Hello!
This chapter will hopefully be better than the last, I have more ideas for this one so it should make more sense and be more fluent than the last one
Bai!
-
Lukas Diary:
I didnt get any sleep last night, I was too busy thinking about what this means about me... Im Lesbian... god, I dont like that word... But its true... and I dont know what to do about this... How am I supposed to tell Miku? What if she hates me? what if she doesnt want to be my friend? well... there seems to be only one solution, but god... I dont want to do it...
Lukas POV:
I lay on the ground. Simply staring at Miku, she was asleep still as it was still pretty early, last night had been rough with my thoughts going so crazy... I could feel tears well up in my eyes, I didnt want to release them, I had to hold them back, until I was alone... Until I could be weak, Miku woke up and greeted me, she walked home after saying goodbye to me so she could get ready for school, I figured I needed to do the same.
It was my normal routine, shower, comb my hair, do my makeup etc... But for some reason I just couldnt focus on any of my tasks, the image of her face just kept lingering in my mind, but I did my best to push it aside and walk to school.
Upon arrival I saw Rin and Gumi waiting for me by the schools entrance.
"Morning..." I said, trying to act as cheerfull as usual. They both greeted me and we walked inside, we talked about our night and I talked to them about my night with Miku and how much fun we had... Than we split off into our own classes, first I went to my locker, Miku was waiting for me there.
"Lukaa~" she said with a smile, I frowned and looked down... I felt tears in my eyes again, I couldnt do this... She could sense something was wrong
"..L-luka? whats wrong?" I closed my locker, and made eye contact with her one more time
"I'm sorry Miku... I cant see you anymore..." and with that I ran off, tears streaming my face and blurring my vision as I ran, I ran to the only place I could call safe in this school, the music room.
I entered and began sobbing, I had to leave my best friend... I cant talk to her anymore because I have feelings for her, theres nothing I can do now... I'll have to just move on without her, but no. I couldnt do that... Miku is my best friend, I cant just forget her, she will always be there... But why do I have to feel like this about her? why cant I just be normal?!
Miku burst through the door, her eyes red and tear filled. She approached me
"L...Luka... Whats wrong with you!?" she yelled, louder than I've ever heard her speak
"You're just leaving me?! You're just cutting me out of you're life!? I'm going to go back to being alone.. I cant do that Luka... you know that!" her words stung... I've never seen her get angry, but she wasnt angry, she was sad. Confused. I didnt say anything, I just looked away and cried some more
"WHY!?" She yelled, even louder than before, this time breaking down in tears. She got closer to me
"What did I do to provoke you like this!?" she whispered.
"g-get away... I cant talk to you Miku... go back to class.." it was hard to speak those words, I didnt want to. I just wanted to grab Miku and hug her.
Tell her how sorry I was, tell her how much I care about her.
"N-no..." she said, astonished as she backed up
"Who are you? You're not Luka... You are not my best friend..." she cried harder than I've ever seen her cry before,
"This is it!?" she said, yelling again
"This is how my first friendship ends!?"
"Wow, if this is how these things normally play out, than I dont want to have anymore friends!"
"If we're never going to speak again, then PLEASE... just tell me WHY."
I choked back more tears, I wiped my eyes, and stood up
"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU."
The words came out like knives, and I regret saying those words so much, she stared at me like I was some kind of monster.
"you...You're..." She looked truely amazed
"But.. why..." she said, softly. I turned my head away from her
"w..why me?" she said, louder.
I wasnt about to answer that. I just stood there, as she slowly realized what I had said
"so, you're a lesbian." She said, bluntly. I winced at that word
"Y-yes... I'm sorry Miku, this is why I cant talk to you..." I saw her face shift into an expression that I would've never dreamed of seeing from her.
It was disgust.
Miku Hatsune was disgusted by me.
I stormed out the door, not even caring about classes or anything, I went straight to the womans restroom. I sat in the corner, sobbing for what seemed like an eternity, suddenly someone walked through the door. I looked up to see green hair staring at me, worried, she crouched next to me.
"Luka? are you alright? what happend?" I looked down, I didnt want to answer, didnt want to tell her what had just happend.
"D-dont worry about it." I said, putting a fake smile on.
"I'll be alright, just go, Gumi..." with that she left, not even stating a reason why she was there in the first place.
I stayed in the bathroom most of the day, until lunch came around, I washed my face the best I could and walked outside, grabbing my lunch from my bag and doing something I've never done before.
I walked past the music room, and straight into the caffateria.
