Four Months Later
Alec was annoyed. It was odd, considering that for the longest time he was beyond feeling anything but despair mixed with the odd feeling of hope, but after four months, even if he wasn't necessary happy, he was comfortable enough to be annoyed. At eight months pregnant, his stomach was protruding quite noticeably from under his thick sweatshirt and he waddled more than he walked, a source of contention with him. This wasn't what annoyed him however, and he huffed angrily as he walked around in the crisp water air of Cadair Idris.
Jem, who as a Silent Brother had never constantly been around a heavily pregnant person, had taken to mothering the young Shadow Hunter, and Alec, a naturally independent man, did not take kindly to it. He knew, instinctively, that Jem was simply trying to make Alec's life as easy as possible and the transition between young boy and parent as gentle as possible but Alec had never been one for an easy life and the idea of someone, a person who looked no older than him, trying to suddenly rectify that was ridiculous.
Alec stopped by a large oak tree, its branches shaking in the wind, spraying down soft flakes of snow from its top as it swayed, and leaned against it, one hand rubbing absently on his stomach as he looked out onto the crisp wintry morning. It was quite beautiful, in a somber way, the white of the snow and the pale blue of the sky washing everything out into colors of charcoal and silver, with a few splotches of color to highlight buildings with luxuriantly bright colors. It was whimsically beautiful, but nothing like the wintry months of New York City, where the bright color of the snow contrasted with the neon lights of the city, where the sound of softly falling snow could not quite mask the sounds of the city life.
Alec wasn't going to lie to himself – Jem and Tessa had been working these four months on him accepting his emotions and feelings and he was much better at it – he missed New York. Standing out in the snowy fields out of Whales, staring at the vast emptiness, dotted with simple cottages and stone buildings, merely expounded on the feeling. He missed the smoggy air, the loud cries of millions of people all around him, the cars and the lights. He had been raised in the city, and the silence of the countryside, even with months of getting used to it, was disconcerting.
Without even realizing it, as if the thoughts were interwoven with the very city he had called home, he thought of his family. He knew they must be worried; months had stretched by without Alec even sending a letter or a postcard, just to tell them he was alive. He had thought about it, even written the letters, explaining in detail why he left, and they all sat crammed into a tiny box hidden under his bed. He never sent them because he knew, no matter how detailed he got, he could not convey the raw emotions he felt about the situation.
With no small amount of sadness or fondness, he thought about what they must be doing. It was only November but Isabelle, so in love with the Christmas season, must already be begging their mother for a tree and window shopping for gifts. Jace, who generally took the holidays with graceful contentment, must have been excited to have Clary, the love of his life, to spend it with. He could imagine them, Clary laughing with her red hair billowing around as Jace twirled her around in the snow, and his heart lurched painfully.
He remembered how, not so long ago although it felt like ages, he thought he had fallen in love with Jace. He could even remember the exact moment that he realized his love was nothing more than brotherly affection, when Jace had stood in front of him, his golden eyes flashing and blood dripping from his knuckles as he demanded that Alec kiss him. Alec even remembered, with perfect clarity, what face had actually flown through his mind at that moment, when he should have been thinking solely of Jace.
Alec abruptly tried to end the train of thought, but it was too late. Magnus's face shot through his mind like a shooting star through the sky, beautiful but fleeting, and always destined to fall. He could remember the exact curve of his lips, how his bottom protruded ever so slightly from the top when he pouted, how his onyx eyebrows had quirked upwards when he was amused. He could remember the exact shade of his feline shaped eyes, and how the colors flashed with his emotions, from the golden hazel of amusement to the smoldering ochre of arousal. He remembered the exact shade of his tanned skin and the way it felt under his hands, toned but still soft, definitely masculine but with the touch of femininity that perfectly encompassed the gist of his former lover.
He hated it, but Alec knew Magnus would always be a part of him and that the tug of his heart would never go away. No amount of time could ever lessen the impact of seeing Magnus's eyes every time he closed his own. No amount of time could soften the blow of hearing Magnus's parting words every night, as he tossed and turned in his too wide, too empty bed. The pain was eminent and a dull throbbing constant in his life now.
