LOVE;

[1] A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

[2] An intense personal attachment or affection.

~~Webster's Dictionary

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Chapter 4, Part 1

More Lies

Once Pickles had slammed the door to his dressing room, he leaned against the door and closed his eyes. He stumbled blindly over to the couch that sat in the middle of the room and fell into it, already crying. He had been an idiot. What had he been thinking, manipulating Toki like that? Hadn't he always known that his memory would somehow return, even if it involved him getting the fuck beaten out of him by Skwisgaar? And what had even set the Swede off to begin with?

Had the solo that Toki played triggered his old memory?

Whatever it was, Pickles didn't care. He had fucked up. He always fucked up. That's why no one—not even Toki—would ever really love him or want to be with him. He always ended up hurting himself like this, living for the moment. Of course he had known that in the end Toki would leave him, so why had he hurt himself this badly—this deeply—intentionally?

"Gad, I'm an idiot..." he whispered as he hugged a pillow. "Such a stupid, fucking-"

"Pickle, why ams you talking to yourself like that?"

He groaned and sniffled. "What the fuck are you doin' in my room, Toki?"

He listened as the soft clunking of Toki's boots echoed thru the room. Toki always had a sort of happy, jubilant walk, like a little kid who had just eaten a whole bag of candy or something. He never drug his feet, which was good. Pickles couldn't stand people who drug their feet. It just seemed sloppy to him.

Then the Norwegian spoke, his voice sounding grave. "I...I wants to talks to you. It's about-"

"I know what it's about. I'm not stupid."

"Then why you no lookings at me while you talks? Please, Pickle, please looks at me." The drummer rubbed his nose and turned over. Toki was sitting next to the couch, smiling at him in his sweet, innocently boyish way. "Hi, Pickle," he said brightly.

"Yeah, hi." Pickles said thickly thru his sorrow. He didn't know quite else to react to his odd display. Perhaps that is why he was so taken aback when Toki leaned forward and kissed him again and again, until the drummer shouted, "What the fuck are you doin'?"

Toki pulled away, looking shocked. His makeup was still runny from when he had cried, which only made the sad and confused look that he gave Pickles seem all the more pitiful. "What ams wrong? You don't...you don't want me no mores?"

"I—wait, what?"

The Norwegian looked away and swallowed. He said with some difficulty, his eyes once again shining with tears, "You ain'ts wants me no more...you not still wants to kiss me or touch me or nothings?"

"Course I do!"

"Then why are you cryings?"

"Because I-" Pickles voice broke as he sat up and gently pressed a hand to Toki's cheek, trying to make him calm down. "Because I was scared. I was an idiot to lie to you like that. I lied really bad, Toki. I'm so sorry, though. So fuckin' sorry."

"But that's what I want to talks to you about!" the guitarist said with sudden excitement. Toki took the drummer's hand in his own and brushed his lips against the soft skin. "Looks, it ams about my memory. I-"

"I lied an' said 'dat we were together 'cause I thought that you wouldn't remember that we weren't, and I-"

"Pickle, listen please! I ams dying to tells you this!" when he grew silent, Toki said, smiling with delight, "I lies to you to! I remember everythings!"

Pickles felt his mouth drop open. He quickly closed it and sputtered, "I...wait, but you—the wreck...Ofdensen said that-"

"I remember he just comes in my hospital room after I wakes up and he asks me what my name am beings. I didn't know, 'cause he asks it so fast, so I tells him I can't think. He just nods and walks outs, just like that!" then Toki got up and sat in Pickles' lap. He continued, "He had beens already to Nathans rooms and he knew that Nathan had lost his memory, so he assumed that-"

"But you could really remember everything?"

He nodded. "Ja."

"Then why the fuck did you lie?" Pickles asked, letting out a relieved breath. "You had me worried sick 'dat one day you'd just remember and dump me."

"I'd never dumps you, Pickle."

"What? But I thought-"

"I couldn't do that because I ams your Toki."

Pickles felt his heart fill with warmth as he wrapped his arms around the Norwegian and hugged him tightly. "Yeah, you're mine, alright."

"So we still stays together?"

"I couldn't let you go now, not for anything."

He hesitated before asking, "You mad at me?"