I sat down in the most isolated area I could find and ate silently, not making eye contact with anyone around me,
it was horrible. Dreadfull, terrifying... I hated every minute of this, I heard people whispering, saw them staring at me, it was too much, finally I looked up at a group of kids whispering and looking at me,
"What? never seen a girl eat lunch by herself?" I said in the most menacing tone I could, they all backed off me, thank god... I didnt bother finishing my lunch before walking swiftly through the hall to my class, I didnt want to skip it considering I've already skipped two classes,
I walked into class and took a seat, trying to inch as far away from Miku as I could, I could tell she had been crying too... I rest my head on my hands and tried my best to pay attention, but I couldnt... My mind was set on what I was going to do now, how I would go on like this... How not having
Miku there would be like...
The class lingured on for way too long, so did next class... and the next class, until finally... after an eternity I walked into my last class of the day, Miku looked at me with a worried expression, I broke our eye contact and quickly took my seat... How convientent that we sit next to each other in almost every class, thanks school... You're so helpfull, Miku didnt seem to want to ignore me anymore
"L-luka..." she said, her voice sounded nervous, scared even... I wasnt buying it
"Shut up." I said, without looking up from my textbook, I glanced at her, she looked hurt... I felt a tiny bit of guilt but knew I couldnt say anything... she continued
"I just want to say im so-" I cut her off again
"I said shut up, be quiet... do not speak, please." I said, feeling my eyes start to water again, she put her hand on my shoulder, trying to talk again, I immediatley flinched and pushed her away, its like she forgot what I was... It was strange
"Luka!" she said, a little louder this time, I was fulled with rage right now, I couldnt stop myself
"Stop trying to be nice to me, I know you think im disgusting... I know you think i'm a monster for being like I am."
"b-but."
"I said SHUT UP." The teacher looked at me with suprise.
"Miss Megurine, what seems to be the problem..." He asked, obviously uninterested in my problems. I scoffed
"Nothing, I need to use the restroom though..." He dissmissed me with the wave of his hand and I walked out, tears pouring out of my eyes again, why did I feel like this? If only I wasnt... I.. well... I wish I didnt like girls.. so none of this would have happend, me and Miku would still be bestfriends, and JUST bestfriends.
The final bell rang and I walked out of the bathroom and straight to my locker, quickly gathering my stuff and leaving before Miku could catch up to me.
As soon as I reached my house I threw my stuff down and went directly upstairs, shutting my room door and shoving my face in my pillow, which was quickly being soaked with tears and sorrow. I didnt want to get up, didnt want to face the world... didnt want to do anything, but there was one last thing I had to do...
I walked up to my desk and grabbed the small utility knife off of it, I tested the blade, feeling it, it was sharp.
I lay back on my bed, crying. Wishing my life could be easier...
I looked at the knife, and looked at my arm, I imagined what that arm would look like covered in scars. I shuddered for a moment, and set the knife down on my bedside table.
"No." I said aloud
"Not this.. not yet..."
and with that I trailed off into sleep...
I dreamed of her, of Miku, and our friendship, all the good times we've had as FRIENDS... It was so cheerfull... Yet so sad at the same time, I opened my eyes, which were swollen and red. It seemed one of my parents had come in here, because my covers were now over me and my shades were now closed. I rolled over, and felt something tickle my nose, I opened my eyes more, and saw blue hair. A hand pushed that blue hair aside and looked at me happily.
"Good morning." she said as she pecked my nose with a kiss
YEAAAH CLIFFHANGERS HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH /runs in field of corpses
AND NO DIARY ENTRY, ARENT I JUST EVEEEAL.
So, I had fun writing this, of course, I finished this at around 3:00 AM, and I thought of that last idea almost randomly earlier in the day while I was brainstorming ideas while eating lunch ramen. mmm~
So, before I finsihed this chapter, I got this review
Unknown 6/10/13 . chapter 3
Yayy! Gumi x Rin!
"Theres only one thing I can do now..."
Oh god...please don't tell me Luka is going to try to forget about her feelings for Miku and move on? or try to distance herself from Miku? Well...TBH I don't really mind if the story goes that way. It would just be more drama and it would make the story more interesting :3
Unless it would be confessing to Miku...Well, that would make this story short lived.
Update :D
HEUAH, LOOK WHO IS SMART /dies
really though, was it THAT predictable? beaurgh
I have lots planned for this, though I dont want it to be extreamly long (7 chapters? 10? eh, i'll figure it out...)
anyway, please tell me what you all think of this!
GudBai!