Pain shot through him. A hot, physical pain that originated in his lower abdomen and chased away the mental pain. Sensing that something was wrong, deeply wrong, Alec turned back towards the small cottage he shared with Jem and Tessa, one hand clutching his bulging abdomen. He managed one, two steps before another pain, a sharp jabbing feeling, shot through him and he gasped loudly and crouched over, clutching his stomach. Fear shot through him as he stood there, and all thoughts of anything besides his unborn children was flung from his mind.
If anything happened to the unborn fetuses inside him, he knew, nothing would ever surpass the pain of it.
"What did you do now?" Tessa asked, a thin layer of exasperation masking her amusement, as the door shut behind Alec with a sharp crack. Jem, his dark eyes suddenly bashful, did not answer. He didn't need to either, Tessa could clearly piece together what had happened, what with Alec's bow sitting neatly on the dining table. Jem, as the months of Alec's pregnancy dragged on, had become increasingly worried that something would happen, a direct contrast to his carefully constructed emotive disattachment as a Silent Brother and his calm demeanor of his boyhood. Undoubtedly, they had rowed about the amount of physical excursion Alec should be allowed to put himself through, so far into the pregnancy. Judging by the huffy way Alec had left and the bow on the table, Jem had won.
Tessa remembered how Will had been with her first pregnancy, always hovering, always worrying and snorted. It seemed, no matter how different the two had been, Will and Jem were very similar in their dealings with pregnancy and pregnant people. Meaning of course, that they could hardly handle them at all.
"I don't want him to over-stress himself. You know what Molly said, it wouldn't be good for the babies. I just don't want something to happen because he physically exhausted himself. That's all." Jem was still keeping his eyes away from her, as if he knew instinctively that she would side with Alec on the issue and Tessa rolled her eyes as he busied himself with the dishes, an oddly mundane task that even months of living with him had not gotten her used to it.
She watched him for a few moments, judging on whether or not he was going to look at her or not, before snorting and turning her attention to the boy outside. Alec had improved a lot over the last few months, even beginning to laugh and joke along with Tessa and Jem. It was only moments like this, when he was all alone that one could see his still deeply intoned unhappiness. Tessa knew exactly what could heal that particular scar but the idea of going to his lover behind Alec's back was an unattractive one.
Still, she had known Magnus Bane for years and the idea that he would not have forgiven Alec, for whatever discretion, after all this time was unconceivable. Especially when he heard that Alec was carrying his children, a fact he had spent all eight hundred of years thinking could never happen. She felt guilt for not even trying to inform Magnus on the issue but she knew that her guilt would be so much greater if she betrayed Alec's trust and told him. So she didn't. Still, it was painful to watch Alec in the cold, the unhappiness clear on his face, and her heart went out to both men. One for the knowledge that he was burdening himself with, one for his ignorance.
So deeply in thought, she didn't realize that her sight had shifted from Alec to the snow falling gently around him, not until Jem's alarmed voice tore through her thoughts. Shaking herself free, she glanced at Jem and then where his outstretched hand was pointing.
"Oh God." She whispered as she caught sight of Alec bent over, obviously in pain. With barely a pause and a deep feeling of dread, both she and Jem took off out the door, towards the young man.
Jace woke with a start, a deep pain slashing through his chest and rendering a wordless shout from his throat. The pain faded away as quickly as it had come but left him breathless and panting. He had been dreaming of Alec, that he was standing in a snowy field, the striking darkness of his hair creating a halo of white around his figure, when the pain had torn the image into pieces and flung him viciously back into the real world.
Clutching his chest, he registered the banging at his door and shouted that it was open. Isabelle and Maryse, both obviously cautious and with weapons in both of their hands, burst through the door. Instead of being greeted by the intruder they were obviously expecting, they came across the pale and panting Jace, clutching at his chest.
"Call…Magnus," Jace breathed, rubbing the sharp, elegant inky blackness of his Parabatai rune, where the aftershocks of the pain were still throbbing through him, "Something's wrong… with… with Alec."
Well, this was certainly dramatic, way more so than I had originally intended for this chapter but it kind of took a mind of its own when I sat down to write it. I hoped you enjoyed the chapter, even without Magnus. I had meant to write him into this one but it kind of got a bit longer than I was expecting and it's getting sort of late from my end so you'll will just have to wait until next chapter, I'm afraid. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hoped you enjoyed it, I will try to update again as soon as possible.