The drummer shook his head and planted a firm kiss atop the Norwegian's head. "Nope, but why'd you have to lie?"

" 'Cause I knew you'd never wants to dos all this to me if you knew I was still me...and I haves always been sort of curious abouts you, you know. Just wantings to be with you."

There was a moment of brief silence as Pickles contemplated his words. It all made sense, really. Of course he wouldn't have lied to begin with if he thought that Toki was still his same old self. He wouldn't have lied and he wouldn't have ended up with this, something that was so much greater than anything he'd ever thought he could have; something so amazing that he didn't deserve it.

And suddenly Toki was kissing him again, and Pickles kissed him back until the guitarist pulled away and asked meekly, "You wants to know something?"

"Huh?"

"Back at the Mordhaus, when you was touching me like thats—I really did loves it...maybe once we get back homes we coulds-"

"Fuck yeah, we will." he didn't even have to finish his sentence before Pickles was agreeing with him, saying, "Yeah, an' we'll go aff, just like I said we would. We're gonna go aff and just fuck around, have a fuckin' good time. You wanna?"

Toki nodded. "Ja, real bad. Just yous and me."

"Yep."

And suddenly there came a knocking at the door and Ofdensen's voice. "Guys, whenever you have a minute, we've got to take off. People are wondering where you guys are."

Pickles sighed and yelled back, "Fine, just fuck off! We're comin'!"

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Chapter 4, Part 2

Tell All

What followed as Dethklok attempted to board their Dethcopter was a series of meaningless interviews with reporters. Photographers tried to snap photos as Pickles and Toki walked by holding hands and whispering to each other. Of course everyone had questions to ask. The most interviews, though, belonged to Pickles and Toki, both of whom were indifferent to everything going on outside of their own personal relationship.

"Pickles? Excuse me, Pickles?" a reporter asked.

He sighed and asked, "What? Can't you see I'm busy?"

"Just one question, please!"

"Fine, whadda wanna know?" the drummer asked irritably, glaring at the reporter.

"Can you explain the accusations that Skwisgaar Skwigelf made on the stage today? That you are involved in a romantic relationship with-"

"Yeah, I can. We're goin' out. So what?"

"Oh...I...uh..." clearly the reporter didn't know what to say, but as Pickles turned to go, he blurted, "Are you aware that 50% of all homosexual relationships result in divorce?"

"We ain't married, dildo."

Toki frowned and inquired, "Cans gay people even gets married in this state?"

"I dunno," Pickles said thoughtfully. "I don't think they—we can. Only in California or somethin'."

"Don't you think that this might affect Dethklok record sales negatively?" the reporter asked, trying to stir up some kind of conflict between the two musicians.

"Some things are more important." the drummer said loftily.

"I really don'ts give a crap," was Toki's response.

"Yes, but what about all of your loyal fan girls? How do you think that they will react to this new change of sexual preference?"

Pickles scoffed. "What do I care what 'dey think? I will not be breakin' up with Toki, so everyone can just get over it and shut the fuck up."

The reporter turned to Toki and asked, "And you, Toki Wartooth, from the country of Norway, do you-"

"Yes, I knows my name and my home countries. Can we just get this over with?" the guitarist said, smiling a little. Pickles stifled a laugh.

"You've been involved in relationships with women before, haven't you?"

He shrugged. "Ja, sures."

"Then why is this one so radically different?"

"Same reason you say—it ams with another man."

By now the reporter was getting very irritated with the Norwegian's thoughtless and somewhat childish answers. His last question was, "Okay, fine, but I mean why him? Out of everyone in the world, why choose Pickles the drummer?"

Once again he gave an automatic, simple response. "Because it just ams. I loves him and I ams his Toki. I've always been his Toki. If I haves to explain what love is to you, then maybes you haves the problem; we both gos together, we belong to each other, and it ams that simple." he paused and added sweetly, "You can'ts choose who you falls in love with, dildo, so what does it matter why I choose Pickle? It ams him, and it ams done. Can I go now?"

Everyone standing around Toki grew silent and stared at him with wide eyes. Even Pickles did. He'd never heard more mature or beautiful words in his life. With a shy little smile on his face he leaned over, kissed the guitarist, and whispered, "Thanks, Toki."

