelling at him, but he was going too far and it was the only way to stop him. He backed down immediately and looked at me briefly. I saw his bottom lip quiver as he ran out of the room, probably to his bedroom. If I hadn't upset him before, I definitely had now.
I walked over to mum and put my arm around her as she put her head in her hands and began sobbing. We never argued. I couldn't remember the last time we had a proper one. "Mum," I said. "Don't blame yourself, ok? And don't even worry about it. You know I've… I've been through it all," I felt her wince at the memory. "So I can help him. I mean, I'm still here, aren't I?"
"Yes. But you weren't going to be," She replied. She had to take me to hospital after the overdose that landed me in serious trouble. Mikey had found me on my bathroom floor, lying in a pool of blood that had seeped from my wrists and that I had coughed up. My condition was bad - critical even. So really I owed her my life.
"I know," I whispered. "But I'm going to make sure Mikey stays here safe and sound ok?" She nodded. "Now I'm going to go talk to him."
"Gee… don't. He's angry. You know how he can get," She said, looking up at me pleadingly.
"Eh, I know how to deal with him. Plus, you know how good I am at calming people down," I grinned at my mum, kissed her on the cheek and went up to Mikey's room.
I knocked on the door.
"FUCK OFF," came a shout from inside. I entered anyway, preparing myself for the onslaught of abuse. As I opened the door a cup flew past my head, and I ducked as a phone hurtled towards me. I strode towards the bed and grabbed Mikey's wrists to restrain his arms; he yelped in pain. I felt bad for hurting him but I wasn't letting up until he had calmed down a little. Once he had given up on trying to hit me and began attempting to kick me I dragged him over to his bed and lay on him until he stopped lashing out. I loosened my grip on his arms and he propped himself up on his elbows before pecking me on the lips. 'Fuck it,' I thought and I leant down until our lips met. Our rhythm was faster than last time, less hesitant, and it felt good. I felt his tongue making its way towards my mouth, brushing along my lips. This was further than we had dared go earlier. I smiled and met his tongue with my own. We fought for first entrance; I won.
We lay kissing for a long time, until I suddenly felt uncomfortable. I broke away in order to find out the source of this disturbance. Something hard was jabbing into my stomach. I looked down, then back up at Mikey. I giggled at his apologetic eyes.
"Damn, Mikey. I know I'm sexy and all but…" I stopped talking and began to grind him, smirking at the soft moan of pleasure he emitted. "You know Mikey," I said, moving down to kiss his neck. "You've been bad today. I mean, you skipped school, made out with your brother and yelled at your mum… you need to be punished." I ground him harder a couple more times, his moans increasing in volume and frequency before suddenly jumping off him. "THIS IS PUNISHMENT" I yelled, grinning as I ran out of the room hastily with him in close pursuit.
I ran into the dining room, making my mum jump at my sudden appearance. I heard Mikey giggling as he ran down the stairs, still chasing me. Mum looked so confused, probably about how I'd managed to change Mikey's mood from pure anger to happiness in a matter of minutes. I winked at her and took the seat beside her. Mikey burst through the door still smiling.
"Apologize to mum Mikey," I said.
"Mum… I'm sorry… Truly sorry," he said, still unable to take the smile off his face. He walked over and kissed her on the cheek. Mums face lit up immediately.
"I just worry about you, honey," She said. "But Gee tells me he's taking care of you." I blew Mikey a kiss and his smile broadened.
"Yeah, he is. Well I'm going upstairs… I've got a lot of work to do… night Guys."
"Yeah mum, I'm going down too. I won't be up too late, night," I said as I left, looking back at the last moment to see my mums smile fading fast.