Over a ways away, Skwisgaar was dealing out his own dose of sarcastic answers to a female news reporter.

"Skwisgaar Skwigelf, rumor is that you actually kissed Toki Wartooth backstage. Can you verify or deny this?"

"Ja," he said humorously, "I dids." Seeing the shocked look on people's faces always did give him a good laugh.

The reporter, however, just didn't get it. "You did what?"

"I kisses him."

"Oh, my...well...why?"

Skwisgaar sighed and crossed his arms. " 'Cause I likes him and he really pisses me off tonights."

"He made you angry so naturally you kissed him?"

"Ja, sures."

"Uh-huh. Tell me, the whole world wants to know if the kiss was with tongue or not."

Skwisgaar replied with a smirk, "Ja, sures."

If that stupid reporter couldn't figure out that he was just responding to every fucking stupid question with 'Ja, sures,' then that was truly a tragedy. The reporter didn't, though, because then she inquired, "Did you like kissing him?"

"I don'ts know! Don't you haves any better questions to asks to me?"

She hesitated before nodding. "Yes, of course. Well how do you feel about the new relationship between Pickles the drummer and-"

"I don'ts really care, to be honest, and if alls you ammnest going to ask me abouts is 'dos two, then I'm goings to leave."

"Please, just one more question!"

"What?" he yelled, trying to walk away from her.

She caught him and asked, "How will these incidents affect your own sexual habits?"

"What?"

"Are you going to consider dating people of the same sex as you?"

Skwisgaar laughed at this and said, "Nos, nos; I don'ts knows how they dos it. It ammnest disgusting, to be honest. I only kisses little Toki and I hates it, but soon they ams gonna be fucking...I can'ts even imagine...no, I wills be fucking the ladies and G.M.I.L.F's."

Nathan's responses were generally the same when he was asked if he would consider being gay. He let out a shutter and growled, "Fuck no, because being gay is not brutal, and I like girls, so if I was gay how would I still like them?"

"I think that the point of being a homosexual is so that you won't like women, Mr. Explosion," the reporter said, arching a brow. Nathan shrugged.

"Still, I don't get it."

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Chapter 4, Part 3

Reality

Once they had finally managed to board the Dethcopter, Ofdensen approached Pickles and Toki and cleared his throat. He adjusted his tie and said with some amount of awkwardness. "So, guys, you've gotten it straightened out?"

Pickles nodded and draped an arm across Toki's shoulders. "Yeah, sure. I guess so, I mean we're still gonna stay together, if 'dat's what you're wonderin'."

"You two..." Ofdensen sighed. "Still together, huh?"

Toki nodded and let his head fall on the drummer's shoulder. "Ja, we gonna stays together and—oh, Pickle, asks him! Asks him abouts-"

"Do you think 'dis is the right time?"

"Ja, sures!"

"Ask me what?" Ofdensen inquired.

Pickles grinned up at him and said, "Me and Toki were wanting to go off for a while, just the two of us, and we were wantin' to know if we could or nat. Only after we finish recording the album, you know."

"I...oh, wow. You really want to do this? Do you know how this is going to affect the band, guys?"

"Ja," Toki said, "we thoughts about that and decided that we really don't cares."

Ofdensen shook his head. "You can't just not care what other people think or feel, Toki."

"Pickle say I can."

"Well you can't."

"Oh...well what ams we gonna do, Pickle?"

Pickle shrugged and said casually, "Like I said, we wanna go on vacation together, and so we are."

"But you can't just-"

"Hey, Ofdensen, just let them go already," Nathan said. He was glaring at all of them, a frown on his face. Ofdensen turned his attention to him, looking astonished.

"So you don't have any problems with this? None at all?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, we all think it's pretty fuckin' creepy, but it's not like it's my dick that they're, you know, wanting to fuck with, so-"

"Yeah, I can understand that. Thank you Nathan."

"Look, look," he said, "all I'm trying to say is that it's their lives, so we should just let them do whatever the fuck they want."

Over a ways away, in his own seat far away from Toki and Pickles, Skwisgaar plucked at his Gibson and nodded in agreement. "Ja, it's sort of likes whatevers. We don'ts cares what the fucks they do. If it isn't being brutals, then we can makes it brutal."

Ofdensen sighed deeply and rubbed his tired eyes. "Skwisgaar, let me get this straight—are you saying that if given the chance, Dethklok could make being gay metal and brutal?"

The Swede nodded. "Ja, why nots? If anyones can dos it, it ammnest us."

"Beshidesh, what'sh wrong with being gay?" Murderface asked. He was staring at Toki and Pickles with a mixture of apathy and curiosity. "I could shee how a guy could...you know...maybe get into it"

"Are you saying that you're gay?" Nathan asked. The bassist shook his head.

"No I'm not! All I'm shaying ish that girlsh are shometimesh sho annoying and all attention-whoreish."

"Well you sure are staring at them like you're a queer."

Skwisgaar laughed and agreed, "Ja, likes stupids dog!"

Ofdensen frowned and walked towards the door. "Alright, so I'm going to assume that no one is listening to me anymore and leave. Is that okay?" When no one responded to him, he nodded and breathed, "Right. Just great." and went out the door.

"Just to be curious-es," Skwisgaar began, turning his attention to Toki and Pickles, "what ammnst it like when you twos fuck?"

"I...uh..." Toki turned red and said nothing.

Pickles chuckled, trying to hide his obvious discomfort, and said, "We...we haven't actually..."

"Wait, hold up—are you saying that you haven't sealed the deal yet?" Nathan asked him. Pickles glared over at him.

"Why's it your business?"

"Wow, you twos shoulds...ah...gets on 'dat, right?" Skwisgaar said, resuming his strumming at his guitar. "That is at least first date for mes."

"You don't date, you jusht fuck!" Murderface protested.

The Swede shrugged and said wickedly, "Stills, it ammnest always first thing."

"Dude, you're bein' a dildo!" Pickles said, glaring at the guitarist.

Skwisgaar glanced over at him and said, "Whatevers, just tryings to...you knows, maybe warms you up to the idea. Not tryings to be weird or anythings, but maybe if you don'ts, someone else might...?"

"I—wait. What's that supposed to mean?"

He said casually, "Nothings, nothings, just that some other peoples might likes the idea..."

"What, so now you're a fucking fag, too?" Nathan asked, groaning. "Okay, look, we can't all be gay, and if we are, we can't all love Toki."

"Oh Gods..." Toki muttered, trying to cover his face.

"I don'ts likes him! He is dildos!"

"Then what the fuck are we talkin' about?" Pickles asked.

They all grew silent until finally the Swede responded with a clueless, "I don'ts know, but alls I'm saying is 'dat kissing him made me horny. When we gets home can we gos out for hookers and ice cream or somethings?"

"If you're not gay then why would kissing Toki make you-"

"Shuts it, Nathans! First off, whenever I kiss anythings I gets horny, so there. This ams read-hick-lipse."

"Don't you mean ridiculous?" Nathan asked, arching a brow.

"That's what I said!"

"Hey, guys, I got a great idea. How about we stap talkin' about it?" Pickles blurted. They all nodded and murmured in agreement, except for Toki, who was still far to mortified to even speak.

Despite the horrible awkwardness of the conversation, Pickles couldn't help but actually begin to think about the idea...Toki had wanted to fuck him the first night that they had been together, and once he had gotten past his shyness, he had almost begged Pickles to...

Tonight would certainly be something delicious, he was sure. And maybe he might even admit that he loved Toki—that he couldn't live without the Norwegian...maybe...

But first they would fuck.

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**A/N**

I know that Part 2 of this chapter may seem sort of stupid, but I just wanted to show that in the event that one of the musicians of Dethklok turned out to be gay or in love with another—no, I really don't think any of them are—band member, then it wouldn't be all cool...people might have problems with it and stuff. Plus, I just thought it was kind of funny and stuff, and I really wanted to add Toki's cute little perspective on what love is. "Okay, look, we can't all be gay, and if we are, we can't all love Toki." just came from my love of Toki slash. I noticed that a lot of people love to type slash about him—myself included—and I just find it funny how somehow he's paired with pretty much everyone in Dethklok. I loves it. ^_^

Anyways, hope you enjoyed the chapter. Reviews are love, of course.